Mental Stages of Chastity

Control doesn't mean commanding or domineering. Seduction is a way of achieving control. They are not mutually exclusive.

 

I'm new to this group, although not to chastity itself. My wife and I have "played" with it off and on for the past ~10 years, but I've always been the instigator and our "experiments" in the past have typically ended as a result of my wife's indifference.

This time, so far, it appears that I may have finally convinced her that this is something that I truly want and one in which she can find pleasure, if she permits herself to do something very much outside her comfort zone. For her, getting "pleasure" from someone else's discomfort is very counter-intuitive. But this time, she seems to have balanced an acceptance of my need to be controlled and the fact that I enjoy being made uncomfortable.

With respect to the thrust of this thread, I found myself, the other day, feeling an "ambivalence" to which I applied the psychological term "cognitive dissonance" . It's very similar to what others have described--I wake up during the night wondering why any sane person would allow himself to have someone lock up his cock and balls and deprive him of his ability to have orgasms. The dissonance comes about because, despite the outward appearance of this being nonsensical, I am totally enjoying myself. In fact, I've added to my apparent "discomfort" by assuming responsibility for performing most of the housework, the laundry, and much of the cooking. I do all this willingly in return for a small number of orgasms completely at her discretion. FWIW I'm wearing a very small steel device which is very confining and which results in a constant feels of confinement which I find absolutely thrilling!

 

One of the things I love about this place is that we can have these in depth discussions ... with respect. Some of us are more literal than others (like me). Some of us are very much thinkers (like me). Some of us can latch onto a theme and go down a narrow rabbit hole only to see the tunnel is wide after all (like me). And, some of us turn to metaphor to better describe our situation (like me)

Yes. In a way, its a method that fits perfectly in the 're-cycling' stage idea. Read below.

In this tiny segment of your eloquent short story ...
[I am not being critical - i like your stream of consciousness]
... you touch on a theme that got me a-thinkin'.

I am totally on board with the dedication & commitment.
Have been for the 30 years I have been into TND/OD/FLR.

One of the behaviors we engage is something i described earlier: Pitting my discipline against the inexorability of biological temptation.
I find the challenge one of the most difficult I face - and it brings tremendous satisfaction to win. Damn - we are a competitive lot, ain't we?
She finds it as amusing as I do to watch my efforts trying to defeat those temptations. She enjoys creating an environment that makes it difficult for me. We both do.
While we both agree that when I 'cheat' it involves mitigating circumstances, we both know that it doesn't in any way detract from the dedication or commitment.

I suppose in the context of Stages here, it would recycle whatever the current stage was back to 'Thrill'. We include it because it adds spice into our relationship at the same time as reinforcing the dedication & commitment.

For all of us, to each their own.

 

I feel like I skip from 1-4,5 now that I’m adjusted to the long term wearer. I get anxiety not wearing it, which for me is typically for brief periods luckily. Once I’m back in there is a peace and secure feeling. I recently went a full day and definitely felt anxious and the abandonment or loss of security was with me throughout the day.

 

If that is what you want to believe, dream away.

 

I know... I did a search for it too.

 

I see where you are comming from;

but i don't think many if any of us on here put people's favourite horse's heads in their beds

 

TTTWD also stands for The Thing That Wouldn't Die.

 

Frustration, just occasionally, at not being allowed to do what I really want combined with the acceptance of doing what my Wife wants to do instead.

 

This is pretty accurate info

I hit what I called “freak out” at day 20 the first time I experimented with a keyholder.

if you are new, take my advice and self lock for say 6 months or even a year about half the time, find a super comfy device. Get used to wearing it. Maybe find a Dom willing to keyhold for a week or two to start. It’s better to test yourself than promise more than you can deliver. Pisses off Dominants when you do.
Also, interesting research article on Vox special gender edition #11 entitled, “Non-binary adults in Portrait”
The article point out how many older Americans are now stepping into the freedom of lifestyle that was culturally taboo for them in their 20’s and on. The internet has changed everything. It’s ok to be queer! Yay!

The mental and subconscious and dogmatic constructs of all that sh*t programming of our culture in the pre internet decades. THAT has to be resolved before you can surrender fully to any alt life IMHO.

More notes:

On Resentment: I call this “the demon of expectation” ; anger resulting from an unfulfilled expectation. (Often porn imagery generated)

I just started w a new key holder, gave an honest self evaluation to Her. Made the deal a win win for her if I fail within the first 90 days.

what I’ve got going for me is I’m a great anticipatory service submissive w some slave tendencies, it’s highly erotic for me to give up control, but settling in to the day to day work requires the desire to serve and just forget about one’s penis.

for context I served a Mistress for two year contract to help raise a baby. I never had kids so the win for me was raising a baby! Was not in chastity but it went well.

take baby steps before jumping into this like you are going to be some sex slave doing porn every day-lol

Another note on this list:
I think once I get past the kink fetish phase-I can either shift to submission/service or shift to freak out, or maybe that particular Dominant and i are honestly not working out for each other. It happens. Just be honest.

what causes freak outs:
The actual physical device-yes, it’s a constant irritant until you learn to ignore that.
I respond bodily very differently to a CB6000 than i do to a steel cage. And I had a CB LITERALLY SPLIT on the seam when I was hard in it. It pinched and cut me so bad I still struggle to put one on those on mentally.

also just totally being unprepared for the psychological shifts can be overwhelming. It’s definitely a mental breaking down, and so commitment is tested. What’s the commitment and what gratification does the sub/slave get by fulfilling that commitment?
So really it comes down to this question: is the slaves commitment/gratification high enough to overcome the loss of power?

for me:
1. Inside out I love being submissive with my partner, so chastity gives me that.
2. Inside out I love service to my Dominant.
3. Inside out I feel a sense of relief in not being in control of my sex life.
3.a. I’m a sub bottom with a large penis- constantly getting hit on to switch and to top and it drives me nuts. I’m neither a D or a top!! Lock me up!! Anal orgasms are awesome!!!
4. Huge personal growth and maturity from interacting with my Dominant and asking them for help with areas of need (quit smoking, self care, etc)

so for me, these added up over time to make the decision to try for a full time chastity LTR.


Is #3 universal??? I dunno. I’m thinking from Desperation there should be two paths: resentment and “bonding” maybe. Can desperation go strait to bonding? Or is the resentment part of the breakdown that has to happen?

best regards

p

What are the mental stages you go through when you are locked up?

1. Thrill - can start beforehand and last two to four weeks after encagement

2. Desperation - comes when the realisation sets in that the encagement is real and the suffering is starting

3. Resentment - comes closely after Desperation, when the realisation of lost control and true subjection to the KH

4. Peaceful acceptance - comes when the feelings in the body become the new normal

5. Fear of Release - comes when there is a sense of achievement being encaged, when encagement is now routine and when the feelings from encagement have normalised

6. Abandonment - comes when the cock has been released from its encagement period and is now free from any confinement. For beginners, this could be a sense of relief and bring on a sense of fear (perhaps good fear) to go through another encagement. For experienced chasters, comes a sense of loss - their achievement has to start over again, it feels un-natural to be free, orgasm conjures negative feelings, and the chaster can feel like they are cheating.


Are there any other stages you have noticed during a single 'encagement' - a lockup period: being free to caged to free again?



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Side note: lol... I declare 'encagement' a real word. Haha! 'Encagement' is the engagement period of lockup. It can also classify a collective lockup.

Use: 'My sub is encaged to me' or 'The encagement of my sub has made him his best self.'[/QUOTE]

 

all is correct, but feeling depend strongly how long chastity was practiced; I means, at beginning stage 2 and 3 come very quickly while 4 and 5 don't comes... then over time stage 2 and 3 comes later and less intense, and appear 4 and then 5. After long time stage 2 and 3 disappear and without cage i feel something missing,

 

That makes sense to me-almost like the model should change depending on past experience!! Even just wearing a device self locked can change the psychological aspects a LOT.

I think the model WAS more accurate for when I first started playing. NOW, the early steps are easier but the bigger barriers that once sunk me are becoming attainable because I’ve made the psychological adjustments over time.

 

Greetings Ms Veronica

I’m writing up a full paper for You including recommendations. Mostly a well defined personal case study in why I bolted previous situations. I have experienced the Desperation and resentment even when I wasn’t in chastity in D/s.

I’m on day 13, 11since o.

im actually curious that I am not feeling desperation or resentment. But I think I know why!!

Background on me and Past attempts:

I define myself as an anticipatory service submissive with some slave tendencies. I am pretty alpha/independent in some ways. Service manifests in every part of my life, especially to women in the workplaces.

my D/s

Had a great 2 year contract w a proDomme, first time here n a D/s. I lost trust in her and resented her after she lied to me big time. I finished my contract and financially supported her the entire time. She wanted me to stay and I said no.

Another pro Domme-i had a total freak out on first lock up day one when she asked for money (10% of annual income) the very second the lock was shut. No encouragement- just that. I resented and freaked and split. Three weeks of constant contact up til then down the tubes.

Gay Dom: 4 months: again I lost trust and felt resentment. He filmed me without disclosing and posted it online without disclosing. I tried to continue, but no longer trusted him.

Femdom, I was her ranch hand. Red flags early on then Month 4 she told me she was a sub that was trying to switch.

so better vetting on my part would have helped a ton!

Self locked maybe 30 times for more than 3 days. 14 days max. Fetish since age 25.

so something is really different this time. Why?

i’ve only known my lifestyle Dom for 16 days. Today I am locked 14. It was agreed upon as an experiment: both parties wanted to practice. Our long term goals for a D/s relationship and kinks matched well. Alternate routes other than ltr matched well: service for sessions. I put zero limits on the lockup part. She has expressed an interest in keeping me as a long term service sub and intends to get me there. I told her “this is what I want, but no one has ever been able to get me there. I’ve never been properly trained and I don’t know if I can be broken”

she laughed

had a blowup about day 3 over revealing personal information, I disrespected Her, it almost ended. I was ready to bolt, but didn’t. Accepted the punishment I posted in video and the pain forum here.

that was a huge turning point in trust development. We continued to talk about it. And we’re able to push off that very deeply and very fast.

i’ve never ever trusted a D this fast before (i’ve has 5 previous D/s relationships, with both male and female Dominants).

and I am infatuated big time. She is truly impressive and confident and well trained and self controlled. O/our commitment level has just gone deeper almost every day-from both of us. She is very pleased and I couldn’t be happier. Just hope it continues.

I’m pretty level headed. Yes, some of that high is there, but not consuming me.

basically it’s the TRUST. I really trust Her. And She has been expert at facilitating that: she has limits-I know she’s not going to hurt me in any lasting way (she is a major pain player and an RN). I’m not afraid to trust her.

what is she doing?

She checks in constantly and asks lots of questions. Monitors my emotions. Asks, “does this scare you” with almost every power exchange of any kind. Explained Her aftercare. She is incredibly consistent.
My energy body is sending no red flags.
We share a common interest in FLR and shamanism/paganism, and we both have Healing practices.
She has NEVER been distracted with other things when we engage. She is intensely focused and misses nothing

so the TRUST surprisingly came VERY FAST, and the relationship has morphed with it. We kept goals flexible and glad we did. I just LIKE Her as a human being and I just adore Her as Mistress/Goddess. I’ve already told Her i see this going long.

so we shall see. I do experience sub drop-so we will see how I feel in Lockup after my next o.

As of day 14, I’m very comfortable. Life goes on. focusing my energies on improving self and Mistress’ life.

Mistress Lilith’s pet

ML pet