FLM without Cuckolding

The 'True FLR' part doesn't sit well with me, as it implies someone gets to choose who's doing it 'right' and who's doing it 'wrong'.

To me, a more accommodating term would be, 'for me it's only true FLR when...'

I'm only nitpicking on semantics here, because OP is coining himself a newbie, looking for advise on what FLR/FLM + chastity implies.

 

My wife and me are working towards a full FLR, including me being kept locked up.

The mere thought of cuckoldry is an absolutely put-off for both of us.

 

True!

But I guess that right comes with the usual vanilla consequences, that if one completely disregards one's partners feelings, and do whatever one want, causing emotional suffering, there's a very real chance that it breaks the relationship beyond repair, and one's partner simply walks out of it?

 

First, I really enjoy your posts. You bring out the enjoyment and frustrations from a woman’s perspective that benefits the men as we learn and sort out our relationships. I am striving to incorporate some of your concepts and improve my service.

The definition of a “True FLR” eludes me. I think it is an “Off The Rack” term applied to a lot of custom tailoring.

Your definition of a true FLR would be interesting to learn about. Clearly you have spent a lot of time thinking about it. Can you share your ideas with us? It might be worthy of its own thread.

 

There was a long time when I didn't get the cuckhold "fantasy" that lots of chastity enthusiasts have to different degrees.

Many of us on the forum search for ways to get our wives to enjoy chastity more- make it exciting, fun and "win-win". We wish they'd happily threaten to keep us locked longer, and sexually frustrate us MORE, while they get everything sexually they want.

I think as our minds explore situations that can "Justify chastity- make it logical for both partners" there are some common storylines you read in stories. (He cheated, She can't trust him, He masturbates too much, She wants to control him and she doesn't love penetration, He's in trouble, Sex life wasn't great before chastity, etc.)

None of those really held true for us. We have always had great sex! No cheating. Minimal masturbation. She likes equality mostly. She likes "access". The stainless device is ok "jewelry", but she doesn't crave it or prefer it.

Anyway, I'll jump to the present for us:
It's FUN to PLAY with the idea of cuckholding. (She has no interest in real cuckholding-To each their own, but it's compicated and risky in several ways!)

She started calling her favorite dildo "Her boyfriend". Now we can invent creative role plays like she can say, "I'm interested in you, but I might not be unlocking you for a while. My boyfriend is coming over tonight, and he prefers you stay locked up. But you can get us ready and participate, as long as your cage stays on". My objective will be giving her the best sex possible with me locked up.

 

Wonderful playful fun, good for her!

 

We have a relationship

We do not have infidelity on any terms

The choice is simple do we want to continue this relationship or end it?

Of course ..The choice is her's

 

Hah, before we married we had threesomes, but since and especially since the advent of kids we’ve been very strictly monogamous. My Wife made that clear WHEN we got married, she enjoys having complete control over my orgasms and sexual activity, and I enjoy her having that, but it’s all hers.

 

@Xileh and @Mistress Raven's property I'm not saying FLR includes cuckolding. It includes the option, which is up to her. Everything is up to her final decision. That's the point. Women rarely want this option it seems, which is fine. If this is what she wants however, and it's not suitable for him, then they are not a good match. Nobody needs to suffer the others preferences or stay with the wrong person. I'm a big believer in freeing people to find their person.

 

Indeed. I want my husband monogamous to me, but I don't look for other men either. I just want his full attention at all times, and with that he fullfills all my needs.

 

I disagree. There is a difference between being in charge of the relationship, and being in charge of someone entirely as a person. I respect that my husband has limits, and he respects mine. I rule our relationship, but I don't rule him completely as a person and I don't want to. Forcing him to cuckold would harm him as a person, and I am not interested in doing that or turning him into someone he's not.

 

For us it was a journey. 4 years of FLM before we introduced cuckolding.

 

Very, very well put - that's essentially what I tried saying in my reply to @Headtrip 's reply to @QueenOfSwords post, although you got the essence much better.

 

That is indeed very good humor and very clever exercise of keyholding power

Well spoken. I agree, and I also seem to remember from another of your posts, that this 'term' or 'right' is something you makes clear from the beginning.

That is, to some extent, possibly an easier starting point for cuckoldry, than turning an existing relationship into FLR/FLM.

Just to make it clear, I wasn't trying to say that cuckoldry is wrong when it's part of a mutual agreement, just that turning an existing vanilla relationship into FLR, wouldn't necessarily default to her having that right.

Godspeed on your journey

 

This has turned into an interesting thread

I wanted to share, that originally, when we started our first ventures into chastity and FLR, I had the same concern (maybe I had been reading too many stories that breached that subject ).

Anyway, I brought it up to my wife as a deep felt concern, quite early in our talks/negotiations about what an FLR would entail. Luckily she calmed me down quickly, by being offended by the thought of a non-monogamous relationship.

Your question is well placed and probably shared by many others who also want to experiment with the FLR lifestyle.

Best of luck on your journey

 

We have dabbled in cuckolding scenarios for years. There are times it's what she wants, but even with the desire, things rarely materialize.

 

I agree with this compleatly, my madam and I were in a BDSM/FLR for many many years before the subject of cuckolding came up. And it only came up due to my lack of size and poor performance.
After months of discussions with my madam, she basically said just as quoted. And so I was cuckolded. But as madam has mentioned before to me, if I wasn’t so bad at sex she wouldn’t have had to cuckold me.
I feel it is down to each and every individual FLR, I don’t think it is mandatory.

 

I don't think cuckolding is a requirement of a FLR but if it works in terms ot a couple's relationship then it can be. It has to be something that first of all, the woman wants. Doing it for the man, isn't really consistent with the concept of a FLR, in my mind. But if a woman wants it she should be caring enough to make it clear to her partner why she needs it, and how it won't change her affection for him. It is sort of the ultimate in submission to relinquish your sole claim on your partner as an expression of love. But again, it has to something that fits in the framework of your relationship.

 

I have broached the subject and would be more than willing to try but she said she is not interested. Although several times she has suggested another guy fully clothed and only fucking me with a strap on. Finding the right guy is another thing...

 

In an FLR I think that it is the woman's prerogative. If she wants sex with other men or women, that is her choice. Whatever works for her in the relationship.

Of course, it also depends on the particular relationship. There are different degrees of FLR, and each couple needs to decide how things play out. I certainly would not make any judgements about a particular relationship from the outside.

 

Neither me or my wife want cuckolding. My wife never liked intercourse so my tongue is what she prefers and gets

 

As far as the “true” FLR / FLM stuff goes, I just turn it around: does a man in a MLR / MLM have the exclusive right to have extra-marital affairs? I think some people call it “cuckqueening”.

Given that it’s traditionally been acceptable grounds for a divorce / break-up, I think not. Now, if we’re getting into D/s or ownership relationships, it depends on the dynamic - are this couple monogamous, polyamorous, somewhere in between? Have they negotiated it? Legalities apply, but generally even if the man has the final say, the assumption is mutual monogamy.

I think that there are relationships that are purely FLR, and others that are purely cuckolding, and that one could easily take a poll and make a Venn Diagram showing the overlap.

However, I don’t think that the inclusion of the other in either dynamic makes that one particularly “true”.

My personal definition of a “true” FLR is:

* per their agreements, is she actually in charge?

* are both parties satisfied with the negotiated agreements?

The rest is details.

=}+{=

To answer the original question, while I have had men interested in coming to service the obligatory stable of hung Black men I was assigned by the Dommly Guild if Dominants, they’ve yet to send me a map of where I can find said stable.

Similarly, given how much of this fantasy involves bodily fluid clean-up after PIV sex, the risk of contagion is too high for me. Also, the obligation of being one person’s personal, customized porn show just bothers me.

So, no.

 

I believe the concept will always be mingled, but certainly not acted on or a necessity nearly as often as it’s thought about.

I’ve never been involved in the male opposite, but would assume that “daddy” or “master” or “sir” may tease or imply that a secondary plaything may be added, some even doing so. One of the most submissive acts a person can do, is to remove the social restraint of monogamy, and share with others that the world believes is yours alone.

Chastity and FLR on the other hand is such a broad spectrum, that it can’t be pinned down with the one subkink. I do believe that chastity and FLR all lead to better communication, and that fantasies are more likely to be shared and accepted when honest dialogue is common.

 

Are you sure she has no interest in cuckolding? Her comments suggest otherwise to me.

 

Excellent point! I think there are far more men that, like me, get turned on seeing their wife with another man. I don't understand why it does but I have accepted that it is part of the way I am wired.

My hunch is there are very few women that are okay with their man being with another woman and even fewer that get turned on by it.