Telling and showing others

Why is it good to share?
> Good question- we should do it mainly for ourselves.
> AND, sharing could lead to unexpected consequences. So it's risky. And it CAN be fun to feel like you take risks & are unafraid of doing weird stuff.
> OWNING IT. We hear over & over being in the closet has costs for people. They are hiding a part of them selves and not being authentic. Wouldn't sharing it with some folks help one be UNAFRAID and AUTHENTIC?

 

I'm with you there, but some people seem to be miffed at the idea that the information might be shared with friends.

Regarding the analogy .. Well, no analogy is perfect, but where I come from, TONS of people constantly say things like "I don't care if you are gay, but I just wish people wouldn't shove it in my face all the time" when they see rainbow flags or two men kissing in public.

 

I think some of us wish that were otherwise. Sure, humiliation pushes some people's buttons, but there's also the thing of being out as who you are: that's a strong psychological compulsion, perhaps even a need. (Not one that should override the consent of others.)

 

I clicked the 'Just my KH/wife/partner' and the 'Friend/s' choices. My g/f is mostly vanilla and while appreciating the whole 'not letting me whack myself into oblivion' benefits of chastity, lives in a distant state atm. She felt that her having the keys that far away would be bad in case of an emergency. Her best friend, however, is definitely not vanilla and lives a couple of towns away from me. G/f asked her if she would hold the keys, and keep an eye on me for her, and she accepted (she likes controlling men).

 

There's a joke:
"A feminist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar. How did you know what they were? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

Yes, there are a lot of people who are out and proud about various aspects of their lives, and don't hesitate to let you know about it. The difference is, they don't tell you because of some humiliation kink in which they hope you are shocked or outraged; they tell you because (quite often, anyhow) they have no social filters. That doesn't make them bad (or good), it's just a personality trait. I do not see these as analogous situations.

Edit: I think I'm inadvertently hijacking this thread. I should start a new topic instead.

 

Not about chastity, but the other day my wife had me waxed. I mean EVERYTHING waxed. While I was there (not locked) the girl doing the procedure asked me a series of questions that sure made it seem as if she knew more about what was going on than I suspected.

As I entered and left, the cute blond receptionist had a grin that stretched ear to ear.

I asked my wife, and she said "sure, I told them I was sending you there. Why not? You do what you are told like a good boy". I almost melted.

 

I don't have a strong desire to share or be public, but to the extent I have considered it, I think this is the key reason for me. I'm not in chastity for humiliation -- not my thing -- so that isn't why I have some inclination to let others know. Rather, I think to myself "there's nothing to be ashamed up, I'm not doing anything wrong, and in fact, others might benefit knowing about chastity" and so why hide this part of myself.

I do realize that folks might not *want* to hear about whether my cock is locked up, and I have no craving to force that info on anyone. But if my KH were to wear her key, or I were to display some symbol, and someone asked, I don't feel it would be morally awful to say "it's an intimate issue, are you sure you want the answer?" and if they said yes, then to share.

 

My GF tells her sister everything, so she knows about it and has known for awhile. Her father came to know because I texted my GF a picture of a cage we were discussing when she was sitting right next to him and it came up on her phone screen. lol The assistant manager is at a jewelry store we went to to get the little charm in my profile photo attached to her anklet. She asked what it was and we told her.

 

My Wife @n2toys has told four female co-workers; they'll talk about sex and often share some details - one lady is younger and rather naive regarding sexual kinks or at least was, I imagine she's become much more informed over the last couple of years...
The others are also kinky to one degree or another and will share stories of pegging their boyfriend/husband or other stuff; I know one of them dabbles in chastity but I think they're more into it for kink play as opposed to 24/7.

I'll see them from time-to-time and I know that they know I'm caged and denied. This is not humiliating to me and neither if us are into humiliation play at all, I actually enjoy knowing that they know as I'm proud to be caged and sexually submissive to my Wife.

Regarding advertising our kink.
My Goddess openly wears Her key to my cage on a necklace flanked by two charms, a crown and a heart. She does not flaunt it and has never been asked by anyone not already aware as the four mentioned above.
I just asked what She would say if asked about the key, She said she would tell them "I keep my husband locked up" and let them wonder either wonder or elaborate more if they further inquired - this surprised me slightly and is nervously exciting.
I'm certain any follow-up to explain more explicitly would very much depend on who's asking - over 2-1/2 years of wearing the necklace w/ the key and charms no one has ever inquired.

 

My wife knows, maybe some of the X-ray techs at my drs office know (forgot I was wearing that day). My usual massage therapist knows. (She bumped it one day and asked). And one old coworker I had. She was dropping hints and moved it to convince me and got quite a handful. She stopped trying after that but always had an evil grin

 

In the end all this reminds me of the old Monthy-Python's-Song (where someone's reminded as well):
So: how much do you want/need to "confess", spread around the world or tell to people who maybe aren't into it (as well as some of the health-issues in that song should/must be confessed!!!!).
There is a thing abbreviated TMI! (too much Information) - and I DO hate it when I am told stories I didn't ask for...
Please stay responsible!

 

Wife/keyholder (obviously), my brother, both my sons and one of their wives, our doctor, a few friends, my shrink, and pretty much all the regulars at the adult club we belong to (I was locked into HER HTv3 on stage with about 50 witnesses).

My Lady wears her key all the time and will answer "It's to his cage" when asked. More detail is provided if she is asked for it, including having me show it under the right situations.

 

I do wonder how 'minority' chastity is these days.
We're all assuming that it is a little secret that very few people know about.

However if high street adult toy and lingerie retailers like Lovehoney and Anne Summers have various different devices on their website, one starts to suspect that this may be becoming more mainstream that we all know.

50 Shades made sure everyone knows about domination and bondage and I think that Chasity may well be heading that way too.

The TV series Californication featured it and, whilst I fully accept that not everyone would be watching that, it does give a small indicator at how main stream it is becoming.

 

It was also in a scene on “You’re the Worst”. Though both shows made them seem like torture devices and not any fun. Shame.

 

My wife and I watch Vanderpump Rules and a CB6000 was also shown on one of the episodes there for a minute or so.

 

Just my wife.

The whole issue of telling other people / letting other people find out / showing off, and is that forcing your fetish on others or not comes up all the time on a different board I frequent that caters to AB/DLs. All agree that intentional public exposure, i.e. walking around in just a diaper (or I suppose showing somebody your cage without asking first) is wrong and could result in a talk with the cops or worse.

Some feel, very strongly, that any exposure at all is wrong. Unless you have explicit consent from the party, it is outrageous to tell / show / expose / allow to be seen your kink gear (in this case typically a cute printed diaper). These folks believe that people who allow their diapers / 'little' outfit to be seen by anyone make acceptance of the entire kink harder and are forcing people to participate in things without their consent, which is morally wrong.

Others feel that if somebody wants to stare at your ass, and sees a little diaper above the waste band of your pants, how is that possibly any worse that seeing your thong, or whatever underwear you are wearing? The person chose to look, the chose to stare at your ass. They could have chosen to turn away / not look, but instead they decided to check out your butt and got more than they bargained for.

My own two cents - It's all about intent. If you are going around, hoping and trying to get somebody to 'see' your kink, or learn about your kink, and you are doing so for the pleasure *you* get out of it, I think you are on the wrong side of the line. On the other hand, if you just wear diapers all the time (or a key on a chain around your neck for that matter) and are being reasonably discrete about it and somebody happens to notice on their own / inadvertently, I don't see that as forcing anything on anyone.

Cshorts wrote with I thought was a perfect way to address it. Wearing a key on a chain around your next is fine. If somebody ask about it, you say "it's an intimate issue, are you sure you want the answer?". Consent asked for and then given or not! However the conversation goes from there is fine by all parties.

 

I pretty much agree with everything you've written in this thread. I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing the key, a neutral public acknowledgement of a private relationship is fine with me because a key could mean anything- like I just rode my bike or went to the gym, or it's the key to his heart in a purely symbolic way. I agree that it would be completely inappropriate for said keyholder to blurt out its purpose if randomly asked. However s/he could say, "It's private," and if pressed further by an adult, and then warned that it's adult and alternative in nature and asked to continue, spill the beans, because in all likelihood if pressed after those warnings it's someone either already in the alternative community or interested in it. To me this would be an acceptable way making the fantasy of 'exposure' possible, though it would come with the risk that the person told may not follow these rules and start spreading gossip, so both keyholder and lockee should understand the possible ramifications; the best way to keep a secret is to keep it secret Sometimes fantasy is better than reality.

 

My wife knows as she is my KH
also two of our friend couples knows about it. We were at fetish club all together and wife has key in her necklet.
one of ladies have teased me few times at work about it (we are working in same company)

 

(I think the thread has already evolved into a discussion of the motivation and ethics, so I'll respond here.)

Gay/Lesbian people mostly get to be out just by being themselves. We're more like bi people, whose identity is not clear to others, and talk about feeling "erased". There's a genuine tension between our social identity and our real identity. I'd love to live in a world where the equivalent of an unobtrusive rainbow wristband put me in the chaste male category.

However, as you point out, there's a huge moral hazard here: telling people just to get a humiliation kick is wrong.

The answer, of course, is to have some kinky friends who you can be out to.

 

My wife has hinted to her cousin and best friend that she tells me when I am aloud to finish but neither has asked “how” so sh left it at that. I do have a friend that is also in the kink scene and I told her but outside of that only folks I’ve met here know about it.

I did purchase her a key pendant to wear if she so feels. It hasn’t arrived yet so I’m not sure if she will or not but has expressed interest in doing so. If asked about it she said she will give a generic answer possibly with a veiled hint but won’t come straight out with it.

We think it would be nice to happen to meet other people that are living this lifestyle randomly as sort of a qualifier that we really aren’t alone in it. It would make it more real to know other people or at least meet them but we have no desire to be “out in the open” about it fully. It’s not about humiliation for us but more of a show of commitment that I make for her and she enforces. If someone wants to know about it from us we would entertain it from the benefit we both receive and that it in our case it takes me being secure in my desire to be kept for her and her acceptance of her role as keyholder.

 

I've been thinking about this since the thread started. I have a mild interest in my KH wearing a visible sign (like a key on necklace or anklet). I've been wondering why -- I've never been "out" about my kinks before, didn't see a reason to be and don't want to force my private life on others.

I think I just realized this morning why the mild desire in this case: as a sign from my KH that she embraces what we're doing! But of course, there are many other ways for her to indicate that. And she is showing support and some effort. I'm patient, and hope that with time she'll embrace it more wholeheartedly, of course, and if and when she does it will surely be obvious without her wearing a sign publicly.

 

Yes, this. Wearing the key would demonstrate her commitment to our lifestyle and her open acceptance and willingness to defend and advocate the societal advance of male chastity.

 

I don’t see chastity ever being viewed by society at large as anything other than an alternative sexuality practice (a kink), and doubt that will change much in the foreseeable future. Is it more popular than it was thirty years ago? Doubtless, but that’s because of the internet disseminating alternative sexuality; I’m certain all kinks are more popular than they were before. I’m not denigrating those who adopt it as a lifestyle, just giving my two cents worth on whether we’re entering a new golden age of philosophically based chastity.

 

Back to the post itself my wife/Dom knows of course and she also told one of her friends which is very exciting for me I’m sure it wasn’t offensive to her friend and she didn’t push it on her no wasn’t my idea for her to tell her but anything to advance our relationship and I’m down with it I’m glad she told her friend just put in my two cents in

 

Besides my wife obviously, and members here, two other people know, and only one that we know personally.

When I first asked her to be my kh, we had been dating a few months, and she agreed, but mostly because she liked me a lot and was willing to try. That didn’t mean she didn’t have doubts however, and when wearing her key a friend of hers asked and in her desire to talk about it to her, told her what it was for. She didn’t get too into detail, and made it sound like it was something I was willing to wear for her to make her feel secure that I wouldn’t cheat on her(she had issues with that). That wasn’t the truth, but the reality was that she wanted to unburden herself from being the only one that knew, wanted to know if it was somewhat normal. Her friend said that it was sweet, and it was never brought up again, and as it turned out they hadn’t really hung out much since. Which had nothing to do with it, she had just gotten married and stopped hanging out with anyone.

She told me that she told her I was mortified, this is a small town, and I thought all this was under the couples code of silence. I also understood her need to find out if this was weird, to know if it was ok, and to get a friends judgement and test her reaction. She also did a ton of internet searches, and read all about the different reasons for wanting this. I wasn’t mad but it sure did shock the heck out of me...she wore the key for less than two days and had already told someone! I don’t believe she has felt the need to tell anyone else, and my insecurity about it has disappeared, so it doesn’t matter now.

The only other person that knows is a doctor that I had to see for work physical that was way overdue and they expected me to attend that afternoon. She was at work, I tried calling and texting but she didn’t respond in time and I had to leave for the appointment. When I did the hernia cough test I had to warn the doctor first that I had some “jewelry down there so don’t freak out”. She smiled and said no big deal. She stared at it for a second and said “that is really on there huh”. I was embarrassed but she quickly moved on to the test. She briefly asked if it caused any discoloring or if they ever got cold. I informed her it was all fine and have been wearing one for a few years now. She said “good for you” and said I could get dressed and gave me directions back to the lobby.

It certainly was not my intention to invite anyone in to this, and had I known about the mandatory physical ahead of time, would have asked for the key. That being said, I am not so nervous about it now. In all actuality, it has reinforced the aspect of how this is my default state. I remember telling the wife about it and she laughed so hard. We both did.

In my opinion, she won’t tell anyone on purpose again, but I would put money on that someday she’ll get super tipsy and spill the beans to one or two of her coworker friends. Mostly to brag a bit like, “well I know for a fact that he won’t cheat” etc. In the end, I don’t care anymore, I trust her to do what’s best, and trust is what all this is about.