What makes it an FLR/M?

In my opinion one of the great things about CM is the ability to explore topics such as this without apology or fear of judgement. Unless you are being hostile or judgmental of another member, it's all good.

I think a FLR is up to the people involved to define. By the way I don't bother substituting the M for the R even though I'm married. Avoid the boilerplate, must have type declarations. Unless they work for you and then embrace them. I am fond of saying our FLR evolved organically. It started with me doing stuff for her. The chastity courtship phase. She grew to like this and then expected it. It was no longer my choice, it was just expected. From there it became punishable if it wasn't done. As an example I started making the bed, she began to expect it and was disappointed if it wasn't done. Now an unmade bed costs me 5 strokes.

Submission is an active choice. No one is really submissive against their will. I have voluntarily chosen to submit to my wife's authority. If I wanted to I could physically prevent her from punishing me as I'm stronger than her. I choose not to because I want to submit to her will. There are things I do or endure that I don't want to endure, but it is part of my submission. Over time this submission can feel "mandatory" as we are trained to live that life. Just as a person in the army does.

It seems to me like your wife has expressed the control she wants and what she wants you to do. If that form of submission is unappealing to you, you can choose not to submit.

 

I'm sorry. I didn't intend to be mean, or gate keep. I'm not sure you're "shit" so much as your situation is shit.

You said upthread that you have ASD. It may be that you are ascribing too much weight to what she's saying rather than what she does: some people don't filter and what they say can be an expression of emotion framed as a statement of fact, or really a negotiating position. It may also be that she's feeling her way to what she wants by talking out loud. Children, hormones, fatigue and perhaps her own mental health issues may be at work. Some kind of couple and individual counselling might be a good idea.

I also suspect that you are not being assertive about getting some of your needs met by the situation: being submissive, you have abandoned your own negotiating position. For example, you said she doesn't want you to masturbate. I think you have every right to masturbate! She's the one that's withdrawn intimacy. She should either give you the space to do it, or else - if she does wants that level of intimate control over you, do it through the kink on offer.

Regarding chores. Given you are stuck for the time being, you could call her bluff.

Ask her to make life more bearable for both of you by (1) her giving you a list of tasks, but (2) "make a game of it" with the tasks tied to a reward or punishment not directly involving her. For example, if you do the list adequately for a month, she arranges for you to have an empty house for a day so you can cross dress.

It's just possible that that level of control is what she really needs, and that this will repair your relationship. Otherwise, at least you'll be in an FLR... Either way it will be a long game.

 

Responding to the OP, in my terminology an FLR is predicated on a mutual and express enunciation that you will each be in and accept those roles, she will lead and decide, and he will accept and submit, and that those roles will be in force both in and out of the bedroom.

I don't think @Consensus has that; unfortunately, that relationship is a struggle right now, the R seems the problem, without agreement on what they share or who will L or where they are going.