What makes it an FLR/M?

In a true FLR/M the Key Holder is in charge of everything from financial to your orgasms. You have given control to her. Every day is about keeping her happy . Not you.

 

The words 'true' and 'real' should be heavily restricted on this site since it seems like a vast majority of their uses are in fantasy bullshit or casually insulting everyone who doesn't agree with you. (e.g. this post)

Do you know what the letter 'L' stands for in FLR/FLM? Hint: It isn't "dominated". 24/7 D/S relationships are FLRs but not all FLRs are 24/7 D/S Relationships.

 

We are evolving into an FLM in most ways but I control the finances. She has short term memory problems simply will forget to pay the bills. We are retired and her Social Security is hers to spend as she pleases. My retirement pay from all sources goes into the general household budget and I don't spend anything not a necessity without her permission.

The chores are all up to me and she controls our day to day life including sex.

 

I believe that would be up to her, Female Led, In my thoughts mean that she is the one to say what happens or is allowed and what is not.

 

I think this is a really interesting question. And I think the only real answer is that it's subjective. The main difference I suppose to a vanilla relationship with a pushy woman is that you have both agreed, I would expect at least verbally if not in writing, that the woman will be in control to varying degrees. That in itself also makes it a dominant/submissive relationship. I don't think all female led relationships have to contain a chastity element, just as any d/s relationship doesn't have to have s and m as a defining feature. I'd say it's mainly about control.

 

Sorry... I just re read the original post.
An unrecognised flr is unlikely to contain all the elements of an flr, even with a pushy female. The majority of the world lives within a partirchal society and its hard to break away from the expected norms of how a man and a woman are supposed to perform those roles. After all, thats what makes it a bit kinky to begin with isn't it?

 

Predictive text? Wtf!

 

To answer this question, I'd say probably respect and intent. In an FLR/M, the woman should understand that she's being granted control and she should use it for what is best for both of them. A pushy woman just selfishly wants her way.

 

I believe that there are many different ways it can be a flr, but as I see it there are basically two different versions of it. The first being where it is talked about and agreed on between those involved and the other is where she just is naturally being the leader or top and doing things her way as she wants and the sub just lets things happen. Makes me think of the old remark that people would say, "We know who wears the pants in that family" Then there can be any mix of this in between. Another saying that this made me think of, " I chooses my battles".

 

There are no fixed definitions! However, I think that the main distinction is that in an FLR, the dynamic is openly recognised by both parties: "I'm in charge"/"Yes you are". This enables her to give instructions without pushing, nagging or bullying or feeling bad about it, and him to take instructions knowing that she respects and values him.

Having a pushy partner to whom you yield puts you in what I call an implicit FLR. This has all sorts of dangers and moral hazards for both parties, not least because of the issues around respect.

Specifically,

partner who has no interest in kink, nor in sex, nor in budgeting but holds the purse strings, would rather you didn't masturbate and whom you wish to impress, that's enough?​

I'd call that an implicit FLR. That doesn't make it a good thing. I will say that one advantage of an FLR is that the woman can explore her way to the kind of intimacy she actually enjoys.

 

You are (a) making the assumption that she doesn't value the dynamic you do have, and (b) giving it away for free.

What you have at the moment isn't normal or reasonable. If she wants abnormal and unreasonable, that's great, but it should only be available through kink.

 

So actually, you aren't giving much away! I'm not sure it is an implicit FLR if you are not giving her things you want. It sounds awfully to me as if you have the kind of impasse that takes a positive decision to resolve.

 

Why don't you suggest an flr to your wife? Sounds like there's not much to lose?

 

I feel for you, I am coming out of what was a loveless marriage (going through a divorce, will be final soon). We tried time and time again to make it work for the sake of the children. It got to a point for us whereby I said enough is enough. We weren't compatible in the bedroom and that is important, even though life gets in the way - the initial wow and connection should bubble even if even quietly.

My new partner (9 months however known hima long time/over a decade), I suspect he wants to cross dress and I've asked him as much. I've even sent by post a pair of my knickers to keep as his. I have a bag of clothing at his as he said to leave bits there; I've told him that he is welcome to wear what he wishes. If it makes him happy, I am happy. He says he isn't into cross dressing and just wants to be humiliated and controlled. If he wanted to cross dress I wouldn't think twice in offering to do up the bra for him and trying out makeup.

Life is too short. Be happy. Be you. Be your true you. Think about what you will gain, not what you may lose.

I hope I've not spoken out of turn and I apologise if I have

 

OK, so here.....my sex is totally at the mercy and permission of my MRS. All else is mutual, or controlled by me.
We aren't a bossed around husband couple. I love her for her strength, as she loves me for mine. Sexually.......she can grab my nuts and squeeze til I scream, turn me around and peg my ass. All good. We share power, it is good for us. I wish she were more powerful, but I am loving every minute of what I get. She just bought me a new, stainless steel cage! Will post pics when allowed.

 

Consensus, Do a bit of an inventory on the comments you've received here. They should sound familiar to you. Not deciding, regardless of the fear of failure that haunts you, is only making you more miserable. Decide! Be true to yourself.

Jamie