Vanilla Chastity Life

So people avoiding porn fantasies like this…
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=64c610a32505b
Honestly, if this is the kink that people think comes with chastity, I reckon 99% of us are failing and still fall into the vanilla category!?

Ok, thread hijacked with apologies.

More seriously, I’m really looking forward to my wife locking me again for the sole purpose of restricting my masturbation and cutting down my orgasms. Everything else we tried and enjoyed seems to have fallen at the wayside with the effort of it all, she’s content with just these two factors going forward! She has hinted their could be more, but that’s her focus.

 

I'm not writing to argue, but I do feel that a significant number of threads here are exactly what you're describing: Men (or their wives) using chastity to improve the men. I certainly feel like I'm an example of that (a work in progress, of course). I don't view many of the forum sections here, so there may be lots that I'm unaware of ... I view just the ones that I can personally relate to.

I generally avoid porn, but not because I feel it's wrong. More that I know she dislikes it. But I don't mind seeing beautiful naked women -- I never have minded, and never will. OTOH, I'd much rather be with and get to look at my wife, and that's something that chastity has helped me to understand and appreciate. I have no desire to stray, and no need for any other woman, and I'm thankful for that, and that is a huge change for me mentally.

I'm working on a few different aspects of myself:

1. I want to be more respectful of my wife, in every way. This means listening better, speaking less, taking the time to understand what she's saying (and not saying), and learning to accept her decisions and wants as my law.

2. I want to be more patient with my wife, and with my kids. I am working on eliminating my frustration, which has been an issue since we got married. I used to be frustrated with everything, including not getting enough sex. Now, thanks to my constant stainless steel reminder and my wife's correcting my attitude and behavior, I have learned how to get my frustration under control and how to keep it that way. I no longer am frustrated by the lack of sex, even though I badly want it; I think I can go as long as she wants me to now without any frustration at all. I no longer allow the feeling of frustration to rise within me over stupid stuff. And when I do feel frustration rising over important stuff, I am learning skills that allow me to approach the problems constructively, and without causing stress to those around me. I am very thankful to have been corrected in this area, and I am liking the positive results on me and on those whom I love. It's still a work in progress, but I am thankful for the corrections I'm receiving.

3. More and more, I want to carry my fair share of responsibilities and work around the house, heavy lifting on family/emotional issues, etc. so that my wife no longer is over-burdened with the kids, with taking care of my own needs, and with taking care of the complexities of life. I am learning, more and more, to happily take on responsibilities, and to find joy from watching my wife relax and enjoy a hobby or a game or reading or whatever while I work. Our "fair share" split used to be about 75/25, with her doing 75% of everything around the house and related to the kids. I think we're probably more like 50/50 now, although it feels to me like we're 25/75 now, but I know there are many things that she handles that I cannot see, because I work long hours at work and she is home. I also respect that there are things that she wants to be in charge of, and things that she doesn't want me to do because they are "hers" to deal with. But outside of those areas, I continue to take on more and more of the housework, and more of the difficult parts of parenting, and I do so with appreciation for her and with happiness.

4. I want to physically be the man that she wants me to be. That means losing weight, getting into better physical shape, always looking and smelling good, and maintaining the appearance and style that she likes. The losing weight has been the hardest part of this for me. Partly because I'm always working, either at work (mostly a desk job) or at home doing housework or parenting. This past week, I've had basically zero time for anything that wasn't work. But I'm not frustrated by that; it just makes it harder for me to lose weight thus far.

5. Obedience is super important. It's part of respecting her, of course. It's also part of making her feel valued and validated. She's done a good job of teaching me that not doing what she wants causes us pain, while doing exactly what she wants makes her happy. I so badly want to make her happy, that now the thought of not obeying her every instruction is completely foreign to me. I used to do what I wanted, when I wanted, and didn't really care what she thought. Now, I don't even go to the store without her permission. I don't plan trips or events without her explicit pre-approval. I know it sounds silly, but she feels valued by my deference to her wishes regarding my schedule and my activities, and all I had to do was give up my freedom and my control of everything, and just accept my position as her completely obedient husband.

 

100%! It just doesn’t work in the same way without the cage. It’s like that flimsy lock just overrules any other thought processes and everything is directed towards her.

 

I understand. I think the best thing is to do is post an issue that you’d like to discuss, then look at the profiles of those people who comment.

From my perspective, I know that I am posting on a website with people who are into a “BDSM kink called male chastity“. If I post a question, everyone can respond.

Also, I’m open for messaging. We can talk; I think we might have a similar viewpoint.

 

Super admirable aims - I wish you the very best in achieving them. I think you will be a lot happier and more fulfilled if this is how you aspire to live.

Also a great example for your children to see.

 

It's a quality clip - remember seeing this on r/ChastityCouples on Reddit.

Oops, that's not going to help you discussing that forum

 

You should thank me really. I don’t think any of us will come across a chastity porn video that trumps this one. It’s like it’s come straight out of the mind of @Giles_English but acted out to perfection by the woman in the video. There is no way she finds it as hot as she makes out. So no need to ever view chastity porn again…
Unless others have better recommendations?
I think we should open up this thread for that….

 

It's a brilliant video!

(I am unconvinced by the practicality of the flat cage as an anchor for a dildo.)

 

I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I do miss the I guess you could say hardcore porn-like side. Where I'm at now in my journey is more vanilla. Not 100 percent vanilla, but way more tame than years ago.

 

This thought crossed my mind also, it would need straps to hold it in place. The fantasy works as far as the mind-fuck appearance… but it’s probably less practical than traditional foxing

 

Provided the flat cage is at least 1/8 inch thick and that the thread is 10–32, it should hold.

 

Where can I find one?

 

I wish I knew. I want that. Not the dildo. His situation. I so want to make love to my wife like that.

 

Depends on how rigid the dildo is and how good the threads on the screw are…. Would be interesting to experiment with for sure.

Wish they’d do a video with it in use… for research purposes of course!

 

Yes, purely scientific research….

 

I completely agree. Thanks for highlighting this.

Count me in as one of those who are doing this to improve their vanilla relationship with their wife. Although, "vanilla" is a relative term!

 

I can really relate to your struggle and I strive to be like you in terms of my own relationship. It's guys like you posting this kind of stuff that really helps me to stay motivated.

 

I’m not really a submissive person. I guess in BDMS terms, I’m a switch. I’m choosing this because I know that it has been, and will continue to help my marriage. Which makes it kind of frustrating that my wife goes back-and-forth on the issue. I’m gonna post this as a separate thread, but does anyone have a Vanilla-sex wife, who while initially hesitant about
locking up their husband's genitals in a steel cage, now happily locks
them up for weeks or months at a time, and would they be willing to
share how they changed their mind?

What would they say to another woman hesitant to move forward with a device because she is concerned about hurting her husband?

 

This would 100% be my wife. I actually think a little further and imagine everyone’s partner is the same to some degree. She constantly doubts its merits, but then, now, during our longest period without the cage… she is desperate to get me locked back up again. She’s already started to enforce the previous rules of sex without orgasm etc in advance. Which is tough as I expected the last few days of freedom to really count.

I think to the ideas she has in store and I genuinely don’t know how it will play out. On occasion she’s told me ‘once it’s locked again, that’s it.’ But she’s also quite contently told me that she ‘can have it whenever she wants.’

It just how it is. Situations can change in an instant. All I know is, whether she knows what’s best or not, in the moment she will do as she feels like. Isn’t that how life is though? I know eating fatty foods and consuming alcohol is bad, doesn’t mean I don’t do it.