Vanilla Chastity Life

I know most women are naturally like that, the ocean waves, but with some things it’s just so frustrating. Commit, dammit!

 

Enjoy the ride!

 

W

where can I buy one of those!

 

I think that was purpose made. It’s the sort of implement that shows that these fantasies are lead by the male. Ok, that’s chauvinism, but I don’t genuinely believe this is to believed. It’s an amazing idea, it’s hotly erotic… but it does show how porn leads us down the wrong route. How many wives would actually enjoy that? Ok, not enjoy, a lot may… how many would initiate that?

 

It’s a great idea, I would definitely suggest it to my wife as the chastity relationship evolves!

 

I've seen the range...

"Ok, I'll give this a try since you want to" - supportive and loving
"Why do you need that thing to control your urges...aren't I enough" - hurt and scared
"haha, I have the keys and am in control" - empowered and playful
Crying and distraught if I'm not caged - jealous I guess?

I think guys see this is a game, feeding a kink, a fantasy come real and it's tremendous fun. It fuels our hormonal need for challenge, and also gives us playful sexual connection with our KH (which we innately need). There are very practical, straight forward (we are guys after all) reasons to use it. Want to build up sexual energy, testosterone, focus, and attentiveness. Lock a guys dick up. It's obvious when you think about it. Guys look for solutions, we solve problems. The masculine uses logic and reason.

For women, it runs in conflict to their learned "white knight" image of what a man should be. Chaste, yes, but out of honor, duty, love, passion and self control to not need a cage. The mere use of it implies his character is the opposite of these characteristics of a man.
It is in opposition of what a "good girl" does - indulging in a kink. Perhaps her mother's voice in the back of her mind saying "you're not being a good girl, how are you indulging this man's fantasy? Oh, and since you are...he's using you. And he's doing it so he doesn't watch porn...what kind of man is he?"

All of these are external forces put on a woman. And take a lot of self awareness and will power to go against. That's why it takes time, and our love and support. And if we can find a way to talk about all of this very objectively and openly, it could accelerate the process (or possibly scare her into the corner). It is a lot to overcome, and if a couple is able to, there is magic on the other end. Openness, trust, acceptance, playfulness. This of course can come in many different ways, not just chastity, but chastity can certainly be a destination on the journey.
Women flow with feelings. The feminine uses emotion and how something "feels" to navigate...hence why it changes on a dime and almost constantly.

Which makes for a mind !@#$ of a ride for guys. You never know if the cage is a good thing, a bad thing, coming off, staying on another month...but then coming off in an hour for an orgasm...for her, she then decided not to give you one. Cage back on...well, wait until the morning but don't touch yourself...snuggle behind me I like you feeling hard and wanting me. Middle of the night "put the cage on, I'll sleep better if you do", then nothing for a week, until...who knows what's next..."I don't want to do this any more...I like feeling you without the cage" until...she likes the cage again.

Worst part is, it seems to work the best when we let go and let her decide. Which can quite often go in the opposite direction of what we want at the time. If we're locked, we want out. If we're out, we want locked. We want immediate results and a plan.

 

Glad to hear it helps. It's been an interesting journey for me, and I got lots of help, advice, and inspiration from others here.

 

I have the skills necessary to build that. Just not the tools. More of the time. If I do, trust me I will post and let everyone know.

 

Thank you for this. I cannot tell you how much this helps me feel better. I guess I just have to be patient and wait,And nudge her in the right direction if I get a chance.

Oh, by the way, the conversation she and I had about my not needing to orgasm? Her reply? Well, the, if it were up to me, you never will again!

Yes. Back and forth.

 

I'm inspired...I might have to try to make one. My kids are in the workshop fairly often, not sure how I'll hide things, but you've got me thinking!

 

"Which makes for a mind !@#$ of a ride for guys. You never know if the cage is a good thing, a bad thing, coming off, staying on another month...but then coming off in an hour for an orgasm...for her, she then decided not to give you one. Cage back on...well, wait until the morning but don't touch yourself...snuggle behind me I like you feeling hard and wanting me. Middle of the night "put the cage on, I'll sleep better if you do", then nothing for a week, until...who knows what's next..."I don't want to do this any more...I like feeling you without the cage" until...she likes the cage again."

I think one thing to consider - the amplitude of the "kinky" wave is proportional to how safe, trusting, and open she feels to take the lead, be in charge, and open to explore the dynamic and try different things. This needs to be actively cultivated in women-receptive ways. Communication, doing things for her, help her be empowered (in all areas of life), help her understand the differences between men and women and what this does for you...so she understands that she is helping and supporting you and is a very active, wanted and needed part of your life. And that her needs will be met as well...i.e. if you're love bucket is full, you're that much more available to support her. Patience is definitely important, and judging timing for introducing new ideas. For me, I'm learning that I need to apply nudging based on where she is, not hold back because of my assumptions and hang ups. Hang ups like "what if she doesn't like it, is this too much for her, etc". That leads to dis-empowerment, and things go backwards.

 

Really interesting thread and comments.

Suffice to say - all people are different hence all couple's relationship must be different to power of two.

I'm pretty new to chastity and this board, but I have found it to be one of the nicest places on the internet for someone who is pretty vanilla (maybe with the odd chocolate chip or nut here and there) but has a lot of questions about the whys and wherefores of chastity.

I think there are some extreme chastity players, and some are pretty active on this site, but the majority are like most people on this thread; we want a better relationship with our partner and we want more fulfilling and better sex for both of us.

Obviously I by no means want to disparage anyone who does like some/all of the following - absolutely you do you - but I have no interest in being permanently denied erections/orgasms/sex, wearing women's clothes, being more feminine, getting my cock pierced, a relationship that is anything less than led equally in and out of the bedroom, and most certainly I do not want my partner to have sex with someone else.

From what I have seen/read - most of us are in the same position. Different motivations, different situations but inherently aiming for what would be seen as 'a good relationship' through possibly slightly unconventional means.

 

I thought about how the design can be improved.

• It looks like some flat chastity devices come pre-threaded. This one has a urethra tube threaded in.

• Remove it and replace with a round-headed screw (head on penis-side).

• Tighten down on the facing side with nut and lock washer.
• Secure into a dildo (silicone glue?) a threaded anchor or rod (I’m thinking 2”). Make sure it has the proper orientation.

• Alternatively, secure a Vac-U-Lock plug onto the anchor or screw.

There you have it! Cock 2.0!

 

Just got through saying this to another guy. We are married over 50 years. 30 of those years were in a poly triad with a woman we both loved and had sex with. She loves to sexually dominate men and taught my wife to love it too.

We followed advice from a long time married BDSM couple we knew from our now defunct BDSM club in NYC. They said that the reason they lasted so long was that they left their kinks at the bedroom door and lead the rest of their life as most married couples do. This worked for us for decades and still does.

As far as chastity goes, it can stand on its own without all the stuff you read and see in porn. In fact, over 90% of guys give up on chastity as soon as the initial excitement wears off. They read and see what chastity guys do and confuse chastity as a stand alone fetish as something that requires cuckolding, pegging, feminization, etc.. Chastity can stand on its own and not be a part of a larger fetish. None of that other stuff is chastity.

My last sex night was kissing my wife as she came on her vibrator as she pinched my nipples. That was it. Done until next time. No pegging, nor forced oral on her. Just that we make sex only for her pleasure and I get the very occasional orgasm. We are very boring in bed now that we are old and I cannot take all that other stuff you see in porn anymore. I am in charge or our marriage but my wife is in charge of our sex life. We never do anything that the other does not want done which is why we lasted so long.

Forums are filled with guys living out their sexual fantasies with probably most not doing what they post about. I have been online since before it was even graphical. I had my own BB for posting porn pictures that you had to download one by one. I new a lot of kinky guys and a lot of kinky guys who pretended they were girls online. They all went as fast as they came online. Heck, I only recognize about 5 people online in chastity forums from 5 years ago. The rest all disappeared.

Just do as you wish and to be honest, unless your posts are titillating or provide masturbation fodder, few will read them. I sit here locked. Sex was my wife coming on her vibrator which lasted less than a minute and that is it. Turns no one on but we still do it while others do not..

 

Thank you. I appreciate your honesty and experience. Hopefully, we’ll all make it there.

 

Love that!

 

Thinking about this some more, I wonder if a strap-on worn over a flat cage would be the most durable solution?

The screws you posted are rather small, and trying to juggle the small hole on the cage with trying to minimize things (screw heads) poking out on the inside of the cage, and a way to firmly anchor the threaded end of a screw into a silicone dildo. For something that needs to be designed to take a lot of wear and action (one would hope/dream.

Using the cage-mounted approach, the smallest/smoothest screw head on the inside of the cage that screws into something like a concrete or wall anchor (butterflying open when inserted, so it grabs onto the silicone meat of the dildo.

Or else make a custom dildo and make some kind of anchor that is set into the material when it's poured.

I've had mixed success with various epoxies and silicone glues holding silicon/latex to metal. They all peel off eventually.

 

Yeah I just got the pictures off of McMaster Carr. I’m assuming with the screw legs would be fairly long (at least 2 to 3 inches). Lock washer and nut (or locknut) would definitely be needed so that there’s not a single stress point. You would have to have a lock washer and nut (or locknut) so that there’s not a single stress point. As you said, it should be able to endure hundreds of hours of use. (!)

Good point about glueing metal to silicone. I had not thought about that. I’m thinking the best way to go is cementing the anchor inside of a vac-u-lock adapter.

If/when my wife finally commits to caging me, this is going to be my next project.

 

LOL, I guess 'good boys' also like an engineering challenge

 

My apologies. I did not intend to hijack the thread,