Update to chastity sucks post

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Ed Brock, Aug 8, 2022.

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  1. Ed Brock
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    Ed Brock Member

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    Hi all,
    Just want to post a little update. A while back I posted something about how real life chastity isn't at all like the stories and it is actually quite inconvenient, boring and, of course, maddening.

    I was really heartened to see so many replies that seem to care about me and my relationship more than the kink. It just goes to show that so many people on this forum are real folks who are not one dimensional kinksters.

    Anyhow, we have talked. The gist of it is, she has said, she isn't ever going to be a dominatrix and that her drive and desire ebb and flow. She doesn't want to be hassled about our sex life. (I think this is true of all people, sex should be stress free) She likes certain aspects of chastity and likes it when I'm locked. But, if she is going to do it, she wants to do it her way and not be pestered about it. When I introduced it to her years ago, she was nervous and worried about safety. In begging her to be a keyholder back then, I assured her it was safe and that there wasn't a limit to how long it could be locked on. So now, when I'm locked, she is comfortable keeping me locked far past when I would like to have it off.

    We have a loving relationship. Sexually, sometimes she wants oral without anything else. That usually happens when I'm locked and she will not budge when I ask. About every week or two, she wants real sex and unlocks me. Sometimes she forgets to tell me to lock it up. I will say this, chastity is real enough that I'm not necessarily eager to put it back on. I don't mind some time to myself. She doesn't like it when she thinks I am self pleasuring. So, I'm locked more than I'm not. She prefers it that way.

    So again, thank you for the concern that was shown and for the advice about communication. If I want her to be my keyholder, then we do it her way. Maybe I'm not submissive enough or in a real FRL or devoted enough, but I will say that being locked in chastity is really frustrating and not always fun, sexy or pleasant.
    Best,
    Ed

    PS. Given that my wife likes what she likes, enjoys her peace, and is not afraid to enforce rules, you are going to think I'm crazy for the request I am going to put in the punishments forum. I'm looking for any pics of a man standing in a corner or against a wall while a wife enjoys wine, a book, or just TV. Ideally something domestic and real rather than BDSM.
     
  2. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Good luck
     
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  3. madams-sissysub
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    Good luck on your journey!
     
  4. Stephplayswithyou
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    Stephplayswithyou Active member

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    Great to hear and sounds like the two of you have made some great progress on all fronts. Sharing your story also helps me to understand, I need to think of this form her point of view and let her do it her way. While we guys sometimes like to think it's all about us, chastity has been a nice reminder that it doesn't have to be.
     
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  5. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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  6. Tom Harris
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    Tom Harris Member

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    Yeh man, it can suck, as many aspects of our like can sometimes suck.. I dig that you have it time, and it isn't for everyone.. and if it's not for you or your wife, there is no shame.. There are some very solid people here , that are REAL , that do live like this , different release intervals , but it is part of daily life.
    Don't be stressed man.. ask questions, if you get an answer that seems like bullshit . It probably is.. sometimes we have to weed thru the nonsense to get to the truth.. You can get answers here, they may not be the answers you want to hear, but you will get answers brother.
    Be safe!
     
  7. Drews
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    Drews Long term member

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    Your wife sounds very similar to mine. She is loving and caring and will never be a dominatrix just as I will never be a sub. That does not mean that the cage has not helped our relationship and sex life. We have been married a long time and had many years of amazing sex. As life moved on we kind of got out of sync, sexually only. I would push for sex and she would go along to satisfy me but was not into and it was just as unfulfilling for me. I then masturbated often because sex got boring. When she was in the mood I was not. I would sometimes go along and be a mediocre lover at best. I introduced the cage to her and she had concerns and did not want to be a dominatrix and did not want me to be submissive. After a lot of discussions we got to an agreement that I am locked all the time other than sex. We do not talk about it much and I never ask to take it off. When she wants sex it comes off no questions asked. I am of course always ready and she is happy. Over time she has learned not to be concerned how long it has been locked. She also loves to be satisfied without having to "even the score " as she calls it. She will never demand I put it on afterwards but said that is what she wants. If I do not put it on within a couple hours after sex I find it sitting by my sink and I then always put it on regardless of my mood. It might be boring to some people but it has really put a spark in our relationship. She gets sex only when she wants it and it is enjoyable sex. She also gets to just be satisfied when she wants with nothing expected in return. I get to have amazing sex with my wife when I am extremely horney and she is totally into sex. To me it feels like I am in my 20's again and I get amazing joy watching her having a great time with me. Hopefully something similar can happen in your relationship. Yes there are frustrating unpleasant times but the reward always makes it worth it.
     
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  8. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    That is her version of an FLR.. she has her own ideas.. and she is dictating how it should be lived out. Is it not so..? You may have pre conceived connoctions about it.. but she IS leading it.. so be led. She wants oral, lick her to heavens.. she wants sex, pound her properly. She prefers you being lcoked as default state and not self pleasuring, live with it. You like it, dont you..? Not really sucks..
     
  9. Aim2Pleez
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    Aim2Pleez New member

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    My wife and I are in the same type of relationship! However she has taken it a few steps further to include some feminization with household chores, etc. Overall very similar, her sex drive is not as high as mine but she’s more recently enjoying laying down after a shower and me pleasuring her.
     
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