Training a man to have fewer orgasms

@MsPamela you may not have realized that you were "training" him, but the fact that you had to start slow and gradually increase things kinda shows that's exactly what you were doing. Like you say, you couldn't just have jumped in at the deep end, but you can work your way there.

 

Yes it's only when you look back you realise. When we started I would be like omg it's been 10 days, whereas now it would be more like 'it's only been 10 days since I last came, not being let out any time soon'.

 

I very much agree with you. I understand being denied, or willingly giving up full orgasms due to the mutltiday drop in attentiveness to our beloved Mistresses , but why must ruined orgasms or milking be denied too? I get no pleasure from either, except from the attention and some esoteric belief that I got some sexual relief. Nor do I get any drop whatsoever in attentiveness or submissiveness.. So really, even PIV with lidocaine and a condom could be possible is the KH wants it. Or items case, she loves giving BJ's, so why not ruined BJ's.
Again , I completely realize there is no one size fits all formula for chastity and putting the needs, all needs, of our KH first.

 

I was going down on my wife yesterday, and the entire time, My D was throbbing in its cage, trying to get hard. I have always liked liking pussy, but now I love it. I can honestly say that as much as I like BJ's, I would rather lick my wife's pussy now. I only realized that yesterday. It gives me as much joy and sexual gratification as I ever got from my own orgasms. Unfortunately, she has always been a single orgasm woman, and seldom wants one every day, but I am grateful every time she lets me crawl between her legs.

 

I would very much like your input on this, and welcome anyone else' too. Why do so many people insist that it is essential to keep downsizing the length of the sub's cage , some times until it is just a nub? Is training a man to orgasm less, or not at all, really de[pendent upon this? I totally understand the psychological impact of looking down and having no D, no manhood anymore. But is there more to it than that? Also, many threads have addressed whether shrinkage is real from long term lock up, and it seems to be that if you actually push a D inside a man, or even compress it to the point of a nub, then shrinkage seems inevitable. I just sent off a cage to be shortened from 3 Inches to 2 inches, but I know that is still large compared to many on this site. I'm in a 2 3/4 inch right now, Your thoughts please. I would like input from men too.

 

I think based on what I've read and from personal experience that if you are locked 24x7 you start to have some temporary shrinkage. I'd consider a smaller cage because some times I retract so much in the cage that I make a mess when I sit down to pee. That's the main reason for a smaller cage for me... that and I like a snug fit.

 

I think many people fetishize it, which is fine. Personally I went to a smaller cage a couple times, currently in a 1.5” cage and that will be that smallest I go. I can sleep through the night, lift weights, be active in it and really haven’t found anything where it’s a hinderance. I’m not huge, but fully erect I’m still almost 7” and fairly thick, and I’ve been wearing a cage regularly for the last two and half years, the year and half before that my Wife would still give me a week or two of freedom in between lockup periods. Those days are long gone now.
My Wife loves the little cage, we don’t necessarily do small penis humiliation or anything, but she does like to tease here and there just for fun. Tell me how cute her little guy is, etc lol.
I haven’t seen any shrinkage, I am released for teasing and piv somewhat regularly, and a couple nights a month she allows me to sleep cage free so he can get his night time erection cycles still. I believe any shrinking would be temporary if it were to happen any way, unless it’s due to weight gain, aging, or other natural occurrence men go through with age and health issues. But some others swear they’ve experienced shrinking from long term chastity, and I hope I never have to endure it to that extreme to find out personally
I have become content with giving up full orgasms I think, my Wife has agreed to only grant ruined orgasms for the rest of ‘23 and we’ll see how I handle this. Then talk about how 2024 will look. I never thought I’d get to this point when we started using the cage, it was pure fantasy to be that strict. And now I crave it.

 

thank you . very helpful. I go to the gym wearing mine, lift weights, aerobics, 3X a week. I even used a chainsaw this week for the first time caged when a branch fell on our driveway. Always said I'd never do it. Lots of never being broken these days. Helpful to know your stopping point on length. Question on Circumference, probably the most key measurement. As you have dropped length and compressed your D, do you/have you found the need to increase the circumference?

 

sounds like a reasonable plan I could live with

 

This final cage I bought here in the classifieds and it happened to be 35mm wide compared to my previous two cages which were 32mm. That little bit wider has been much more comfortable. If you can go a little wider, I would suggest it when going shorter.

 

Love has levels. I know for some chastity is a kink, but for others it's a way of honoring, addoring, and respecting their partner. I think my wife is so amazing I get consumed with thoughts of how to pleasure her and disgusted with myself when I think of using her for my pleasure. I feel crummy when I use her, but when I have used myself for her pleasure, when my sex drive has been a blessing and not a burden in her life, I resent my orgasim, and giving up my orgasmic pleasure for her is a greater joy than a few moments of utopia.

When you love somebody you will want to make sacrifices.

 

thanks . That is helpful

 

I wouldn't just suggest it, I'd recommend it.

 

Yeah, this. Recently used a birdcaged micro (I think?) which used to be way too small, but now it's just too narrow. You can get by with too short, but not with too narrow.

 

pretty much what Mistress MM says. How do you measure for "squished" D versus flake normal D. Would think that would be difficult. Just having a cage decreased in length, but may need to get another one, as circumference is the one dimension they cannot alter

 

Yeah, good point and would be tough for sure. If you do find a difference, that the logic of going up a size on internal diameter was good, please do let us know. I'm curious about it as well

 

Over 20 years ago I was cut off from all forms of penetration in any orifice by my wife and her girlfriend/lover. The only orgasms I was allowed to have, on the honor system, was when they girls decided to let me jerk off while they sexually tortured me.

15 years ago I was cut off from all oral sex too. No more cunninglingus or analingus. Since then sex has been supervised masturbation while in sexual pain.

12 years ago I was placed in a custom chastity cage, since way too big, and weaned off of orgasms. First it was once a month for a year, then the next year it was once every two months and eventually we went to no orgasms but that was interrupted due to surgeries I needed and a few months recovery time. Still 3 more months before fully recovered but I can at least wear my chastity cage again.

The big difference is that this time there are no time limits on orgasms. I am locked up simply to prevent masturbation since it greatly reduced the number of times I asked my wife to have sex with me. She noticed real quick that we went from once a week to once a month or more and asked me if I was jerking off to porn again. I said yes and she said lock it up and I will remove it when I am ready to have sex with you. No time limits, just for prevention of masturbation this time.

So you can just gradually go longer and longer between orgasms until you get used to it. The first 10 days after an orgasm are the hardest because your body is releasing a hormone that encourages you to have sex. This is how our species multiples. Once past the two weeks it becomes easier.

There is one problem we ran into. When the time between my orgasms got to be too long like 6 months, I stopped paying sexual attention to my wife and was less obedient to her requests and need for sex. We all have to find what our limits are. After all, sexual fetishes should be fun and not real torture or no sex at all.

 

I think the most important point is not "how to train him to ...", but instead it is "What do I really want? What does that mean?" and then you can develop your training schedule from there.

For example I had a Mistress who kept me chaste initially for four weeks, so that I got into the mindset of realizing that I am not allowed to ever complain or ask for an orgasm and to understand that it will come from her, not me.

After that she allowed me after around two weeks to hump her boot for a very short time and eventually orgasm that way. Every six weeks she gave me a "period off" as she called it which was between 12 and 24 hours.

After the relationship was over she explained to me that she organized the training that way to teach me through two mechanisms:

1) the humping: Should teach me
A) all sexual pleasure comes from her ---> (LIFTING her up in my perception), and
B) failing to orgasm (in such a short time) was always on me and my incompetence ---> (PUTTING ME DOWN in my perception).

2) the break periods of 12-24 hours of unlimited freedom to do anything I want sexually, should teach me:
A) that even having no restrictions from her side on my sexuality would never result in me having real sex with anyone ---> (PUTTING ME DOWN in my perception, since "obviously" no one in the while world is willing to have sex with me anyhow)
B) having many orgasms would happen by me pathetically wanking alone with her ignoring me completely during that time and not being present, so I stayed home and basically did nothing but wank in those off phases ---> (Putting me DOWN further by making me realize what a pathetic wanker I am, when just left un-checked for a few hours)

And of course the periods of unlimited freedom increased my suffering during the locked up periods a lot, since I always had the memory of those pleasurable phases of 6-8 orgasms in a row.


Oh, and for the ones of you who ask yourself how it can be that I never found someone to have sex with during my unlocked periods ... its easily explained:

In my mind the one person I was fixated on was my Mistress. She never was my girlfriend or anything and made it clear that my chances of having sex with her are zero to none. She was married and told me that she was not even remotely attracted to a slave loser like me.

Still in my mind over everyone in the world was my Mistress. I was fantasizing about her literally all day and night long. She was super hot and "yes", if I would have been allowed I would have had sex with her in an instant. But I also knew that I m not enough to ever have sex with her.

Mean the moment she unlocked me for those periods of 12 to 24 hours of unlimited freedom, I basically started masturbating over mental memories of her or the smell of her dominatrix high heels (that she stored at my place to not make her husband suspicious) or other clothes. I had such a strong urge to be near to her that this was all I could think off.

So for me to even leave the house and meet someone ... I basically already had relieved myself basically had relieved myself like three times and basically was just looking forward to doing it again and again before the time would run out.

Also the time periods were often set very weird on purpose by her, like 03:00 at night I received a text message saying that now a period of 12 hours starts and that the code to the key safe is this and that. So when I woke up for work at 07:00 I only had 8 hours left and with work ending at 18:00 it was all a mess. I wanked three times before work, then during lunch break I went to the public toilette in the shopping mall and did it again 1-2 times. And obviously felt like a completely perverted pig afterwards.

So yeah, my former Mistress did not really support me to find any lady as a sex partner in those spontaneous break periods. Still it worked to hammer the thought into my mind that no one on earth nwould ever have sex with me anyway.

Which I think shows how brilliantly my former Mistress designed my training.


So long story short: It´s all not so much about the "How to train a man to have fewer orgasms?", but training is way more complex than that question. I suggest you first think about your goals and what brings you joy.

 

I find I have my mental clarity when I'm not coming all the time. I think it's a dopamine thing. When you can easily 'reach for' an orgasm any time you like, everything else like work and reading, becomes less interesting.

All round, I'd say life is happier and more fulfilling without regular orgasms.

 

Our new agreement allows me up to 4 full orgasms per year (one every three months) but she ultimately decides. I may get a few ruined in cage orgasms too. We discussed this in detail and agreed that more than 4 full orgasms per year defeats the purpose of chastity for us.

 

I am over 2 months constantly locked and over a month without being allowed to come, my hormones were all over the place but it’s just starting to get use to the lack of control and acceptance that my wife /kh is in total control. One thing I have noticed I have been able to focus on other things and nearly finished all the diy jobs in the house and paying more attention to my wife and her needs

 

Maybe refrain from oral and anal if you feel guilty. If it's piv you're not using her if you do it properly.