Theory of Chastity and FLR

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Achedlock17, Jan 6, 2019.

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  1. Achedlock17
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    Achedlock17 Active member

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    This is a blog dedicated to my musings about the implications of my fascination with women generally, and CM and FLR specifically. I’d be very interested to get other points of view and comments.

    For L-u-c-y and all of the verified females on the site, any given sexual interest directed at them by a random male is almost certainly unwelcome. Perhaps the best way to capture this is to say that there are lots of beta men out there who lust after women pretty indiscriminately.

    From my perspective as such a male, this means my sexuality is “negatively marked” in the eyes of those I lust after. Frustrating for me, and men like me, but fair enough-it takes two to tango.

    Entering CM means entering a world where all of the above is taken for granted. Exploring the site gives males like me a vivid insight into one way of resolving the dissonance between the enthusiasm we feel sexually for females on the one hand, and the negative reception of those feelings by females who do not reciprocate on the other hand. That way is chastity, or the fantasy of it.

    On my theory the dissonance in views of (futile) male sexuality is resolved by both parties in a KH or other FLR arrangement agreeing to “leave the negative male sexuality at the door” and thereby prioritise 100% the female evaluation (negative) of such desire. That permits a paradoxical relationship to develop between male and KH-one entirely permeated by male sexual desire but which treats it with disdain unless and until the KH decides otherwise, and leaves room for whatever the KH wants to be pursued.

    I should make clear here that I am not locked and never have been though the fantasy excites me-if I could find a worthy KH.

    Fundamentally what would make a worthy KH from my perspective is one who I believe is doing good in the world in a broad social sense, not necessarily limited to improving gender relations and certainly not simply a KH who I find sexually arousing-after all, my sexuality is negatively marked in the eyes of all KH, and is to be bracketed off (left at the door) in any chastity arrangement. And in any case, I’m pretty indiscriminate in who I get my sexual kicks from and how so my sexual highs aren’t a reliable way to evaluate candidates.

    To illustrate my point, it’s mirror image amounts to this: there are a small number of hot, alpha males whose sexuality is not always negatively marked by females and that therefore (sadly for beta guys like me) can expect to get decent amounts of sexual action. However would we admire women who overlook bad alpha male behaviour (not just bad relationship behaviour but also bad behaviour in society as a whole)? No we would not. We might hope that females ditch hot but bad guys, in other words, even if they treat their female partner well or at least not badly in their relationship.

    Grateful for any feedback from anyone who reads this far!
     
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  2. Achedlock17
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    There is a thread limited to verified females which debates whether sissies are degrading women when feeling humiliated by cross dressing and being exposed (see “Your view of sissification”).

    I do not see it that way at all, because on my theory (see previous post) the humiliation an exposed sissy feels comes from their recognition of the negative judgement of their sexuality by those women they admire and are exposed to.

    The cross dressing is just a way to elicit such (negative) attention-akin to flashing-with the added aspect of the attempted subtraction of maleness from tainted male desire.

    So the negativity/degradation arises from the assimilation by the sissy of how women feel about the sexual desire directed by the sissy at the women, not from the assumption of the female persona by the sissy.

    Interested in any comments or alternative views.
     
  3. Goddess Gaia
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    Goddess Gaia Looking for a Good boy in Phildelphia
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    Hmm I disagree with some of your premises, but I understand your perspective.

    I do not believe in alpha/beta at all. Most women I know don't choose bad boys on purpose and if he turns out bad, we'll leave no matter his other qualities. There are plenty of "beta" men out there who are assholes as well.

    I think there are things "alpha" men do that are appealing on the surface-they care for their appearance, they (sometimes) lead interesting lives, and they put effort into meeting women. That's it.

    It makes me sad to see men call themselves beta bc first they're putting themselves down, and second they ascribe to an idea about the world that's toxic for all parties.

    I can't speak for all women here, my interest in chastity has nothing to do with disdain. It's more about context and structure for me, and service. Thanks for sharing your theory with us! <3 <3
     
  4. Achedlock17
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    Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I’ll have more time to respond later but one thing to clarify immediately- my theory only puts sexually beta men down. Put differently sex is only one part of my life, and despite the generally negative marking (as I see it) of my sexual desire, in other areas of my life I don’t generally feel inferior.
    This isn’t a sob story. I’m in my 50s and have strong sexual desires for women where I have no chance anyway. My point is that I cannot switch off that desire, and it is negatively marked (perfectly reasonably) by those women. So getting kicks by being sexually subbie and kinky when time permits is a way to deal with it.
    In other words I can deal with the dissonance between my accomplishments and my place in the sexual pecking order, but let us be in no doubt there is such a pecking order (pecker order??) as genetic studies show that a minority of men in history have aired multiple children whereas most men have had no offspring.
    Still, perhaps I just have too many other non sexual interests to find the time to pay attention to the right woman. We all live finite lives and have finite time. Will blog more later.
     
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  5. Achedlock17
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    Sired not aired...
     
  6. Achedlock17
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    I read this article form today’s Guardian and it is relevant to my theory. This French guy is getting a lot of “shade” over his admission that he doesn’t find women over 50 attractive. As he says, the idea that we should all be equally attractive to members of the opposite sex (please bracket the heteronormativity for the moment) seems ludicrous to me. Then again, sweeping statements such as the one he made are made for novelistic exceptions (maybe he will meet a woman over 50 outraged by his tastes and then find that love blossoms..)

    Anyway in CM all male desire has shade thrown over it. That’s how I see it anyway and for me it feels like an exiting place to explore therefore a concentrated version of how I feel my sexual desire is often received in RL.

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2...defends-remarks-about-women-over-50-yann-moix
     
  7. Achedlock17
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    If my theory is on the right lines, then there is a potentially truly dark side to my kinky attraction to out of my league females-namely in an intense dialectical relationship with a KH (if I ever agree to be locked) there is the risk of, in Freudian terms, me going “beyond the pleasure principle” in my devotion to her. As Lacan would put it, my relationship with my KH could “start like a tickle and end up like a knife”.

    In Kantian terms this would happen if I rationalised every experience she chose to subject me to by reference to the unshakeable (to me) a priori assumed truth of her not only sexual but also comprehensive superiority and worthiness.

    The same kind of thing happens with obsessed stalkers-all counter evidence to the assumed proposition (in the case of stalkers that the other party really desires a relationship) is assimilated/disregarded. Although I haven’t started watching it yet I’m guessing something akin to this happens in the Netflix series “You” which I keep meaning to watch.

    All of the above amounts to a simple set of criteria that a dream KH would need to satisfy-namely show the occasional signs of imperfection but be 100% trustworthy and basically 100% good (as well as sexually vastly superior). Not an asshole in other words. Simples really.
     
  8. steph17
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    My kh is over 50 and I find her desirable and could not live without her, she is the boss in my life and I like it that way, but as they say each to there own, you dont know what you are missing.
     
  9. Achedlock17
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    Thanks for your post. To be clear I referenced an article about somebody else who said he doesn’t desire women over 50 ans who has received stick from...women over 50.

    I didn’t say what my preferences were....the story just illustrates in reverse the argument I’m making that femdom involves entering a space where male sexual desire is initially marked as negative by the dominant female before being turned to her advantage. In other words the Domme at least doesn’t reciprocate the male’s sexual desire for her and of course in fact she treats it, and him, with disdain. Misaligned sexual desire in other words.

    I think CM is a paradigm example of such a femdom space-which is why I enjoy it so much!
     
  10. Barburia
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    Male sexuality is not negatively marked for me. When it is directed to me as lust, (and often even when it is not), it is just an element of his psyche for me to interact with. Sometimes a tool or toy, not always.
     
  11. Achedlock17
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    Thanks for your post. Glad to hear that you sometimes if not often feel positively about male sexual desire.

    I’m making an abstract point which best applies to femdom relationships in the abstract. I realise I’m projecting my own perspective, but I think objectively there is truth in the negative marking of male sexuality otherwise we would be operating from the implied perspective of the aggrieved over 50 women who protested against the male writer’s lack of desire for older women-namely a perspective which taken to the limit obliges us all to be attracted equally to everyone of the opposite gender (heteronormativity acknowledged as a way to keep the thread of my own argument!).

    Basically I got into femdom because of unrequited desire, and I guess there is a whole strand of it that involves requited desire, but if so even in that strand (perhaps even especially in that strand) doesn’t specifically femdom play involve the termporary negative marking of the males sexual desire?
     
  12. boisub
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    This is a great thread in general but I just had to single out @Goddess Gaia’s comments. This is a perfect crystallization of thoughts I’ve had about the “alpha/beta” divide but that I’ve never been able to put into words. And thanks especially for calling out just how toxic that idea is.
     
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  13. Goddess Gaia
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    I don't disdain male sexuality, but I do like control over it. A well trained puppy makes me happier than a feral wolf :)
     
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  14. Achedlock17
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    Thanks for your posts. It seems from the feedback so far that my theory is wrong-all females who have replied have denied negatively marking male sexuality in femdom/FLR/KH scenarios from a personal perspective. Reluctant to admit I’m wrong perhaps what’s going on is that dominant females are detecting the general negative perception of male sexuality in broader society and are exploiting it (in the best possible way of course-for their own ends...!). So in other words I’ll refine my theory to the effect that the negative marking of male sexuality needn’t necessarily be experienced subjectively by the Domme but nevertheless that societal negative marking is a presupposition of femdom etc.
    Interested in any feedback/comments.
    Thanks
     
  15. Goddess Gaia
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    Hmm I'm not sure. Not all chastity boys are "beta" or negatively marked. Some are take-charge guys who enjoy giving up control at home. Do you feel the cage itself is a sign of negative mark, or is it more the woman that gives the negative mark? I can see how locking a cocktail might seem like disdain or shunning. For me personally a cage isn't "no". A cage is "wait". Does that make sense?
     
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  16. Achedlock17
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    Your post makes me think of the situation of K in Kafka’s The Trial. Arrested suddenly and unexpectedly one morning (that’s negative marking for sure!) he becomes subected to a bizarre legal process. At one point he gets advice from a painter who has seen many similar cases....as follows:

    The painter had pulled his seat closer to the bed and continued in a subdued voice: "I forgot to ask you; what sort of acquittal is it you want? There are three possibilities; absolute acquittal, apparent acquittal and deferment. Absolute acquittal is the best, of course, only there's nothing I could do to get that sort of outcome. I don't think there's anyone at all who could do anything to get an absolute acquittal. Probably the only thing that could do that is if the accused is innocent. As you are innocent it could actually be possible and you could depend on your innocence alone. In that case you won't need me or any other kind of help."

    The scene goes on, and needless to say there is no absolute acquittal or apparent acquittal (release and dropping of all charges) so it’s only deferment that is left. It doesn’t end well for K, and it sounds like deferment is what you’re talking about I think with the KH in the role of judge...

    If I ever met a female KH (judge) who wanted to lock me, I’ll have this story in mind...
     
  17. Rectrix
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    Oh yes, very much. With the cage I am giving control of my erection to my wife, and in doing so giving up my alpha nature and allowing her control at home. I will wait for her permission to worship or to become erect.
     
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  18. Achedlock17
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    OK so having re read the replies to this thread I think it’s fair to say that I need to adapt my theory. As I now see it, Femdom involves not the negative marking of male sexuality per se, but the downgrading of male sexuality (from the male perspective) or, put differently, the de-emphasising of male sexuality (from the female dominant’s perspective).

    As a male the downgrading is experienced as negative, but the female replies convince me that there is, as Kafka put it in one of his Zurau aphorisms, hope-but not for us (beta males)-I added this last parenthesised bit, although Kafka was certainly not an alpha male, so I like to think he would have approved.
     
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