The reason I'm here

Did you have a healthy sex life before marriage? I know that your inner beliefs are to remain faithful but if the marriage was the point at which the sex stopped then I would suggest there is an element on her part of breaking the contract. Has she ever said why she is uninterested? Do you have children now, and I that where her energies are going? Some women do lose interest once they have had children.

If you are religious and that is where your inner beliefs come from there are many passages in the Bible about the man and woman giving each other joy through sexual union. I am not religious but my wife is, and we have talked about how important this part of our marriage is to her because of her beliefs.

 

You obviously aren't happy. You said that the wedding cake is the sex killer. Everybody handles things differently. You are using chastity as a coping mechanism for your sucky situation. Your wife is avoiding sex for her own reasons. Maybe if you opened up a dialogue about her and what you can do to make her happy enough to want more sex, things might change. If she says that she is happy with the way things are, you should voice that you are not. If you don't say it, then nothing will change.

 

My ex and I didn't have an explosive or frequent sex life, but we did do it more often in the beginning.

After some years she explained that she just wasn't sexual and it didn't interest her. Me being a considerate person was willing to work around that problem, tried not to bug her about sex, took matters in my own hand often, and in general tried to make an almost sexless marriage work.

Then one day I caught her masturbating. I was super hurt and upset. I was home for crying out loud. That's when we finally talked, she wasn't disinterested in sex, she was disinterested in sex with me. Sometimes she gets annoyed with me, angry, or just plain mad, and being sexual with me was just not going to happen during those times. Then it seemed like she was even making up reasons to be upset.

She wasn't non sexual like her original claim, she just didn't want to deal with the real problem...us. It wouldn't surprise me to find out many wives are like that...saying they just don't think about or want sex, but the reality is they just can't be intimate with someone they are not close to at the moment, or having problems with. I can separate sex and love pretty easy, not everyone can.

Food for thought, chastity can be a great tool, but I believe mostly because it forces both parties to communicate. I wasn't very big in sharing my thoughts, wants, and needs. This really helped me get the courage to do so. You might need to start looking at your core relationship and together discuss that there is a problem. She might not be interested in pursuing chastity as a tool, but at least getting over the first hurdle by talking, she might open up about her issues.

Good luck

 

I feel sorry for you. My wife's sex drive decreased like your wife's did but for medical reasons. I too was frustrated going from sex a few times a week with my wife and her girlfriend to once a month. That is why I got into chastity. Chastity made sexual frustration a sex game rather than a source of resentment. Here is what I did.

I sent my wife an email like yours and she was touched by it but still no cage. So what I did was just ask her to tease me but do not let me orgasm the next time we had sex. I told her that it is a way, called Tantric Sex, to increase the male's orgasm the next time and brings intense pleasure. We did that for awhile and I made sure that she saw how much I enjoyed being denied orgasms for a few times and how down and depressed I was when I did orgasm. I also talked to her about how important sex is since it releases the hormone Oxytocin which emotionally bonds a couple together. Without sex, you do not emotionally bond as you should. I got my wife to agree to go into bed with me one night a week, no excuses. She did not have to have sex or even get undressed. We mostly talked and made out a little. Just cuddling will release Oxytocin. Sure enough, my wife and I started to have sex once a week and we no longer had to schedule sex nights. I was on the honor system for two months until my wife got used to the idea of denying me an orgasm.

My wife began to like making me moan in sexual frustration and making sex all about her pleasure. At first she denied me an orgasm for one week. Then two weeks and when she wanted to go three weeks, I told her her that I could not promise her that I could refrain from masturbation for that long. I suggested a chastity device and got her involved in the process. When we saw one that I liked, she told me to get it. I did not show up with a hunk of plastic on my penis and shock the heck out of her as some do.

She did not want anything to do with my device but was OK with me wearing it during the day and during sex. After another month or two, she held my keys. To make it easy on her the only rule we had was that she makes all the rules and all she has to do is say no when I say yes to an orgasm. My wife would let me orgasm whenever she wanted to at first. When she started to tell me that if it were really up to her that I would never orgasm again, we set a minimum number of orgasms each year.

We took baby steps until we both got comfortable with chastity. My wife was able to have sex only when she wanted to. In return she just had to tease me each week anyway she wanted to. She could tell me to edge myself for 15 minutes while she watched TV or prepared for bed. She just had to make me feel that I am locked up and forgotten about. Then a funny thing happened. My wife began to like sex again. She could use her vibrator and have an intense orgasm and not do anything to me. Her orgasms became very intense. She now likes chastity and keeping me denied for months at a time. When she feels like having an orgasm I meet her in bed and we kiss while she uses her vibrator on herself. Most times she will play with my penis, even give me a ruined orgasm once a month. At other times she will just ignore me, leave me locked up and then leave the bedroom after her orgasm, leaving me to remake the bed and clean up her vibrator.

That is how my wife, who was against chastity devices, learned to love them and the new found power over our sex life.

 

@spider203 your comments sound so sad. I do hope that things improve for you.

 

Another question for you then is does your wife know how unhappy you are?

 

You are not the first man I have read say exactly the same thing, about how their partner thinks chastity devices are disgusting.

I often imagine them having a conversation with someone like my Wife, Elle, or one of the women from the Mansion. They would ask leading questions like "so, why is your husband not being able to masturbate without your permission disgusting?" Or "how is you saying when, where and how sex occurs is disgusting?" Also the great "let's get this straight, you can have a cuddle whenever you want and it doesn't have to become sex if you don't want it to, and that is disgusting. Sorry, I don't understand, you are going to have to explain that one to me!" And let's not mention the 'you can have as much oral sex as you want with no need to reciprocate, and that's disgusting. No, you really have lost me now. Sorry, what's that, you think oral sex is disgusting? Excuse me, are you sure you understand what sex actually is!?"

 

I've said it before I am convince that if introduced to TTTWD properly and the advantages to her are made clear that there are very few women in secure relationships that would not some elements of chastity play and once you have the ball rolling......

I think you may need to start from scratch and try to convince her that she will like what she can get out of your chastity. Once you can begin to do that then you need to convince her to convince herself that she wants what she can get out of denying you. Once you can do that, and all of this will have taken a lot of one-sided effort on your part and there will be a lot more needed too.

In time you need her to realise that she can get more of you for her by denying you and only when that is well established can you try to convince her that you have difficulty not cumming and it upsets you that you cant help cheating a little and you know it takes away from how much you want to please her. You know her best, gentle manipulation into believing that it is her idea you should be locked or that your idea of being locked would suit her. Once she has you locked you have to go overboard on doing things for her whilst you are being denied. Then slack offa little if she lets you cum enough so she realises she prefers you not to cum.

By then you will have made a rod for your own back because regardless of your fantasies if she does embrace this it will most definitely be no more topping from the bottom and very strictly her rules. If she comes to enjoy being your KH your slight deciets and subterfuges will be justified and you may well regret what you have created. The trick is to be able to enjoy your regret.

 

Spider I have just been reading this post and the replies to it , and my heart goes out to you , you say you are not looking for ideas to change things so I will not give any at this point , but you just seem to be so unhappy that I want you to know if you want to talk or just vent I am and I am sure most people on this site are here for you , I hope things change for you and you have my every good wish for the future

 

Thats a mature idea of sex, domination of male instincts, the chastity device is only a way to speed up things.

 

@spider203 with all due respect, I think you have a lot to work on before you get to chastity. I think chastity can be a great tool for improving a relationship, but it's got to come from a loving place. My wife and I hit a rough patch several years ago. We had a long talk about what we liked and didn't like about our lives. Ultimately we decided we wanted to make things work and we agreed to set aside time once a month to just go have fun together. We did some wild stuff like shark cage diving, zip lining and go-kart racing. We also did some romantic stuff like picnics. Bottom line we just enjoyed each others company. Maybe this will work for you, maybe not but I would suggest trying something that gets you back to the pre-wedding cake days. Best of luck and I hope you find happiness.

 

Very good advice, take this route and you will not regret.