The Power of Chastity

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by wizardpa, Aug 11, 2018.

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  1. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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    About 12 years ago after purchasing a CB-3000, I asked my wife of then 32 years to place me in chastity because of my chronic mastubation. That was a real hard thing to do.
    She tried to be my keyholder for about a month but lost interest. That was OK by me because I realized for me, that a CB-3000 was just a toy. I found out I could not only escape from it, but put my penis back into it, while it was still locked.
    About a year latter I found Mistress Lori’s chastity web site, and bought one of her devices that required a PA piercing. I held off telling my wife, until I got my device, and tried it out to make sure that, it was both escape proof and comfortable, before going through the embarrassment of telling my wife I wanted her to be my keyholder again. Immediately, I realized this device fulfilled both of my concerns. Again, I asked my wife to be my keyholder.
    This time though, I realized the power this device gave her. I immediately gave my wife all of my attention. I was in love with her as much as I was in the beginning of our relationship, some 33 year before. But guess what? Again she lost interest.
    Fast forward to now. We will be married for 44 years this September. We are very much in love, but we have not had sex in 2 years. I was still masturbating daily.
    I found a dominatrix 35 miles away. At our first session she told me she wanted me in chastity. I again got a piercing and a new Mistress Lori’s Chastity device. After waiting for my piercing to heal, I have now been locked up for 5 days. My next session with my Dom. is 22 days away. She told me that session will be about serving her. My horniest is out the roof. By the time my session comes, I will be willing to do anything she asks. It blows my mind that my wife gave up that power that a chastity device gives a women.
     
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  2. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    Does your wife know you're going to a dominatrix?
     
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  3. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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    No way! Our 44th. anniversary is on Sept. 6th. If she knew that, then that would not happen.
    My secret for a loooong happy marriage is not to tell your wife everything.
    Because of menopause and some ED on my part, we have not had sex in over 2 years and she has 0 interest in sex.
    But we are in love. She is my best friend.
    To some out there this probably makes no sense.
    Many years ago she had a very serious affair, and when that ended she had another fling right after. She left me and our 2 kids for over 2 years. But we got through that. I am having a great time with this Dom. but I only see her once every 7 weeks, and it will never be more then a sub dom relationship.
    Actually, if my wife were domineering, this would have never happened, but like I said, my wife has no interest in sex.
    We both are 67 and in good health and look younger then we are.
    I have 0 desire to find another women to have an affair with, so this sub Dom thing is perfect for whatever time I want it to last. It is kind of like I am going through an old life crisis! I am very careful to be discreet, as I do not want to hurt my wife.
     
  4. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    If you don't want to hurt your wife, don't do things that would hurt your wife. Hiding them will only work for so long.

    Has your wife sought medical treatment for her lack of libido? The options are limited and of inconsistent efficacy, but there are options.

    If she's tried and they haven't worked, have you tried any sort of couple's counselling? If her lack of libido is caused by hormonal issues, talking isn't likely to get her to suddenly want to have sex again, but you need to talk about your issues rather than just running off to find gratification elsewhere.
     
  5. Giveitup
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    Giveitup Member

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    I completely understand where you are coming from. My wife and I are about 10-years behind you, in both age and time together. She has just started to see a hormone specialist, to see if there's any chance of increasing her libido. Only time will tell. She always been somewhat asexual, but post-menopausal intercourse is painful for her, and because of this, she doesn't lubricate naturally at all. Clearly, there are over-the-counter solutions to that, but it doesn't help the tightness or pain, and I have no desire whatsoever to hurt her. It completely kills the mood.

    I have lightly broached the subject of chastity, as I told her that we don't have to have intercourse, that there's more to sex than penetration, and that just because I gave her an oral orgasm, didn't mean that I was entitled to have an orgasm myself. She has always believed that once I came, she could be done with it for a while. I've told her about my daily orgasms, since the age of ~13, and that I would rather have them with her - even if they were much less frequent. I explained that male chastity involved safely securing the male's equipment until the female was ready to use it. That way there would be no pressure on her, and I wouldn't have to guess what she wanted, only to be shot down. But she acted as if I had not even mentioned it.

    The only reason for the hormone maintenance attempt is that I had finally had enough, and confronted her about our severely mismatched sex drives, and that now that ED was creeping into the picture, it was "too late." I had wasted 26-years of potentially good sex masturbating because she was never all that interested, and now it's basically zero. I want a fulfilling sexual relationship with her. Everything else is fantastic. Sometimes I think about castration, because then I couldn't care less about sex, and our relationship would be perfect. But... I like sex, dammit! Why should I have to resort to such extreme measures?

    Having your "outside maintenance program," where you can get your needs met, will carry a burden of guilt - and you'll have to bear it. The risk of her finding out is omnipresent as well, so you've made a tough decision, and I applaud you for having the guts to make it. I am not there yet, but wonder how much longer I can hold out? She had an affair early in out marriage, which I have been over for a long time. I have been 100% faithful, but wonder now, as my sex life winds down, if I have been a fool...
     
  6. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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    It seems like I made this post 10 years ago. Maybe we are older then most of the people here and that is why we are going down the same path.
    My wife did tell doctors of her problem years ago. Her desire to have sex diminished with each passing year. Most of the time if I brought up having sex it was shot down. It finally got to the point where we only had sex when she brought it up, which was probably only 6-7 times a year. Then that went to 3-4 times a year, to finally maybe twice a year. About that time I developed ED. Of course, I tried all of the fixes for that but I had another problem that messed with my head. You see, in order for my wife to have an orgasm she needed me to cum first. If I took too long, her desire would go away. Now I not only had to get and maintain an erection, but I had to cum in about 5 minutes.
    It got to where it was just easier to masturbate and if my erection went down, or I could not cum then, I could just quit. No big deal.
    I am very careful about my sessions with my Dom.
     
  7. keyheld
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    keyheld Member

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    Good luck to you both!


    We all have different ways of conducting our relationships. Even though we don’t all agree I’m not sure we should criticise either.
     
  8. salonslave
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    salonslave I play for a living and work for fun.

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    Hey guys. I am 66 and my wife is 65. We married at 19 and 18 respectively. Same league as you fellows.
    I am blessed with no ED and my eife still loves to fuck. She had a complete hysterectomy 25 years ago and never got the hang of hormones. She drinks soy and says that gives her the hormones she needs. We fuck —- I don’t mean to dound disrespectful, but that is exactly the way she says it to me in private. About 3 times every 2 weeks. She helps me masturbate with nasty talk and bare butt spankings with the bamboo back scratcher or her hairbrush.
    We have 3 CBs, a cb3000 and a holy trainer v3 knockoff and another one made of metal. We just use this for short duration, but always under her threat of long duration. She probably does this threatening just to keep me horny. We have a lot of sex toys and even when we don’t fuck there is usually some sort of secret sex going on between us.
    Like all marriages, things sometimes get in our way. Grandkids have been here a lot this summer and our business is sometimes hectic. Sometimes she is just pissed at me for bs reasons.
    Don’t ask me why, but even when she is in a pissy mood she sees to it that I am fed and fucked. Sometimes she will tell me to go in the bedroom and beat off and take a nap because she says I am being cranky and she has too much going on or is too tired to fuck right now.
    A month ago I bought a set of 4 silicone butt plugs in 4 different sizes. Last week I was up on a 4’ ladder changing a light bulb and she decided that it was time to play with my ass hole. She sent me to the shop to get some nitrile gloves while she got some lube and the set. She started with her finger and worked up to the second-to-largest plug. She ordered me to keep it in all day and I did, removing it once to defecate then cleaning it and puttinggit back in. What a strange day! It didn’t hurt, but the signals I got all day were similar to having to do #2 all day. I even farted around the plug a couple of times. She felt for it abour 5 times during the day and each time she told me that if I took it out without permission she would give me a hard spanking, make me wear her girdle, and put a little rock in my shoe for the rest of the day. I kept it in till my evening shower.
    That ever-present kinky talk really keeps my engine revved up.
    About 2 months ago at my request she quit dying her hair. She definitely has the face to carry grey hair with confidence. I am excited to see her grey blaze (roots) in front and look forward to living with a grey haired beauty.
    When we go to bed I often nurse on her breasts and/or run my fingers through her shoulder length hair. Sometimes this leads to my having yo kneel beside the bed while I “eat out at the Y”. When I have done my job right she absolutely craves my member. No lube necessary!
    I don’t know how long we will continue to have this physical relationship. I hope it continues into our golden years.
    fter reading the 2 previous posts, I feel blessed. One bit of advice I might give to my peers is to gently nurse on your wives’ breasts. Do it deeply yet gently for a long time. She just might cradle your head cor support and things might progress from there. Another thing you might try is to have her sit comfortably and brush her hair. Brush upward in the back and then the sides. Don’t talk. Just be with her. You might be surprised what these simple acts might unlock. One other thing is to massage her head. Plant and replant your fingertips in all parts of ber scalp. Don’t rub letting her hair roll under your fingertips. Keep them planted as you gently massage then pick the fingertips up and plant tbem elsewhere. Gently but firmly grab her ears and gently pull them outward then do this on her earlobes.
    Have a glass of cool water standing by with a napkin and offer it to her.

    Please try these things with your wives of many years. Let us know how it goes. If she responds favorably, kiss her on the lips and if she is responsive, kiss her deeply. Smell her deeply.
    I will wait to hear your reports.
    Thank you for reading.
     
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  9. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    Good luck. I hope you both find happiness.
     
  10. salonslave
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    salonslave I play for a living and work for fun.

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    Wizardpa,
    I have had your quandry on my mind.
    With the stakes so high (end of your marriage) if you get found out, I hope that you will figure out a way to move forward with your life without sneaking to a “real” dominatrix.
    An offsite relationship will result in your having an emotional investment and a financial investment as well.
    Wives, regardless of their behavior, pick up on the subtle changes. Also, even 20 something miles away you may be observed by a third party and it will get back to your wife.
    Please take a moment to truly consider how your golden years will be without your best friend.
    The concept of couples’ therapy might not be bad, although many years ago we went that route and the therapist can only see what you reveal based on your and your wife’s perception. Many of the therapists are divorced (ours was) and how can someone who gave up on marriage be the right person to advise on keeping it together.
    The one thing that our therapist did say and I found it worthwhile is that we should reinvent ourselves as a couple. We sort of did.
    Best of luck!
     
  11. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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    I really do appreciate everyone’s advice and concern. I’m sure this will fizzle out eventually. There will be some point when it will just be another same old same old session.
    I deleted all traces of my sessions from my phone. I had some great pictures and short videos my Dom had taken.
     
  12. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Active member

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    I can see a classic misunderstanding of love and sex in a relationship here.
    Do consider how this may (or may not) relate to you.

    Both sexes need love and sex, but for very different reasons.

    Generalising and putting it very simply:
    Men need sex, and in order to get it have to give love to a woman.
    Women need love, and in order to get it have to give sex to a man.
    If a man doesn't get sex from a woman, he's less likely to love her.
    If a woman doesn't get love from a man, she's less likely to give him sex.

    You can see that it's both catch-22, and self-reinforcing.
    It takes both to start the interrelationship, and either can break it.
    To start, or to start again, it needs one to give the love or sex that the other needs.


    PS. That's very a generic overview, so don't take it too literally. eg: "giving sex to a man" could mean "keeping him in chastity" as it enhances his sexual feelings.
     
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  13. tegelad
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    tegelad Class and sophistication in all things

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    With the deepest respect to you, you are emotionally cheating on your wife.

    While you are good friends and partnered with one another, you are not being "true" to yourself as you are not being "honest" to her. I know exactly of the situation you are in right now, and I tried the hide my kinks, live in my mind, and a variety of other things. My relationship in essence was dying, and the act of omission is draining and sapping away the life force of the relationship.

    If you talk to your wife, state you need to be pierced and chaste and live a certain life style to be whole, and if she consents that she doesn't want to and then you can state can we outsource this with rules and guidelines of seeing a 3rd party to satisfy your intimacy needs.

    It is hard, but you know what a real man is open, honest, direct, and communicates with his/her partner fully. She will probably be angry with you, but wouldn't you if you found out your wife was leading a second life without your knowledge? What if she was having sex with her pilates, baker, trainer twice a week for a few decades and was getting her needs met by another without your knowledge? How would you feel if she liked to be a submissive baby girl to a big daddy dom and she only felt whole with another? I would bet it would sting hard and you would question everything you did in life.

    If she isn't interested in sex, more then likely she "sense" you aren't sexually into her. Women aren't stupid, men usually are. You are lucky to have a warm and loving body next to you who loves you enough to stick it out fully. The problem you have now is you have lived like this for so long, so however you broach this (or not) it is going to hurt big.

    I don't know you and please understand this is advice and I won't judge you as a whole person and man, because what you just shared publically is "very" hard. Congratulations for doing this, what I am sharing to you is you need to do more, and if you work hard at it the rewards could be great. If you do feel guilty, then you need to sit down and figure out how you can start really good acts for your wife right now and start implementing it because you will need to build some goodwill because when you start the relationship healing, it is going to hurt and be hard.

    On the plus side, if you are able to make her truly desire you and want you ... you may not have to go 35 miles for the services and will save a lot of money. Watch what you wish for but be true to you and her.

    Peace dude!
     
  14. masohedo
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    masohedo Member

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    My wife rejected several times introducing chastity in our lifes and now the last thing she would think about is loosing all the benefits she got thanks to it.
    But I may say,she is not particularely active and has agreed to outsource good part of the teasing,prostate milking,discipline and punishments.
    All these tasks are performed by a Masseuse and a ProDomme!
    How? Communication , imagination to conceive the best ways to convince her and tons of patience!
    Wish you the best of luck and I'm sure you will find out your way staying married and enjoying chastity without risks!
     
  15. Arti_Rao
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    Arti_Rao New member

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    OMG this is what I have done to her last night,
    I'm a newbi in chastity.
    Last night she sat at the edge of the bed and asked to to comb her hair, she gave me the comb, I did it for probably 10 mins without a word
     
  16. salonslave
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    salonslave I play for a living and work for fun.

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    You can never go wrong brushing her hair as long as you take it slowly when you reach a tangle.
    I seldom talk when I brush her hair. Just serve.
    Also a head and scalp massage is amazing for her. Be sure tpo plant your fingertips onto her scalp each time you move to a new location. If you drag your fingertiips on her scalp it will create noise and aggrivate her.
    Also, gently pull her outer ear away from her head by grasping it in the folds. Hold the pull then relocate your grasp then pull outward then relocate your grasp again. Don’t allow slippage as this will create noise for her.
    This will relax her and sometimes she will find it erotic.
    Est of luck!
     
  17. Arti_Rao
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    Arti_Rao New member

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    The other things I have not tried but only comb her hair. Btw she got long and thick hair which needs to be done carefully
     
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