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The Locked Initiating Sexual Contact?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Thatguyontheinternet, Oct 10, 2017.


Is the Locked allowed to initiate sexual contact?

  1. (KH) No. He’s not allowed to initiate.

  2. (KH) Yes. I don’t mind when he tries to initiate.

  3. (KH) Yes, but he’d better tread carefully.

  4. (Locked) Yes, I’m allowed to initiate.

  5. (Locked) Nope, I’m not supposed to try to initiate

  6. (Locked) Yes, But id better tread carefully

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. For you locked guys, are you allowed to initiate sexual contact?

    For you Key Holders, what’s your policy on your locked male initiating sexual contact? Why?

    For me, She’s never discouraged me from initiating. In fact at times she’s said she wishes I would do so more so that it would be easier to keep us in a friskier, more playful mindset in general. Sometimes, if She or both of us are in a bit of a lull, It can feel like a stalemate, where If I don’t initiate nothing happens, but yet I don’t feel like I should because what if she’s purposely avoiding any sexual play right now for some reason? After all she’s in control of all sex related stuff, so if she wanted to play, we’d be playing. That’s how I think I think at times, despite her saying previously that it’s actually helpful when I start things up.

    It’s strange because I’ve never had any issue initiating at all, until Chastity... something about being locked makes initiating feel somehow wrong, as if it’s not my place to do so. And then there’s the whole strangeness of initiating sexual contact knowing there’s no way it’s going to end the way a lifetime of conditioning has taught me it will end. The result is I tend not to initiate nearly as often, despite knowing that she doesn’t mind, and that at worst she’ll just brush me off.

    I never thought about it before, if I was in the mood I went for it and the chips fell where they fell. Now, with chastity, I sit there and contemplate whether I should or not, and for whatever reason I often end up just not going for it. And neither of us are necessarily pleased with that fact I don’t think, but it’s just what happens.

    So it’s an odd thing that I wonder if other people think about.
  2. This is unfortunately another poll where the answer I would need isn't available. My situation is (Locked) Only when she says I am allowed to.

    And, when she does say I am allowed to, I am not allowed to ask her what she wants me to do, that is cheating.
  3. Mistress B

    Mistress B Mistress B
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    There's no need for any rules. One can always say..........................................NO.
    slave_m, Keuschling and Mash2214 like this.
  4. Wow I kind of wondered if I was the only one that had this issue. I feel so wrong if I try to initiate sex anymore it just doesn't feel right, I want it and I'll be thinking about it but then there's something in the back of my mind that tells me not to annoy my mistress about sex she'll come to me if she wants it. I'll snuggle up to her and try to get intimate so she gets the clue that I'm hoping for playtime. The majority of the time I get the brush off and am told no however her libido is quite a bit lower than thatgirl. There have been times where I've been more aggressive and that's gotten me further but then I still feel wrong about it. It's frustrating and I wish she'd be more direct with me about what she wants but maybe that's the learning curve for someone who is taking on the dominant role.
  5. Have to say tread carefully. Many times I think because of stress she just tries to forget about things. I have found that just simple kissing can

    get her to open up. I guess after so many years you can almost feel the mood. If she wants to get relief I am always there, if not she just says, I

    want to finish this chapter of the book she is reading. I know when to just be there and cuddle. Oh I love when she says that.:rolleyes:
  6. Great question and I like the insight into the internal struggle. I also have issues with this. Our relationship is an FLR in all aspects, not just chastity. In that role I feel like I'm out of character asking for anything. If I do brooch the subject of initiating I ask only to please her sexually. Of course once we get going and I'm in the heat of passion I'll beg like a dog for an orgasm myself. All struggle seems to melt away at that point :p
  7. For me, personally, I want the initiating from both. Just because I am the one in control, doesn't mean I don't want to have that feeling of being wanted too.
    I agree with this completely! @Thatguyontheinternet@Thatguyontheinternet :) We are all different and play the game different We all, also have different needs and wants, but unless I say that the rules ATM are not to touch me or only I will be initiating then I expect there to be initiation from both of us. If I'm not in the mood or don't want to, it is a simple not now... You should know the signs of your women, depending on how long you've been together and just because she holds the "dom" role doesn't mean she doesn't need you to show or express things as well.
    Joan.t, slave_m and Keuschling like this.
  8. @Jasmic68@Jasmic68 - I think “only when she says im allowed to” more or less means you’re not supposed to be initiating otherwise, no?

    I’ve read several times here and elsewhere, and in some of the chastity/FLR/femdom type how-to books about not allowing the sub to initiate sexual contract. Things in stories like “he knew she shouldn’t be trying to rub up against her uninvited” and so on. And yet so far of the women who’ve commented more frequent initiation from their Locked man would seem to be welcome.

    Strange that it’s the Locked men who appear to hesitate as a result of their chastity where otherwise they would not. I don’t fully understand why I’m less inclined to, but it’s interesting to me that it’s not a unique issue.
  9. I am more than welcome to start things. Encouraged actually. Heck I’m supposed to go down on her daily. She has a very high sex drive and enjoys the attention.

    That doesn’t mean my penis will make an appearance. And sadly I sometimes skip it knowing it is going to be just adding to my overall condition. Let’s face it, it can be painful.
  10. I suppose that could be true, but I think that only when I am allowed is just a tad milder.

    Your point about the woman wanting a bit more initiation from the locked male is very well taken. Elle recently gave me a weekend where she let me make all the decisions and she had to tell me it was cheating to ask her what she wanted me to do. I felt quite uncomfortable taking the lead even when she told me she wanted me to.

    I think it does boil down to conditioning. Elle has told me how much better she feels about sex now she gets to decide how far it goes and the fact that there is no need for reciprocation. She realizes that I enjoy being denied so her guilt has gone. If I start to push my needs onto her then that will ruin this feeling she has of being in control.

    I think what we need is some way of her knowing that if I ask if we can do something sexual her saying no is part of the denial and that she shouldn't get annoyed.
  11. ... Well.. trying sometimes, then, I'm being treated like a stupid child, disgusting feeling, end of the story.
  12. When locked, I initiate sex for her. I have learned not to ask to go down on her EVERY night.
  13. I would be sent to the naughty corner if I suggested making love let alone having the audacity to try and initiate it. My wife takes great pleasure in teasing me all day by stating that I whilst I will be allowed to pleasure her orally later that evening she may keep me locked or make me wear her favourite penis sleeve so that I cannot have an orgasm.Being naturally submissive she knows how exciting and arousing it is for me to be verbally teased and tormented.

  14. Isn’t it interesting how much being told “no” can turn you on? That has been one of the enduring oddities of chastity for me. All of a sudden being told no, even - especially, actually - unsolicited comments from her that reinforce the denial and serve to remind me of what I’m not getting, and what my role is or should be, are unsettlingly arousing.

    @littlepeepee@littlepeepee - To be honest I expected a lot more responses similar to yours. A have been under the impression that initiating is one of those things most couples have outlawed for the Locked.
    switchling and b2please like this.
  15. Realizing that I became aroused through denial was a critical thing for my Wife to understand. Before she truly understood it she felt guilty denying me. Once she understood and witnessed how aroused her saying no made me her guilt was gone.

    I didn't expect her guilt to go quite so far though, or so fast. she has already denied me for more than three months several times, more than four months once and five months once. The trend is ever longer periods of denial and more enjoyment of that denial by her.
    switchling and spider203 like this.
  16. If you really look at the idea of the locked initiating sex plays into the whole tease and denial bit. As @GoddessMhistina@GoddessMhistina pointed out she still wants the feeling of being desired and wanted even though she could snap her fingers at her sub and get what she wants from him. On the other hand if dommes know that there is an internal struggle with their submissives trying to initiate sex they might be encouraged to try but only to be shot down and told no. It sounds like a double edged sword that's a real struggle for the submissive and yet an angle for the domme. In the past and even now I'll try to initiate sex with my partner even though I feel slightly uncomfortable and 9 out of 10 times I am told no. In the end I know my mistress likes to know how badly I want her even if she is in no mood for sex.
  17. Maybe that is part of it for the Dom. Getting the attention and knowing after they have received the acknowledgment and they can still say, nah. You're right, it is a doubled edged sword. You should feel uncomfortable, but you perusing is part of the excitement, for both and you know it. You want your mistress and crave for her to say yes, but when she turns you down, a little bit inside of you gets a thrill from that as well. ;)
  18. Since I'm horny 24/7, I'm always frisky, and my wife likes me that way, but it doesn't usually lead anywhere.
  19. Well - I don't know if my better half would like 24/7 horny, but for sure she enjoys some kind of macho and therefore I enjoy quite a few liberties - at least until she for once lets know she is 'not interested' right now. Should I try a second time though after that it would not go well (for me) at all...^^

    But as said by others - her 'agreeing' to some kind of sex does not nesessary mean for me beeing unlocked let alone have an orgasm.
    Mascara^Snake likes this.
  20. My wife knows that "sexual contact" means either pussy worship without her touching me at all, or pussy worship with her teasing me; in both cases I stay locked. We both initiate this and very rarely does she say no. Our euphemism is "want to come to bed?". Because a while back she often said "Ok for a little while but then I want to do xxx" I got used to saying "want to come to bed for half an hour?" Last week when I said this she had a big smirk on her face and said "that makes me laugh, you must know by now that I won't be satisfied until at least an hour of oral". She was right of course, things change, I really do need to keep up.
  21. Us cats love to lick things and we don’t always if ever ask for permission beforehand :p
  22. It's the other way around for us. Since my being locked up, Mrs tends to be more receptive to me instigating sex.

    My guess (dangerous I know) would be that the removal of pressure to reciprocate makes it more appealing. Sex is more focused on her and more tuned to what she wants. That said, Mrs has had a challenge in adjusting to being "selfish" in bed, and started out feeling guilty that I was being left in a stew. This got in the way of her enjoyment and comfort. I think it's now safe to say that we are progressing beyond that point. She seems to be becoming more comfortable denying me with every week that passes.
  23. And for the sub being led on, building up a real head of steam and then being cast aside and left to stew. Delicious agony.
    GoddessMhistina likes this.
  24. I'm allowed to initiate sexual contact, she likes that I do. It's just unlikely to end with me having an orgasm.
    Nicoftime likes this.
  25. I’m the very early days, when the device itself made me instantly insatiable, @Thatgirl@Thatgirl must have had half dozen orgasms a day. Thankfully for me she’s never expressed any desire for me to stop making advances when I’m in the mood. Obviously she doesn’t “say yes” to them all, and even fewer result in me having an O, but that’s not so much what I meant. And now that the device has become normal, I’m not all over her like those early days. At least not for the first couple weeks.

    We’ve had a few discussions during which we’ve spoken about this topic, and it’s almost always during some kind of lull in our sex life. We’re very physical people and never go long without some sort of sexual contact, but when it’s been longer than normal, I’ve noticed that I feel more reluctant to initiate than I ever did prior to being caged. Upon telling her that, she wasn’t thrilled. She wants me to show that desire. It allows her the opportunity to exercise the control she’s eatablished if nothing else. But it’s still been yet another unexpected adjustment on my end - that’s why I was curious how others approached the issue.