The invisible life of numbness - a permanent denial diary

Day 12
Out of nowhere she started to blow me tonight, sucking an biting an all, - and the time it took to be all erect was significantly shorter than the first days of numbing.
I begin to feel the sensation, stil I would never have been able to sustain such a rough an intense approach if that for the the continued effect,
I think we are at 15-20 % in the head and at 30% at the shaft..

Emotionally I and beginning to struggle with a desire to get rebanded again, to get rid of the distraction Still I know very well that we have decided that more of the sensitivity has to be recovered before that can take place, and of course I will not challenge that wise decision.

Besides that I truly love the change in my mindset towards total focus on her needs, no distraction while at work, and of coursemthe ability to serve her in every way, foe any duration required.

I think I will have to put up and advert soon to sell some of the cages I have had over time. I sense I am not returning to that kind of chastity. The new pure form is more than fair contender, and she seems so happy with this "invisible" approach , and my attitude and performance.

 

Strange as it may sound - I am much more mentally occupied with the fact that I can serve her in every way, than what it would be like to feel the blowjob. In fact - the joy of watching her do as she pleases, and display the power she holds, - gives me more joy and satisfaction than the blowjob could ever give me.
Sorry, but that is how it is wired nowadays in my head

 

Day 13
She did the "pinch-test" on the head this morning, - and the sides of the head is still pretty numb, significantly more than all other sides. Now I can in fact feel pain again certain places on the head. I did my "Oouch" more than once, when she tested. ;-)
The shaft is also recovering, but no significant changes over night.

Rebanding is not that far away I sense - she seems very focused on not having me too close to where I could go off. LOL!
There will be no extension of the time banding though - that is too early she says. We need to establish knowledge about the effect of repeated banding, - before it can be extended. Her goal is only to have the banding done once a month.
30- 40 minutes a month is all it will take to keep me in place for good- WOW!

 

Would numbing your feet be some sort of attempt to cure your endless addiction to buy shoes? ;-)

 

Yes ... perhaps your struggles to walk and talk in milehigh heals is far more a struggle than subs have to face when denied or punished? LOL!!
Well, apart from the joke, - I think not! Banding is for dickheads, and You are certainly not one

 

A little something to celebrate the big changes - and a walk down memory lane. The keys resting on her cute b*** for the last time.....

 

Day 14 - Two weeks!
Nothing much to report from the clinical department;-)
But for the changes in action an attitude there is a significant increase in her toying with her "property". She even enjoys to have me drop my pants out of nowhere just to blow it. Not for long, just until it is fully erect , -and then she orders me to buckle up! She did that 3 times Yesterday!
Always with a wicked - yet sweet smile...

Emotionally there is not much to say, - I'm still over the top with everything, - really feel that I live up to my commitments - to have it all for her, - and that is such a lovely feeling. One could fear that the lack of sensitivity and horniness would somehow machete harder find the enthusiasm to do house chores and such, - but that mental obstacle was neutralized way back I think, - when she went for permanent denial

 

Day 15
I had the most wonderful oral service last night She did not pay any attention to "her toy", - she told me that she had marked it well with her teeth already!
I was told to undress her piece by piece and kneel before her and start licking her thighs. Slowly I was allowed to move closer and she pulled back to the bed and with a firm grip she hold my head in position. She told me that I was not to make a sound. "I am not interested in how you feel about it, - I just want you to do it your best" she told me. I was all fired up.... At one point I could not help to take some juice og hers and move up to her nipples and start playing with them, with my tongue. She liked that and again hold me in position , until she finally pushed me back.
Just before she started to flex and tremble, she found time to tell me that Anne will be here for the full weekend again, and that she has special plans for this weekend..... Then she cramped and hold my head so tight between hear thighs....... I was drifting away in her wonderful scents....

....

Clinical there is still "improvements" - the pinch test she did today, told us that senses are indeed coming back to the head as well. Auuch!
It seems- as expected - that we did not pushed it too far...., and we have no intention of doing that. Neither of us.

 

Oh Yes, I like it a lot Never doubt that;-)

 

Day 16

I was instructed not to even think about testing the sensibility myself. Ouch, - I could not help it, but Know I know to keep my hands of "her property". She instructed me with a very wicked smile while she pull me close and looked me straight in the eye for like 20 secs....

Still pretty numb, and relaxed in every way. Truly enjoying not to think of my sexual needs... Much like wearing a full-lengt tube, encapsulating it entirely, - but without the cumbersome framework - LOL!

 

A NEW FIRST FOR ME!

It is Anne-weekend once again.-) And My wife had proclaimed "special plans" in advance. And I most say she was oh so right about that.
I cooked at lovely meal, and Anne was making drinks, and preparing the table and such. My wife was kind floating above it all, giving us compliments while she was sipping on her chilled chardoney.... As it should be

Lovely dinner, some good vanilla talks, withe the twist that both Anne and I was to sit bottomless on the chairs. An inspection revealed a need for a shave, -and after the meal we were told to "go and get it fixed", - while my wife was go form a walk in the garden with her wineglass in her hand. We could watch her from the window in all her glory as she walked around. She was glowing in the evening sun..

BUT, before we went to the bathroom, Anne had a special instruction, to warm up my wife's toy, and not by blowing it she was told! "He can feel almost nothing still- I think I know how to quickly get some senses back, "- and then she handles Anne a small wooden paddle from the kitchen. "Use this to warm him up, - but only on his thing, nowhere else. Be sensible but dont hold back. I would like to see him smooth and erect and a bit sore when I come back in. Can You do that fro me Anne?" - was the words as I recall them... Anne asked "How??", but my wife just said: "You'll manage", and handed her cuffs to fix my hands behind my back - and left the room....

Waauhh, not exactly punishment, more labeled as a "warm up", but it came down to the same. My wife had ordered some rough treatment to her toy. It would certainly top the biting she had started with days back...
Never really thought she would take such a step...

I was fixed alright, after I had shaved her.Easy done, she was already bottomless. I am allowed to say that she indeed is a stunning women too.-) All smooth it was my turn, but she started out by fixing my hands behind my back. Then she kneeled and shaved me.... I did not get an erection during that, - because of the numbness I think...
After the shaving she tested the sensibility while looking a bit uncomfortable,-) I told her to don't worry, and tried my best to calm her down. Told her I would lt her know if it was too painful, and I joked and told her that I might not feel it at all

She asked me about how much, and I told her, that it was up to her. I asked her to just remember my wife's simple instructions....

She asked me to spread and she rolled back the foreskin, exposing the head., and she took a swing... that landed on the shaft.
"See - I almost did not feel it", and no redness started to occur... I told her she might needed to go harder and also to aim for the head...
The second blow has harder, but still no real challenge. I did not make a sound. That must somehow have trickered her cause the next couples of blows were significantly harder and I really started to feel the sting when she hit, and a burning sensation as the effect of the blow faded away..
She looked up at my expression, but I quickly closed my eyes before she could get eye contact;-) - and soon she continued. I could definitely feel that she aimed for the head, and I was starting to have some "ticks" and reflexes in my body, I instinctly tried to avoid the blows. "Spread your legs again"- I was told, and I think she did like 6 or seven additional blows - really getting in the mood I sensed;-);-)

"I think that will do" she said, and then she dropped the paddle and started to test the results. She seemed pretty pleased with the obvious redness and also the fact the it presented a strong erection. She touched it at first by hand, and for the first time in many days I could feel it oh so well, It was sore I could tell, but I have to admit, that I liked the feeling. The then pinched the head a couple of times I I could tell that she had hit home more than once. It was a sore burning sensation. But when she then put her warm lips to the head a sucked - just once- I had the most wonderful feeling your could imagine....
I could no resist and "OOOhhhhhh" and "Goood" and "Thanksss".
Well, there was no more blowing. She seemed satisfied, and relaxed, that it was done. She uncuffed me, and we together we went to the kitchen to clean up some more.
My wife came in and asked how it was, and both of us put up big smiles, and Anne Said: "I'll think I managed". My wife looked at her toy, took a very firm grip, and based on obvious reaction, she smiled and said: Well done, I knew to could handle it.

With a glas of wine in our hands we followed her to the master bedroom, and besides watching the action, I was indeed treated with PIV and blows, to my still sore member. I loved every second of it...

This morning the two are still asleep entangled, as I am writing this. No I did not sleep on the floor, We all spooned last night I will prepare a lovely breakfast for the two of them. After yesterdays ordeals both of them deservers first class breakfast-service in bed

 

Day 17

Hard to tell if the paddle blows last night has intensified the senses, but more sensibility is building up...
It was a blessing stil that I did not at all have to worry about not being able to hold back. I was nowhere near the edging last night, but the sore burning feeling added something special after all! It is hardly red anymore, so she Anne has after all been gentle....

 

Day 18

Good morning

It sure seems as if the paddle session has sparked some sensitivity back - LOL. Normally when I write my report there is no throbbing, just a low hanging flaccid member, but this morning - going through the new post, and reading some of my own earlier post in this tread had an significant effect. I got myself a full 8 inch erection. Shame on me! I will instantly try mentally to make it go away.
Remember I am not allowed to touch myself in anyway.....
.....
Now I am back where I should be. Flaccid and just sitting here in bed looking at my beautiful sleeping Queen next to me...

 

Day 19
It is only a few days from rebanding, she has told me. Her pinch-testing shows significant improvements in the sensibility department;-), and the peace I had inside is rapidly vanishing. It is damn hard to keep hands off , when you have been denied for over a year, and it is not getting easier when sensibility comes back....
Erection is now possible just by thinking of her beautiful sex, and the things she does. No need for visual stimulation anymore.
Am I looking forward to be rebanded? YES I DO! So proud that I by this approach can accomodate her in her wishes for a minimalistic FLR

 

Day 20 - rebanded last night.

The ability to get en erection on my own, was doomed last night. After wonderful serving including some really wonderful PIV I think she craves it as part of a reassuring that I can indeed still perform as HER MAN... So it was wild and beautiful. I could go forever without getting in trouble, and she took great advantage of that and only pushed me down, after having tested a number of positions, and even allowed me to take control from time to time..

When she had enjoyed a trembling O she told it was time to reband her toy. "30 minuttes - do it know. Fetch the bands sit next to me. I dont like that you can achieved erection when I am not with You.

And so be it. This morning I woke up again and could feel almost nothing, and the abillity to get en erection by myself was long gone. Furthermore any sensation in had vanished and will not return for a least 3 weeks.
Time to focus all on her again

 

Well, here we are - back and numb as ever;-)
I have been rebanded since last posting here, -the sensation was returning and suddenly I found myself at the brink of O during a pretty long PIV session. She took matter in her own hands and rebanded after having recovered herself from at very vivid, wet and expressive O

40 minutes this time, and she tested the result by slapping hard with her hand. No result, no burning feeling.

Life is too good. She truly loves the new me. I was good before she claims, but now she cant stop telling me have much this has made her relax, be selfish, and turned on , by the fact that she can use her property as her toy, and I have nothing out of it. except a deeper satisfaction and pride. Wicked and sweet...it is....

The usual disclaimer is still in order.This is not to be taken lightly. You can make permanently damage to your "thing" if you do not know what you are doing.

 

Almost a month has passed since last entry in this diary, - and I have become the holder of the Mansion in the meantime. Lots of things om my plate, but only a slight decline in service to my lovely wife - and now and then Anne the girlfriend. It has been long since I stopped counting the days without release, stopped counting the number of O's she received, stopped counting the number of PIV session, stopped counting the number of girl on girl sessions I was to watch, and now apparently also stopped counting the days of numbness.
It has become a permanent thing - it is fair to say, with a flow of it own. She is careful, we are careful, not to puss it too far. I gets time to recover to a state were sensitivity is coming back - perhaps not at a level as before- but to a level were O is a possibility, if so intended.
Then I'm rebanded, now for 40 minutes, and the effect last between 3 and 4 weeks.
I isntantly go from thinking of my denied release, and the desire to burst it all out - over her;-) . to a feeling of complete submissiveness and a wish for going down og her over an over again - and to serve her and spoil her in every possible way. Once I am renumbed all desire of mine shifts from having to do with my restrained libido to serving her, and I get peace of mind...

Don't think I will be back in a device again.....
She is way too pleased with the current setup. PIV is more often , and lasts longer. Only thing is that I feel almost nothing, it is all for her amusement, as it is supposed to be.... first 3-4 days after rebanding I can't tell if I am in or out.....

 

Hey - I hear You loud and clearly And concern is always appreciated in my book.
You could be right - you could be wrong in your predictions, but yes it is not something to be taken lightly.
Then thing is that I do not feel incomplete at all if I feel nothing. I would hate for it to be "not-operational" , for it not to be able to satisfy my wife, but you have to understand that I have now been without orgasm for approx. 500 days and the truth is that I have never felt more sexuallly fulfilled. Have I lost my libido? No! Have I lost the feeing of being this Alpha male outside our house and bed? Hell No!
Do I feel incomplete - as You put it? No I do not. I feel complete.

Still I do not want to be careful not to loose sensitivity completely, but being able to offer my wife the submissiveness, the dedication and all, without having her to lock me up in a device (I could easily escape by the way- if not for piercings and all ) is as blessing, and something that makes me proud..

I have come to terms with the fact that I might loose some sensitivity, but so have guys who have been circumcised ...
Being less sensitive is most helpful when I am performing PI


Still - thanks for the concern- And I will be very careful, and might not continue down this path any further. I dont want to loose it!
Not my thing! But I have discovered that my manhood is not in my dick, and my presence is not about having large balls either. I am very alpha in my business life, and also a very secure base and protector for my wife, -and a bit of numbness in my dick can not spoil that for any of us.

Finally - this is very important for me to say - I'm not advocating for banding with this thread. It is not something to be taken lightly, and there are risks involved.
Still I have read tons of litterature and threads about it, and I have still to read about someone loosing sensitivity and not having it back sooner or later if they behave sensible.
There are all sorts of people. In the chastity world you will find people ready to eat out of their mistresses, so you will always be able to locate the extreme, - and of cause also with banding.

Even if you DO behave sensible - there ARE evidence that some sensitivity can disappear, but that is part of the deal I am willing to endure..