Submissive conflict

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Xileh, Nov 20, 2020.

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  1. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    I have pretty good stamina. Sometimes, she would get tired and our love making became a chore for her to finish. We start having less sex. During a discussion to understand why we were enjoying sex less, she asked if we could just stop when she was done, even if I had not. Although difficult, I agreed. So we started with what soon became denial. We began having sex more. That naturally escalated to tease and denial because she was enjoying my frustration. Then chastity. She really began to like the power she had. At this point my submissiveness surfaced. This was a surprise for both of us. Being submissive has never been a fantasy. We are now in a FLR and I am a true service submissive.

    Submissiveness just has not been part of my programming at all. I've been a logger, welder, pipeliner, helicopter mechanic, computer designer, programmer, and management. I take cars apart and put them back together for fun. I build custom racing motorcycles. I'm never been a flaming alpha type, but I've not been submissive either.

    That has changed.

    I don't like being locked. I don't like being denied. Yet, if I am left unlocked, I become very conflicted with my new submissiveness. I guess I haven't completely accepted it yet. Conflicted or not, I want to serve her. If I am locked, denied, and disciplined, I can relax into submissiveness without feeling conflicted. It's when I am most at peace. The more intense, the more peaceful. I struggle with this.

    If you have faced this kind of conflict, how do you manage it? If you have been at this for a while, have you gotten over it?
     
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  2. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    There are times when I struggle with what I've asked for ( like the multitude of times I was woken by frustration yesterday lol).

    Seriously though, at times it is difficult especially when I'm angry, to remember that when locked I am at a level of inner peace I didn't know existed until I truly submitted to another.
    Mostly I know damn well I'm where I am the best man I can be (locked and denied) but I suspect that any remotely alpha male would not experience moments of struggle.
    You know you have found a good place as a man and husband, and lock step with that it is ok to embrace the struggle. It makes it all the more poignant when you get past it until the next time.
     
  3. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    Ugh night shift...
    I meant an alpha male would of course experience moments of struggle.
    Even though I'm a submissive, I am still made up of that alpha male that got me to where I am today.
    Jekyll and Hyde?o_O
     
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  4. MrFlashKat
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    @Xileh I can completely relate to your dilemma and I haven't really been able to square that circle !

    I do like the aggressive, macho part of me. She understands that and I think knowing this fact adds to her enjoyment when she shines a light on the submissiveness and sissiness that's also there. Those qualities/aspects used to be right under the surface, unseen, but now they are way more acknowledged and included as part of me.

    I'm not really sure I know how to make sense of it all.
     
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  5. LukeVallentine
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    LukeVallentine Active member

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    I'm in a similar situation. I'm a switch and I've found that I can truly submit when she is really into domination and I'm secured and completely helpless. The lack of choice eliminates any possible conflict for me.
     
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  6. MissyB
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    That sounds unusual that you've found submissive tendencies so late in life. But not everyone stays the same over time or experiences the same feelings. My submissiveness became apparent to me early on but i've not always expressed it. Finding chastity, wearing a device and giving up control of my member to someone else has certainly triggered my desires to submit. Combined with being fem it makes submissive behavior almost my only option. At times it does cause conflict and i feel embarrassed to not be able to assert myself like most men. But i'm working on embracing being submissive all the time as it seems to be my natural sate.
     
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  7. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    @Xileh praps You are what is call a Switch cos i met them folks and they am sometimes very strict and tell you what to do a lot.
     
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  8. Mojoman
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    I think that conflict happens if you don't fit in with the accepted norms of our society. Most of us grow up being taught that the natural order is for men to be dominant and women to be submissive so, as a man, if your nature is to be submissive, it creates an inner conflict from the feeling that you don't fit in. I guess that dominant women may have the same inner conflict?

    That inner conflict will be even greater if you are in a relationship with a partner who just wants things to be "normal". Most guys on this site seem to have suffered from "How-do-I-tell-the-wife" syndrome.

    I have found that the older I get, the less I care what anyone thinks of me, so now that I'm an old git, I hardly feel any conflict at all. I am also very fortunate to be in a relationship with a lovely lady who, although not particularly dominant, understands and accepts my submissive needs.
     
  9. Sparky Jo
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    Sparky Jo New member

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    I used to be quite macho and alpha right from the start of my relationship but now I enjoy being in chastity and taking a submissive role to her.
    But I do worry that I'm not the man she fell in love with and she will become unhappy with me.
    I started the whole chastity thing but I do sometimes feel i'm bottoming from the top because she's very good at the denial bit but not so hot on the tease bit.
     
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  10. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    You nailed it on so many points there.
    So many of us throughout life have acted macho and played our role, when really all we wanted was to kneel before a strong woman.
    That dreaded first conversation with the Mrs when she is confronted with a side of her alpha man that is so opposite to previous perceptions.
    And then the joy when she accepts that same man for being a human being complete with all the complexities of what makes us human.
    We are strong when and in anyway we need to be, and at other times our amazing partners give us the different type of strength only found in their acceptance of our submission.
    @MrsBR_Saiph is not dominant but her naturally controlling personality allows for a perfect fit for my submission.

    I too count more grey hairs by the day and less and less worry what others may think of our happiness and dynamic.
    Just the other day she posted imho her most smoking hot picture to date on Twitter and I briefly wondered if someone might someday recognize our bar she's perched upon. An instant later I thought 'fuck it'.
    Many will judge, few will live as fully as those who can successfully share their submission with a loved one.
     
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  11. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    The trick is being the man you always were yet allowing her to 'feel' your submission.
    No need for anything overt. A kinder and gentler you. Thoughtful and respectful.
    Mix in a little of that burning desire that builds with that cage and she will tease you simply with the shared knowledge that she now has a power to excite you simply with her presence.
    It's difficult to find balance, and it takes time and mutual learning so if possible just enjoy the ride one day at a time.
    If all it ever becomes is kinky fun to work you up for an amazing bout of sex on the weekend, then you're still ahead of the game.
     
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  12. Sparky Jo
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    Sparky Jo New member

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    Thanks, I'm glad to have found this site. mostly because of people like yourself using your years of experience to help give me perspective when I have a wobble,
    And partly I enjoy reading you and your wife's posts about your experiences. Although I don't think I could do the cuckold thing as (20 years ago) I once threw a guy off a balcony in a nightclub for hitting on my wife due to the green eyed monster. But strangely I find the fantasy sexy and scary at the same time. It is as you said "the complexities of what makes us human."
     
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  13. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    I agree. It certainly caught me by surprise.
     
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  14. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    THIS, is foremost on my mind right now. I feel strongly that I need to remain true to the person I have always been. She wants the protection and strength. She also wants the dishes done.
     
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  15. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Thanks, it is possible, but she would never be submissive so we will never know.
     
  16. Sparky Jo
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    Sparky Jo New member

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    I was just looking at your resume it is as varied as mine lol I've never been a logger though. but you have possibly flown using a rolls royce engine with parts I made in it. I've built bikes and raced them too. all in all i've had 40 jobs since leaving school.
     
  17. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    I have been pondering the concept of “Real Man” vs. “Good Man” a lot lately.

    We have this Hollywood construct of a “Real Man”. He is present in every movie, book, magazine, and marketing message, but exists rarely in real life except as posers. Yet, this is the yardstick we are often measured by. The few men I have known that exceeded the popular concept of a “Real Man”, would deny being anything other than a simple, private man. They avoided all acknowledgement.

    I think the best man, is a “Good Man”. He is authentic. He works to improve and be a better man. He makes mistakes for sure. I only want to be a good man, and the best man I can be. If that includes serving a beautiful woman, so be it.
     
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  18. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Blimey. You bet I have!

    I’ve also restored more than my share of MG’s. And yes, I like warm beer. There is nothing like a buxom bar tender pulling on a beer engine.
     
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  19. Sparky Jo
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    Sparky Jo New member

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    Sounds like we have more in common than just this forum lol
    are we talking classic MG such as mgb-gt.
    oops look at us being all "manly men" lol
     
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  20. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    I got a chuckle just thinking about that poor bastard flying over the railing, though I'm quite sure it wasn't funny at the time.
    I'm certainly no stranger to the dreaded wobble!
    We're still new at this ourselves compared to many here, but I agree that it's a cool place to meet like minded people:+1:
     
  21. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    I hear that dude. Whilst the sight of me on hands and knees scrubbing the shower floor isn't my most macho look, if it makes my lady happy then I'm all in.
    I can still look cool wearing the towel around my waist when I'm done!
     
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  22. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    That's it right there.
     
  23. Sparky Jo
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    Sparky Jo New member

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    To be honest it probably saved his life. My life was all a bit too "Sons of Anarchy" back then.
    I was just reading another of your posts where you describe the damage to the core of your self esteem and I actually felt those old feelings surface and realized that I would feel that I had something to prove had I been in your place. I wish I had your self control. but I would be screaming inside with nobody to direct my fury at. This would not end well for me.
    I know that the lifestyle is not for everyone but it looks like it can be a lot of fun. I'm just not that well tamed...Yet.
     
  24. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    It's important to be self aware and know your boundaries.
    Wobbles are one thing and train wrecks another!
    It doesn't matter to what degree you play in this lifestyle, only that you both enjoy it.
     
  25. MrsBR_Saiph
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    MrsBR_Saiph Hotwife & Keyholder
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    Am so dominant!!! And I will show you this weekend :love:
     
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