Submissive conflict

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Xileh, Nov 20, 2020.

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  1. MrsBR_Saiph
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    MrsBR_Saiph Hotwife & Keyholder
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    For the record BR has never thrown someone over a balcony but has certainly had some intensely jealous moments. One of our first dates while at a party he invited someone to step outside for being a little too friendly. There are other moments over the years..... point being you never know.
     
  2. Sparky Jo
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    I just don't know if I could effectively talk through my feelings enough to quiet the beast inside.
    From your posts I feel you two are where I'd like to be. the connection you have sounds like it's really something to behold.
    I married my best friend and she would not take the chance that she might hurt me by doing something that you can't undo, even if I had said I wanted her to do it.
     
  3. MrsBR_Saiph
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    I too married my best friend and fortunately now after 22 years of marriage he is still my best friend. The burden a woman bears taking the leap into cuckolding, that she may hurt her man is without a doubt great but not insurmountable. Cuckolding became a daily conversation until it was clear to me he wanted it and it was something we had to try. We always approached it with the attitude if we don't like it we never have to do it again.
     
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  4. Sparky Jo
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    From your photos you don't look old enough to have been married 22 years.
    Your relationship fascinates me and I hope you don't mind me asking questions. We've only been married 12 years but we're together for 10 years before that.
    It was lust at first sight and how did I get her attention well let's just say she was furious with me for acting like a macho knob and gave me a hard time all the way back to our hometown but eventually I wore her down and became more the man she needed me to be.
     
  5. MrsBR_Saiph
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    I appreciate your compliment I like to think I am a young 46 year old, some days I feel a little older.
     
  6. Sipriotes
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    Sipriotes Slave to Artemistress

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    I don't see any inherent conflict between submissiveness and true manliness, which is really just another word for inner strength.

    There is a conflict between submissiveness and machismo/bravado, which is a false display of strength that comes from a place of inner weakness.

    Many men who consider themselves "manly" by virtue of their career choice, their dress, their attitude, or whatever else would be threatened by the idea of submitting to a woman sexually or otherwise. But a person of strength knows when submission is the right thing to do and will do so without any internal conflict about it.

    I salute the men in this thread who have come to that realization and are now happier for it.
     
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  7. Wonderwomanssub
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    You and I are similar in our interests, I love working with my hands and if I’m not doing chores or something in the house I’m usually out in the garage fixing something, working on a car etc... We bought a new house last year and I put in the fence and all the back yard land scaling pretty much by myself.
    Well before chastity I had a pretty good stamina too. I could go for quite sometime but it got to the point where she just wanted me done after she came. Before I asked her for chastity our sex lives got to be fairly dismal in my opinion. There was a lot going on in our lives at that point so it wasn’t she just lost interest, we were busy with a new child, my wife had been laid off from her job and was feeling a little depressed. But because of my excessive masturbation at that time and the way she was feeling, I felt we were intimately growing apart.
    Then I discovered chastity and there was something so intriguing about it. I was so drawn to the concept not only because of the kink and a way to control my masturbation but also because it was a lifestyle. After a bit of soul searching I understood and came to terms with the fact that I am a submissive male.
    I guess the difference is that I love to be locked, knowing my wife owns me in more ways than just marriage. I’ve found that I need that sense of feeling owned in order to feel right. People are drawn to each other for different reasons and although I asked my wife out on our first date, she had chosen me before I had even asked her. We wouldn’t know what any of that really meant until over 5 years ago when both took a leap of faith with chastity.
    It wasn’t right away but then domme feelings and tendencies started to manifest in my wife and she really liked who she was becoming, it gave her a different kind of confidence.
    As you mentioned @Xileh I too am at peace most when I’m in a submissive state and the more intense the more right it feels.

    I didn’t really struggle with the fact that I like hunting, fishing, working on cars, lots of things outdoors in conjecture to liking being my wife’s absolute bitch. I think the problem is the stereotyping that precedes what kind of people like which kinds of activities. In this case we either the stereotypes bother us and guide our lives or we say fuck it and do what makes us feel good.
    I could easily go on a hunting trip with my buddies, drink and have a good time “being manly”, come home and put on a maids uniform to do cooking and chores. Granted my mistress isn’t into the whole sissy maid thing so that hasn’t happened (here’s to hoping!). But my point is is that just because those activities you listed above are typically associated with men doing them it’s only in our own minds that we’re conflicted. You can be a submissive male and still enjoy more “manly” type work or activities without tearing yourself apart.
    Think of things flipped around with your dominant wife. Just because she takes a more alpha role in your relationship doesn’t mean that she’s gonna start working on cars or playing football... although she could if she wanted to, right?! Anywho, just my 2 cents on this thread.
     
  8. winstonmacgregor
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    Just because you do something for such a long time does not mean that you are going down the right road. You learn, you get opened up to something else, you get a change in perspective. Just go with what feels right. Internal conflict just means that you are unable to let go of what you think that you are and unable to embrace something new
     
  9. Sparky Jo
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    I totally agree I look back at my younger self and think what a knob. I am strong for my family they are what drives me and it is how they perceive me that matters. But if I'm honest I would hate for this change in my life and the way I feel to become common knowledge among my friends as I feel it would change the way the see me and possibly treat me. I know that shouldn't bother me but honestly It does. Funnily though I don't care that some of my wife's friends know that I'm locked.
     
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  10. Pretty Monnica
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    Pretty Monnica 24/7365 chastized sissy husband in an FLR.

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    #35 Pretty Monnica, Nov 21, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2020
    Great post. It really presents the same dilemma for me. In my real life I am a tradesman and a crew chief at a construction company. My partner and Domme in an FLR knows that I sort of fake it out there in the real world, so that I can be what I want to when I am with her and in our home. It's a means to an end, and pays the bills a lot better than say, being a webcam model or a retail worker as my trans self, for example. I am not 100 percent out as being trans at this point, and so taking a job as such, simply isnt a possibility for me at this point.

    It's a juggling act that sometimes requires going from feminine to masculine and the other way around in short time frames. It can be very hard to understand dropping the whole masculine Alpha construction guy persona as soon as I hit the door. I also struggle at times to submit to the things that I don't want to, or that dont suit me but are things in that moment she wants.

    I dont have any sage wisdom for you here other than to say that I try and maintain a buffer zone, where I come home from my job, take a few minutes to unwind, gain some sense of self, and then I pull away and go by myself and shower. As I am in there I try to let go all of the days events, and start becoming the submissive househusband I want to be. I walk out a blank slate and put on my little outfit, widen my eyes a little, and head back into my wonderful loving spectrum ready to submit to it, and of course, to her.

    I dont think any one way works, but in the moments when I become absolutely toxic, it's because the Alpha part of my psyche required to work with 25 other tradesmen every day, and take the lead, is winning over the one I present (for example) here and in my home life. I know what I want to be, but what I have to be is a constant.

    I also, and so too should you, have learned to communicate to my partner when and why I am having a hard time submitting, or having feelings about what our FLR entails, and requires from me. In most cases, they already know this of you, because they can feel it when you push for more and when you back off. But hearing you be open, helps them help you deal with it, and in our case, helps her want to assert more Dominance, not less, in knowing that I sometimes need that push to help break away from these types of feelings. She helps remind me that this life is fun and playful and the one I want to live.

    Good luck. It's a dilemma I too struggle with at times.
     
  11. Sparky Jo
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    You are the same age as my Queen I'm a few years older at 51 not that it's relevant but I kinda like to see what similarity's there are between us on here as it helps to put the comments into perspective.
     
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  12. Wonderwomanssub
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    Some of my wife’s friends know she locks me too. I think the issue of our male friends knowing the internal dynamics of our relationships has more to do with stereotypes and perceptions that some men just can’t get around. Women on the other hand are much more accepting in general and would have a better understanding of what chastity is all about when explained to them by a friend /female key holder.
     
  13. BR_Saiph
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    Awesome
     
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  14. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    I get that, as much as I'm at the 'fuck it of they know' stage of my life, I still enjoy my alter ego with the boys.
    As far as her friends knowing, well that just ticks the kinky checkbox for a lot of us!
     
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  15. BR_Saiph
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    I too spend my work life immersed in the trades and what a group they can be.
    At times I relish and savour the brotherhood, those days when we pull together and do 'our thang'.
    Most times I'm rolling my eyes at all the macho bullshit they all spew constantly.
    It's a mixed bag for me, but it pays well, and does give me my 'macho guy's time.
    I always check that hat at the door!
     
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  16. billzboats
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    This post makes so much sense to me. I am 62 years old and often felt guilty of the way I have treated women throughout my life. One night while having my evening drinks I thought that I was lucky to not be alone. I decided to show my wife the respect and love that she has earned. The next day I made my bed before I left for work. When I came home I did the dishes. She asked me what was going on and I told her that I had decided that she needed to be treated better. This has evolved into her deciding when she is ready for sex and me doing things to make her what she calls juicy. Back rubs, foot rubs, hair brushing, painting nails. Everything to please her. She is very intelligent and understands her power but does not take advantage as much as I wish she would but turns out she is a fast learner. I have never been more satisfied with myself as a man!
     
  17. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Youthful beauty, combined with experience, can be a devastating combination in the wrong hands.

    I have new respect for @BR_Saiph.
     
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  18. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Playing with fire there buddy. There is a point, when she decides to take control. And when she crosses that point, there is no turning back. It ain’t a game no more.
     
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  19. billzboats
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    Thank you for your reply. Don’t know where it will lead but hope I am ready for the results.
     
  20. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    You cleverly described the life of a construction project manager. You don’t understand tired, until you’ve survived, “The Project from Hell.”
     
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  21. Xileh
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    I think that is challenge; are we ever?
     
  22. cshorts
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    cshorts Locked in love for SL

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    You and @MrsBR_Saiph are two of my favorite people here: you're great communicators (with us as well as each other), very loving, brave and continuously exploring and growing. And now that I've said how much I respect you as people, is it okay to acknowledge that on top of that MrsBR is indeed smoking hot? That's a great picture!
     
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  23. MrsBR_Saiph
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    It's absolutely ok @cshorts!! Thanks so much for the compliment. This is a great community with so many great people. It is humbling to be held in such high regard. :love:
    I too like that picture, mostly because I think it communicates a little personality.
     
  24. BR_Saiph
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    Thanks CS!
     
  25. madams-sissysub
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    I never had any conflict as I’ve never had any alpha feelings, I’ve been a sub my whole life.
     
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