Starting at the beginning...

The very act of being denied masturbation should automatically redirect your energy to pleasing your new she now fills that void… instead of jerking your pud your massaging her feet that might get her attention… just saying.

 

A wise observation….i think, dots not lining up.

 

Sorry to hear that things are not going as you had hoped.

Give it some time, but don’t give up!
Counselling is a good step, follow the instructions of the therapist. We are just a bunch of internet strangers.

Still, I’m going to drop some advice here:

As others have said, your wife also has to do her part in the marriage. You should talk about that with her. Maybe you can explore other intimate things together that don’t directly lead to sex? Chastity might just not work for you, but there may be other ways.

Maybe give her a good massage, go to the sauna/spa together, cuddle on the couch with a romantic movie, recreate your first date?

Tell her that sex isn’t the goal, but intimacy and connection.

 

I think it's good your seeing a counsellor. Are there friends and family you can talk to as well? Not about chastity but about your intimacy problems.

Is the rest of your relationship good or are there lots of issues. If the rest is good then I think you need to try and have that conversation with her around intimacy and say it doesn't mean sex. It means holding hands and eye contact and hugs.

It seems like you need to get that sorted before you can do something like chastity.

If the rest of the relationship isn't great then I think you need to re-evaluate the whole relationship and have an honest conversation with yourself as to whether you are happy and if not you need to say as much to your wife.

Life is too short to be unhappy.

 

Also thank you for sharing. There are some similarities in my approach to chastity to yours but mine fizzled out but largely due to having children and realising that chastity was an additional unwanted pressure for my wife.