There's been so much going on for me with chastity and life, and as I've just had a bit of a dark patch, feel the need to express my headspace... I've been tentatively trying my cherry keeper for the past few weeks, which is my first time caged since about november, when I injured my member by persisting through an intense woody in an oversized steel cage. I've still had my doubts about full recovery, and I still think I've given myself ED, with a lower libido, and taking longer to get to the big O. In addition I find it an anti-climax now, so somewhat disappointed and less interested. If anything any recent wanks have been more like... Does it still work... My wife of twenty years is not really into vanilla sex much, let alone anything non-vanilla. I hoped by locking I'd achieve two things... Kick my daily habit and put some sexy time back into a routine of sorts. Well, I've kicked the daily habit which I felt was taking over my life, so one out of two isn't bad. A number of times I've expressed my feelings and concerns with wife over my high sex drive, it's importance to me, and other topics affecting our family, to no avail. She doesn't seem to take any of it seriously, or sustain any change if at all. Nor does she do anything to help her ailing health. Through this period of self-locking though, I've also had to deal with the anxiety of the condition of my member, still having moments believing I severely and permanenrly damaged it internally, then moments it seems mostly ok. This past week has been very testing, with wife not even offering and "touch time", that is, physical touch of any nature. Her knocking back foot massages on two occasions, I'm also not offering anything now. This has started to mess with me, as I perceive a chasm opening and growing as each day passes, and I really hit a low last night. I find myself looking for outlets to "experience" (through reading posts of others, etc.) some of the things I won't get to physically do in this relationship...and I've now even set up an account on fetlife...perhaps I've already crossed a line there? I'm at a bit of a loss at present, though I have found it helpful to just get busy doing things, as it keeps my mind busy...with some luck this may have a positive effect on the present situation. Maybe I'm kidding myself.
Sounds like some drinks with wife n a night of unloading may help. Get her to open up as well u both let of some steam work some stuff out n move forward. Noty best area but I think it's honest advice.
I hope you're doing okay. You don't say but you sound like you're at a similar age to me. I found when I was self-locking prior to my wife taking the keys again, I was struggling to get erections after a couple of weeks of caging, but it picked back up again. Really stressed me out, which didn't help getting more erections. Even with my wife's interactions I was going floppy with the wand on me (usually guaranteed to get me to orgasm). Really worrying times. I can empathise with the lack of interest. Even though my wife is active with me, earlier days was lock it and forget it. Life would get in the way, she was dealing with menopause, work, stress, etc. Just no fun. She'd often start with gusto, then it would fade after a few days and I'd be stuck for a couple of weeks before it came off and we drifted back to the mundane. We had drifted away from each other to the point of just 'living in the same house, sharing the same rooms', and I was not in a good space to deal with it. My reasons were probably unique, but the best thing I found was to take some advice from some of the guides I found for long-term couples who had lost that 'spark' - we decided to start right from the beginning. As if we met for the first time almost, so I decided we should have a 'games night' (not the naughty games lol), but just start to enjoy each others company again over a game of cards, dominoes, board games, whatever. We did jigsaws, puzzles, and all the time it was with the aim of getting us talking. Which we did. We talked about the state of things before, how we'd drifted along, then apart, and how I wanted to re-commit to her. She wanted me to do that, but felt it was just a 'fad' and would die out. I just kept going with these evenings, doing things she suggested in order to prove to her it wasn't. I was here fighting for commitment to her. Eventually we started hugging, kissing more, messaging each other more about how we felt towards each other. We planned date nights for our anniversary, just making the effort to do things even without physical contact. This really helped us. We started being more open, intimate, expressing our desires for each other, and from that things grew. Because it was a non-threatening way of just committing time to each other, I learned how frustrated she was, what she desired of me. At some point during that I started self-locking. Knowing what was pushing her buttons helped me focus on those to start with. It helped to get her back to desiring the vanilla stuff, but also starting to explore non-vanilla in the most amazing ways. Apparently it's quite common for middle-age couples to explore these kink ideas as a way of bringing something new to their marriages. Maybe this is a possible inroad to getting to know how she is thinking internally? Give you some ideas to work with? I hope this helps in some way.
Wow, really awesome post thanks. Gives me confidence for the future. Amazing how emotions can mess us up so much when things don't go to plan. Having a better week, so will push through.
How old are you two? Is it a menopause thing? I don't know you or your situation so take this with a grain of salt. Don't be afraid to ask her questions that may have scary answers like: Do you want to stay together? Do you want to have an intimate relationship with me? Where do you see US in 5 years? Is your desire for intimacy dead or just towards me? Some guys with fetishes push too hard for too long and end up repulsing their mates sexually. Women have an ideal of a man that is hardwired into them by nature and if you screw that up, the lizard part of her brain says, "this person is not mating material". In nature, sperm is cheap and eggs are priceless and that part of the brain doesn't understand that procreation isn't going to happen and associates sex with mating.
BTW, it sounds like you may have had a compression injury to the dorsal nerve of the penis. Some people do this on purpose by banding and it will likely resolve by itself over time. You could have something else going on so it never hurts to get blood tests and check out your hormones.
Thanks Jessica, some really good thoughts there. I'm 48, she's 53. She does think perhaps menopause could be starting. So that would be a factor. I'll approach her with some questions. I had an opportunity last night but didn't take it. Thankfully I haven't pushed too hard with this stuff. She has expressed some things that turn her off majorly so I know to steer clear of those, not that those particular scenarios appeal to me either. I know abig part of this is me getting over the frustration and acepting it... So this has been a great outlet while I process. And the responses have reminded me that everyone's been though this at some point. We're back on talking and touching/hugging terms this week which has taken the edge off.
Quick update... Wife and I talked at length over coffee. Everything came up, we both raised what was going on for us. No anger or emotion, just facts. It was nice. Some solutions were offered up and were both on the same page.
Sounds like awesome news - good to clear the air I bet. The fact you mentioned solutions being offered hints at some progress for the future. Wishing all the best
Thanks Jah. It's nice to know this path has been walked before. In the weeks since we've found a common ground again and shes surprised me a couple times. My libido has really taken a dive, for the better I think as I no longer get horny all the time, so much less frustration.