LIfe has a way of getting in the way, sometimes. Despite nearly two decades together, with kink and fetish being part of that life from the beginning - the past three or so years have been rough. After she was laid off from her job of a decade, one I worked at too (and left 6mo later) - our lives took a big turn upside down. Sometimes good - my new job is well paid, well respected and I work from home. Sometimes bad, her last job was soul destroying and with the benefit of hindsight, she was depressed for the last 8mo there - and it destroyed her confidence in herself and her dominant nature and place in our relationship. I'm sure many guys can relate - as a sub, into chastity and lingerie and bondage I wanted nothing more than to please her and encourage her to find her nature again - which caused it's own stress and friction and problems as she wanted nothing to do with chastity, lingerie and bondage for years - or at least, she lost her way with it and didn't "get it" for a while. But, this past month or so, she's in a much better place with work. I'm in a much better place with my head and we've been talking almost non stop about how to get our feet back under us. Ultimately, she's been finding her feet as a dominant, rediscovering her identity and her preferences and learning how to be herself again. As a result, we now operate under a series of house rules that keep my brain focused on the things she specifically wants to see. I'm wearing a cage from wake to sleep. She picks my lingerie every day. Last night, for the first time in a while, she went to the local fetish club - I stayed at home, locked up, with the kid - and it was a pretty fantastic experience for her - she's been able to identify the dominant traits she wants to work on, and we had a morning long conversation today about how we bring that about. It's funny - we've been married a 12 or so years, together around 17 - and we still find ourselves discovering new things, helping each other explore ourselves, and learn constantly. For everyone who is new to this, or new to a relationship with this - keep talking, keep working, keep trying. It's worth it!
As I mentioned in the above post, I've been wearing my cage from waking up to bed time (I still can't get a nights sleep in one) for about two weeks now, which is by FAR the longest time I've worn any cage on a consistent basis. Today, we went out for lunch, and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom for a #2 - and while there, doing ma thing, I realized I was leaking from the cage - something I've never really done before - but, when I was done and cleaning up I realized that I'd managed to milk myself - a totally new and novel experience for me, and one my wife was thrilled to hear, because as far as she's concerned that makes me good for another few weeks without relief now. Such is life
Another aspect that has helped - I used to stress about working out with a cage, but since moving to this steel cage, I've found a pair of compression shorts and i've been able to do everything, from weight lifting to rowing. I've not gone out running yet (stupid North East cold) - but I've been good so far!!
Good luck getting back into it. I jog with my jailbird on, or at least I did before the Achilles. I swim laps with it on, but use the set screw, not a padlock.
Thanks - that gave me the confidence to go out and try - compression shorts, winter tights - and a steel cage. No problems at all. Literally, the only thing I haven't figured out now is sleeping!
Ian sleeps like a baby in his cage, the large scotch nightcap may have something to do with it! J&J XX
Now *there's* a solution I get to about 2, 3am and an overnight erection wakes me up. I generally find myself unlocking for the remainder of the night, and putting it back on in the morning. Time to break out the scotch!
You have a very interesting and exciting story. I hope that everything with your Wife's career works out. Self esteem can be very important. Building a relationship on Love for each other makes any difficult situation much easier to work through. The more that wore my cage years ago the easier it got to make it through the night. When I would wake up with a nocturnal erection I wouldn't remove my cage but allow it to go down and go back to bed. Over time my body adjusted. Now I sleep through the night almost every night. Just something that might help you. Thanks for sharing your Journey.
Like all good journey's it continues on - we have found a couple of issues that helped put her in a depression last year, and we're talking a lot. A lot of talking. Some mornings we've woken up and started talking right away, other nights we talk until late. Each layer we pull back - like an onion - brings up more layers. But, she's not asked me to unlock, not asked me to get rid of the panties - some days, we do dial back the submissiveness I tend to exhibit, as she needs and wants a partner, not a slave or slut - so we're working on that communication and that openness. but, we both want this to work, we both want to see her more dominant, me more submissive - while also being equal parents, equal partners, and professionals in business. It's a learning curve!
Last night, she told me it was time to indulge - we went out for dinner, beating the valentines rush, put the kid to bed, then she sent me upstairs to put on some wrist and ankle cuffs, and I was tied down. Then she unlocked the cage - not something I was expecting or anticipating. She then proceeded to enjoy herself for a good hour, before I was finally allowed to orgasm. I was permitted to spend the night without the cage - but this morning I'm locked back up - and I've been told we're doing an anti-lent (we're not religious folk) - and the cage is now going to be locked on for the next 40 days, and each and every day I'm to pick out some panties and a bra to wear. The only exception being when she wants to play, and for a two day window when I'm traveling for work. This should be interesting!!!
About a week ago, my wife told me I'd be wearing my cage for the next 40 days - and we instituted a set of house rules that would keep the power dynamic going and interesting and *fun* So, every night I've been going to bed with it on - and I've yet to have a full nights sleep. By 4am or so, the pulling of the cage during a nocturnal erection is so sore, I've had to get up to oil or wait it out and go back to bed. But last night was most frustrating - we had a play session before bed, and from about 2am until 5am, I was so engorged it was pulling the whole cage forward, and no amount of waiting it out, baby oil would reduce it. She ended up removing it so I could get a few hours more sleep, and it's back on today. It's not the skin thats sore - my scrotum has relaxed and adapted and even when things are painful, it's still loose - it seems to be something more internal thats just taught - sometimes one side, sometimes the other, sometimes both - but clearly there. Nocturnal erections continue to be my long term chastity nemesis it seems.
Get up and go pee pee. It helps it to go down. I don't know if its actually peeing or the muscles that get relaxed when doing so but it works for me at night and morning.