Random Crap I Have Learned

Thanks for this. I particularly like number 7.

 

It's true, one part of chastity is to stop focusing on "that" area all the time. Last year I was holding some keys online, the lockees were always asking for edging, caged orgasms, or anal stimulation. While it is part of the line to learn doing the things in the cage, I did not see good point on replacing normal daily masturbation to daily caged stimulation, it would take your time as the same and would not have that wonderful effect in that way.
On the other hand, if you commit into this, you should have the respect towards your keyholder of giving them this gift you are changing to the commonly agreed good direction. Regardless if the "me/you are being caged and it is so fun and hot" topic has brought up or not, the KH will still know about the little secret.

 

In general great observations and sage advice for interested parties.

 

As someone like yourself, thank you for all the great information

 

Very wise words!

 

Yeah number 7 rings true, though my partner wont ever cuck me (except maybe with a dong if i am lucky), but nor would I want another man near her as much as she would want me near another woman

 

Maybe I'm not reading #7 right... I have described my situation with my Wife/keyholder as "absent-minded denial" and I was told on this site that my marriage was fucked up because we weren't having sex and "all couples in a healthy marriage have great sex". Now, that guy was out of bounds, but still: there are those that say ignoring it, or forgetting about it, is death to chastity play, #7 seems to say to make it something unremarkable and seldom discussed.

In our case, my gift to Her is not mentioned for a few days in a row, with perhaps a comment every third day. Then some light teasing. I don't complain. Despite what the boor I mentioned above says, our marriage is awesome.

So while I obey #7 as I interpret it, there are more than a few people who say it has to be front and center regularly or frequently, or chastity in the relationship doesn't work.

Yes, I would be wise to avoid porn... Sigh.

Peace to all!

 

Not bombarding your kh with daily reminders of hey I'm in chasity and being locked and forgotten are drastically different things. Being locked and forgotten can lead to problems. If they're taking an active role being teased and denied should be a part of it because they want it to be. Not because you remind them daily hey I'm in a cage.

 

Everyone is different, and every couple has a different dynamic. Some guys may want tease and denial, others may not and want stricter...whatever. Not bombarding is simply good manners. Same as a woman nagging a man constantly about, say, taking out the trash. Likely not the best path to the results.

On the other hand, negotiating and agreeing that I will take out the trash every Tuesday (if that's ok with her), and doing that consistently, should make a workable situation.

Same thing here, if you negotiate that you want tease and denial, and she counters the negotiation with something that is comfortable with her (2x a week or whatever terms you both want), you've found a good agreement.

If she doesn't live up to that, you should bring that up, talk through it, and calibrate.

Women want the communication part of this, connection, and knowing where your head (and body) is, so she can feel connected to you and safe. As a result, you get her energy, playfulness and sexuality, she gets your masculinity, intimacy and safety...or something to this effect.

At first, when chastity was new to us, I brought up often. I was curious, it was new in so many ways. Now, I don't bring it up at all and she teases when she feels like it, has no hesitation keeping me locked, feels comfortable focusing on her own pleasure, etc. And enjoys giving me attention as a gift, or for her own satisfaction of building up my energy and frustration, etc. There are many flavors and motivations to the play.

 

Agree. Just a little bit of room is ideal for long term wear especially if openings in the cage are limited.

Never heard that one and have never had a black cage.

Haven't tried it but it makes sense.

Totally! It's cheating on your keyholder.

Absolutely. If I start getting an irritation that lasts for a day, I remove the cage, clean, relube and go right back in. The irritation goes away 9 out of 10 times.

If my Vice didn't work so well, I'd have to go this route. I can imagine the finality of it.

I have stopped talking about it after 2 years. It only comes up when my KH brings it up. This weekend, we attended a virtual conference on sexuality. We marveled at how we had learned some of the key principles of healthy intimacy because of chastity and denial. If others outside this forum only knew!