My Vanilla Break I ummmed and ahhhed about whether or not to start this temporary journal. As usual it has to do with other's perception of me! I pondered if it would damage what little reputation I have (spews coffee over laptop and picks self up off floor from laughing :neutral or if people would just be bored rigid with my vanilla life. Then I figured if people don't care, they don't have to read it! :bigsmile: Also I didn't want people to think I had totally vanished, but didn't want to clog up my other Journal with whatever happens during my break. I don't want a break. :sad: This I have figured out over the past 2 days. I swing between feeling quite relieved that the pressure to perform is off and feeling quite down that I am no longer in power (was I ever?!) and that now I am just another person. I walked into the bedroom last night and pet was on the laptop. I know he was just surfing really boring RPG stuff, but I felt a twinge that I haven't felt in a long time. A sort of mild panic. He's not locked, so can now surf porn and use it... and despite the fact he could always have been in contact with females from his past, I stopped worrying about it when I was Mistress, now I worry again. I also dig at him like this is all his fault, when in fact, it was probably mine... or a bit of both. We needed a break to have a good think about this, but still I can't help sniping stupid comments like "don't expect any backdoor play (or bondage, etc) because vanilla girlfriends don't do that". Which is pointless and damaging to our relationship. Then I wonder if this is another plan of pet's (yes, I know, I think too much and men aren't that devious!) because every day I think about tieing him up and putting the CB back on and putting myself back in power... That' would mean I've chosen it, and if he wasn't happy, he would have to pull his finger out and get on with life... my way! I'm not entirely sure this break will last 6 weeks.