Part 3 ~ My Vanilla Break

We’ve just received a vibrating dog trainer, goes around my leg and master can buzz me when he wants something. It might be an idea if you do decide to take charge. That way you have complete power but can be discreet about it. We’ve been trying to experiment with a lot of under clothing toys that way we don’t have to stop being Master and sub when we enter the vanilla world.

Does pet not indelicate to you what level of control he wants. I know when I get really horny often during sex I might say to master that I want him to have full control and describe what I want him to do to be. It doesn’t mean I’ll get it but at least that why Master has an idea of what I want.

It could be that if you do just tie him down and put his CB back on he’ll be back to his usually submissive self. I from my experience when Master isn’t in full control I can find it hard to be as horny. It can be hard to adjust to vanilla sexual activity because D/s is so intense you get used to a higher level of arousal.

Ps Still have a lot of respect for you and pet. I hope you can sort something out together. As I mentioned before reading your and pet’s diaries has helped me change a lot.

 

shhhhh Mistress Watchful,

HUGS!

the interesting thing about life, the painful thing about life is it is forever unpredictably changing. last time something i planned in life that went right is when i stopped at a Wendy's and got a Frosty that wasn't melted already.

dearest Mistress Watchful i greatly understand . . . changes. i will not bore You with my own recent medical, family and work clown like insanity but will kiss Your hand in support. Thank You for this site. Thank You for YOU. Thank You for being a real loving and caring heart.

Thank You

 

Mistress Watchful

I wish I was in a position to add something of value to your situation but I am not. I have been away from the forum (apart from a quick stop by) for the last few weeks and have not had time to catch up on your postings.

From what I can gather is that you are missing a level of balance in your relationship. Pet is not giving you the attention that you desire or need. This in turn makes you feel unwanted and ugly. Believe me this is in all likelihood not the case.

We would have went through similar times in our relationship where Mistress would have felt unwanted. This is where I believe I was selfish and only getting my kinks satisfied. It was complete and total blindness on my part. I would never snuggle, kiss and whisper sweet nothings in Mistress ear, not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't see the need. Maybe I was concerned that if I was overly affectionate that maybe she would feel crowed and begin back peddle (I know this is foolish).

Eventually we arrived at a junction, commit to the kinky lifestyle, or take the vanilla pathway. We decided to commit to the Kinky world. We order a Neo-Steel chastity belt, discussed many aspects of what I wanted and what Mistress would have to give up. I wanted to be kept as a Sissy, to be chastised and enslaved to her. In my mind she would have a vast collections of toys to satisfy her, oral service from me, would be able to take me with her strap on and when she wanted use my Sissy Clit. The reality of the matter was that Mistress needed reals sex and as a Sissy in Sissy mode I was unable to perform in that way.

Mistress always considered herself a one guy girl, but in our lifestyle was missing the sexual satisfaction. She never considered cuckolding and actually when she reached that chapter in Elise Suttons first book, skipped it completely. For what ever reason when she arrived at it in the second book (a few months later) she read it and then when back and read the original. To cut a long story short, we picked up the courage and ventured here. It has had a very positive effect on our relationship (actually as I write this she is moaning in ecstasy in room next door with her stud).

She found the balance here, but that is not to say it is right for everyone. It does have some drawbacks and occasionally I have a wobble or two fearing I might loose her. However I trust her completely, discuss my concerns when the arise and we work through them. What we have discovered is that I have become much more affectionate towards her and she loves this worshipping. She feels rejuvenated and has the drive to sissify me.

While most of this might not help you, you might find something in it that will. If you have not read Elise Suttons books I would encourage you to, in particular the chapters on chastity and cuckolding. You might find something in them.

 

Good morning Mistress (well at least here in the states!) First off and by far not the most important part but I had to laugh as I see we have yet more in common. First Rock Band now The Girls Next Door. I love that show and I know most would say for the obvious but as a photographer I love to see the elaborate set designs.

Ok now as far as your break, I do not know if I can offer much but suffice it to say it is something you will go through I guess. I say that as my Wife/Goddess and I are doing the exact same thing. Some where I looked at it in a selfish way. She wasn't reading any of the books to learn more, she wasn't initiating any more tease or denial sessions, she wasn't even acting like the idea was of interest. I know she was terribly busy with work and had I been doing what I should have been doing it might have been different. Problem was it hit me right of left field so I never saw it coming. I just thought why in the hell should I be kept locked and ignored.

While this first part may have nothing to do with your situation as you obviously put a lot of effort into your situation please allow me to add that your thoughts of Pet may be misled. I know that I now have the freedom to surf porn, masturbate, and do pretty much whatever it is I want but inside I truly miss what we had. As a sub thought I want and need her to come to me and say back in you go! This time I am in charge! By her giving me the permission to take it off then never enforcing the return of the device I took that to mean she has more important things to do and this is not one of them right now. I know I know I know-this is a selfish way to think but right or wrong perhaps it will help put things into perspective.

You don't strike me as someone Pet could just walk away from, so I would put little effort into worrying about that. Perhaps you two, Like us, need a little time to reconnect in the vanilla world then when the time feels right, tell him you want full control and discuss the situation. Once he knows what it means and agrees I think you guys will be back on track. As we are much newer to the scene I am hoping something can re-ignite the flame here. I feel like I did something wrong and I know I want it back, as I assume pet does.

 

Right first things first MW cheer up! (apologies not been on for a while work crap)

Right, MW allow me the forum here for a second. Firstly i owe you a massive thanks letting me and countless other men into your thoughts and feelings has helped me understand my wife 10x more. I recently went on an enforced vanilla break and i have to say its one of the best tools in the world for rediscovering each other and confirming what both persons like and dislike and abscence from the scene makes the desire even stronger.

i suppose its like sex therapy where one has to abstain from all sexual contact and do massages etc etc your just having a vanilla one ill bet anyone on here 20 to a charity of choice that it all goes back to d/s in some form certainly sexually.

So what i would like to add is this, perhaps with all the late nights pet when locked up has lacked sleep which reduces sex drive and yes the teasing is needed but its hard to be in someones elses shoes when your denied thinking about the other person its just like 'she doesnt want me anymore she will not even touch me even though i have done this for her'

So when your ready to go back heres a suggestion maybe a freedom routine each night to give a glimpse of freedom and an element of making pet be in charge of this. Maybe change chastity devices http://www.sub-shop.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=441 this im sure would help him sleep better and the less restricting chastity will make him realise what he is missing (the tease element).

Maybe its time to stop thinking what a dom should be a break out your shell and be comfortable in the dom you are and build from there.

On another note hope your both well.

 

I have this!

Just for the follow up I have this exact device and it works well in aiding in the sleep when the other device becomes too much!

 

Fuck me i feel all Jeremy Kyle now!

Now pet the lie detector, do you miss being MS watchfuls sexual bitch?

 

MW dont forget what i said in my message though, make pet get the sleeping chastity device NOT YOU, make him ask to be unlocked and changed start making him prove himself as a sub NOT you as a dom.

You know deep down for us men its the hunt and thril of the chase, tease and wind him up but again make him prove he is the sub worthy of you.

And jog this boring vanillla break off now how else you going to get material for your future book?

 

Maybe its time to both 'come out of the closet' after all you can have a d/s relationship without telling people about your sex life!

 

Saying that what would the surrey folk think what what what!

 

I’ve still been closely following your diary, just couldn’t think of much useful advice to give this time around. Think a vanilla break will do you both good in the long run though.

I hope you can sort your holiday out. Sounds like you and pet deserve a nice relaxing break. Will have to make the most of the food and drink, If the drink is watered down you’ll just have to drink twice as much :bigsmile:.

I guess in life we just have to make the most of the situation we are faced with.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, MW. Life is full of ups and downs. We attended a conference on D/s lifestyles a few weeks back and the couple instructing the class made it very clear that sometimes you just need to take a little break and lower the intensity. They did say that rather than calling it a vanilla break (which so so dramatic) to call it a "vanilla vacation" (or holiday in your terminology).

In reality it sounds to me like it is time to put a little D/s back into your relationship... start with telling pet what exactly you like during sex. Why lay there and be all submissive and unhappy? That attitude is for the sexually unsure... You are both way past that!

Now is the time for you and pet to start working out a contract (try a 3 month one) so that once the kids go back to school you will be ready. In the mean time why not just have a little D/s bedroom time? Nothing over the top, just some playful stuff behind closed doors and leave it there when you are done. Dip your toes back into the lifestyle so to speak.

Lastly, substillaman had excellent advice about pet ( http://www.chastitymansion.com/forum/showpost.php?p=3566&postcount=12 ) and i think you should give it some serious consideration. Pet has to prove himself worthy to serve you... don't be a service top to him.

 

Turn him over your knee! :spankwhip:

In all seriousness, sounds like he has an intimacy/control issue. When your vanilla vacation is over i would suggest a serious training session for him and i can not stress enough the need for both of you to have a contract to keep you both focused on your relationship.

Hope you have a wonderful time on holiday... take pics!

 

When is it that you go away? Maybe before you go you need to tell him once and for all what You want. It doesn’t sounds to me like you’re being selfish. You always give the impression that your worried about what pet wants, how pet is feeling when you should have to time to think what it is you actually want.

Pet may feel lost still, I know you’ve been on a break for a while now but it can still be hard to know where you stand as a sub. You could once and for all take control of your pet. A contract might be a good idea. I’ve always said to Master that he need to be more ruthless and come round to the idea that I prefer not having control and that I’m turned on by certain things. Being more ruthless has been one of the hardest things for Master to overcome.

If you do take complete control you may find that everything just seems to click into place. It could be the kick up the arse that Pet needs. He may find himself again.
Write that contract, put that CB back on and take control of your sissy. You may find that he turns to mush and submits straight away, if that happens I’m sure you’ll end up feeling a lot better about yourself.

As for the Holiday and kids being around, there are many ways you can have control without people knowing. Simply wearing items of underwear under clothing or we used to have a leather cuff (a vanilla fashion one) but we had a sort of collaring ceremony with it and it came to symbolize my submission in the vanilla world.

Anyway enough of me. Sorry if I’ve gone on at you a bit. Hope you don’t think I’m ranting at you too much.

I hope most of all that you enjoy your holiday.

 

Dear Mistress Watchful,

I just wanted to share with you my / our similar experiances, I feel you have hit the nail on the head with your conclution that your are both very insecure in your relationship. While both clearly in love and devoted each is suspicious i think not of the others love but of how they view the other and their kink if i may call it this.

My Girlfriend / Mistress and I are very similar, we cannot stand to be apart and are beyond desperately in love how ever due to the implications and un charted path that relashionships such as ours have i think there is mutual fear that the others peception of us is negative.

I am in normal life quite "manly" and have an attitude of getting the job done, she too is no pushover but does from time to time enjoy being "taken care of" or being swept off her feet by her knight.

The very real changes that occure in outr pyche and behaiviour during chastity adn the power we give and receive challenge our societal and to some extend own notions and expectations, We have discussed this and both feel that we are worriede that by eperimenting on this journey we may end up in a relationship with someone we no longer reognise as the attractive partner we sought out.

It had been building for some time and we have only manged to discuss it now.

We have both been switching roles for over a year now but for the last 3 months she has increasingly been the dominant partner, which i have only encouraged and enjoyed.

But this led to the positon where she was getting uncofortable with my increasing submission and I with her feeling of me not being her man.

We have discused this and both feel much better from this, each couple has it's own needs and will work out their own path, i respectfully suggest that fro your jouranl i suspectt that communication may be lacking and that is the only solution.

I am everything for my Girlfirne and Mistress, and she relaisies that i always will be, I am her lover , protector, friend, confidant, partner on this amazing journey called life, I am her suave romeo, her mincing maid her pool boy and her slut. She has all this and it is at her beck and call,

I have a incredible woman who challenges me and my preconceptins, who is my guide to live and so many things i never imagined or experianced, she is everything i am for her and more.

We both know things change, I enjoy being a Top too but ofr now we will explore all aspects of her dominant side, but when we need something else it will still be there.

I hope this may help if only a little

Alice