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Part 3 ~ My Vanilla Break

Discussion in 'Mistress Watchful's Blog Archive' started by Mistress Watchful, Jul 25, 2008.

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  1. My Vanilla Break

    I ummmed and ahhhed about whether or not to start this temporary journal.

    As usual it has to do with other's perception of me!

    I pondered if it would damage what little reputation I have (spews coffee over laptop and picks self up off floor from laughing :neutral:) or if people would just be bored rigid with my vanilla life.

    Then I figured if people don't care, they don't have to read it! :bigsmile: Also I didn't want people to think I had totally vanished, but didn't want to clog up my other Journal with whatever happens during my break.

    I don't want a break. :sad:

    This I have figured out over the past 2 days. I swing between feeling quite relieved that the pressure to perform is off and feeling quite down that I am no longer in power (was I ever?!) and that now I am just another person.

    I walked into the bedroom last night and pet was on the laptop. I know he was just surfing really boring RPG stuff, but I felt a twinge that I haven't felt in a long time. A sort of mild panic. He's not locked, so can now surf porn and use it... and despite the fact he could always have been in contact with females from his past, I stopped worrying about it when I was Mistress, now I worry again.

    I also dig at him like this is all his fault, when in fact, it was probably mine... or a bit of both. We needed a break to have a good think about this, but still I can't help sniping stupid comments like "don't expect any backdoor play (or bondage, etc) because vanilla girlfriends don't do that". Which is pointless and damaging to our relationship.

    Then I wonder if this is another plan of pet's (yes, I know, I think too much and men aren't that devious!) because every day I think about tieing him up and putting the CB back on and putting myself back in power... That' would mean I've chosen it, and if he wasn't happy, he would have to pull his finger out and get on with life... my way!

    I'm not entirely sure this break will last 6 weeks.
  2. We’ve just received a vibrating dog trainer, goes around my leg and master can buzz me when he wants something. It might be an idea if you do decide to take charge. That way you have complete power but can be discreet about it. We’ve been trying to experiment with a lot of under clothing toys that way we don’t have to stop being Master and sub when we enter the vanilla world.

    Does pet not indelicate to you what level of control he wants. I know when I get really horny often during sex I might say to master that I want him to have full control and describe what I want him to do to be. It doesn’t mean I’ll get it but at least that why Master has an idea of what I want.

    It could be that if you do just tie him down and put his CB back on he’ll be back to his usually submissive self. I from my experience when Master isn’t in full control I can find it hard to be as horny. It can be hard to adjust to vanilla sexual activity because D/s is so intense you get used to a higher level of arousal.

    Ps Still have a lot of respect for you and pet. I hope you can sort something out together. As I mentioned before reading your and pet’s diaries has helped me change a lot.
  3. I have a feeling I should be somewhere far more interesting today. :sad:

    I did ask pet whether or not it would be ok for me to go and be somewhere a little more exciting, but apparently he had a nightmare last night about losing me to someone else and wants to keep me close.

    I understand why we are both quite clingy at the moment, and sometimes its good to be that way. We obviously still want to be together and need to find out exactly which bits of the D/s lifestyle we miss so that we can put them back into our relationship when the time is right.

    For me I definitely miss having him locked up. I think of lots of lovely torturous things I could do to him... but I didn't last time, so why would that change?

    It is nice to have him much more snuggly and kissy and touchy feely, which he wasn't when he was locked up... that seems the opposite of what should have happened and I can't figure that one out.

    We've had a nice couple of days, kids are home, weather is nice, so most of it has been spent in the garden in the pool. pet likes the added bonus that this means I wander round all day in a bikini!

    Well, time to get baby to bed and play on the Xbox for a while.

    Tum ti tum.......
  4. shhhhh Mistress Watchful,


    the interesting thing about life, the painful thing about life is it is forever unpredictably changing. last time something i planned in life that went right is when i stopped at a Wendy's and got a Frosty that wasn't melted already.

    dearest Mistress Watchful i greatly understand . . . changes. i will not bore You with my own recent medical, family and work clown like insanity but will kiss Your hand in support. Thank You for this site. Thank You for YOU. Thank You for being a real loving and caring heart.

    Thank You
  5. Mistress Watchful

    I wish I was in a position to add something of value to your situation but I am not. I have been away from the forum (apart from a quick stop by) for the last few weeks and have not had time to catch up on your postings.

    From what I can gather is that you are missing a level of balance in your relationship. Pet is not giving you the attention that you desire or need. This in turn makes you feel unwanted and ugly. Believe me this is in all likelihood not the case.

    We would have went through similar times in our relationship where Mistress would have felt unwanted. This is where I believe I was selfish and only getting my kinks satisfied. It was complete and total blindness on my part. I would never snuggle, kiss and whisper sweet nothings in Mistress ear, not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't see the need. Maybe I was concerned that if I was overly affectionate that maybe she would feel crowed and begin back peddle (I know this is foolish).

    Eventually we arrived at a junction, commit to the kinky lifestyle, or take the vanilla pathway. We decided to commit to the Kinky world. We order a Neo-Steel chastity belt, discussed many aspects of what I wanted and what Mistress would have to give up. I wanted to be kept as a Sissy, to be chastised and enslaved to her. In my mind she would have a vast collections of toys to satisfy her, oral service from me, would be able to take me with her strap on and when she wanted use my Sissy Clit. The reality of the matter was that Mistress needed reals sex and as a Sissy in Sissy mode I was unable to perform in that way.

    Mistress always considered herself a one guy girl, but in our lifestyle was missing the sexual satisfaction. She never considered cuckolding and actually when she reached that chapter in Elise Suttons first book, skipped it completely. For what ever reason when she arrived at it in the second book (a few months later) she read it and then when back and read the original. To cut a long story short, we picked up the courage and ventured here. It has had a very positive effect on our relationship (actually as I write this she is moaning in ecstasy in room next door with her stud).

    She found the balance here, but that is not to say it is right for everyone. It does have some drawbacks and occasionally I have a wobble or two fearing I might loose her. However I trust her completely, discuss my concerns when the arise and we work through them. What we have discovered is that I have become much more affectionate towards her and she loves this worshipping. She feels rejuvenated and has the drive to sissify me.

    While most of this might not help you, you might find something in it that will. If you have not read Elise Suttons books I would encourage you to, in particular the chapters on chastity and cuckolding. You might find something in them.
  6. Just a quickie - lots to do today.

    cks - you're so right about planning!

    sophie - I think we will have to decide one way or another at the end of this break.

    I think about chastity every day. :sad: Every day that pet isn't locked up, I assume he has masturbated, which in turn makes me not want to have sex with him - why bother? he can do it himself. :cry:

    I have a new necklace to wear, it's from Playboy (don't get me started... Girls Next Door is one of my FAVOURITE shows! I adore Hef and the girls!) it is a pink, lock shaped pendant with the Playboy bunny in pink crystals. I haven't hung the key on it, but I do think about it... it would be silly though to wear a key with no purpose.

    I'm annoyed that pet isn't posting on the site. Sometimes I wonder why he introduced me to chastity if it wasn't what he really wanted. I guess we sometimes try something that we don't like, but I just wish I knew a bit more what was going on in his head.

    Gotta dash, need to get baby up and kids ready - I think we are going to the cinema!
  7. Good morning Mistress (well at least here in the states!) First off and by far not the most important part but I had to laugh as I see we have yet more in common. First Rock Band now The Girls Next Door. I love that show and I know most would say for the obvious but as a photographer I love to see the elaborate set designs.

    Ok now as far as your break, I do not know if I can offer much but suffice it to say it is something you will go through I guess. I say that as my Wife/Goddess and I are doing the exact same thing. Some where I looked at it in a selfish way. She wasn't reading any of the books to learn more, she wasn't initiating any more tease or denial sessions, she wasn't even acting like the idea was of interest. I know she was terribly busy with work and had I been doing what I should have been doing it might have been different. Problem was it hit me right of left field so I never saw it coming. I just thought why in the hell should I be kept locked and ignored.

    While this first part may have nothing to do with your situation as you obviously put a lot of effort into your situation please allow me to add that your thoughts of Pet may be misled. I know that I now have the freedom to surf porn, masturbate, and do pretty much whatever it is I want but inside I truly miss what we had. As a sub thought I want and need her to come to me and say back in you go! This time I am in charge! By her giving me the permission to take it off then never enforcing the return of the device I took that to mean she has more important things to do and this is not one of them right now. I know I know I know-this is a selfish way to think but right or wrong perhaps it will help put things into perspective.

    You don't strike me as someone Pet could just walk away from, so I would put little effort into worrying about that. Perhaps you two, Like us, need a little time to reconnect in the vanilla world then when the time feels right, tell him you want full control and discuss the situation. Once he knows what it means and agrees I think you guys will be back on track. As we are much newer to the scene I am hoping something can re-ignite the flame here. I feel like I did something wrong and I know I want it back, as I assume pet does.
  8. Right first things first MW cheer up! (apologies not been on for a while work crap)

    Right, MW allow me the forum here for a second. Firstly i owe you a massive thanks letting me and countless other men into your thoughts and feelings has helped me understand my wife 10x more. I recently went on an enforced vanilla break and i have to say its one of the best tools in the world for rediscovering each other and confirming what both persons like and dislike and abscence from the scene makes the desire even stronger.

    i suppose its like sex therapy where one has to abstain from all sexual contact and do massages etc etc your just having a vanilla one ill bet anyone on here 20 to a charity of choice that it all goes back to d/s in some form certainly sexually.

    So what i would like to add is this, perhaps with all the late nights pet when locked up has lacked sleep which reduces sex drive and yes the teasing is needed but its hard to be in someones elses shoes when your denied thinking about the other person its just like 'she doesnt want me anymore she will not even touch me even though i have done this for her'

    So when your ready to go back heres a suggestion maybe a freedom routine each night to give a glimpse of freedom and an element of making pet be in charge of this. Maybe change chastity devices http://www.sub-shop.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=441 this im sure would help him sleep better and the less restricting chastity will make him realise what he is missing (the tease element).

    Maybe its time to stop thinking what a dom should be a break out your shell and be comfortable in the dom you are and build from there.

    On another note hope your both well.
  9. I have this!

    Just for the follow up I have this exact device and it works well in aiding in the sleep when the other device becomes too much!
  10. Yay.... subbutstillaman... you're alive and chilling! Your post made me smile and that link was PERFECT! I have been desperate to order from that site (so much pink stuff AND that comes in pink!!!) Ohhhhh I'm all excited again.

    I showed the page to pet whilst he was ironing (how's that for odd... I stop Domming and pet does the ironing! :squigglemouth:) anyway, I couldn't get my words out and just went all girlie and he said "you miss it don't you" and I said yes, and it was just one of THOSE moments...but I'm trying not to get toooooo excited over it.

    xcite, thank you again for sharing your thoughts, it's so reassuring to know that teething problems do happen, and we do get over them.

    I'm hoping it will become obvious when it's time to lock him up again, because I want to at the moment, but I know it's not time yet.
  11. Fuck me i feel all Jeremy Kyle now!

    Now pet the lie detector, do you miss being MS watchfuls sexual bitch?
  12. MW dont forget what i said in my message though, make pet get the sleeping chastity device NOT YOU, make him ask to be unlocked and changed start making him prove himself as a sub NOT you as a dom.

    You know deep down for us men its the hunt and thril of the chase, tease and wind him up but again make him prove he is the sub worthy of you.

    And jog this boring vanillla break off now how else you going to get material for your future book?
  13. Lol @ me ever having the time to write a book!

    The break won't end fully until the kids are back at school... that gives us a nice definite goal, and there are so many other things seeking our attention during these days.

    That reminds me! I have a very good friend of mine coming to stay for a week or so from tomorrow, so I may not be around too much... heaven knows what would happen if she saw this site up!
  14. Maybe its time to both 'come out of the closet' after all you can have a d/s relationship without telling people about your sex life!
  15. Saying that what would the surrey folk think what what what!
  16. Fuck it.... :cry:

    I went to get our tickets for our holiday yesterday only to find that we haven't been booked into a 2 bed apartment/villa, but into 1 room.

    6 of us.

    2 adults, 3 kids (12, 11, 10) and a baby.

    In 1 room.

    I'm not happy. :crossedlips:

    How I did not explode in the travel agents I do not know. I go between sheer desperation of needing this holiday and just putting up with it and just not wanting to go.

    After 2 hours in the travel agents, there is nothing we can do (which costs less than 1000) and basically have to suck it up and get on with it.

    I guess we won't be spending that much time in the room, and it is a suite - but I know what "suite" can mean in some hotels.... "we squeezed a sofa into your already cramped bedroom".


    Thank God it's all inclusive and I will be able to spend my time drinking masses of (watered down :crossedlips:) local alcohol.
  17. I’ve still been closely following your diary, just couldn’t think of much useful advice to give this time around. Think a vanilla break will do you both good in the long run though.

    I hope you can sort your holiday out. Sounds like you and pet deserve a nice relaxing break. Will have to make the most of the food and drink, If the drink is watered down you’ll just have to drink twice as much :bigsmile:.

    I guess in life we just have to make the most of the situation we are faced with.
  18. So annoying here with my guest, as I can't get on and update things... :cry:

    pet and I had vanilla sex the other day... was ok I guess. I did find myself needing to be in control, but lay back and shut up because I wasn't sure what was the best line to take. We were both tired anyway, so it was a usual quickie, pet first and then me taken care of.

    Made me miss all the fun and games SO much. :cry:

    pet also painted my toes for me which I found INTENSELY erotic, far more than usual, probably because I'm missing all the kinky stuff.

    I mentioned a couple of dreams I had over breakfast this morning, one of which was where someone had phoned me to ask for a date (I didn't elaborate at the table, but it was Alpha Male... pet realised this). My guest said I should look my dreams up and see what they mean, and I said I knew what that one meant. She replied "yes, you're not getting enough".

    I was pretty pissed off. But exactly how do you say... actually you're completely wrong, I can have what I want, when I want it... I can lock up my pet's cock and have oral sex 24/7 if I want, and all the kinky sex possible, and do you have any idea how great and dirty our sex life has the potential to be RANT RANT RANT.

    Grrrrrrrr.... so I had a go at pet because since my friend has been here he won't approach me in an affectionate manner and pushes me away if I go to kiss or cuddle.

    So we came home and had a quickie!!!! *sigh*

    All this is really reminding me what I could have had and didn't. I'm such an idiot!
    astrologer likes this.
  19. Don't be so hard on yourself, MW. Life is full of ups and downs. We attended a conference on D/s lifestyles a few weeks back and the couple instructing the class made it very clear that sometimes you just need to take a little break and lower the intensity. They did say that rather than calling it a vanilla break (which so so dramatic) to call it a "vanilla vacation" (or holiday in your terminology).

    In reality it sounds to me like it is time to put a little D/s back into your relationship... start with telling pet what exactly you like during sex. Why lay there and be all submissive and unhappy? That attitude is for the sexually unsure... You are both way past that!

    Now is the time for you and pet to start working out a contract (try a 3 month one) so that once the kids go back to school you will be ready. In the mean time why not just have a little D/s bedroom time? Nothing over the top, just some playful stuff behind closed doors and leave it there when you are done. Dip your toes back into the lifestyle so to speak.

    Lastly, substillaman had excellent advice about pet ( http://www.chastitymansion.com/forum/showpost.php?p=3566&postcount=12 ) and i think you should give it some serious consideration. Pet has to prove himself worthy to serve you... don't be a service top to him.
  20. Thank you newsub.

    It's so busy here, with my friend staying (Grrrrr!!!!) and trying to get 2 adults, 3 kids and 1 baby ready for a holiday (going for a week, but it feels like we are preparing to go to the moon for a month!) I am run ragged!

    pet is annoying me (nothing new!) I need moderators on this site before we go... still not sorted!

    I'm also peeved that he hasn't updated his blog and appears to have lost interest in sex. I know we have a guest, but she is sleeping in the other end of the house. :cry:

    In desperation I asked if he wanted a quickie this morning, but he was too tired and said no. :sad: Some comment about waking up and having to run a marathon, so I left it...

    I get sad when we're not intimate, and with my friend here he pulls away from kisses and hugs. I ran up to him in my usual daft manner the other day because he'd just put his deodorant on (it smells like chocolate) and hugged and sniffed him and said he smelled yummy... he told me not to be stupid. :squigglemouth:

    I know I'm probably missing out all the horrible things I apparently do to him, but I just feel very lonely.

    Ah well, on to organising baby's room today and digging out her holiday clothes.

    Have a good day all. :xd:
  21. Turn him over your knee! :spankwhip:

    In all seriousness, sounds like he has an intimacy/control issue. When your vanilla vacation is over i would suggest a serious training session for him and i can not stress enough the need for both of you to have a contract to keep you both focused on your relationship.

    Hope you have a wonderful time on holiday... take pics! :kiss:
  22. I was going to suggest the contract idea today, but things go from bad to worse... then spring back to reasonable!!!! It's driving me nuts.

    It's like he's gone into his little shell and won't come out. I have a feeling this has a lot to do with the holiday... he hates flying, water and the sun... so a medium-haul flight ending in a destination with 7 pools and a lot of sun isn't much of a holiday is it. :cry: I've been very selfish this year, but last year I did endure a UK self catering holiday in a rainy Newquay caravan for him and that damn near killed me with a 3 month old baby!

    Today has been horrible. I feel completely out of control and I'm not even getting any vanilla sex. On top of that our windscreen has cracked and I have to spend 2 hours in the autoshop waiting for it to be fixed on Tuesday when I should be packing!!!!

    I was hoping we could pop to lunch while it was done, but he has to stay at home and wait for a new bed to arrive.

    I really REALLY need this holiday!
  23. When is it that you go away? Maybe before you go you need to tell him once and for all what You want. It doesn’t sounds to me like you’re being selfish. You always give the impression that your worried about what pet wants, how pet is feeling when you should have to time to think what it is you actually want.

    Pet may feel lost still, I know you’ve been on a break for a while now but it can still be hard to know where you stand as a sub. You could once and for all take control of your pet. A contract might be a good idea. I’ve always said to Master that he need to be more ruthless and come round to the idea that I prefer not having control and that I’m turned on by certain things. Being more ruthless has been one of the hardest things for Master to overcome.

    If you do take complete control you may find that everything just seems to click into place. It could be the kick up the arse that Pet needs. He may find himself again.
    Write that contract, put that CB back on and take control of your sissy. You may find that he turns to mush and submits straight away, if that happens I’m sure you’ll end up feeling a lot better about yourself.

    As for the Holiday and kids being around, there are many ways you can have control without people knowing. Simply wearing items of underwear under clothing or we used to have a leather cuff (a vanilla fashion one) but we had a sort of collaring ceremony with it and it came to symbolize my submission in the vanilla world.

    Anyway enough of me. Sorry if I’ve gone on at you a bit. Hope you don’t think I’m ranting at you too much.

    I hope most of all that you enjoy your holiday.
  24. Dear Mistress Watchful,

    I just wanted to share with you my / our similar experiances, I feel you have hit the nail on the head with your conclution that your are both very insecure in your relationship. While both clearly in love and devoted each is suspicious i think not of the others love but of how they view the other and their kink if i may call it this.

    My Girlfriend / Mistress and I are very similar, we cannot stand to be apart and are beyond desperately in love how ever due to the implications and un charted path that relashionships such as ours have i think there is mutual fear that the others peception of us is negative.

    I am in normal life quite "manly" and have an attitude of getting the job done, she too is no pushover but does from time to time enjoy being "taken care of" or being swept off her feet by her knight.

    The very real changes that occure in outr pyche and behaiviour during chastity adn the power we give and receive challenge our societal and to some extend own notions and expectations, We have discussed this and both feel that we are worriede that by eperimenting on this journey we may end up in a relationship with someone we no longer reognise as the attractive partner we sought out.

    It had been building for some time and we have only manged to discuss it now.

    We have both been switching roles for over a year now but for the last 3 months she has increasingly been the dominant partner, which i have only encouraged and enjoyed.

    But this led to the positon where she was getting uncofortable with my increasing submission and I with her feeling of me not being her man.

    We have discused this and both feel much better from this, each couple has it's own needs and will work out their own path, i respectfully suggest that fro your jouranl i suspectt that communication may be lacking and that is the only solution.

    I am everything for my Girlfirne and Mistress, and she relaisies that i always will be, I am her lover , protector, friend, confidant, partner on this amazing journey called life, I am her suave romeo, her mincing maid her pool boy and her slut. She has all this and it is at her beck and call,

    I have a incredible woman who challenges me and my preconceptins, who is my guide to live and so many things i never imagined or experianced, she is everything i am for her and more.

    We both know things change, I enjoy being a Top too but ofr now we will explore all aspects of her dominant side, but when we need something else it will still be there.

    I hope this may help if only a little

  25. kris... never worry that you have "having a go" at me, I always take other people's thoughts seriously because when you are in love, you truly are blind!

    There is probably some kind of Big Talk somewhere around the corner, but you try finding time with a guest and now 6 kids running round the house (am I mad or what!)

    pet is very scared of flying, and I'll be lucky to get him on the plane on Wednesday, so thats a primary reason I'm not pushing things to stress him further.

    Yes, I do think about pet's feelings and wishes, etc, etc because I'm a pleaser (but not submissive any more!)

    Alice... what a wonderfully thought out post. It blows me away when people take the time to express their thoughts in such detail.

    Although we haven't had the D/s thing since we first got together, we were always kinky and pet ALWAYS idolised me and worshipped me... in truth, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

    This is definitely a *me* thing. I have serious self-doubt issues, I know deep down I must be reasonably attractive and fairly intelligent... but I don't see why people are quite so enthusiastic about me. LOL!

    It's something I need to address, but have no idea how.

    Years of never being good enough for my mother (96% in a Chemistry test, what happened to the last 4%) or my husband (I don't sleep with you because you're fat and unattractive) appear to have had quite an impact!

    I was also the "frigid" one at school (yes, I know... I know!!!) that boys weren't interested in, and always felt lucky if a boy did show me any attention!

    I actually quite like myself and my life, but I put a huge amount of importance on what other people think. I would love to just let go and enjoy myself... but I worry too much! :tongue:

    Wow... huge ramble... sorry peeps! :angel:
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