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Part 3 ~ My Vanilla Break

Discussion in 'Mistress Watchful's Blog Archive' started by Mistress Watchful, Jul 25, 2008.

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  1. Morning everyone.

    Well I'm a bit pissed off but trying not to let it get to me.

    Last night, 8pm or so, I was playing Civilization Revolution (link for the geeks, for the non-geeks - its a Dominate the World type game where you lead a civilization to economic, technological, cultural or domination victory. Strategy game, keeps my mind working!) and pet puts his laptop down and snuggles down to go to sleep. :sad:

    I (stupidly) said "oh great, no sex again then". Not the most subtle of comments and let's face it, not a great turn-on for anyone in particular!

    I should have let it go, but nooooooooooooo, I went on and on about how the morning is a problem because pet doesn't wake up, and now evenings seem to be out, and the day is a write off because the kids are home. Sometimes I just don't know when to shut up. So pet just rolled over. I asked if he minded if I watched Big Brother, he said "if that's what you want to do" and went to sleep.

    So I finished my game, watched the recorded Big Brother and settled down myself at about 11pm.

    Then... just as I had drifted off to sleep I get woken up by pet giving me a cuddle. Again, being stupid (or annoyed at being woken up just after I'd gone to sleep) I told him I wasn't in the mood and that I was now ready for sleep.

    Blah @ me and not handling things right, but to me there is a big difference from being woken up by a horny boyfriend in the middle of the night, and being woken up by a boyfriend who now can't sleep and is bored and looking for something to do. :eek:oh:

    Oh look... I'm thinking again! :crossedlips:

    Anyway. Baby woke up at 5.30am, so I brought her into bed with us. She's really funny, and when she woke back up at 8.00 am, I let her try and wake daddy up by poking his eyes, stroking his hair, giving him baby kisses... but he still woke up in a crappy mood. Maybe it was the eye poking! :xd:

    Well I've got to dash and get everyone ready to visit my parent's caravan down at the coast today. Looks like it will be cold and wet. Not sure how it will go. My mum is very funny with pet, regarding him as the one who broke up my (already falling to pieces but no-body knew) marriage, but my dad loves him (because my dad is the most perfect man on the planet!)

    Oh... and I've been fiddling with the site. I'm now an administrator! And I hope to demote pet to moderator asap, but I will still need his technical help with some things first. I have some plans I don't want him "peeking" into! Hopefully some different things coming to the site soon, but we'll see what time (and stroppy pets) allow.
  2. Oh dear things aren’t sounding good at all. Has your arguing moved from your Ds lifestyle into you’re normal everyday relationship now?

    Have you tried to take a complete step back and have a quiet chat with pet about how you both are feeling in general? You probably have but there are still undertones of your Ds lifestyle in your diary entries. I was just thinking have you been able to give up the thought of the lifestyle all together or are you hanging onto it until you and pet are on better terms?

    I know things can be hard with the kids around but you’d be amazed what even 5 minutes of talking can do. It just takes one person to say the right thing to put everything back into perspective.

    I’m not expert so you can tell me to get lost if you want :angel:. It just saddens me to read your diary at the moment :kiss:.
  3. Giving baby a lot of attention and less to him... that's a very bad recipe... men in general have problems to cope that babies get part of the attention that used to be focused on them... and if You add to that... i don't think i need to type where that road leads... sorry.

    You really have to do things for him too in this situation... even if You don't always feel like it.
  4. knightservant.... I don't think I've laughed so hard in a quite a long time!

    Our baby is the most perfect thing that ever happened to pet... I can guarantee those would be his words. :bigsmile: She was created by me, the woman he wanted most in the world, and is and always will be a part of him. He wanted a daughter, and now he's got her she is ever bit the daddy's princess that you would expect! If anyone should be jealous... it should be me!

    (I'm still chuckling!)

    To say that I don't pay pet enough attention shows that either you don't know me quite as well as the others on the site, OR, I've said something, somewhere recently to lead you to believe that.

    Our little princess spends 2 days a week during term times with a childminder so that I can spend time EXCLUSIVELY with pet... some would call me a bad mother for that, but I do it because I know what my man needs.

    So... I'm still a bit confused by your statements. By all means qualify them and show me where I'm going wrong, but you are WAY off base on your baby/pet attention observation, and I think the people here who know me very well would agree.

    I guess you are implying pet will leave me.... HYSTERICAL!

    For me to do anything more for pet in our current situation I would have to be feeding him and wiping his arse! :bigsmile:

    I also find it quite amusing that I always found the Scandinavian countries to be world leaders in their opinions on bringing up children...(excellent maternity/paternity leave, childcare, etc) maybe you are an exception to their rule?
  5. Mistress Watchful

    I was delighted to read that you are taking more control over the Forum. Maybe we it refers to something that I indicated a few days ago and if so it was my pleasure to suggest it in the first place (might never know if it comes to pass though.

    The issue of too little/too much attention is a mine field that needs to be threaded carefully. There is a balance that needs to be identified and this in itself is difficult to find. I truly hope both yourself and pet discover it as it will be very rewarding to both of you.
  6. This may seem to come out of the blue but i remember reading how you were struggling with feelings of guilt at times while keeping your pet under lock and key. That tickled a memory and so i went back to altarboy's site to look it up and found someone's solution to this issue.

    now some of what is suggested may be a bit extreme or just simply not work for you but i think, on the whole, it does shift the burden over to the sub rather than the domme.

    The article itself is most probably a work of fiction but i like some points it makes:

    • documenting the orgasms actually sounds very hot, and may help you remember the pleasure long after the fact. May make for some very hot reading long after you've forgotten about the events.
    • suddenly its his problem to get you in the mood for sex else he won't have any chance at earning 'cum balls' as the author calls them. Nothing preventing you from initiating things but i'd think the sub would have a bit more motivation this way.
    • easy way to handle wanted/unwanted behavior, adding white, blue, or black balls as necessary
    • no guaranteed release for him, there's always a chance for blue or black balls (so there's no reason to stop trying to earn more 'cum balls')

    The author is rather strict in her requiring 24 orgasms for the guy to get a 50/50 chance at release, but i'd advise to be careful when adjusting the formula for your own uses. with the author's setup, there's about a 2% chance for the black ball at 24 cums. You may think to be lenient and make the break even point at say 5 cum balls. That gives a 10% chance for the black ball, which may not be what you intended.

    actual marbles aren't required, the math is relatively easy to figure out so mapping that to a random number generator would be much simpler (albeit less dramatic) than fussing with marbles. to fix the percentage issue above, you might just multiply the number of blue and 'cum' balls as necessary to dial in the desired black ball percentage.

    entire article here


    p.s. long time lurker first time poster
  7. Wow.... an amazing first post!

    Thank you for pointing me to that article, it's the best description of the "marble jar" I've ever seen.

    It's definitely something I will keep in mind. I like the idea of marbles, physically. I've always had a thing for pretty, shiny things...

    Thank you again for posting. That really made my day, and it's not even 7 am!

    sissysophie - thank you, that may well have something to do with it, probably not... and yes, you'll never know!
  8. we have a somewhat similar 'ball game' that's used as a way to evaluate the quality of maid service at the end of each month.

    on the wall between the LR and kitchen Mistress hung a smart, pretty, three-basket device on the wall. the center, upper basket contains a bunch of smooth glass marbles (orignally intended as examples of stained glass color infusions - that's another story!). when maid service has been exemplary, Mistress places a marble in the lower left basket. a marble goes in the right one when service has been below standards.

    at the end of each month Mistress looks at the differece between both and if good service outweighs bad, She'll consider devoting time to a conditioning session. otherwise Mistress will consider punishment.

    either outcome depends on Her mood, with the exception of scolding or praising Her maid.

    She doesn't feel milking is necessary every month - in fact, She's not milked Her maid since April because of a failure to properly serve another Lady. this situation really motivates me to become more obedient and attentive to details!
  9. You're probably confused because You didn't understand that my comment was based on statistics, not on knowing You. If the standard answer to such a situation does not apply to You, then congratulations. But my observation would be correct in at least 9 out of 10 relationships with Your issues.
  10. Thank you for clarifying, it was obviously a misunderstanding.

    Fortunately, we are not the usual couple... so I don't think usual statistics apply to us. :nerd:

    I'm sorry that so many people you have observed have split up after having a baby, that's awful. :sad:

    Well hopefully things will be slowing down here for the last week and a bit of summer holidays (vacation) for the kids. We have some last minute school shopping to do, then a family visit or two next week... hopefully nothing else!

    After that, kids back at school and I might get some organisation into my life.
  11. Nothing to say here at the moment really.

    I realise I'm back in one of my black moods, which makes me tend to hide a bit from pet. I stop speaking to him, because if I do, it tends to be one hell of an abusive outburst.

    Part of me thinks it's dreaded monthly hormones because I've had terrible headaches for 2 days now. I hate my body being so fucked up and trying to rule my head and my heart. I'd contemplate sterilisation but I'm not ready to come to terms with the fact I won't be having any more kids yet. I think maybe when baby is 4 or 5.

    Hmmmm.... I wonder if my blogs will ever get back to sex and chastity and sissydom. I feel like I haven't had sex for MONTHS. :cry:
  12. Not speaking isn’t going to do you both much good. I also know that shouting at each other doesn’t get you anywhere either. I know from experience it’s often easier to talk outside of the house, when going for coffee or a walk somewhere. At times the home can just seem like a battle ground which makes it hard for either party to communicate properly.

    If your unable to go out and chat with having the kids around maybe you could ask pet nicely (Not saying you wouldn’t) to write down how he feels maybe you could also.
    You don’t have to necessarily add it to you’re diary it could be something deeply private for just the two of you. It may help start some constructive dialogue though.

    I can see from both of you’re diaries that you miss the lifestyle very much. You may not have said it quite so clearly but it is clear to see that both of you don’t want to give it up.
    When the lifestyle works it can be great and surely that is worth working for. I was going to say fighting for but I don’t think fighting would be good, more quiet deliberation.

    I take back everything I said about pouncing on him and forcing him to submit for the time being. Maybe subtlety is what is required for you’re situation.

    I do hope you can sort something out soon. I’m missing your normal diary. Or maybe you might end up starting a new one. ‘The not so reluctant dominatrix’ :bigsmile:
  13. Thanks kris... I have a name for my new blog actually, but I'm not sharing till I open it. :wink:

    Having said that, it looks like it's a long time off. :sad:

    We (sort of) had a chat while shopping today. I'm horny as fuck so made a big effort today... well not a huge effort, but the last week or so my "look" was unwashed hair and a t-shirt covered in paint :crossedlips: so today I wore a skimpy white halterneck and floaty grey trousers, I straightened my hair and made sure I wore some jewellery.

    pet was still a bit distant, and I don't blame him, so we just went off for a little shopping spree to cheer me up. I'm gaining weight waaaayyyyy too fast and needed some outfits to perk me up for when I go back to Uni.

    Somewhen in the day pet confessed that he doesn't really feel like sex at the moment... he doesn't really feel like anything. He said he thought I looked stunning today, but just didn't feel (can't remember the words) like he could be intimate with me and that I hated him.

    I'm gutted. It's not me (phew!) he's just struggling with changes coming up and feeling unsettled. But this means I might not get laid until things settle down.... I'M GUTTED AND HORNY!!!!!

    Now I just feel all.... horny... did I mention that?! But I don't want to spend all my time trying to seduce him, because I'll still feel like I've forced him into it and I'm still unattractive. But if he tries it on now I'll feel like I can't do anything "technical" it'll just be vanilla and quick!

    O M G

    I think too much.

    I'm just horny. :cry:
  14. honestly, MsWatchful, i feel pet is very lucky to have someone as devoted to the relationship as You. in my experience, interest in the lifestyle just seems to disappear in my partner until another potential mate shows up, which rekindles the fire in a direction outside of the relationship (kinda bringing it to an early conclusion). i don't sense that's what's happening with You and pet though, so i feel that's a really good sign.

    it seems to me that communication might be considered there. i really don't know much about where you live (wish i could visit it though!) but have found that is two people come together here from different geographic regions, communicating is somewhat difficult. not impossible, but just difficult because common words, abbreviations tend to be foreignh
  15. We both had drive issues at times. Mostly Hormonal and it was worth pondering what obligations a person feels when that feeling of horny-ness is absent. When it was me feeling "dead" I decided that if the Spirit wasn't willing the Flesh ought to make the Collage try. And when both failed <gulp> there was Strap on Sex (With the male wearing the equipment) Viagra or Vaccum devices and cock rings.

    Often the problem is the women will think "Why don't I drive him crazy with lust like I used to?" or "If his heart is not into this I feel bad obligating him to DO me." Neither of these is really valid. Men have hormones and these can turn a sex crazed maniac into a neutered nothing in short order.

    And hey! This is supposed to be a female dominated relationship even if your currently Vanillaing it. If ordering him to give you Oral sex for half an hour doesn't sing why not talk about sexual obligations in a vanilla sense. If people as boring as US do it trust me you guys should have no problems.

    Hang in there! Good luck...
  16. Oh! Sorry one P.S. mental health issues can turn men (and women) into neutered nothings just as fast. And I'm sure there are more reasons.
  17. Thanks again everyone... I don't know why you put up with me.

    Today I am going back to the shops - to return everything I bought yesterday. :cry:

    Nothing fits, I'm so upset. I didn't bother to try anything on because I was so sure that the "fat" size I was buying would be big enough... nope, I appear to have gone up yet another size.

    I feel like my life is completely and utterly out of control. I don't feel like making any effort for myself or for pet. I'm now also trapped because even if there was a 3rd party, I couldn't begin to enjoy myself because I look like a tree trunk.

    Yesterday wasn't a total loss, I am keeping a pair of very high red, open toe, heels, and a bra and brief set fitted... although the beautiful cami-suspender set has to be returned. The body fitted, but how they expected a woman of my size to have such tiny boobs is beyond me!!!!

    Things are going from bad to worse, and I know I've got to start exercising and stop eating, but I have no motivation at all. If I reduce my eating, pet gets mad at me... blah - baby's awake, gotta go. :sad:
  18. There is nothing to "put up with". You're real. Life is real. Some of us have the 'perfect' 24/7, female-led, chastised life and I suspect many more of are still dreaming for some form of that life. Believe it or not you are inspirational (to me). I've been lurking for a short time reading up on on all there is to offer on Chastity Mansion (and there is quite a bit! Thanks to you!). It is my hope that my wife someday could be as interested in the type of life you are living/have lived. I Often have my doubts that will ever happen, but I never give up hope. The law of the universe says you manifest what you believe. (sappy I know). Keep believing, you'll get back to where you want to be. Just my 2 cents. (or is it pounds these days?)
  19. Oh Mistress do try to smile today! Not necessarily quoting SissyJamie and definitely stepping "out of place" perhaps but I can't help but chime in here.

    Things will get tough sometimes especially in relationships. However your perception of yourself is way Way WAY off base. Did I say way off base? Dreams, expectations, and reality are all part of life. Never let your dreams go because they help define your future and as you know the future is all you have left as the past is behind you. When your expectations are not met do not take it personally. Look at what you have learned and move forward. I caution you here however as this is where you determine the reality of your life. Looking negatively at the results of your expectations results in a negative reality (trust me I know all to well) Keep your expectations high. If you expect the worse in everything it is true you will never be disappointed BUT you will never fully experience the reality of greater expectations.

    While all this blah blah stuff may sound off base it goes to this in summation. You have to look at what and who you have become only in a positive sense. My wife is a wonderful person and when she reacts negatively it reflects on me and my failures in a way. However when she is charged and in a take charge frame of mind I am more attracted to her. Plus that energy she has takes over and causes her to look for other areas where she can excel.

    There is probably no one here that would argue that you are an amazing person just for what you have brought to the group. Therefore build on that and then look deeper. Look at your education, look at your children, and then take another look at yourself. Please forgive me if I am anyway out of line here but it grieves me greatly so see a person of your caliber so down on themselves when you have so much to offer. Weight can change, relationships can change, lifestyle can change-all are ultimately effected by your perception of them. I remember in my earlier less mature and definitely more selfish days when I ended a relationship over similar things, her crapy attitude all the time, her constant weight gain, and (her dishonesty) the last of which was justified, the first of which was not. Long story short-I met up with her a few years later and because of her new attitude I wanted to know everything about her again. She had not lost weight so it had nothing to do with the looks but just the confidence she now had made her almost irresistible.

    Unfortunately I know you, as a woman, seek justification from us sometimes dumb men but please remember your own self worth should never be determined by the identity someone gives you either by spoken word or those words withheld in error.
  20. Mistress Watchful,
    I cannot begin to compete with some of these wonderful well written posts here, that I might add, came from the hearts of the ones that love you, but I will say that I too hate to see such a wonderful, warm, and loving person in so much anguish. None of us can truely know whats going on in Your mind, or in Your life for that matter, but we all do care about You. You are a beautiful Woman, and You are young, and have a wonderful future ahead of You, so perk up!! I wish I was there to give You a hug and a slap on Your ass!! Hummm....that might perk Me up too :angel:

    Mistress Michelle
  21. Oh gosh, you're all so wise. Mistress Michelle, I might just look into a ticket for a weekend in November, even if it's for a quick slap and a flight home.... LOL!

    Do you know what makes this all so difficult for me now? The fact that I have this site! I feel I have something to live up to, something that people think I was, or am, but actually may never be!

    When I wake up, I want to be that different person. I try and ask myself what I would do as the person I want to be... but I never believe I can be that person, so I don't even start.

    It's not fair to ramble all this rubbish out to you lot, I think I really need to get into therapy, but it's not that easy in the UK.

    I take life too seriously these days. I want to be fun, and bubbly again... I need to stop worrying about what other people think.

    I need to re-evaluate where I'm going. I had a plan... I finished uni, hubby and I took the kids to America for a 3 week holiday, I came back, got a job, we were very well-off and bought a big house overlooking a golf course, 2 nice cars and lived a privileged life with luxury holidays.

    A year before that was due to happen, my marriage disintegrated, I met pet and had a baby, took a year out of Uni and graduated a year late. Now I'm doing a Masters and pet is starting college. I have no idea where we are going or what we want. Even the dream of a 2 bedroom dungeon in Brighton seems stupid now, given our sex-situation.

    No wonder I'm not motivated, there's nowhere for me to be going!

    So now I'm sitting here, thinking I've poured out yet more drivel... but I don't force you to read it! Do I press the submit button, or do I just ditch this post....
  22. It would appear that you pressed the submit button. And I gladly read all of you’re so called ‘drivel’.

    I don’t know if I can speak for everyone but I’m sure most people will agree that you have nothing to live up to. This site would be nothing without you, not because what people think you may be but because of what you are, honest, intelligent and wise.
    I personally don’t think that you’re some sort of super dom but I still happily sit here and read you’re diary.

    I do know there is a great dom hiding inside of you. We have seen insight into your dominant side when reading you’re early diary entries. You should not feel thought that you have to be a dom just for people here to respect you.

    I’m sure what ever decision you make, people will on here will still be interested in what you have say and any opinion you have to share.

    At the end of the day you should do what feels right for you and you alone.

    I’m sure all that people will ask is that you do what ever makes you happy.
  23. Well, You are right about one thing....You do not force us to read it, but in case You havent noticed, we read it because we care about You. No one expects You to be anything You are not...You are an honest and sweet Woman, and You have a website cramed full of supporters, all that followed You here because You are who You are. Dont ever think whats going on in Your life is drivel!
    Mistress Michelle
  24. I don't think you need to define yourself by what you think others think you "should" be. If you decide that Chastity and wild sex are just a thing you do on the weekends or even not at all that is up to you! If you decide its going to be ultra hard core 24:7 that is also totally up to you. And how soon (or not) that happens has to be on your sched! I mean I'm just the observer in this world but the primary rule is supposed to be "You make the rules" and I don't see that being defined and locked into "any" mold follows that most important rule. And for what its worth I think its a damn fine system. It sure would save a lot on the mental health costs if I could follow my own advise.

    From my own issues with sex I would say the following. Going without sex makes it easier to go without sex. The opposite is often true as well. Having sex makes it easier to have more sex. I know this next bit is not romantic but its helped us and others. Be willing to be premeditated about sex. Some people are put off by it but... I think its a good tool to get back on track. Make a plan. *In 12 hours I'm going to get laid. Or every other day. Or whatever you decide. And give your Pet time to process that he will be needed to participate. Having sex is good for you. Lots of good brain chemicals and its a fair workout for the heart etc.

    As to food, loosing weight etc. Eat Breakfast. Walk whenever you can avoid driving or taking the bus and you will be on the a good start.
  25. on losing weight....

    1. check with a doctor first before doing this.

    2. don't drink soda, because of the high sodium content.
    2a. a minor point: avoid fried foods (not absolutely necessary!)

    3. drink water, and walk a mile each day.

    4. drink more water.

    5. did i mention to drink lots of water?

    weight loss should occur at about one-half pound every two days, BUT at that rate, one could develop a kidney stone at the drop of a hat!

    this worked very well for me. i lost 30 lbs in three month. i also developed a kidney stone (so now i know what it's like to give birth!)

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