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Part 3 ~ My Vanilla Break

Discussion in 'Mistress Watchful's Blog Archive' started by Mistress Watchful, Jul 25, 2008.

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  1. Lol @ the pair of you!

    Well I'm sat here in bed feeling very sorry for myself.

    After 7 wonderful days in beautiful, hot HOT sunshine of Fuerteventura, I get back to dreary, wet, cold England and guess what... I get prickly heat. How is that possible? :cry:

    I feel horrible, look horrible. It's only on my hands, a little on my arms, and on my feet, but it's awful. I don't like things which occupy my mind (like headaches, itching, etc) and I can't concentrate on things.

    So here I am, catching up with Big Brother and feeling very sorry for myself. :sad:
     
  2. Aww :-( Feel better!
     
  3. Mistress Watchful,

    Finally having time to read through this thread it sounds like you have a lot going on. I'm not sure I can offer much that hasn't been said except to say as someone who has fought depression and lived with someone who had it real bad life can be tough. So the best way to take care of yourself is to be around friends that care (including being online). If I understood you, you're going back to school? If so, that's a great place to meet people (even if they're vanilla) who have similar goals and intellectual levels as you. So don't be afraid to take time and join study groups, book groups, and go for coffee with others.

    Finally as far as your pet. As one who has figured out that vanilla relationships aren't for me, I can tell you that we all go through times of wanting more or less BDSM. The "problem" is finding the right amount and when you have kids, jobs, etc it can be hard. Since some days all you want to do is come home, have a bite to eat, and crash out. Other times a good intense session is what's called for.

    So I guess what I'm saying is don't listen to those who are negative. (only listen to those who support you). Find ways to work with pet to make your relationship work, and let him know that you are a special person and as a Domme while you care for him, you must have your needs met while you meet his needs and let him know that he's loved and cared for. (and do things from time to time to keep him off base, and the sparks alive)
     
  4. Hi Mistress Watchful MikeCB and the rest.

    Yes - Vanilla without any toppings (Ok Pun not intended) can be a bit dull. Personally I like Butterscotch. Maybe some sprinkles if I can claim I only did it because the kids did... I guess what I'm saying is maybe you could rev up the Vanilla aspects of your life (sprinkles?) and see if there is a middle that works?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miliaria#Treatment Hope that helps with the Prickly Heat. I live in a northern state and we don't have that kind of problem... Get better soon...

    We've dealt with some depression in our family. Talk Therapy is good. Drugs? Really REALLY depends on the drugs. If you ever get to that point remember that a lot of depression meds have some serious sexual baggage. Like lack of sex drive, impotence and my favorite Anorgasmia (Inability to climax) Wait? Should I be telling you that?!?! ha!

    Anyway, Wellbruten or Wllbruten XL worked for us and have minimal side effects. Maybe a tad MORE sex drive... If thats possible.
     
  5. Thanks Jimi - you really are our resident drug dealer (I jest... it never hurts to have a good knowledge of all things medical :nerd:) and I agree on the bit of this bit of that idea of BDSM.

    tomf - thank you also. :smile: Again, a bit of "normality" some days and kink when it suits is obviously the easiest route, especially when kids/work/school are all in the mix.

    I am my own worst enemy. :xd: I'm one of these people who like things to be "complete". This means I feel I want a 24/7 lifestyle that is discreet around family... but before I can have my sissymaid slut I need to give him a fighting chance in the house.

    If a woman who has been a housewife (in varying degrees) cannot keep on top of a house, with all her accumulated experience, I cannot expect him to jump in and make it perfect whilst wearing high heels and masses of petticoats!!!!

    We've had our break (both vanilla, and with pet at home 24/7) and we've done nothing with it. As you know, I am going to do my MSc from October, so I really feel the need to get some kind of house systems in place before then, or the house will descend into lower depths and we will both end up depressed, stressed and going nowhere.

    Lets face it - we are still in the early years. We still have young children at home. I am trying to fly (let alone run) before I can walk.

    I really need to decide what I want from the D/s and so does pet. That might be tonight's project... if I don't fall asleep again!
     
  6. A quick update as nothing much is going on in my life. :sad:

    It looks like my days as a Mistress (to-be) have been kicked to the curb. pet is completely disinterested in anything kinky and doesn't seem too bothered about sex in general.

    I was feeling a little guilty as I had indulged in self-pleasuring whilst snuggled up in bed, looking at real-life cuckolding photos... ah well. I rarely do, so what the heck!

    I asked pet last night when he last masturbated, knowing that he would have and he replied it was on holiday the day after we had sex the second time.

    I wasn't pissed off, or annoyed, a bit confused maybe. I asked why and he said he didn't know, he knows it's pointless and doesn't enjoy it. I couldn't really argue as I'd done the same thing... but I did it because I was horny and knew that sex probably wasn't on the agenda.

    I also thought about giving pet a blow-job last night. Don't know why. In the end I didn't get round to it because he started being silly (not knowing what was on my mind) and it killed the mood before it began. I told him what I'd been thinking and he seemed really put out that I didn't feel like doing it any more...

    That made me a bit huffy, but I didn't kick off. Just watched some TV and went to sleep.

    Busy days ahead. Decorating and preparing the kids for the new term. Can't wait to get back to University. It's always so pretty in Autumn because the original owner of the site collected trees! This means there are lots of beautiful, varied trees in lots of pretty colours to look at.

    Time to get on with my day I guess.
     
  7. Beautiful Mistress Watchful - I hope you get back to having all the sex and orgasms you want while denying his and keeping him on the edge.

    I can't imagine losing interest in sex or kink.
     

  8. I hate to say it but I think at some point everyone loses interest, the thing is for how long?
     
  9. tomf_22033

    I hate to admit it but what you said holds true. We (my wife and I) were like to young kids with this whole chastity thing and now that her job is taking all her free time it has left her with no interest at all-not even an interest in locking me up....hopefully the how long is not long.
     
  10. Thank you all for your concerns on my lack of orgasms! :xd:

    I spent most of today surfing cuckolding blogs... strange but true.

    I'm tired, I really should engage pet in some conversations about what will or will not be.

    Sleepy time. :kiss:
     
  11. I hate to give advice when I obviously can't be in your shoes and really understand everything going on in your life. But, I can't help it.....:tongue:

    You're longing to move toward 24/7, and while you were trying, it seemed it was often working. I'm thinking there are two ways to feel like a Domme. You can feel like a Domme when he TREATS you like one..... OR You can feel like a Domme by ACTING like one. Reading back in your blogs, it seems like you guys waver when you wait for him to treat you that way, and he doesn't (intentionally or unintentionally).

    My advice is this. You ARE a Domme. Act like one. If you do, pet will be turned on, and treat you like one. Don't wait for "Domme" to happen to you. Make it happen. If you feel horny, grab his hair, drag him to the bedroom, and shove his face in your crotch. If he's STILL not interested (unfathomable to me), then just tell him to enjoy the show, and take care of it yourself.

    I truly think the only thing holding you guys back is that you are over-thinking it.

    One more analogy. This is a classic example of "men from mars, women from venus". The other day, I left a coke can sitting in the living room. I had forgotten it. My wife was in a bit of a mood about something else, totally unrelated to me. She walked by, picked up the can, let off a huge sigh, and says "Well, I guess you expect ME to pick it up!".

    I had just forgotten it, and didn't notice it at the moment. i was watching the Olympics. I would have noticed it eventually, and I certainly would have picked it up and dealt with it. I'm actually the more fastidious one in the family. However, because of her own issues that day, she perceived something in a totally different way.... that I was expecting her to play housewife to my lazy-slob-husband.

    I wonder if that happens to you guys a lot? Perhaps your own doubts and fears as you assert yourself cause you to misinterpret certain things as pushback, when they're really just nothing at all?

    Again, I think the answer is just ... Be a Domme. Make it happen. Don't wait for it to happen TO you.

    I hope that perspective helps a little.
    Be well!
    mike
     
  12. I completely, totally, utterly 100% agree!

    I think when the kids are back at school, and we start with a blank page we will do it OUR way!

    I said in another thread I have been reading through Bacon and Lettuce's blog. It is a revelation to me. These people have got it sorted... but it was HELL getting there!

    They have pretty much the relationship aspects of D/s, cuckolding and FemDomme that I would like. They took what they wanted and tailored it to them. Perfect.
     
  13. I read part of the blog and it was ahh very intense. If I understand it this is a Hotwife type of deal not a "Traditional" Cuckolding or Chastity thing? Or you could combine it and be a Hottity? Or Chastot couple? ;-)

    Anyway it sounds like the Vanilla Break maybe over soon.
     
  14. Great advice, mike and i totally agree. The true aspect of being a Domme is to BE the Domme. It is a mindset as much as anything. Goddess and i still deal with these issues (it is a LOT better than it used to be), but we are new to the lifestyle and getting there slowly and surely (actually we are getting there pretty fast :tongue: )
     
  15. I agree with this 120%.

    If I had more time to post now I would but I do see a lot of similarities with your case and our own (before we got to where we are now). Enough to say that once Mistress started making the decisions we moved to a completely different level, a very rewarding one for both of us. Yes Mistress was fully aware of my desires and wants and decided to explore those along with her own.

    As I have mentioned in other threads I am living the cuckold lifestyle, and must admit that Mistress is getting the Sex she always wanted, that I was somewhat disinterested in. I think this is similar to Pet's issues! But don't rush in here, make sure it is right for both of you!

    When I do have more time I will add to this (if I forget please remind me)
     
  16. Gut instinct and my own feelings figured whilst staring at white walls all day (the decorating is going VERY slowly!):

    The reason we started along the chastity route was because pet introduced it as a "quirk" to our already fantastic sex life.

    Although I didn't want to be Domme, I know enjoy certain ideas and aspects. I want to discipline with whips and spanking. I want to be pampered like a Princess (most... but not ALL of the time!) and I want to be able to ask for the sex I want WHEN I want! (According to pet this was never a problem for him, but I lacked confidence at the time, this is no longer a problem.)

    I want charlotte. I love pet dressing up - slutty so I can torment and tease in the bedroom, and in maid's outfits so I can watch her tippy toe round for a while, serving me dinner, running me a bath and servicing me sexually.

    I don't want to be a cuckoldress (yet! and I reserve the right to change that!!!!)

    I want to dress up, and be photographed (even if they never get shown) just because it's fun... and I like fun.

    In fact the BIG revelation today was that in an attempt to spice up what was already a very spicy sex life, we completely ground it to a halt.

    We both feel we can't be ourselves for fear of not being what the other one wanted us to be... something that needs to be worked out.

    To some of you this is no great revelation - you've been trying to tell me all along "do what suits YOU, not what you THINK should suit you!"

    So I am marginally happier today. No... I feel like a great weight has been lifted.

    Oh.... do I get banned from my own site if we decide not to use chastity anymore, or go into cuckolding or FemDomme???? :nerd:
     
  17. Banned? From Your Own website....LMAO
    You know....when My kids were home, this lifestyle was quite difficult to say the least so I understand some of what You are going through! And...it'll be quite sometime before Yours are grown and gone, dont look forward to that, just remember there will come a time when Your pet is the only one left in the house. I do agree with the above...You are over thinking all this, theres nothing wrong with taking a 'break' now and again, and You know in Your heart that you love this lifestyle so....enjoy what You want to enjoy, and do what You want to do...make up Your own rules as You go along, and have fun!! Life is all what You make it....So make it something good!! ;)
    Mistress Michelle
     
  18. Thank You Mistress Michelle. :kiss:

    And lol, I guess you're right - who would run the place!?

    It feels quite strange here at the moment. It will take a while getting used to.

    We snuggled up in bed last night and kept tickling and poking each other in silly ways like teenagers, but both a bit nervous to do anything. Pretty ridiculous really!!!

    Shopping today. Nothing fun... school uniforms for 3 kids oh heck! I might have to pop into La Senza and treat myself to some new lingerie to cheer me up halfway through.

    O - my son, 11, shouldn't be too bad. The list is quite strict and well - boys trousers are boys trousers!

    L - my daughter, 12, isn't too bad either, although she gets a bit tearful if things aren't right. So if we don't find the right outfit she'll get upset and pre-teen.

    E - daughter #2, 10, is ME! Bratty. Knows what she wants. Is a style icon in her own right. Whatever we choose will not look like a school uniform by the time we get her through the doors. Entertaining, until she throws a hissy fit mid-shopping (just like mummy! :angel:)

    B - daughter #3, the child that can do no wrong... she'll sit in her buggy and shout every now and then. I think I'm going to buy her a doll's pram. Well, she doesn't need a school uniform! :angel:

    Wish me luck! If they misbehave I can always hold the fact that we are going to Chessington tomorrow as a threat! :nerd:
     
  19. Is it still "Retail Therapy" if you take 4 kids?... well, 5 if pet is going.... :tongue:
     
  20. Lol.... actually it was pretty easy!

    2 shops and we were done, so we went to lunch to celebrate and then went to visit pet's mum.

    Weather looks rubbish tomorrow, so we are visiting my parents at their caravan and doing the theme park on Friday.

    I ache soooooooooooooooo much from painting. I'm off to have a drinkie and a lie down.
     
  21. Congratulations for finding some clarity in your relationship. Each and every little bit help. As far as not using a chastity device allow me to say for us Chastity is also an emotional thing. Tease and denial still goes here as do many forms of consensual BDSM. Therefore, and going only on assumption, I do not see you guys going totally vanilla in that sense so of course you would still be allowed, on your own site none the less.

    Now as far as the photography goes, if you ever get state side you simply let me know and would be honored to provide a professional session for you and pet! :wink:
     
  22. Dim lighting and soft focus?! Then I'm all yours... :tongue:

    Oh my mind is wandering now. The possibilities.

    It would be lovely to have some shots of me all dressed up with boots and gloves and all... pet in a cute little doggy collar and leash, pink lycra whole body suit with hood... ahhhhhhh....

    Or him in a gothic lolita outfit, licking my boots clean....

    *sigh*
     
  23. Good gracious how would I focus, no pun intended. LOL Well the offer stands of course one day when I get my wish/dream I am coming to England as I so want to see the castles and London!

    By the way you need nothing in the way with soft focus but in photoshop all things are possible so you have nothing to worry about! LOL-Not that you need anything to worry about!
     
  24. If you get to England, let me know, we'll meet you in London for a cocktail or coffee! We're only an hour by train and never need an excuse to shop.
     
  25. LOL Will do!
     
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