Part 3 ~ My Vanilla Break

Aww :-( Feel better!

 

Mistress Watchful,

Finally having time to read through this thread it sounds like you have a lot going on. I'm not sure I can offer much that hasn't been said except to say as someone who has fought depression and lived with someone who had it real bad life can be tough. So the best way to take care of yourself is to be around friends that care (including being online). If I understood you, you're going back to school? If so, that's a great place to meet people (even if they're vanilla) who have similar goals and intellectual levels as you. So don't be afraid to take time and join study groups, book groups, and go for coffee with others.

Finally as far as your pet. As one who has figured out that vanilla relationships aren't for me, I can tell you that we all go through times of wanting more or less BDSM. The "problem" is finding the right amount and when you have kids, jobs, etc it can be hard. Since some days all you want to do is come home, have a bite to eat, and crash out. Other times a good intense session is what's called for.

So I guess what I'm saying is don't listen to those who are negative. (only listen to those who support you). Find ways to work with pet to make your relationship work, and let him know that you are a special person and as a Domme while you care for him, you must have your needs met while you meet his needs and let him know that he's loved and cared for. (and do things from time to time to keep him off base, and the sparks alive)

 

Hi Mistress Watchful MikeCB and the rest.

Yes - Vanilla without any toppings (Ok Pun not intended) can be a bit dull. Personally I like Butterscotch. Maybe some sprinkles if I can claim I only did it because the kids did... I guess what I'm saying is maybe you could rev up the Vanilla aspects of your life (sprinkles?) and see if there is a middle that works?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miliaria#Treatment Hope that helps with the Prickly Heat. I live in a northern state and we don't have that kind of problem... Get better soon...

We've dealt with some depression in our family. Talk Therapy is good. Drugs? Really REALLY depends on the drugs. If you ever get to that point remember that a lot of depression meds have some serious sexual baggage. Like lack of sex drive, impotence and my favorite Anorgasmia (Inability to climax) Wait? Should I be telling you that?!?! ha!

Anyway, Wellbruten or Wllbruten XL worked for us and have minimal side effects. Maybe a tad MORE sex drive... If thats possible.

 

Beautiful Mistress Watchful - I hope you get back to having all the sex and orgasms you want while denying his and keeping him on the edge.

I can't imagine losing interest in sex or kink.

 

I hate to say it but I think at some point everyone loses interest, the thing is for how long?

 

tomf_22033

I hate to admit it but what you said holds true. We (my wife and I) were like to young kids with this whole chastity thing and now that her job is taking all her free time it has left her with no interest at all-not even an interest in locking me up....hopefully the how long is not long.

 

I hate to give advice when I obviously can't be in your shoes and really understand everything going on in your life. But, I can't help it.....:tongue:

You're longing to move toward 24/7, and while you were trying, it seemed it was often working. I'm thinking there are two ways to feel like a Domme. You can feel like a Domme when he TREATS you like one..... OR You can feel like a Domme by ACTING like one. Reading back in your blogs, it seems like you guys waver when you wait for him to treat you that way, and he doesn't (intentionally or unintentionally).

My advice is this. You ARE a Domme. Act like one. If you do, pet will be turned on, and treat you like one. Don't wait for "Domme" to happen to you. Make it happen. If you feel horny, grab his hair, drag him to the bedroom, and shove his face in your crotch. If he's STILL not interested (unfathomable to me), then just tell him to enjoy the show, and take care of it yourself.

I truly think the only thing holding you guys back is that you are over-thinking it.

One more analogy. This is a classic example of "men from mars, women from venus". The other day, I left a coke can sitting in the living room. I had forgotten it. My wife was in a bit of a mood about something else, totally unrelated to me. She walked by, picked up the can, let off a huge sigh, and says "Well, I guess you expect ME to pick it up!".

I had just forgotten it, and didn't notice it at the moment. i was watching the Olympics. I would have noticed it eventually, and I certainly would have picked it up and dealt with it. I'm actually the more fastidious one in the family. However, because of her own issues that day, she perceived something in a totally different way.... that I was expecting her to play housewife to my lazy-slob-husband.

I wonder if that happens to you guys a lot? Perhaps your own doubts and fears as you assert yourself cause you to misinterpret certain things as pushback, when they're really just nothing at all?

Again, I think the answer is just ... Be a Domme. Make it happen. Don't wait for it to happen TO you.

I hope that perspective helps a little.
Be well!
mike

 

I read part of the blog and it was ahh very intense. If I understand it this is a Hotwife type of deal not a "Traditional" Cuckolding or Chastity thing? Or you could combine it and be a Hottity? Or Chastot couple? ;-)

Anyway it sounds like the Vanilla Break maybe over soon.

 

Great advice, mike and i totally agree. The true aspect of being a Domme is to BE the Domme. It is a mindset as much as anything. Goddess and i still deal with these issues (it is a LOT better than it used to be), but we are new to the lifestyle and getting there slowly and surely (actually we are getting there pretty fast :tongue: )

 

I agree with this 120%.

If I had more time to post now I would but I do see a lot of similarities with your case and our own (before we got to where we are now). Enough to say that once Mistress started making the decisions we moved to a completely different level, a very rewarding one for both of us. Yes Mistress was fully aware of my desires and wants and decided to explore those along with her own.

As I have mentioned in other threads I am living the cuckold lifestyle, and must admit that Mistress is getting the Sex she always wanted, that I was somewhat disinterested in. I think this is similar to Pet's issues! But don't rush in here, make sure it is right for both of you!

When I do have more time I will add to this (if I forget please remind me)

 

Banned? From Your Own website....LMAO
You know....when My kids were home, this lifestyle was quite difficult to say the least so I understand some of what You are going through! And...it'll be quite sometime before Yours are grown and gone, dont look forward to that, just remember there will come a time when Your pet is the only one left in the house. I do agree with the above...You are over thinking all this, theres nothing wrong with taking a 'break' now and again, and You know in Your heart that you love this lifestyle so....enjoy what You want to enjoy, and do what You want to do...make up Your own rules as You go along, and have fun!! Life is all what You make it....So make it something good!!
Mistress Michelle

 

Is it still "Retail Therapy" if you take 4 kids?... well, 5 if pet is going.... :tongue:

 

Congratulations for finding some clarity in your relationship. Each and every little bit help. As far as not using a chastity device allow me to say for us Chastity is also an emotional thing. Tease and denial still goes here as do many forms of consensual BDSM. Therefore, and going only on assumption, I do not see you guys going totally vanilla in that sense so of course you would still be allowed, on your own site none the less.

Now as far as the photography goes, if you ever get state side you simply let me know and would be honored to provide a professional session for you and pet!

 

Good gracious how would I focus, no pun intended. LOL Well the offer stands of course one day when I get my wish/dream I am coming to England as I so want to see the castles and London!

By the way you need nothing in the way with soft focus but in photoshop all things are possible so you have nothing to worry about! LOL-Not that you need anything to worry about!

 

LOL Will do!