Three weeks ago I spoke about the role of chastity in my life in a circle of about 50 men. I spoke at some length, talking about my sexual insecurities, my wife’s evolving involvement, and how it has strengthened our marriage by promoting our communication about sex. Was I nervous? Hell yes! I was at a weekend retreat of a group called Connecticut Men’s Gathering (COMEGA) which is about as safe an emotional place as there could be. The intension of the hundred or so men who were there is to be genuine and non-judgmental as we seek to be the best men we can be. It’s up to each individual to define what that means for himself. In addition to workshops we meet in small circles of 8 men, a more intimate setting to talk about ourselves. There were three other men in my circle who had heard me speaking in the larger group and when I raised the subject in the circle of 8 they were all really interested. They wanted to understand what exactly I was talking about, and why I was doing it. I loved the opportunity to answer their questions, speaking at length about wearing a cage, putting my own desires on a back burner, how chastity tied in to my lifelong desire for BDSM and how my wife relates to all this. One man said that my description of the state of my marriage BC (Before Chastity) described almost exactly how his marriage was now. He masturbates every day (like I used to), he has sex with his wife maybe once every 6 months (sounds about right), he fears rejection by his wife if he makes a sexual advance (I sure did). He asked if he could phone me after we returned to our homes. Last Saturday we spoke for almost an hour. I asked him to tell me what was going on with him and his wife. After hearing him speak for a few minutes I understood that our life experiences have been very, very similar. I spoke about sex and no sex. I spoke about how, for me, wearing the cage makes it easier to do without orgasms. The desire is there but the cage takes the feeling of immediacy off. I spoke about how liberating it is to be able to approach my wife sexually but to not expect to have sex. I spoke about how it takes the pressure off my wife when she can so easily decide if she wants PIV or doesn’t want it. He sees us as being on the same path but me being several years further along and is very appreciative of my openness and willingness to ‘tell all’ so he can learn from my experience. It’s great for me to be able to talk in this way about a subject that is usually very secret. Yesterday he emailed asking if we can talk again. We will, on Saturday. Have any of you had similar experiences? Please share them.
I think that stage of marriage is more commonplace than not. And I’m sure leads to a lot of unhealthy arguments. Outside of this forum though I have never talked to someone about chastity. No one in my personal life knows. You are very lucky to have a group like that.
Pretty crazy story. I can’t say I would be brave enough to talk to 50 strangers about chastity. Especially if I had no idea how they feel about it. If it was 50 people who were all together because they are chastity proponents, that might be different.
That's awesome that you can help in that way. I'm a super keep kinky guy in pretty vanilla marriage. My wife's sex drive nose dived when the kids came. I'm not a chronic masturbater but my emotional state really declined. Moody, irritable, just not a great person to be around. Then she became pressured to have sex with me and I could tell which wasn't a fun situation. I eventually did cheat on her And was found out. I'm so thankful that my wife found something in me and us that was worth saving. I have so far to go to make things right. I brought up Chastity because I see it as a kinky fun thing that can also help us heal. I was happy to see everyone open up on this website about how much their marriage improved and realized I needed to make a change. My device hasn't arrived yet but I've started kind of a self Chastity. I personally have seen a huge improvement in our relationship. It's really clear to me now that my wife does love me and does want to have sex with me but she doesn't always feel up to the task dealing with three kids all day, homeschooling them and all the house work. I've made a very concious effort to help keep her from getting overwhelmed. Instead of sitting non the couch if I see some house work that needs attention just do it, and do it with out expecting anything in return. I really think Chastity is going to help us grow closer instead of apart.
We are planning/considering 2 things this summer that would include my being 'outed' in public. one is a trip to Hippie Hollow in Austin. That is the only clothing optional park/beach in Texas. The other is a possible trip for a couple of days to a lifestyle friendly, clothing optional campground. The first will happen but i'm not positive about the camping trip. i have been involved in several discussions, with a 'show and tell', at an adult club.
Good for you. It’s people like you that will help to make something that so many of us except as a normal part of our lives exceptable to the society as a whole. Congratulations on being a Leader.
Good job, this is not something I would feel comfortable doing here at home. This island is too small. In a more anonymous setting, maybe. Until then I have CM.
Congratulations! Well done for being so bold as to be able to spread the good word about chastity! Not sure I would have had the nerve to do it in such a vanilla setting!
naked exposition in a trusted setting, allowing others to more fully understand you is admirable, and maybe others here will be emboldened by your example. Good Job!!
Agreed! I really wish more people would be introduced to chastity in such an approachable manner. In fact, I think the chastity community as a whole could do a better job at presenting the concept/lifestyle as something that does not have to be associated with other kinks/fetishes. Newcomers are probably inundated with images and fantasy-blogs that directly tie chastity with 24/7 FLRs, BDSM, anal play, emasculation, sph, sissification, cuckolding, forced-bi, etc etc etc.
I am full of admiration for you, @HappilyLockedMan, and for anyone else who has shared their experience of chastity in a relationship. You are doing a very worthwhile job and holding out a lifeline for couples whose relationships are at risk.
The main problem I imagine must be trying to even get off the ground when attempting to explain TTTWD to the imagination lacking male idiots that think they are macho. But more power to thise of you that have had the opportunity and nerve to try. I imagine it would be lot easier in a fetish club. When I worked in sucha club I witnessed several talks on many aspects of sexuality that had I not been in that all (if not All then at least More) encompassing environment I would have probably just dismissed or ignored without a second thought.
Yeah, but the real trick is introducing the concept of chastity cages and orgasm control as a viable lifestyle to people who are NOT involved in kink.
Outing yourself to a group of 50 men is definitely not something I would ever do, even in a COMEGA style environment, so your honesty and openness is pretty amazing. That said, I would urge you to be cautious about any further evangelism. It seems you have one disciple that has seen the light and is now engaging with you, but I would be more interested to know what the other 48 thought about it and whether they have made any comment to you. I wonder what percentage of the 48 got home and googled "chastity cage" and ordered one from Amazon, with the intention of mentioning it to their wives at some point in the future? Even 1 in 50 represents a 2% hit rate. Factor in the world male population and it would seem likely that several million would have an interest in chastity. That's way beyond a cult and indicates a potential new religion. I feel a song coming on: That's me in the corner That's me in the spotlight I've found a new religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no, I've said too much I haven't said enough Happy isolation everyone !!
I wish I had some people I could be open about this with in real life. To be able to learn from each other’s perspective and bring each other back to earth when our imagination gets the better of us. I am in MA, perhaps I could make it to one of those gatherings in CT?
Your openness about chastity took a lot of courage. Like most here, I'm not ready or strong enough yet to come out that way. Perhaps under the right circumstances, but I appreciate your effort. If alternate lifestyles become more widely known, they may be less frowned upon.
Thank you for the appreciation of my courage. The fact is, I was scared but I used COMEGA in the best way possible, as a place to take emotional risks. It's a pretty safe, non-judgmental environment. COMEGA was scheduled for the end of April but was cancelled. The next gathering is now scheduled for September and hopefully will take place. While most men there are from CT there are a large number who come from elsewhere, including MA. PJ, and whoever else, If you'd like, you're welcome to PM me and I'll give you more information.