Hi everyone, been a reader of this forum on and off for a year or two now but want to now share my experiences with the lifestyle. I first got together with M about 3 years ago. Both mid-thirties, married with no kids. From the very beginning, I was always attracted to her fiery and independent nature. She has this strong and powerful attitude which perhaps I was subconsciously drawn to. The fact that she was sexy, funny and down-to-earth obviously didn’t hurt either. I think one of the aspects of our relationship that I most valued (and still do) was my ability to feel completely vulnerable and open with her. This lifestyle of submission and chastity, as I’m sure a lot of you here may agree, is tricky and scary to even think about bringing up. Something about her though, that I never experienced in past relationships, allowed me to be comfortable with sharing my innermost secrets and desires. Communicating with her is so easy and I’m so lucky to have found that in my life partner. At this point, perhaps a year into dating, we had already been dabbling with some light bondage, domination and denial. Both of us have pretty high sex drives which I feel was contributory to us wanting to continually try new things together. I still remember stumbling across the idea of male chastity randomly. It was some picture of the bathroom representation of male and female genders with the crotch of the former overlaid with a lock. The curiosity of seeing that image probably led me to this site amongst other introductory articles on the benefits of chastity. One particular article laid out a lot of benefits that I found meshed well with our budding D/s relationship and I’ll try to sum up the particular points that stood out to me: Chastity and denial encourage the submissive to better serve their keyholder by “harnessing” the energy otherwise lost by frequent orgasm and the annoying post-nut lost of interest. Being continuously caged serves as a constant reminder to the submissive that they are under the control of the keyholder, even when they aren’t around Chastity can redefine the sexual dynamic. The male orgasm is no longer the goal of sex and the primary goal of sex becomes refocused to her pleasure I shared this article with her and she expressed interest and agreed that there could be benefits for both of us. I remember feeling a sense of excitement and probably immediately started looking around different sites for the first cage. I settled on a fairly cheap metal cage that worked out pretty well. Opening the package and putting it on for the first time was exciting. Showing her for the first time was also exciting but scary. Like I mentioned previously, this experienced had introduced feelings of vulnerability that I’ve never had before and I’m so thankful that she was willing to give this a shot. We’ve been doing this now for probably over a year now and I have to say it just gets better and better. I’m constantly (pleasantly) surprised by little things she does. Reminding me to lock in the morning and hiding the key when I give it to her. I love that she’s invested in this as much as I am, which is an important part of the arrangement as I'm sure people here would agree. The catalyst of me deciding to post for the first time occurred yesterday, when she surprised me with a new clear silicon cage. I would have never expected her to actually look into this herself, let alone purchase one for me! I think this is what made it real to me for the first time. All my previous cages had been bought by myself so I suppose there was a part of me that felt like it was still something just for me, if that makes sense. Getting this new cage from her seemed to shift the paradigm such that it was now more about us instead. I can’t tell you how much it meant for me. Putting this new one on for the first time made me feel extra submissive to M. I told her last night that it made me feel like an insatiable 15 year old again. I could NOT keep my hands off of her and I felt as if a new fire had been lit inside of me. I couldn’t believe I could feel like this, and she seemed to notice to. “Maybe I should just keep you locked up” she said to me. Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately?) she unlocked me and we had some amazing sex where she came as hard as I’ve ever seen. Watching her develop into a more dominant person in our relationship is amazing. I’m already so attracted to her yet I fall more for her each and every day. I look forward to deepening this dynamic and to relinquishing more control to M. I’m already seeing so many benefits personally as well as within our relationship and I hope she does too. Anyways, thanks for reading this far. I’m hoping to document my experiences going forward and look forward to chatting with others here. Happy to answer any questions.
I've come to a bit of a realization this morning about our arrangement. Chastity, for me, undoubtedly started out as a strictly sexual activity but I feel like it's evolving or expanding into other areas of the relationship. To give some additional background (and curious about how other submissives are), I've always characterized myself as extensively introverted whereas M tends to be the opposite. While I don't dislike social gatherings, it takes a lot of energy for me and I tend to need time to myself to recharge. For this reason, I tend to prefer time spent alone with M. On the other hand, M values socializing and seeing friends and family often. I had a hard time sleeping last night after a small tiff I had with M. She asked whether I disliked being with her family after I acted distant when we all got together last time. I guess I was reflecting on this last night and realized that I was being less than mindful. Yes - these events do tend to go against my proclivities but at the same time, there is an element of selfishness that I'm allowing into the relationship. I'm coming to the realization that I need to put in more work to put her happiness first. I can't expect her to do all these things for me while I act in self-interest Going forward, I'm going to try to man-up and work to put her happiness first, especially when the things she asks me aren't even that big of a deal. I'd like to try and be more present for her, not only from the context of being her submissive, but as a better husband in general. Chastity has definitely helped me realign some priorities. Thanks all for reading! SH
A pretty fun first today. Before I got together with M, I had already played around with prostate toys. M knows about it and has since made a rule that I am to get her permission if I want to slip away for some alone time with them. One such toy is a suction dildo that I use in the shower, and only ever alone. Well that changed today! I asked for permission before jumping in the shower whether I could play and she said she wanted to join "Haha what, you want a show?" "Yes." I felt apprehension and excitement at the same time. I jumped in the shower first while she wrapped up some work. Each second waiting for her added to the anticipation. "Oh man, is she really going to watch me while I do this?" She joined me in the shower and I first go through the usual motions of scrubbing her feet and naughty bits (another enjoyable act of submission) then prepare myself. The toy entered me from behind, making me gasp quietly as it always does. She's watching me as I then slowly start rocking back and forth, trying to stifle my moans. It felt humiliating, but in the best way. M wanted a show and I had to perform. "Does it feel good?" "Mmm, yes, M" It wasn't long until she soaped up to start teasing me. Her toy, just having been unlocked, was extra sensitive and growing hard against her soft hands. I was on absolute fire down below as she worked lovingly with both hands. My brain couldn't put any thoughts together with all the pleasure taking control. M knows how to take me to heaven. She stopped right at the edge and told me to lock as we toweled off. Feeling like the luckiest boy in the world! Love my Goddess M so much
Happy March folks! Quite a lot to update on over this last month and a half. Highlighting a few major developments/events: After seeing a number of contracts here on this site, M and I decided to put together one of our own. Our first one was to be just over the month of February to give us a trial period to see if this was something we wanted to implement more permanently. There are some tweaks and modifications we wanted to make for our March contract, which I've done and submitted for her approval. We've discussed potentially extending each contract period once we have this more figured out, and I couldn't be more excited about it! Related to certain stipulations in aforementioned contract, my use of pornography has dropped. Each day, I'm feeling less and less drawn towards the need to view/use porn as I once did, and instead focus my fantasies more on M. I'm still somewhat conflicted about whether porn is an overall detriment to our relationship and attraction for M. However, the important part I've found is the liberating feeling of giving M control over this habit of mine (unhealthy or not). Also relating to the contract (but deserving of its own bullet) are the punishment sessions we have which has made me experience sub-space in new, exciting ways. M is actually pretty amazing when it comes to toeing the line between punishments vs "fun-ishment". I can tell that M still has some trepidation about inflicting pain (as she's still a very kind-hearted individual at the core), but I'm so appreciative that she's willing to push her comfort zone further out time after time M gifted me a book for V-day which is focused on strengthening our marriage. We've read through 4 chapters so far where the theme has been vulnerability, communication and openness with each other. The book has challenged us to confess any and all secrets with each other which was somewhat difficult, but necessary. I'm looking forward to working through the rest of the book with M Contract As members here are probably aware, there are a number of posts/threads that share the contracts KHs here have with their subs. I always enjoyed reading about these and seeing how others worked them into their relationship. I brought it up to M a few weeks before February, where she expressed interest in implementing one of our own. We decided to start off with a month-long contract and see how things went. I would say that it went fairly well. I/We didn't follow everything to a tee, but I think there has been pretty positive developments in my behavior and submission towards M. It has given us a chance to more concretely lay out what we want and need in this dynamic. We have also ritualized punishment/funishment sessions that I both crave and am scared of. Truly an interesting feeling! M asked last night about renewing the contract. We spent some time talking about changes and additions and we've renewed the revised contract for another month! Something about the almost bureaucratic nature of the contract makes our dynamic even more enjoyable and I feel like M has similar thoughts. Pornography Usage In the contract, one of the rules for me was that I was to ask for permission to watch porn. It's probably important to give some context on the history of my porn usage. Before getting together with M, I was in a years long relationship with another that ultimately didn't work out, ending in divorce. Our dynamic was more or less vanilla, that pretty much evolved into a dead bedroom situation where my initiations were often met with rejection. It'd be easy for me to say that it was all on her, but looking back on the relationship, I saw how my behavior probably contributed equally to our situation. Irrespective of who was to blame, the dead bedroom led to me using porn quite frequently which continued through and after the divorce. On meeting M after this period of re-bachelorhood, we had a lot of level-setting conversations about what we expected in a potential relationship together. One such thing that we talked about was porn and how she generally disliked partners using it. I had initially told her that I couldn't promise her that I could amend my behavior and shed the dependency. I think the relationship I had just gotten out of gave me an inclination to believe that porn was necessary in all relationships because a dead bedroom was what I could expect in the end, no matter what. She wasn't happy with my response but went with it anyway for the time being. I'm happy to say now that my perspective on the necessity of porn has shifted pretty dramatically and I'm so thankful that M was patient with me on this. Our intimacy only seems to be improving continuously and the bedroom is very much alive With all that said, I'm still on the fence on whether porn is an overall detriment our marriage. In our dynamic (and now more explicitly stated in the contract), I've already given all control to M with regards to my orgasms - locked or not. This means that even if I'm watching porn alone, I'm certainly not allowed to masturbate and orgasm to it. When it comes to the harmful effect of porn on a relationship, I feel like it often comes with the notion that the viewer is finishing to porn. In this scenario, I do agree that there is a wedge that materializes when one partner expends their energy and attention on something other than their spouse. M and I have had a few discussions on this and I feel like her perspective on this is fluid as well. There are certain things that are out of M's boundaries that I still fantasize about and I like to have porn as a outlet to address these fantasies and M seems to understand. I also feel like this adds to my desire to serve M and we've even had a few fun sessions where we watched some together. Very, very curious to hear other's perspective on this. KHs, are you generally OK with your subs using porn if they are not masturbating to it? As a side bar, M and I have actually started making a few videos of our own bedroom escapades which have certainly replaced some of the dependency I had to other sources. Unexpected (but awesome) side effect of this new arrangement I guess! Punishments/Funishments I don't think a chastity contract can be properly adhered to without a section on punishments. A natural extension of giving over control is the ability for the KH to reward or punish their sub to reinforce the dynamic and encourage good behavior. In my relationship with M, I've started developing masochistic (and sadistic, but that's a story for another time) tendencies where I get turned on at the thought or act of pain being inflicted on me. I've come to realize also, that there's a line where the pain goes from funishment to punishment and M seems to toe this line rather expertly! There are more mild "infractions", such as not lasting long during PIV sex (God, her sex feels otherworldly). This may lead to her putting nipple clamps on me and forcing me to watch her play with herself. This I would categorize as a funishment. I get the sense that she also enjoys putting on a show for me! On the other hand, falling short on major points on our contract may warrant full on punishment. This involves a small shock collar being tied under the balls which makes me want to give her my immediate compliance with a single, intense jolt. She had me put it on yesterday while making me go down on her. Having the remote control out of my view added to the mind-fuckery of wondering when the next shock might come. I swear I never licked her more desperately than I did last night. The session put me into a mild mental sub-space and I almost cried afterwards (happy tears) while she held me against her chest. It was so intense and something I can't wait to experience again. I even woke up early the next morning to get a head start on all the chores that I had fallen behind on last week. I still get the sense that M has a hard time with inflicting this kind of pain. She would furtively react in such a way that told me that she was worried about hurting me. I tried my best to reassure her that this was something I wanted, despite my pained yelps in reaction to the shocks. Although M is outwardly dominant and strong, she still definitely has a motherly and caring heart so I understand why this can be tough. I'm hoping we can work through this, and I'm certainly open to any advice others may have in this situation V-day Present from M For our third valentine together, M kindly gifted me a book on strengthening our marriage. This is not to say that there are any dire issues in our relationship, rather an acknowledgement that there is always something we can improve upon The chapters we've read through thus far center around being an open book to each other and not holding onto any secrets that could potentially hurt someone. This book has spurred many conversations, such as the aforementioned issue of porn. I've already gone into this in great detail so I'll talk about another secret that I had been keeping from her which was my surreptitious use of tadalafil (ED meds). Not long after getting into the chastity, I stumbled upon posts of subs describing the effects of taking these medications to force erections in cages. I was immediately intrigued by the concept and got my hands on some for myself. I didn't bother telling M because I suppose I was scared it may have caused some insecurity perhaps. I knew deep down that it wasn't right to keep this a secret from her and going through these chapters helped me be truthful with her. It felt good to confess everything to her and I continue to see the benefits and necessity of being truthful to one another. It's hard to grow as a couple when there are secrets hidden away. We also learned that receiving confessions gracefully is equally important to giving them. Always have a kind heart for one another, and learn to forgive without holding onto grudges. Each day, I continue to find myself in awe of how M is taking her new role on. She keeps finding new ways to surprise me and for that I am so thankful. It makes me want to be the best man I can be for her and I have a hard time believing how lucky I am. Love you, M <3 thank you for owning and controlling me Thank you for reading this far! Happy to answer any questions or discuss.
Thank you for that post. Do you think it would be possible to share the contract. If not, that is totally understandable.
Happy to! This is what it looks like thus far: DEFINITIONS SUB – the partner in the relationship who has agreed to wear the DEVICE and follow the RULES and accept the PUNISHMENTS for breaking the rules at the discretion of the KEYHOLDER until the contract is terminated. Keyholder – the partner in a relationship who has agreed to hold the KEY to the DEVICE and control her SUB, by setting the RULES and giving PUNISHMENTS until the contract is terminated. Device – a secure, good quality male chastity device (cock cage) worn by the SUB to prevent them from masturbating, pleasuring themselves in any way without KEYHOLDERS’ permission. Key – the mechanism that unlocks the DEVICE and is kept by the KEYHOLDER until the contract is terminated. Rules – a set directive for the SUB to follow and execute at the mercy of the KEYHOLDER in order to please them, until the contract is terminated. Punishments – a set of corrective measures to ensure that the RULES are followed by the SUB until the contract is terminated. CONTRACT TERMS The contract duration is one month and is valid from March 1st, 2021 to March 31st, 2021. The contract may be renewed with agreed changes upon completion of the duration of the contract. Both partners, the SUB and the KEYHOLDER are signing the contract and agreeing to all the terms on their free will, without any influence from the external sources. During the initial contract duration, the contract can be terminated at any time by either the SUB or the KEYHOLDER if there are any health or safety issues. If, however, there are no health or safety issues, only the KEYHOLDER has the power of terminating the contract. Contract modifications can be made if both parties, the SUB and the KEYHOLDER, agree to them while the contract is signed. DUTIES/RULES FOR THE SUB The SUB agrees to wear the DEVICE as long as the KEYHOLDER demands it, and there are no health or safety issues. The SUB should also be expected to wear the device without being told if there are no further expectations of play The SUB agrees to not try to escape the DEVICE in any way, for no reason, unless there are health or safety issues. The SUB agrees to never orgasm without permission from the KEYHOLDER The SUB agrees to not use pornography without permission from the KEYHOLDER. The SUB agrees to not use any drugs or substances without permission from KEYHOLDER (caffeine, alcohol and marijuana are excepted) The SUB agrees to happily do all the chores the KEYHOLDER might ask them to do as soon as it is convenient to do so. The SUB should also be expected to do chores in general without being asked The SUB agrees to be punished for not obeying the rules set by the KEYHOLDER. The SUB agrees to kneel in front of KEYHOLDER every morning to show their devotion The SUB agrees to ask KEYHOLDER if they want any coffee or breakfast ready for them in the morning. A time should be specified by KEYHOLDER The SUB agrees to exercise for 15 minutes a day at least five times a week The SUB agrees to participate in devotionals with KEYHOLDER at least once a week The SUB agrees to plan and execute a switch play session during the contract term where SUB takes on a dominant role instead. A discussion with KEYHOLDER will be had beforehand to lay out ground rules and expectations The SUB agrees to plan at least 2 date activities per month The SUB agrees to write one love note to KEYHOLDER per week The SUB agrees to give one surprise gift per month to KEYHOLDER The SUB agrees to show physical affection to KEYHOLDER with no expectation of sexual reciprocation The SUB agrees to be in bed by 11:30pm on worknights KEYHOLDER RESPONSIBILITIES The KEYHOLDER agrees to keep the KEY to the DEVICE until the contract is terminated or comes to an end. The KEYHOLDER is encouraged to keep a key with her when out of the house. The KEYHOLDER agrees to shower with SUB at least once a week for a supervised cleaning The KEYHOLDER agrees to sexually tease the SUB at least once a week The KEYHOLDER agrees to punish SUB on a weekly basis for a minimum of 15 minutes PUNISHMENTS The KEYHOLDER has a right to administer punishments when rules are broken or whenever the KEYHOLDER is unsatisfied with the SUB’s behavior The KEYHOLDER has a right to enforce physical punishments such as (but not limited to) the following: Nipple clamps, shock collar, post-orgasm torture or spanking The KEYHOLDER also has a right to enforce the loss of privileges like access to finances, entertainment like TV. This is usually combined with increasing the chore list for the SUB. The KEYHOLDER has a right to deny any sexual pleasure for SUB. Additional time in chastity can also be enforced SIGNATURES The Chastity Contract is active immediately after signing it. SUB Signature __________________________________Date __________________ KEYHOLDER Signature _________________________ Date __________________
This was quite a weekend! M had a work trip and I had a few buddies from out of town over for the weekend. With this being quarantine and all, M and I had not actually spent a night away from each other for pretty much the entire year. And as mentioned in previous posts, M has really been evolving into an even stronger and more dominant KH during this time Dropping her off to the airport, I felt a way I never had before - or perhaps not since I was much younger. I guess I felt like a young child being dropped off at preschool for the first time and introducing distance from the one that has always cared for you. Maybe it was the constant physical connection over the pandemic or perhaps it was her ever strengthening dominance over me. I had a bit of a hard time getting her off my mind the entire time. M sent me a picture in her room of herself and I pretty much fawned over it the whole day. I find M more and more beautiful each day and Im so lucky that this absolute Goddess was open to exploring this new dynamic with me. I need to constantly remind myself how blessed I am Another potential explanation may be the tadalafil she let me take before leaving for work Being constantly hard and straining against the cage certainly served to remind me of her ownership over me I had a great time catching up with my buddies and I found that I was much more prone to bringing her up in conversation. I felt like I wanted to, in a way, show her off to the world and let it be known how amazing and unique M is. M and I pinged each other through the day and I wanted to share some snippets: SH: I'm sorry I was such a bad boy this week, I'm very disappointed with myself (I had violated certain things in the contract a few days ago) M: it's ok baby, I'll see you on Sunday for your weekly evaluation M: how's your cage? SH: good, M thanks for checking . It made me think of you constantly like you're here with me M: good. My good pet Just wow.. Thank you for letting me be your good boy, M. I love you so much