New here and to chastity.

Welcome to the site Angel. I hope you manage to find what you need here and I wish you the best of all luck in your journey

 

Welcome, I look forward to following your journey

 

Welcome. My advice and what worked for us is:

- Both have to want it and work together to achieve it.
- Take baby steps rather than jumping into 24/7 wear and trying all those things you read on chastity websites.
- Much of what you read online about chastity is more BDSM or FLR stuff. Much of it is fantasy play and does not translate well in real life.
- Much of what you read or see online are people living their sex lives online and to really doing the things they say so be careful of the advice you follow.
- Only have one rule; the key holder makes all the rules.
- Chastity is about a power exchange so do not give the power to a chastity game or chastity contract that says if he does this, you do that without any chance to play it by ear. Most contracts are written by men for men and read like a user manual.
- Chastity is a living thing that changes with time. Always communicate about it and discard what doesn't work and stick with the things that do work.
- You have a much better chance at success if you take it slow and not complicate chastity by throwing in a lot of other fetishes. First master chastity and then add other fetishes as we are currently doing. It is better to focus on one thing than many.
- Discuss his limits and what he wants out of chastity. Add your own and make it fun for both of you or it will fail. Change it at will so that it stays fun for both of you.
- Experiment on how long he can go without an orgasm and then add a few days to it. Chastity begins when he thinks it should end but find that spot through experimentation.
- Have him get used to his device by wearing it a little each day and increasing it slowly. It took me 3 months to wear my device 24/7. Most guys want to lock up and stay locked from day one. Then they get skin problems and pain which turns them off of chastity because it is not like their fantasy version of it where you put it on as soon as you get it and wear it 24/7 from day one. Once a skin condition occurs it can take days or weeks to heal so go slowly until the skin gets used to it.
- Tease him by doing little things to turn him on each day and of course during sex to. Edge him and learn how to give good ruined orgasms.
- Do not feel guilty for denying him even when he is begging for an orgams as we all want one in the heat of the moment and then regret it later.
- Make sex all about your pleasure. Try having sex without thinking about doing anything to him once in awhile. My wife is having the best orgasms of her life listening to my moans of sexual frustration and feeling the power she has over me sexually.
- There is no chastity rule book so make up your own rules. We failed at chastity until the third time because we were trying to do all sorts of things at once rather than just teasing and denial.
- Do not make key holding a chore for yourself. Have him promise not to masturbate without your permission, locked or not because he can masturbate in any chastity device. He has to want to be chaste or he will stop doing it as soon as the initial excitement wears off. You do not want to become his warden and he should not expect you to force him to do what he does not want to do.
- Smart move to get generic device since you do not know if he will like chastity. Reality is much different than our fantasies. Just keep in mind that most of us into long term chastity have custom made devices as they are comfortable to wear 24/7/365
- Most of all there is only one thing for you to do; say no when he says yes. That is it in a nutshell.

Hope this helps and I am sure others will add to it.

 

I could not add much to Vinny's suggestions. They are 100% accurate. I would stress the whole communication thing as it is critically important to both of you achieving what you want and need from chastity (and the relationship in general) Enjoy the journey and get used to saying "NO!"

 

Welcome . I'm curious what your reaction was when your boyfriend first mentioned chastity? Did he have to convince you or were you on board right from the start?

 

vinnie is dead on if you believe in the safe, sane and consensual way. that is every command you give, your sub has the choice to obey or not. this means you have to play make believe to one degree or another. you can't ask for things he does not want and the game lasts only as long as you both agree. if you see chastity as a power exchange and find you really love it then ( under vinnie's rules) you have given him all the power. he will top from the bottom when ever it suites him. i come from the non consensual consent camp. he has the right to say yes or no one time for what ever the time limit is. he knows up front that is my belief. that becomes a real leap of faith he must believe in your goodness and sense of fair play. he can truly experience helpless and powerlessness. we no longer make believe. we live in a very real world where i have real power that i can not be denied. mind you it also means you accept 100% responsibility for his health and welfare 24/7/365 which is a heavy price for power. either way enter into chastity with your eyes wide open. no matter what happens from this point forward there is no going back. vanilla will never satisfy again like it did before.

 

Baby you are doing amazing. You really are. I love you.

 

Hello and a very warm welcome

 

I told my girlfriend a little over a year ago that I was sexually submissive and wanted her to be my kh, and explained what that was lol. This can escalate quickly into a whole new outlook, not just sexually, but mentally.

My kh is now more confident, assertive, and has realized she doesn't have to take shit from anyone. She herself told me that she believes it stems from the power exchange and the confidence she has grown. So it really can be a life altering experience...don't worry, it's all for the better. My kh @Mistress Amanté wouldn't go back for anything.

It started out with just chastity but she added some things that she liked, and well to tell the truth anything that turns her on, gets me going, so I was game.

It's not always going to be easy, fun, or super charged excitement...there will be arguments, normal relationship hot issues, and real life always seems to sneak in there too. One thing I have learned from this isn't to confuse penis freedom with what is going right or wrong with us. If we have an argument or disagree, it needs to be understood that the cage stays on until the kh wants it off...no pouting.

I really hope you find your way and learn as much as I did from others. I truly think I would have given this all up or driven her away from this if I had not read a blog about his trials. I would have set up release dates, gotten angry if she didn't follow them, made up all sorts of rules, that are really set up for me and not her. This would have been such a chore I'm sure she would have soured quickly. We have many rules but they are hers and not mine, if she wants to enforce them is up to her. We have no set release times...it could be every day, it could be never...it's up to her. I don't get whiny cause I never know.

Sorry so long for just a welcome, but hope some of it helped. We are both the happiest we've ever been and wish the same to you.

 

i too thought i was submissive until i realized if you want, then you can be dominant. and then it is all about you and how wonderful it is that your spouse is there to help it be all about you. you may be honored to have the key but you have no debt to the giver. on the other hand you are very right about mind set. don't make it about him, make it about you.. make a list of all the things men do to degrade woman. make another list of all the things you want from sex if pigs could fly. a list of unacceptable behavior. expected behaviors and past wrongs. then a list of goals. don't forget to establish punishments for not obeying.

lastly if you ever find yourself serving his desires make sure it is by choice and/or reward.

 

There is a key holder member on here that goes by thekeyholderwife that might be able to give you some advice. In some of her posts she has mentioned that she is submissive, but still loves keeping her husband locked up. She might have some insight into the "mindset" hurdles you face.

From a man's perspective, I can say that you need to know what you want to get out of it. It's your boyfriend's kink, but you need to have fun with it or it will be miserable for both of you. If he doesn't feel like you're enjoying it, he will get frustrated and probably act like a jerk.

Being patient and open minded is very important. My wife found it thrilling at first, since she has always hated intercourse. But then over time she got kind of bored, until we started stretching my lockup times longer and longer. Once she started to realize how different I was during sex after a couple of months of being locked up, she really started enjoying it a lot more.

For example, after a month or so of no penile stimulation, I start getting sensitive in other areas. REALLY sensitive. Once my wife discovered that she could drive me wild by touching my new erogonous zones she loved it. A gentle touch in the right spot and I'm putty in her hands. She loves the power of being able to have me moaning with a mere touch.

But, none of that happened at the beginning. The best thing I can say is to be committed to it and stick it out. Male chastity seems to be the kind of lifestyle that grows and gets deeper and better with time.

 

I concur, Vinnies advice is very sound.

 

Enjoy it here. A generic one is definitely the best way to go to get things started. Once you've got him there and know which size is optimum for him you can look to upgrade so steel (Mature Metal ones are the most popular). From then on the world's your oyster and the sky's the limit. The arrangement can be whatever you want it to be!!

 

Enjoy it here. A generic one is definitely the best way to go to get things started. Once you've got him there and know which size is optimum for him you can look to upgrade so steel (Mature Metal ones are the most popular). From then on the world's your oyster and the sky's the limit. The arrangement can be whatever you want it to be!!

 

Just remember that you are in charge and, no matter what he says or promises, it doesn't really matter. Once you both adjust to that standard and start living by it on a regular basis (with good and open communication, of course) you can really enjoy it a bunch! We certainly do.

 

donna sue is right. communication is everything. i like to talk sitting on a chair with him kneeling before me. it sets the right tone for any conversation. you listen, consider his point then make a decision. you will make mistakes....then repeat the above. remember sam walton filed bankruptcy on his first 2 department stores then he made it big with wal-mart.