Looking to convince my wife to be my keyholder.

I gave the keys to my wife on our anniversary, and she held it for a few days. It’s been on and off. The key, and it comes naturally, is to demonstrate to her the different behavior between locked and not locked.

I’m not saying be a jerk when you are not locked, but when you are, serve her well, do extra chores, it’s fun when you are locked anyways, and over time she’ll grow to recognize the difference.

Then again, some women will not catch on to it no matter what, and trying to force someone is not going to end up well.

 

I gave one of the two keys to my husband he doesn’t seem to be catching on to it very much. I asked him I guess you can ask her you have nothing to lose. Healty relationships usually include good communication and expression.

 

She knows about your cage, you give her the key, and she keeps giving it back to you...I think you have your answer about how she feels about it.

Don’t dismay yet, there is still one tactic you c an use. It’s devilishly deceptive...you ask her to hold the key for you. I know I knowvery brazen and not sneaky or tricky at all huh. Hear me out though.

Most partners love the other and want to please them, even doing things they aren’t comfortable with to make them happy. I’ve seen sweet home Alabama twice, so I know people do stuff for the ones we love. It has to be a favor though. It has to be you asking for something, and then giving it to you. You aren’t going to convince them it’s normal, great, erotic, or fun. If they are not into it, they just aren’t into it. I will never change my mind on sweet home Alabama either, yet I will probably watch it many more times because she likes watching that movie with me.

I suggest you tell her you want her to dovyou a big favor and would mean the world to you. You can’t lock up by yourself anymore, and it means a lot to you that all your sexual activity be about her. Tell her you crave intimacy, and this will help you focus. She doesn’t have to do any work, just hand the key over if she ever wants to play with it, because you’re done playing with it.

Warning...do not imply your behavior or attitude will change to a better one if she does this. That screams bs and they will just wonder why you need your covk locked up to be nice. It may be true, but it certainly isn’t something she wants to hear, or be aware of. Their attention and affection isn’t so closely linked with sex.

That will probably get your foot in the door, now don’t mess it up:
No whining
No bugging her every time your horny
Let her be the one to ask you to unlock, yes that may be awhile.
Make it fun for her, do things that would normally lead to sex but won’t now, like back rubs, feet rubs, a night out, etc.

Hope this helps, ask for a favor and you’ll probably get it, act like you are doing them a favor, and she’ll keep putting the key back in your drawer.

Good luck

 

Just putting the key in her drawer is only going to alienate her. THis is your fantasy, not hers. You've thought about it long and hard; she hasn't. You know what you want out of it; she doesn't.

You have to sit down and discuss it with her. Quietly, calmly, rationally. Point out the benefits to her, to you, to you both. If she agrees, great. If she doesn't, that's that.

good luck

 

Please don’t force or pressure her into being the kh. It’s going to back fire on you big time ..... I’ve been a kh for my hubby for no more then five months and I’m still not to sure on the idea.... I still have a lot of unanswered questions and second guessing the whole idea ..... she may be like me ..... where there something causing the lack of sex .... definitely get to go to the gyno .... after years of not know what is wrong with me ..... I have an idea ... I have PCOS (poly cyst ovarian syndrome ) which means there and unequal balance in my hormones and it cause a lack of sexual desire.... I also have complex hyperplasia with aptol.... which can cause cancer (thank god I don’t have cancer) but please take to the gyno do some testing .... but ask what she thinks of the idea of being a kh.... talk to her.... ask her if she has any ideas or rules she wants to apply.... make her feel safe .... don’t not whatever you do not get mad at her .... if she shots it down ... don’t take it personally.... give her time to think about it .... I hope this helps
Mrs. B @jb123

 

This is a difficult one.

Obviously, you should have an actual conversation with her. However, what about?

If she's totally not into sex of any kind, then that's the underlying problem. That's not how relationships work long term and it's probably not healthy for either of you. I don't think, "you wear a chastity device she ignores you" is a solution either.

We've been there in our late thirties. So this is my experience:

Somewhere along the line you've lost each other and you need to talk about that, not to blame each other, but to work out what the route back in might be. It's likely to involve other aspects of your relationship including housework, money, health, and general fitness. Have you both drifted into feeling and becoming unattractive?

However, that doesn't mean your chastity device doesn't have a place! A really common approach in sex therapy - so I've read - is for a couple to do sensual things with sex firmly off the menu, possibly with her controlling the action and you listening closely.

Also, it may be - like many women as they get older - that the underlying problem is that she's very much "off" penis in vagina sex. This is what happened to us.

That leads me to the Other Kind of Male Chastity Relationship.

Rather than wanting to be your keyholder, to make daily decisions whether or not to unlock you, and to wield power, it may be that she just likes you not to have a penis, and you quite it that she feels that way.

If this is the case, then what you're really after is not that she should have your key, but acknowledgement from her and resumption of your erotic bond.

The easy solution to propose to her is to get a K-Safe - a cheap time lock safe - from Amazon. Every so often, you put your key in the safe, she specifies a time span, you set it, she presses the button. Huzzah! No penis for a week or ten days or whatever.

Talk to her.

 

Thank you all for the advice! I’ve been trying to get my beautiful wife of 27 years to “get” my chastity desires. No luck there really

Recently I started openly communicating my true feelings and the results have been tremendous! She’s not my KH now nor may she ever be. I’m good with that. What’s happened though is we’ve been to a counselor, she’s going to a gyno and we’ve grown closer by just me sharing how I’m feeling more often.

From the beginning of my chastity interests I have self locked and she’s never said NO. She just hasn’t understood why. What I’ve learned is a lot of her lack of interest is not because of me or us but outside factors that we are dealing with together.

I couldn’t be happier with her and us today. We’re still not sexually active but now I’m ok with it more than ever. I’m also excited for the future as I believe once we get thru some more counseling (grief and Alzheimer’s issues with her parents) we will be in such a better place to explore chastity as a couple.

 

@Robinoh congratulations. Most people think that sex is the only way for intimacy. It is the easiest way to achieve it with a couple, but there are other ways to make it happen without PIV. Communication and sharing to her that your get sexual excitement from the act of denial and service is a good thing.

@luvfun the most important roadblock to solving your issue is to find out why the sex stopped. Until you resolve that as a couple, other acts probably won't happen ... YMMV of course.

 

I’ll be praying for both .... sometimes as woman we take to much on our plate .... sometimes we don’t ask for help and the expect you guys to be mind reader ... which unreasonable and stupid ..... but I’m glad you are opening up to her and she feels safe enough to open up to you.... keep cominciating as much as possible... there are going to be blows up here and there ... but don’t let the sun go down on your anger .... I took care of my grandparents so I know how much stresses it is... but remember when you lay down together ... how much love there is between both of yous ..... keep me posted n let me know if there anything I can help with
Mrs.B

 

Thank you