Lessons Learned

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by DeliciousDesperation, Apr 10, 2021.

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  1. DeliciousDesperation
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    So I was thinking about things on my walk today, and was reflecting on things that I have learned in the years since I started exploring my non-vanilla side in real life, and it made me wonder - what lessons have you learned during your chastity journey?

    I can start - I have learned that, like all things in life, balance is key. Finding balance between my desires/fantasies/needs/etc and those of my partner, and making sure that I take a step back out of the fantasy "fog" that I can get myself in and make sure that I am not imposing/pressuring anything on my partner that she does not want to do or is uncomfortable doing. Also finding balance between "play time" and real life. I found it was quite easy to get down a deep rabbit hole of my own fantasies, and lose sight of my partner's point of view on things. (I am much kinkier than she is).

    Oh and I also learned that when I am really, really horny after being locked up for a while, I tend to do a lot of dumb things late at night. On more than one occasion the Amazon truck has dropped off a box of sex toys that I had forgotten that I had ordered... :)

    So what have you learned?
     
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  2. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    That my penis didnt mean NEARLY as much to my wife as I thought it did!
     
  3. WillieBDenied
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    WillieBDenied All men should be locked

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    That the fantasy is almost always better then the reality.
     
  4. jehuty
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    jehuty submissive sissy

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    This is a very difficult question. The more you are into BDSM, the more you want to dive into it. We always want more. But there is no turning back. Be careful with your desires.
     
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  5. slave-in-FLR
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    slave-in-FLR Long term member

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    I have learnt that if I confess to my Wife what I would like her to do, she can really do it :).
     
  6. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Oh yes I have learnt the same.
    Also that she dislikes, resents, hates my masturbation.:eek:
     
  7. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    I have learned a few things over the years -

    If you don't ask, you don't get. She isn't a mind reader and until we started discussing trying kinkier activities, that side of my/our desires went unexplored.

    She is far more open to trying things that I had thought.

    Not having an orgasm myself but instead focussing on her pleasure brings about a euphoric high that can't be achieved actually having an orgasm.

    Being horny is actually a good state to be in
     
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  8. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    I have also remembered how much I love my wife and learnt the extent of her control over me.
     
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  9. LockedbyFridayGirl
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    LockedbyFridayGirl Long term member

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    I learned that my wife’s needs in the bedroom are very different than mine!!!

    Me Before Locked - Majority of the time.... Took her! Used it! Orgasm! Done! Off to sleep with a smile! Repeat!

    Me Now - cuddles, back rubs, leg massages, talks, hugs, breast and muffin massages, love taps, foreplay, toys, kissing and petting, giving her attention! Just making her feel Loved! All the things a wife needs!

    And the biggest thing I’ve learned is.... Communication is the “Key”! Ha! I’ve learned my wife has so much more to give when we communicate!!! As I’ve noticed with most women on here!
     
  10. 24-7Chaste
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    24-7Chaste Member

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    I'd share these 'lessons learned', for what they're worth

    - Use some raw shea butter found on ebay on your parts daily. It provides a bio-compatible barrier between your skin and the cage. Plus allows for some easier movement or when your wife unlocks you for playtime.
    - Ensure the base ring is big enough to allow morning wood and not cause pain or over-constriction. That won't end well if you cut off circulation.
    - You should be let out at least weekly or a few times weekly for playtime so you can clear the pipes. Men who don't ejaculate regularly run the risk of increased instances of prostrate cancer if not.
    - With the right cage you can swim, workout and run lightly all while locked up. Biking doesn't work, of course.
    - Don't talk about being locked up too much with the wife or whomever or it gets old for them. We think about it all day, they do not.
    - Get pouch underwear because they accommodate chastity cages very nicely.

    Hope you find them useful.
     
  11. Coffeeandcaged
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    Coffeeandcaged Active member

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    That there is more to sex than me cumming. The journey is always better then the destination.
     
  12. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Long term member

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    That's so true! When you're younger it's the be all and end all! As you get older and especially with the right partner sex becomes so much more interesting. Chastity certainly adds a whole new level of fun!
     
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  13. madams-sissysub
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    lol! Same here!
     
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  14. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    I have always known that our relationship is built on love. It is the key to all fulfillment.
    The most important thing I have learned since we started this journey is that there are only two things that matter in the bedroom. They are that I must make her feel truly loved and I need to feel loved in return.
    For us:
    Any orgasm that enhances both these things is good.
    Any orgasm that does not contribute to both these things is meaningless and it eventually becomes a distraction.
    Any orgasm that impedes either of these things is toxic.
     
  15. CagedandPantied
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    CagedandPantied Active member

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    Such wonderful words and advice in this thread. I would echo the general sentiments that chastity is about much more than kink. Sure, the playful everyday naughtiness is fun, but more importantly, it has opened the door to wider and deeper communication, trust, and connection between us, in a secret space nobody else knows about.
     
  16. HusbandX
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    HusbandX Long term member

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    All of this intrigues me much more than my wife. She couldn't much care less, though sometimes she does.
     
  17. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    Also, how to pick when to discuss chastity / the cage / "the game" and when to just live life as normal.

    We have the device on, we have the hormones fluctuating and peaking like crazy and we can also "suffer" with the physical issues of the cage (ring sting, uncomfortable attempted erections etc). Just because of these physical reminders for us, doesn't mean that she needs to hear about them on a daily basis.

    I am also trying to learn to be a better partner / husband. We may not be 50/50 on the chores (I have tasks to do and she does other things) but a little effort goes a long way with things that can be done by either/both of us (cooking, washing up, making lunches for the next day, keeping an eye on the laundry etc).

    Keep things playful / lite. Sometimes a bit of casual affection or playful touching can all that is needed to make her feel loved without going over the top.
     
  18. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    Yes, I've also done some late night "decision making" that I found quite humorous later :oops:
     
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  19. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    The "motivation to be a better husband" is pretty awesome. I was such a horrible, shitty husband, for so long, and now I am slowly paying down that debt, and gladly doing so. She says that I'm the greatest husband now, but I am still diligently working hard to improve, and I intend to continue to do so for the rest of our lives. She is so completely worth it. I am so completely in love with her.

    And yeah, there's no 50/50 here. I used to be the bread-winner and she was stuck at home, responsible for everything else. I am still the bread-winner, but now I do as much work around the house as I can possibly do, which is well over 50% and headed straight for 100% (minus whatever she wants to do by her own choice, since she does enjoy doing certain things, and I respect that completely).

    She's happy. That makes me very happy.
     
  20. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    Good on you @true42 .
     
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