I really love what chastity has brought to our relationship, I have never felt closer or more in love with my wife. I wish I would not have been so dense when we first started this, it took me a little while to understand that chastity was about the journey and not the destination. I got ahead of myself and focused more on making the lifestyle about sex and kink versus trusting my wife to lead us down her path of her choosing. She was very patient with me and eventually I matured and realized I was focusing on me and not her/us. Once I’d figured that out and started listening instead of talking, I felt a general calmness settle over me and I’d finally let go of the illusion of the control I thought I had over our sex lives. I can’t say that I was able to divert my mind from sex as with this lifestyle it’s kind of all we think about and part of the point. But by being able to shift my focus from the kink I was wanting us to try I was able to focus on the intense feelings I have for my wife that chastity really brought out of me. I loved how it gave me that new relationship feeling with her and it still does, I love those butterflies in my stomach. I love that I want to try harder for her, always want to impress her, always want to spoil her. She’s my princess, she deserves to be treated like royalty and pampered. I love that these are all now feelings ingrained in my mind. The low level eroticism of feeling and being so in love with her is so intoxicating. While in part chastity makes you crave what you can’t have, it should equally make you appreciate what you do have. Things aren’t always as intimate as I’d like them to be but I also know that while there’s “downs” there’s always “ups” as well. The “ups” always make up for the “downs” and in some ways allow me to appreciate feeling more mature when things aren’t going how I’d like. When I reflect on times over the last 8 years that haven’t necessarily been my favorite parts of chastity I look at how far my wife and I have come in terms of our relationship and our intense love for each other. We have come a long ways in communicating with each other, we are now more open with each other than ever before. We have a established FLR that has flourished over the last 8 years, we both love the power dynamic and my wife is always pushing and testing me with her dominance. My wife has grown exponentially as a Domme and has truly admitted to loving her role in our relationship. She admits it took her a while to feel comfortable but now she fully embraces it. I have also embraced my role as her submissive and I am more content than ever to love, serve and pamper her. Our relationship roles are always evolving, learning and trying new things. I look back and am shocked when I see how far we’ve come in so many areas of our lives and relationship after starting with baby steps. I’m really proud of us. Hence the phrase it’s about the journey not the destination. Once I opened my eyes to the bigger picture of what chastity has offered our relationship in all aspects, I began to appreciate every little thing we’ve done along the way, good and bad. I love my Domme wife and everything she has brought into my life and exploring ourselves in this way. How many of you were dense like me and when did you realize it was about the journey?
I was that dense too . Having intimacy on her terms, when she is accepting, is much better for both of us. Even years later I get a little squirrelly and want to beg for PIV or a release, but like you, I have to remind myself I'm on a journey and she's the travel guide, not me.
Thanks for posting that. I needed that reminder to just let her have control and let her guide us down the path she desires.
Totally agree. Good post. I’ve said it before, but reading this reminded me. You cannot go into all of this with a predetermined outcome, it will ultimately lead to disappointment. If there’s an expectation for your wife, partner, KH to be anyone other than exactly who they are… it is only good for a little bit of role play. Although, like the OP I have grown and matured by being ‘forced’ to put someone else’s needs beyond my own. One thing I do know is this. Chastity has not changed my wife. Not at all. Her outwardly presence towards me is drastically different. She’s more confident, loving, controlling etc. but that was always who she was meant to be. The real exciting part of our journey has been discovering exactly who she is… and to the point, what she is capable of. This has extended itself far beyond the bedroom too.
So spot on. The way I put it, is that my wife's confident femininity is becoming more expressive. The masculine/feminine dynamic between us is becoming more balanced. Like you say, she hasn't changed, but those traits are more confident, more present, and expressive. And especially, she and I both agree, this is an opportunity for her to explore and become who she was meant to be. So true! And in so many aspects. For me, as well, exploring my masculine strength and learning to attune to her, understand her, and provide what she needs. The 'containment' I've posted about elsewhere. She needs it and loves receiving it. It is exactly what she has been longing for her entire life. And it's purely natural, the way the universe intended. It's my intention to show OP's post to my wife and get her thoughts.
My Queen and I discussed most of these topics in depth a couple months ago. That was when we agreed to see where my chastity takes us, and not to try and force the outcome. We look at it as a living growing experience, and we are just passengers along for the ride.
I agree. My wife and I both love the changes in dynamic with a FLR and chastity. We're both more emotionally and physically affectionate. Taking away the implied motivation of sex allows just being in the moment with one another. Me just doing as she says and not being argumentative makes me feel more useful and loving, obviously it makes her happier too.
The FLR lifestyle has been an amazing journey for my wife and I. It has brought us closer together as a couple, improved our communication with each other, and allowed us to experience deep intimacy that I don't think we would have experienced without FLR. We have a ton of fun together and feel like newlyweds, even after 25 years of marriage. It was definitely a journey, and still is. The first several years were challenging and frustrating as we tried to figure out how to make it work. Eventually things began to click but it was still hard to keep things consistently going. Overtime, we got better out and now things are humming along good. We have both changed in very positive ways and have a very strong and loving relationship as a result.
Excellent post! And some great follow up responses as well. I have to say seeing how my Wife gained confidence and just has this glow, I don’t know what else to call it, is probably my favorite aspect of this whole chastity thing. We were always co-captains or equals in our marriage, but our sex lives were mostly driven by me, she has always had a high libido as well and into trying kinky stuff. But not submissive at all, and she wouldn’t have identified as dominant either, until the cage went on! Now sex is on her terms, and more and more her dominance spills over into regular life too, not in an “bitchy” way or anything, we’re just finding a new way to live together and I wouldn’t change anything. She’s so happy, she’s having great orgasms every day and being selfish about it and knows that’s encouraged, she keeps me teased, denied and chasing her like a puppy trying to please. So far the journey has been better than what I thought would happen