Is She Mailing It In?

Stop expecting from her. Give because you love her. She can feel the lack of sincerity and the expectations.

I don’t say this to be mean but rather to help you understand that your energy is working against you.

Be positive, do without expectation. Do extra. Show love. Make her feel special.

I could go on but until you get this anything else I’d say won’t be heard.

 

I think this happens a lot

 

Your feelings are legitimate, don't be ashamed of them, but this probably falls under the "reality never lives up to the fantasy" category. I also think there is a lot of exaggeration online as to these "my wife teases me all day long" claims of constant domination. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle as it always is.

You are allowed to want a different level of FLR in your relationship. It's not black and white, so don't fall into the trap that you have to be a doormat just because someone else wants to be one.

One last food for thought, there are probably a lot of guys on here that wish they had even that level of interaction, so maybe communicate with her more and be honest and see where it takes you.

 

Sounds like someone needs a good spanking!

 

My wife seems to have an ebb and tide. She can be very in control and dominant all the way to leaving me locked and forgotten. It makes me feel like she is complacent and then it makes me feel the same. She will normally recognize when I feel forgotten and reign in her control. It always seems to go back and forth again and again. Sometimes to me it feels like she is just content knowing I cant masterbate when ever I want and just leaves it like that. I was always told you only get out what you put in. I think if she would realize if she were less complacent It would reflect off me as well. This just my feelings. I do not say any of this to her to make her think I am trying to top from the bottom. It is just our relationship as well and there are a lot of little dynamics that play in as well that are just specific to us. Every relationship is different.

 

No but you have expectations. Try and get rid of them and you may see a shift.

 

It's totally legitimate for you to want your relationship to be fulfilling to you, even if you're in a D/s or FLR relationship. The key is to communicate and lay out your expectations and let her decide if she's ok with them or not, because (like it or not) she gets a vote too. From reading your posts, it sounds like your FLR was totally your idea, so you've gone into it with all sorts of expectations, whereas on the other hand, she didn't ask for any of this and it doesn't sound like she particularly wants to be a Domme, or at least, not your vision of what a Domme is supposed to be.

So, like I said, talk to her, tell her what you would like and let her give you her opinion on what she's comfortable doing and what she isn't. Maybe even draw up a contract so each other's expectations are totally clear. But be prepared to hear that she doesn't want to do half the stuff that you want her to do, even if you think it would benefit her.

 

That's not the point.

Since you're not getting what I'm trying to say I'm going to not offer anything else. When you realize that when we don't hold our partners to expectations they exceed them by so much I'll gladly offer what I was going to. Until then good luck.

As for other guys.

It's simple. Expect less, give more and in return you'll get more than you ever expected.

 

I'm agreeing with you SB, and yeah, I was also expecting the "suck it up" type replies that you did indeed get. I'm not suggesting that you suck it up, I'm suggesting that you talk to her. I agree that she would get a lot more out of the relationship if she put just a little effort in herself, I'm right with you there. But what I am saying is, she might not want to put in any more effort and you might just have to deal with that. At that point, you can either decide that this whole FLR thing is a waste of time and quit it, or you can acknowledge that you're really doing it for your own benefit and just do it, without expectations from her, and let the chips fall where they may. As others have said, if you do it without expectations, she may exceed them.

 

We have a contract that pretty much spells out our expectations but I realize in the end she is the key holder and that I serve at her pleasure!

 

Sure, but if she were to "lock and forget", and that had been specifically prohibited in the contract, you'd have a legitimate complaint. My point to SB is, I don't think they have such an agreement and he is expecting things from her that she hasn't agreed to.

 

Example contract
We encourage you to copy, paste and print the following chastity contract for yourself and your keyholder so that you can both sign and keep a copy.

This chastity contract is an agreement strictly between ____________________ (Keyholder) and _________________________ (User). This arrangement will commence immediately upon signing by both parties and will be implemented for a period of ______________ days. This contract will be enforced from ___________________(date) until __________________ (date). Failure to follow these rules will result in punishment or termination of the contract, as decided by Keyholder.

Definitions

• Keyholder: Person who will be in charge of the keys to the user’s chastity device and who dominates the user by controlling their sexual function and release. Keyholder may also dominate the user in other ways agreed upon in this contract for the duration.
• User: The person who will wear the chastity device, relinquishing control of their genitals to the Keyholder. Who will also perform other acts of submission and/or servitude during the contract period.
• Chastity device: A genital cage, usually made of metal, plastic or silicone, used to restrict access to the wearer’s genitals to prevent sexual arousal, satisfaction or release.
• Hard limits: boundaries set by each individual regarding types of play/interaction they will not consent to being involved in. Hard limits are non-negotiable and will be respected by everyone involved.

​

User Agreements

• The user agrees to wear the chastity device for the duration of the contract, unless permitted to remove it by the Keyholder (see maintenance notes below).
• The user acknowledges they will be permitted a maximum of _________ ejaculations/orgasms per ________ days.
• User will not touch or fondle their genitals without permission/instruction by the Keyholder, given entirely at the Keyholder’s discretion. Any such requests made by the user will be denied.
• User acknowledges that rewards up to and including orgasm will be assigned by the Keyholder for good behaviour including, but not limited to: ___________________

___________________________________ (activities Keyholder enjoys e.g. gifts, pampering, dinner dates).

• User agrees to keep a written chastity diary for the duration of the contract (including levels of arousal and frustrations, rewarded orgasms, denied orgasms, cleaning tracker and anything done during release periods).
• The user acknowledges that release may be accompanied by restraint as determined by the Keyholder.
• User will perform tasks assigned by the Keyholder aimed at the user’s development, these tasks may include but are not limited to: running errands, cleaning and serving the Keyholder, being exposed to sexually arousing material or actions without relief, worshipping the Keyholder’s image and/or items of clothing, exercising or other methods of weight loss, learning a new language, instrument or skill.
• Unless accompanied and instructed by the Keyholder, the user will refrain from viewing pornographic or arousing media.
• The user consents to servicing the keyholder sexually in any way they desire including the use of strap-ons, vibrators, dildos and the user’s genitals or other body parts (without climax).
• The user agrees not to question the duration of the contract (once signed) or request early release/satisfaction. The user will not irritate the Keyholder by complaining or otherwise questioning the agreement terms.

Hygiene, Maintenance & Safety

• The user is responsible for purchasing a chastity device of the correct sizing in accordance with the Keyholder’s requirements and the user’s lifestyle needs. The device must be approved by the Keyholder before purchase.
• The Keyholder and user will each take charge of a spare key for emergencies but agree not to touch, use or tamper with this key other than in an emergency situation. The Keyholder may enforce their own rule around the storage of the user’s spare key (e.g. alarmed lockbox or ‘break glass’ key container).
• The user is responsible for maintaining the device, cleaning it regularly and immediately informing the Keyholder of any concerns regarding function or hygiene.
• The user is permitted to request removal of the device for health and hygiene reasons at any time (including medical issues or extreme discomfort) but agrees not to exploit this term for sexual satisfaction.
• The user is permitted to remove the device (using their own key if necessary) for doctors’ appointments/examinations, medical emergencies and any situation where the user is preventing physical harm to their body. In these cases proof may be required at the Keyholder’s discretion after the event.
• User agrees to re-secure the device once any medical concern has been resolved and will inform the Keyholder immediately of any changes to their chastity status.
• Weekly nude inspection is mandatory wherein the user will present themself to the Keyholder:
  • Either the Keyholder or user (under supervision) will inspect the device fully for function and cleanliness (both during wear and once removed).
  • After device removal and showering, the user will also be examined to check for irritation, pinching, bruising or other health concerns.
  • The user agrees to thoroughly clean the device while unlocked and will refrain from any contact with their genitals during this process.
• The user agrees to immediately re-secure the device after every cleaning/inspection.
• The user agrees to maintain good personal hygiene and keep pubic hair trimmed short for the duration of the chastity agreement

Keyholder Agreements

• The Keyholder agrees to handle the user with respect and prioritise their health and safety throughout the chastity agreement.
• The Keyholder accepts ownership of the user’s genitals for the duration of the arrangement.
• The Keyholder agrees to keep the user’s key on their person or within reach at all times, with the exception of ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ (e.g. air travel, bathing, medical treatment etc.).

• The Keyholder agrees to securely store a spare key in/at: ________________ (location) for emergency purposes.
• Keyholder agrees that the user will be entitled to __________ (number) of releases in any ___________ days. During these release times, the user will spend no less than ___________ hours but no more than __________ hours unlocked.
• The Keyholder agrees that they will be solely responsible for if/when the user is granted permission to masturbate / orgasm / ejaculate.
• The Keyholder agrees to perform routine checks on the user and may request the user strips naked for inspection at any time (in private/out of public view).
• The Keyholder will supervise all cleaning procedures either in-person or virtually via _____________________________________ (insert method of communication e.g. video call, streaming platform etc.)

Financial compensation
The user acknowledges that they will financially compensate the Keyholder for their time, effort and dedication to the training / behaviour modification of the user.

A monthly tribute of ______________ (currency) will be transferred from the user to the Keyholder via ______________ (e.g. bank transfer) on the _______________ (date) of each month.

Dispute Resolution

• Both parties agree that modifications to this agreement may be required and such modifications will be added to the appendix of this contract if mutually agreed upon before signing.
• Any disputes regarding chastity of the user will ultimately be resolved by the Keyholder at their own discretion, however the user may terminate the contract at any time if they feel unsafe. This is not a legally binding document but a mutual agreement between Keyholder and user.
• If the Keyholder desires to cancel the contract at any point they agree to give ____________ (days)notice to the user orally and/or in writing.
• The user is permitted to request early cancellation of this contract in the event of:
  • Serious or long-term illness on the part of the Keyholder or user, during which their obligations cannot be fulfilled.
  • Termination of the relationship between Keyholder and user.
  • Chastity causing serious health problems for the user.
• If the contract is terminated, neither the user or Keyholder will re-enter the original agreement. A new contract may be written up once any issues have been resolved and/or amendments have been made.

Penalties / punishments
Both the Keyholder and user agree that deviation from / breach of the contract will result in punishment to be decided and administered by the Keyholder. The Keyholder has the right to terminate the contract as a result of severe infringement by the user.

Breach of the contract by the Keyholder will constitute a cancellation of contract. Cancellation of contract by any party will result in immediate release of the user from their device.

Every misdemeanor committed by the user will be punished. The Keyholder will decide on the mode/method of punishment as they see fit in response to the transgression. Punishments and penalties may include, but are not limited to, the following:

• Physical punishment:
  • Spanking
  • Flogging
  • Caning
  • Whipping
• Verbal punishment:
  • Scolding
  • Private humiliation and / or degradation
• Chastity prolongation:

Duration (hours / days / weeks) will be solely the decision of the Keyholder but may be influenced by the following guidelines:

• Viewing of pornographic / stimulating material: _______ additional hours / days locked in chastity.
• Unauthorised removal of device: _______ additional days locked in chastity.
• Unauthorised masturbation: ________ additional days locked in chastity.

Keyholder is authorised to enforce the suppression of privileges alongside the above punishments, such as withholding access to the Keyholder’s body / attention, banning of entertainment (TV, games consoles etc.) or enforcing additional chores and tasks for the user.

Hard Limits
User and Keyholder agree that all play and punishment will be risk-informed and consensual. Limitations are outlined below but the safeword: __________________ [insert safeword] may be used at any time by either party which will bring immediate termination to the current activity.

Play / interactions carried out under the terms of this contract shall not include:

[Insert hard limits for each person]

• Keyholder: _____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

• User: _________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

Appendix

Amendments made in this section have been agreed to by both parties and may not be modified after the contract is signed:

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

Both the Keyholder and user agree, of their own free will, to sign this contract as confirmation of their consent to the above terms and conditions. User is required to immediately secure the chastity device upon signing and the contract will commence upon transfer of the keys.

I ____________________________ (name of user) hereby agree to these terms

Signed: ______________________ Date: ____________________

I ____________________________ (name of Keyholder) hereby agree to these terms

Signed: ______________________ Date: ____________________

 

@SlaveBoy73 i dont know really what you mean but if it that your Mistress sometime not take a lot of notice of You then that happen a lot to me. But She is a busy Lady and She got a Works to look after as well and really that why She got me to do all the housework and cooking and thingys. i am more lucky at weekend when She at home more. so you has to try and be good and not make Her angry by ask a lot of things.

 

redacted

 

I think that everybody's relationships are different. Everybody's expectations are different also. What works for one won't work for all. All couples relationships and their specific dynamics are theirs alone. Those of us in an FLR have different rules and expectations set by our dom and agreed by the sub. The same goes for our agreements with chastity. We married because of love. Although we live a dom/sub FLR does not mean I become her footstool. Like said though this is just our relationship and does not reflect what others have going on.

 

I totally get what you are saying and I think some of the answers you've gotten miss the point or are a bit unreasonable.

My suggestion is to work on the communication angle. Find out more about what she wants and use that opportunity to share what you want. I would stay away from kink, just say you feel that it's one sided and want to find ways to enable her to show her dominance in a positive way. It's not topping from the bottom, it's a couple working together to have a fulfilling relationship that makes both of them happy. This may be an issue that a frank and open conversation between two understanding parties can solve.

 

Different perspective: I would love if my wife participated at the same level you are complaining about.