Is She Mailing It In?

I went through a similar process a few weeks back. It's good to occasionally air things out.

Just be "flexible" with your expectations. Neither rely on them, nor give them up.

Relationships are hard. You're good to keep working at it.

What do you mean, "just"?

 

It is good you had a "heart to heart" with her and you made some progress. What any marital relationship is about in the end is love. Does she show you her love in other ways? It may be that is what you are actually starving for rather than domination. Domination may not be her wheelhouse. if sex is a problem with her disability maybe she can show you her love by snuggling and hand holding or just talking to you more about things you both enjoy. You have a right to expect her to show you her love. You do not have right to tell her it has to be in the form of domination or chastity. It has to be in a way that she is comfortable.
Just make sure you keep carrying the load with the chores and things that she can't help with. Her being disabled means you may have to bear a bigger share of the load but if you love her that should not feel like a burden. Give her all the love you can and tell her you need her to do the same.

 

That has not been our experience and when I do not follow the spirit of the contract I am disciplined! Our is a true FLR and it was her idea the whole FLR and Male Chastity lifestyle!

 

It works because it was her idea

 

Ahh.... See. You have totally different list of grievances than 'I think she's phoning it in'. And you are right to be bitter about your situation. Whether or not she is the appropriate focus of the bitterness is irrelevant to whether or not you have a right to be bitter.

But the problem is that being a Dom just isn't a switch that everyone can do. It's possible that what you wish for isn't something that she is able to provide. It sounds like she tries. But it's a little like wishing she was a great painter, and being frustrated that she can't even do shading right. Some people can't do it. Some can. Some need lots of time and feedback. And feedback is hard to differentiate from topping from the bottom.

So no, I don't want to trade places with you, but I would like it if my wife were to phone it in in regards to femdom... Which is what this thread was about until you gave more context.

 

Marriages can get out of balance on occasion due to external pressures, and sometimes out of apathy.

The foundation of your relationship is your marriage. There is every reason to expect it should be satisfying for both partners. Kink, is just a layer upon the marriage.

Being ignored is abandonment. Being used, is selfish abuse of the marriage agreement and relationship. Even in a relationship such as yours, you are right to expect that your basic needs such as affection, acknowledgement, and companionship are met.

I am glad you had a discussion. That is the first step. If the underlying relationship is not working, there should be no expectation the FLR will succeed. One thing that has helped us, is to get together once a week over a glass of wine or coffee, to go over the past week. It helps prevent things from festering too long. With kink involved, you need to talk even more.

Her disability is a challenge for you as well. She should be sensitive to that. Being a caregiver can be exhausting and demoralizing. You deserve to have your basic needs met (not just kink).

I hope you can both work things out.

 

So much can be solved with good old heart-to-heart conversation between two lovers. While FLR relationships are amazingly rewarding, they are still relationships, with all the stresses that come with two people making a life together. We are all rooting for you.

 

I think this is the paradox of Femdom / FLR. As a submissive you serve her and try to make her happy, but what if she agrees to be you're Domme, but then decides what she really wants is something that looks a lot like a vanilla relationship, perhaps with no kink whatsoever? Are you supposed to serve this desire even though it's not the erotic fantasy you were hoping for? Is it really a D/s dynamic if there is no kink or you don't find it sexually satisfying? I think the answer can only be decided by the individual parties involved.