I find there as many different truths to this lifestyle as there are cages. None of which really matter except the one where you are both happy. Yes I said both. I don't need a cage all the time, but it surely helps. I've tried this without a few times. The results were less than stellar. Hand in pants just touching and holding no harm done. Wow that feels good maybe just a few strokes. I could just go to the edge and stop, really this was my thing anyway. Holy shit I'm close I better stop. Why don't I just keep going to the edge. Oops I think I went to far. Might as well finish it. Then upset with myself. It doesn't have to be that you're a terrible sub or that you are disrespecting your mistress if you need a cage to keep chaste. For it to be inescapable is certainly a mind fuck, but in my opinion, not a necessity. To me the device is a tool. It keeps erections from even starting, and removes casual touch. Even inescapable devices are usually not orgasm proof. It would guarantee that if you do orgasm, it will be in its cage in a flacid state. That's it. I did get pierced, not that I needed to be for true chastity. I got pierced as a symbol to her of my commitment to her ownership. She will forever hold all the keys to even my erections. It's a symbol of trust and sacrifice. I was not a piercing kind of guy. I am not a tat or pain junky. The thought of a needle through my penis frightened the hell out of me. So the truth for me is, I wanted my device inescapable, for me, but I didn't need it to be. I wanted it comfortable enough to wear pretty much forever (minus when she wanted it out). I also have some accountability of my own behavior. When I am out healing from sore or for whatever reason, know that this freedom too shall pass, and to get through temptation like a test. I am proud to say I have never faltered, but have been close. I remember really wanting it back on to remove temptation and casual contact. I didn't want to fail. Everyone is different and the dynamic with their kh is just as different. Some need to be supervised for even grooming, some don't even wear a cage, some need it to be impossible to pull out, and some use it as a tool. For me, it's a tool, my tool, that helps me do what I promised to do. As for it changing you, making you more compliant... I think that is chastity in a nutshell, regardless of how you are doing it. For me, it certainly is an attitude adjuster to not even be able to have an erection for weeks on end. My cravings tend to lean more unselfish and my need to please her intensifies. It becomes useless to me. A physical spout for urination. Steel dangling between my legs. When I am locked up, I have no penis, it's gone. For me, I doubt I would get that feeling if on the honor system, or had a cage I could easily get out of. The cage is for my state of mind.
Great! I feel confident that as time goes by, she will increasingly see the value in your sexual submission to her.
As usual, I really liked this post. "A tool"...yes. Exactly. You have discovered its value. But you know it is a tool and you have no unrealistic expectations of that tool. Far too many men have very unrealistic expectations of the purpose of the tool. I am happy to see that you derive satisfaction from your realistic approach. Trying to make reality out of what is purely fapping fantasy is a sure path to dissatisfaction and disappointment. I wish for you continued success.
Why thank you. Although I have less than a year of real life experience in chastity, I have been reading blogs, and real life chastity experience since 2009. Even became a member here then(under a different name). When I actually started down this path with a kh, I became an actual participant here, felt weird talking with others when I wasn't even locked up. The reading I did prior to wearing a device was priceless. I would have fell into all of the pitfalls that others seem to find. Wanting set release dates, wanting set teasing times, dictating how long I should be locked, and how often I should be allowed to orgasm. It really wasn't until I read one blog in particular that it all really fell into place, that giving up control wasn't just about denial, it was about release as well. If she wants it to play with 7 times a week, well then, that's what it will be. If she wants it locked up and doesn't feel like letting me out, that's what it will be. His blog is called "denying thumper" and although we do not share the same kinks, his journey into chastity with his wife was very real, and a struggle for them both. I was able to absorb his mistakes and learn from his experiences before making them myself. That knowledge really helped both myself and my kh transition into this reality without bitterness or resentment. I think that is why I like to be so active here, knowledge gained and applied, can make all the difference between a crazy kink attempted and discarded, and a lifestyle of change and giving.
Chastity for me and mine has been a fun experience. I have never tried to escape my cage and treat it like it is unescapable. If the goal is to escape why even do it. Just the symbolism of the situation makes us both hot. The teasing I receive is even hotter than the actual orgasm. My wife loves the extra attention I give and I enjoy it as well. There is no pressure for equal performance, as the goal is for her to receive what she needs. I'm one of those that enjoys feeling "under her control". with no expectation of being the one who has the orgasm but making sure I give one... we have tried and still do play with other kinks.. but this one is by far the best we have done and wearing the cage full time always keeps her on my mind. As far as comfort.. I agree with many of the others.. I went smaller and 99% of the discomfort issues went away... yes there is some from time to time but again that is hot knowing I am under HER lock and key.
It is true that chastity devices can be uncomfortable. I believe many people wear them despite the discomfort. Many try multiple devices until they find one that is comfortable or at least tolerable. I've found PA-tube devices to be comfortable. Not as comfortable as no device but most of the time not even noticeable. I've been able to wear them for 6 to 8 weeks before edema became a concern. With some adjustment the edema may not be a problem and there may be no time limit. Many report very long times in their devices and I believe them. For me it is true that the only way to achieve security is through a piercing. I believe I can slip out of any ball trap device. Belts may be secure but I've not tried one and are sure to be less comfortable. Custom may not be required. More and more you can find cheap devices for PA piercings that are not custom. You may find the device with just the right dimensions. Many have reported good success with low-cost Chinese made cages that are of reasonable to good quality. On the other hand, if you are going to spend a lot of time in the device it may be worth getting something custom that you really like. For me it is true that device security is important. For others it is true that chastity is a commitment and a device security is secondary. Depends on how you work.
I see a lot of talk about security, and how not to escape the cage you are in..... In a certain way this makes me sad: I consider the cage a help for me to maintain my commitment to my wife, and yes I could escape, but I do not want to! (In my particular case, she is not even my key holder, I hold my own keys as she is not particularly found of the KH thing.) Like in earlier replies: it would mean you are cheating on yourself.. doesn't make much sense now does it? You want the truth? I believe you need to find out that for yourself: my truth may be not your truth. Here are my personal thoughts about the (so called) 'truth' in chastity: When you feel really proud of being chaste because it helps you do more things for your loved one (wife in my case), and that this feeling increases when staying longer and longer in chastity and erection free, and that you feel you need to pursue this chastity 24/7 and even in moments where your wife might not be interested in the 'chastity thing', then you have found your truth or at least are very close to finding it. I'm not looking for 'a' truth myself, but this is the way I feel and it works for me, and I know my wife likes it too because my approach does not put any stress on her and that all I do it for is about her and that the cage is nothing more than a help for me to achieve that goal. I'm happy that she supports me in my efforts to accomplish the most important feeling: to love her unconditionally My chastity is not about me, it is all about her, but chastity does help me to stay in the "all about her" mode. Good luck, may the force be with you!
The real truth is that a man who wants chastity does not try to escape from his device. Those of us practicing chastity have asked for it so why would we want to cheat ourselves by escaping? There are plenty of guys who want to pretend that they are locked and unable to get out or have an orgasm. The truth is that even with a piercing you can easily have an orgasm by holding a vibrator against your device. Chastity is not BDSM game, although it can be part of it. It is not a FLR, but is often used in a FLR relationship. Chastity can stand on its own without a D/s lifestyle. My wife is submissive. I have promised her that I will not masturbate, locked or not, and I have kept my word for over 4 years. Once outside of the bedroom, I am the dominant one in the marriage and my wife likes it like that. My wife does not have to check to make sure I am locked because the standing rule is that I am always locked. I had to convince my wife to be my key holder over several months time, so I certainly do not want to make it a chore for her or to make her my warden because I have no self control or cannot keep my promises. I do it because I love my wife. She enjoys chastity with teasing and denial. She laughs at my sexual frustration and has fantastic orgasms when she hears the moans of frustration that I make. I enjoy the anticipation of the orgasm, more than the orgasm itself. I love to be edged over and over again for an hour. The feeling of being on the edge is addictive and I do not want to ruin that. I have pushed my wife's hands away when I thought I was going to orgasm. We view chastity as a partnership to keep me chaste. This is the real truth and news. Not that fake stuff you read. Although I really have been wearing a Jailbird device for over 4 years, it does come off when it is not practical to wear it. If I get sore, it comes off for a few days until I heal. Locked or not I will not masturbate. I can easily masturbate in the Jailbird in several different ways if I wanted to. I do not want to. I have not been denied orgams for years. The longest I have gone is 4 months. My wife and I do discuss my orgams denial limits. Right now it is 3-6 weeks without an orgasm. That gives her plenty of time to surprise me with an orgasm. Sometimes she gets carried away and I ejaculate when neither of us wanted that. You wanted the truth and this is the truth. I have lived a fetish sexual life for 47 years. I know a fantasy post when I read it because I have been there and done that. When I was a magician I used to escape from handcuffs and being tied up. I just do not see magic and chastity mixing well together for me and never saw anyone who needed his penis encased in cement, last long in any of the fetish forums I belong to. I bet most, if not all of the men here were the ones who asked for chastity and orgasm denial. No one can force you into it and no device is escape proof. Tools and calling the police will get you released from any device that is used on you against your will. That is why I cannot reconcile chastity with trying to escape from it. There is no chastity rule book that I am aware of so you are free to do it anyway you want. Combine it with one or more larger fetishes like BDSM or cuckolding if that is your thing. Even then, I doubt that many guys need to have a warden to keep them from escaping the very thing they want. There it is.
I'm new around here so I hope you don't mind me chiming in. We are in a fairly new FLR and have run into many problems with cages and chastity belts because a few years ago he had to undergo a double hernia operation and those incision areas still give him problems. The solution that we've found that works (and causes no pain) is diapering - sometimes with the addition of locking pants. He also wears my collar with my personal charm as a constant reminder. We are both still learning and taking it slow - but this is our way around the cage problems we've encountered.
I'm sure nobody minds you , on the contrary: Welcome and very good to learn that you take it at your own pace, that is wise.
We have been doing "tease and denial" for a few months now (I don't wear a cage), and I have no desire to cheat. The only thing that turns me on now, are our daily tease sessions. Maybe it's because I'm older.