How have you improved as a man/person?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by LadyBlaze, Jul 4, 2020.

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  1. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    Jack Nicholsons famous line: "You make me want to be a better man!" is very much in line with my thoughts of female dominance and what leadership is all about and I am curious to know how your Mistress/Domme/Keyholder has inspired and coached you to improve yourself? What major positive changes have you noticed in your vanilla life thanks to your lifestyle?
     
  2. elias
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    The major change in our relationship was 18 months ago, when I took the courage to tell my Love about my submissive feelings and wish to be kept in chastity. The reason for this were my submissive feelings and tendency to kink that I had for a long time. Also I wished to improve our relationship with more phycological and physical intimacy. We are both in our forties, running companies, created a life with too much hectic and stress.

    At that time, I've loaded myself with a bunch load of information from the internet, which caused a real shock at my Love when I told her. At that time, I hadn't discovered this platform and the information reached me was about "kink stories and woman who explained what chastity did in their life". Impressively, my Love took my message and expressed her appreciation to my openness. So, her biggest "coaching effort" was to listen and let me feel safe - without any judgement - when we were talking about my desires and wishes to become a servant to her.

    Our "new lifestyle" started with her denial of my orgasms, whilst keep talking about us together. In that respect I had an "amazing summer" last year were our intimacy - phycological and physical - improved significantly. We were using a cage now and then for short periods and my submissive feelings to serve her increased. For my Love this became sometimes too overwhelming. At the same time, it also became clear that my Love was discovering her dominant side. She wants me to serve her in many aspects. However, she also wants me to be a strong man taking care of her. So, we were and are both working on balance of this. A remarkable experience was the effect of the foot pampering massages I started to give her. When my Love received those and enjoyed them almost every evening, I discovered that my "zen feeling" increased significantly whilst performing them.

    When, autumn started last year, my Love announced that I would be denied for 4 months. In between she would only "exercise me" and started to ruin my orgasms during intimate moments. During this period, I learned that "no orgasm" increased my energy levels as well my continuous feelings to become "best for her". The most significant learning came after the period of 4 months, when my Love allowed me to release. That orgasm caused initially a slight drop in my "sharpness and well feeling". A few days later, my Love allowed me a second orgasm, causing that I dropped below sea level immediately. So, we both noticed and learned about "the massive impact of a male release to his emotions, sharpness and sensitivity to serve his better half".

    So, for me a positive change is that I am not any more looking forward to an orgasm, as the reward for this is amazing. Although my Love demands when I should release, I may wish that the denied periods become longer, and my orgasms will become rarely i.s.o. frequently. I guess that I am at a stage now, that I have "smelled the positive effects of this". I discover "wave riding experiences during a denied period" in terms of energy, sharpness to serve her and increased levels of mental and physical intimacy. I learned to put my Love at No. 1 position and doing the utmost to keep her happy. I even started with sports to stay in a good shape for her (LoL)...
     
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  3. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    This is absolutely amazing and I am so happy for the both of you! Thank you for sharing your story. So you started to live a healthier lifestyle. Have you noticed any changes in yourself when it comes to your work? How is your stress level since you made these changes?
     
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  4. elias
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    Although slightly hit by the C/19 crisis, personally I can say that my well feeling increased and my stress levels were lowered. Also I feel a better balance in running the business during day/time, whilst kept `watched and trained` at home.

    My theory is that once chastity and denial comes in men's levels of dopamine are continuously raised and let us feel well all day/weeks/months/years/ life, without any negative fall-back. Once being teased and denied, the levels of our `well feeling chemicals` are further boosted to sky, causing them to be at continuously elevated levels. In return we turn into submission, pleasing, being sensitive, emotional, intimate etc. For me all of them are considered as possitive changes of our new life style. I may conclude that there is no other ´antidepressant drug´ that works perhaps so well, given the topic we discuss.
     
  5. Jail Bird
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    Well said. Running a business by day, watched and trained to be a submissive by night. Perfect. just wish I would have started this many years ago!
     
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  6. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    Thank you for sharing guys. I have heard that men become more calm when there are clear rules and more focused when locked. Very interesting.
     
  7. Jail Bird
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    It's the truth. Add in punishment for not following the rules is also a huge step in the right direction.
    Nothing like going to work in your belt and cane blistered ass!
     
  8. madams-sissysub
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    this is very true! I am much happier and relaxed with my madam controlling everything!
     
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  9. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    I am thinking that it can be a good way to break bad and unhealthy habits as well. My role as a leader is to inspire and train my sub to be the best version of him he can be.
     
  10. King Hippo
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    My wife and I are much more connected now. I was wasting a lot of time and energy before on other activities when what I should have been doing was right under my nose the entire time.
     
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  11. WWD
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    The tenderness and intimacy has returned to our relationship since she began leading it in September. Prior to that, it is not a stretch to say we were on life support. 28 yrs of marriage with the last night 8-9 yrs being the worst. In September I wrote out a 5-6 page confession of my shortcomings and failures as a husband and read them to her on bended knee. In the confession, I asked her to take the lead in our marriage as I felt that we needed a radical change primarily because of me. She agreed. As with anything new, we have encountered minor bumps along the way but at this point neither of us would go back. I am learning more about her each day and how she wants things done. She is not overtly dominant but very much likes having the final say, knowing that what she says goes. She now will correct me if I pushback to hard on something by saying “it’s all about me right?” Reminding me that she calls the shots. We have nightly intimacy on the couch where I rub/massage her feet and calves. I have taken on more chores around the house all while being the primary breadwinner. I love doing housework knowing she is relaxing, doing things she enjoys doing and she enjoys it as well knowing the sense of fulfillment it brings to me. We are much more affectionate with each other throughout the house, giving each other tender kisses as we pass. I am completely, 100% submissive to her on anything she wants. In closing, I did not know I could be so happy or fulfilled as a man. Each day is an emotional harvest for me knowing that everything I do is for her. I cannot get her out of my mind and feel like I did when we were dating so long ago.
     
  12. Rodeo cowboy
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    This is a great question.

    I ask for the opinions of the women in both my personal and professional life. Unless there would be significant harm I defer to their judgement.
    I have built a strong professional network of men that I do business with. In the last year I’ve been Seeking out qualified women and building professional relationships. Where appropriate I ask them to be involved in various projects and give credit where credit is due.

    Women’s physical safety

    I don’t consider myself to be an imposing man and really never gave any thought to how my physical presence could make a woman feel unsafe.
    I’ve started being more aware of the women around me and how my physical presence could make them uncomfortable.
    I don’t get on elevators with a woman who is by herself or with a friend. I’ll wait for next one or take the stairs. Parking structure same thing give them plenty of space. I stay the hell out their personal space. I don’t get to decide when a woman is uncomfortable by my presence.

    Ladyblaze thank you for joining and contributing.
     
  13. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    Thank you for participating Rodeo Cowboy, I must say that it is very considerate of you to pay attention to those details regarding a womans personal space and safety.
    Have you noticed that you treat women better? (strangers and women you know)
    I mean holding doors, helping whenever possible etc? Have you learned any new skills, taken any cooking classes by example etc. because of your lifestyle?
     
  14. Rodeo cowboy
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    Yes, Ma’am,
    I have noticed that women in general are more at ease with me. I was taught at an early age to treat women with deference. I’ve always held doors and address women with Miss and Ma’am.
    I take three to four cooking classes a year. I love hosting my friends and family. It gives me pleasure to cook for people I care for.

    Thank you for the follow up question.
     
  15. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    I have noticed that American men are in general more polite and I love it when they call me ma'am.
    3-4 classes a year, that's impressive. Have you tried Gordon Ramseys Masterclass?
     
  16. Rodeo cowboy
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    No, Ma’am,
    Sur la Tab offers several classes per week with four or five regional fares per month. Over time I’ve gotte
    No, Ma’am,
    Sur la Tab offers four to five regional fares classes seven to eight time slots per week. I’ve gotten acquainted with several of the chefs who instruct. I try to pick a class that someone I know is teaching. I like learning new recipes but learning new kitchen techniques broadens my capabilities in the kitchen.
     
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  17. Sissycaitlin77
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    Hello ladyBlaze curtsey.

    I feel how my domme/keyholder helped in my vanilla life was to bring out more of caring and compassionate side and just general being respectful. Since having a relationship like this I truly realized its about the little things in life and have absolutely loved it ever since. There have been some examples said here so I dont wanna repeat all those again beausce those are excellent examples like rodeo cowboy stated previously. So thanks for posting this as a question to everyone. I really enjoyed looking back how it changed me.
     
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  18. Fiber66
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    That is for sure with me. I used to be pretty stressed out and had this kind of internal war between my masculine and feminine side. I no longer do. I am now in a very zen kind of feeling. Nothing I want matters. Nothing I need can be provided by me. Everything in my life is because of her. My life is very focused on serving her in every way. It is very relaxing and calming.
     
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  19. LadyBlaze
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    Thank you guys for answering. I guess I was wondering how a FLR can affect a man on a personal level like healthwise, if it has made you grow your knowledge in some way, if you have taken classes courses etc. If you have been able to perform better at work etc. I think a sub is a reflection of his leader/mistress so for me those things are very important. The better my sub does the more successful I feel. The devil is in the details.
     
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  20. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    I can't say there's been any major improvements or inspirations.
    We are definitely more disciplined (not spanking) in our every day actions, planning ahead, looking at our finances, thinking about house/garden improvements and doing things together.
     
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  21. Darlydixon
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    My KH and I are new at the FLR just got started a month ago. But in that time we have been able to rediscover our relationship. I have found my self doing more around the house dishes, laundry, and general cleaning. I went from playing with my self 2 to 3 times a day to 0 all that wasted energy in pointed at helping the love of my life my KEYHOLDER
     
  22. nvrsaynvr63
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    I don't post much anymore, but I do love to come in a read things all the time. After you've been doing this awhile, there's only so many things you can comment on. This however is a great topic and I thought I would contribute.


    Chastity and FLR has truly transformed our relationship to a level neither one of us thought possible. We started with chastity as just another kink, we had been heavily into the BDSM scene since we met so this was just another playtime thing. It soon became apparent how much my attitude and actions changed when denied, I became a much more loving, caring and attentive partner. She of course liked that, but neither one of us was sure what to make of it. After much reading, longer periods of locked time and willingness to explore all this, it became obvious how much of my personality was driven by my hormones. I've always been on the high side of the alpha make curve, and this was a great way to temper that.


    As the years rolled by we transformed into a FLR, once things really clicked for both of us there was no turning back. I now really love serving her and taking care of her in any way I can. If you had told me 5 years ago I would want to serve her tea every morning, cook for her, draw her baths, dry her of when she comes out, take her boots on and off, open car doors,........the list goes on and on, I would have said you're crazy!


    I have become a better person and am thankful for that. She loves that she has what she calls a “real man” who's willing to serve and treat her like the Queen she is.(at least to me) While nobody on the outside would ever look at me and think we live the lifestyle we do.


    As far as outside of the relationship, work and my vanilla life? I can't really say all that much has changed. I work in a totally male driven, testosterone filled world. I do find I take much more time and really want to pass along the knowledge I've learned over the decades to some of the younger guys who have the aptitude and desire to learn from the gray beards. My stress levels are definitely not as bad as they used to be, and I'm more tolerant of things that used to annoy me. My family and friends are still very important and we've always been there for each other no matter what, that will never change, even as some die off and others move on with their lives.


    I can honestly say, for me, I haven't found one negative aspect in the whole FLR/chastity lifestyle. We live it everyday. We could never go back to the way it was before, and neither one of us would want to.
     
  23. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    Thank you for taking the time to share your story, it was very inspirational and uplifting to read, especially since I myself prefer men on the alpha side so to hear how well it worked out for you guys gives me some hope as well. Im really happy for the both of you.
     
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  24. LockitMan
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    LockitMan Lifestyle service submissive/slave/sissy maid

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    I like what you've done regarding safety.

    After having it explained to me how a woman can feel unsafe, even unconsciously after a lifetime of having to suppress fears just to get through life and as is so often the case possibly having been the victim of abuse before, I began taking it to heart. I was picked on as a kid after moving to a new town when I was 10 and this being the only analogy I could think of, I vividly remember walking around in fear for two years and it was then that my heart really and finally went out to all women and their concerns.

    I don't quite know what they have been through but if this is even similar then I never ever want to be part of the problem, I want to be part of the solution. It goes without saying that I would physically defend any woman anywhere against any man and have done on a few occasions in my youth, and would gladly give my life if need be. But now I want to keep any thought of apprehension, even unconsciously, away from her. To this end if passing a lady on the street i give more room for her to pass, I keep my eyes down and away from her (just looking down could still be a ploy if I can still see her feet even) . If we should happen to unintentionally make eye contact I smile gently (including from the eyes) and then quickly look down and away. If holding a door open I do the brief eye contact thing to let her know it's for her and I'm not going to suddenly let go or something, and then lower my eyes to watch her feet until she's safely inside.

    It may sound like little nothings but if I can help to keep one abuse survivors stress/anxiety level down at that moment then I'm very happy to do it every single time.

    Women were meant to be treasured and adored by men. I don't know how we got so off track as a society but it sickens me and I want no part of it. I will do what I can to rectify the situation in my own little patch of the earth, and do so each and every single day.

    It looks like the 21st century may be womens time to finally get out from under patriarchy and spread their wings and fly like they always should have.
    I just wish I could live long enough to see it all the way through. I'm very happy and excited for them.
     
  25. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    Thank you for sharing and for caring about women's safety and well being. But on one hand it is sad that men have to think about these things in our society. In Sweden men cannot do or say anything nice without the risk of backfire and a sexual harassment case so it has become extreme over there.
    Small things can definitely mean a lot. I remember when my scooter broke down and it was far to the workshop and one stranger stopped, turned around and offered to push me all the way to the workshop. It meant the world to me. As a strong woman (And as fragile and delicate as Xena warrior princess) you seldom get help from anyone unfortunately so it meant extra much to me.
     
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