My wife has agreed to hold the keys to my Neosteel Arch for me, however she knows little about being a key holder. For example, any time I ask for the keys, I will get them back. I would like her to take control of "her" penis and make the decisions when I get released or when I can cum. Can you advise of a good online guide for her to follow without scaring her off.
The best teacher is experience. So give her the experience of you doing everything for her, and putting her before yourself. After a while she'll soon realise it's in her interest to take the control she's being offered.
I got the best results by just discussing it with her. I also wrote a letter of exactly why I wanted her to hold the key. I made sure I kept her needs the number one priority. When she keeps me locked I treat her extra special which actually just comes natural while she has the key. She soon saw the benefits and is very happy to manage my penis. She is as about vanilla as anyone can be.
Hey Drew you do realize your caged penis is no longer yours. Your caged she has the keys. I believe that makes it her property. ENJOY ! ! !
Being a new KH can be quite intimidating. She likely feels uncomfortable denying you as she see's it as being mean. I'd suggest two things. First you should explain to her that she needs to be cruel to be kind. Flip the proposition on it's head. Secondly give her a means of being in charge of your lock-up without it being her decision. A great way to do this is to provide a random lock-up time system. You can roll dice, draw cards or do what we did when we started out. There are apps to create your own wheel of fortune wheel on your smart phone. Load it on her phone and set the times and spin it together. In my wife's case she gradually started spinning it without letting me know results. Then at a certain point she just stopped using it and felt comfortable determining lock times herself. I would suggest steering clear of things like describing your penis as her property. If this is something she'll embrace, she'll get there on her own. Make it fun and it will stick. Make it a chore and she won't want to be involved.
She never says it is her property. We are not in a FLR and I am not sub. We have very different sex drives and the cage makes me keep my hands off myself so I am ready when she is. But, a few weeks ago I had a really bad cold and asked her if she would unlock me until I feel better and she said I have never heard of a cold in a penis and walked away.
As others have already said, talk to her, sit down and have a discussion about it all, about how she feels about it, and what you would like to happen, communication is key! (No pun intended!)
m'Lady got "Femdom for Nice Girls: A self-Guided Manual for the Caring Mistress" by Lucy Fairbourne on Kindle. I am about 2/3 through reading it now. She hasn't read it yet but when she does I am in trouble!
I'm afraid many women just aren't predisposed to it, but if your wife is, there has to be something in it for her. You need to find out what that is. Or you could do the reverse psychology thing and put the keys on the coffee table and admonish her not to ever touch them. They'll be gone in three hours
I bought a cage, I wrote my wife a letter, she enjoys having my cock locked up, and, trust me, having dominated me in the bedroom for 16 years, she wasn’t surprised. The prospect of stopping me being “a dirty boy” turns her on sexually, and She “makes” me bring her to orgasm most nights, or mornings. We have three kids so I go to bed wearing pyjamas, I get up at 3:30 and remove everything except my cage because she likes to wake up with me resting between her buttocks, she knows how frustrated that makes me. All in all, we seem to have settled into a nice routine, I’m hers 24/7 even when the kids are around, and she knows I think about her all day when she’s at work.
The website “denying thumper” has some good reading. I think there is space for a good book/text that actually ‘works’ for a real, genuine vanilla partner. Even the likes of Male Chastity: A Guide For Keyholders" by Lucy Fairborne didn’t put it in terms that my wife liked. It goes on about punishment and humiliation too much. If your both into that, than may come later. Just understanding the concept of chastity and then the ‘why?’ and then the ‘how?’ is hard enough!
The journey is a long one, andit can't be rushed. Openness, honesty, and trust are essential. We are 6 years into it now and we are still learning and developing. Growing into an FLR is not going to happen overnight.
"Locked-In Love: How two weeks in chastity can end the barter system, renew courtship, and make a better husband" by Key Barrett Very insightful exploration from a vanilla perspective. A little basic/novice on the how-to side, but helped my Keyholder understand my headspace greatly (she actually mentioned it the other day). Amazon has a pretty lengthy preview posted.
On this subject I'm also still seeking for the right answer. Last weekend I convinced her to read at least chapter 1 of Lucy Fairborne's guide for keyholders. After half an hour she told me that she disliked the way of presenting in the book as it starts from the perspective that "men are driven by their libido" and "women may decide to chastity to get their more romantic and pleasing guy back". So, any help or suggestions or more straight forward reading advices on “locking” would be great. Also advices on a book that could be read by “her” and “him” would be welcomed as well!
My wife didn’t like it ether. Have a look at these: https://denyingthumper.com/2015/07/15/why-in-the-hell/ https://denyingthumper.com/2015/08/05/keyholding-101/ https://denyingthumper.com/2015/02/27/use-it-or-lose-it/ https://denyingthumper.com/2016/09/13/random-thoughts-about-sex/