Gaia's Thoughts

What Do I Want
I come from a very religious background and even though I was raised by feminists I developed my own restrictive views on my sexuality, so it feels very weird to write a post about the kind of fucking I'm looking for. But I've been inspired by other writers here to tease out and flesh out what I really want out of kink and my sexuality in general and put myself out there more.

First, this piece crystalized things for me and let me know I really am primal at heart.
[http://ironwynch.com/scrolls/2014/11/primal-sex-the…]

I'm about as feminist as it gets and I want equality in my relationships, but I want to be conquered in the bedroom. I want to know that the man can contain me no matter how wild I get. I don't get too wild because I haven't yet had an experience with a conquering man, but it's this fear in the back of my head, that I'm too much somehow. I need to know that the man can contain me, emotionally and physically. It's why I'm so into bondage: I feel I can never be truly free unless I'm contained. Tying me down unlocks a part of me.

This might seem odd since the rest of my page is devoted to chastity, but to me it makes sense. Dominance/submission is mostly play to me. I would never consider a partner to be an actual slave. I love role play and protocol and D/s is a form of roleplay to me. Like I've said in another writing I'm not dominant, I'm a keyholder. I love to take charge in a scene and order a man around, receive endless footrubs or oral worship, but that feels different to me from good-old fucking.

D/s to me is different from chastity. In chastity, the man and I are equals, he simply chooses to lock himself for me. I take that locking as a deep sign of respect and devotion, and in some way it unlocks a part of my heart very early. Even locked boys who are just my friends...I see differently from other vanilla or subissive men. I won't wax about chastity here, this post is about fucking.

So when I say I'm primal and want to be conquered in bed but enjoy locking men's cocks, here's what I mean:

I love chastity partly because I can tease him mercilessly, stoke his flames until he's incandescent with need. Then when I choose to unlock him, I let him go wild over me. I crave it. I need a man to pin me down, sink his fingers into me, grope and grab at every soft part of my body. I need a man to growl and grunt and sink his teeth into my neck. I need a man who ties me up until I'm completely immobile, just so he can fuck me how he needs to. I want a man who chuckles and says "I'm not done with you yet, princess." I want a man who's not afraid to wrestle me. A man who licks whiskey off my skin while we fuck. Yeah.

I want to be desired, devoured, consumed, possessed, conquered. NOT destroyed, used, wrung out, damaged, devalued. He conquers me because he needs to and he understands I need it also. He conquers me because he knows I can take it. I'm not interested in a sadist. I'm primal because I enjoy the minor pains of bites and scratches, I detest the pain from floggers.

I can be subdued but I am not submissive. Give me a command and I'll laugh or yawn. It just doesn't resonate with any part of me. But I do want a man who knows how to fuck like a Dominant.

Again, this might sound like a juxtaposition to some. It doesn't to me. There's a reason why Beauty and the Beast is my favorite fairy tale, and one of my favorite love stories in general. The way that works with chastity is that I simply cage the Beast.

Another man on here described his style as "aggressive with permission". That's exactly what I'm talking about. I don't want to be at any man's mercy, I don't want to be conquered every minute of the day. But I love teasing a locked man because my hope is that the crazier I drive him, the crazier he'll go over me when given the chance.

I think what appeals most about this style of fucking is that I really feel WANTED. I enjoy gentle, soulful lovemaking of course, but the primal, conquering sex tells the densest part of my brain that yes, he really does want me. When he pins me down and takes me, I feel valued. When he devours me I feel exquisite. When he grunts and groans and voices his cravings I feel at peace. When he just can't stand it anymore, he has to have me or he'll die, and he'll wrestle me and stroke me until I give in, then I feel loved. Even if it's just a casual fling, I feel that universal love. I feel seen when I'm conquered.

Hopefully I'll find my Beast soon.

 

Sorry!!

 

My sub loooooves when I tease him with my feet.