FLR and Marriage

Indeed! Plus the sex/intimacy usually gets better too!

 

My final thought is to reiterate I'm not scoffing at the idea of conventional set-ups-in fact a normal marriage is exactly what we default back to if real life gets in the way or overwhelms the flr dynamic momentarily for whatever reason-heck I like a lie-in every now and then!

 

Massively better. For both of us.

 

I think FLR would offer a cool opportunity to add some kinky private vows to the occasion. In your case you could make some private vows to each other before the ceremony, and incorporate a reference to those vows in the "official" vows. Such as "I pledge to keep these vows and ones we have made privately." You also could have him to promise to "to love, cherish, and to OBEY" while you pledge only to "love and cherish."

If my wife of 34 years and I ever "renew" our vows, I know we will incorporate something like that into it.

 

I read your post to Miss A, and she said "perfect".

 

I am also in a FLR and we are engaged as of October. I feel like marriage will only make our relationship stronger. Just my opinion. Though, everyone is different.

 

Hi @GoddessG

So ... "He says that marriage conflicts with FLR."

I think everyone jumped on board saying we think they go well together. Me too. Does FLR lead to a better marriage or does marriage lead to a better FLR? Same thing to me I think.

Anyway, so what are the reasons marriage would conflict with an FLR? I didn't quite pick up on anything supporting that.

btw, I'm with you on the thinking we're the only ones like this in our circle of friends. I'm locked 24/7 and we're still kind of vanilla I think. Yet the kink and tension between us goes on 100% of the time without anyone ever knowing.

Given your background and feeling good that you'll likely get married, maybe have fun with this. In lieu of the traditional male proposal, instead you propose to him. Instead of a proposal, it will be more of an ultimatum and you tell him he will only be allowed to marry you if he agrees to your terms [insert your terms that will drive him nuts too]. First start with a more traditional approach, like your surprising him in a cute way; getting him an engagement ring seems too odd, but get him a watch or something that feels like your on the traditional route. But then, settle down and turn to be stern with him. Present your terms to him and you could go the contract route too. I don't think it makes sense for you to get on a knee when your on the quasi traditional part, but when you transition to the stern FLR part, you could have him get on a knee s you deliver the message to him. Anyway, I digress. Sorry if I got carried away there, I don't think you asked for thoughts there ; ).

Thanks for sharing your story

 

Marriage is a legal contract and as such requires consideration on both sides. Therefore, you have to give something to him in exchange for something from him. If he has the mindset that he is giving you something for nothing expected or required in return and that, to him, is what FLR is, then, from his perspective, marriage is placing a requirement on you that would not exist otherwise, and that requirement, whether it be nominal or significant but by the fact it exists, weakens your position as the "Leader." However, if you are of the mindset that what is given by him is of much greater value to you than whatever he is accepting in consideration, then from your perspective marriage is strengthing your position and status.
I think the solution is that he should trust your instinct that marriage is the better bargain for you and perhaps set his mindset that whatever he perceives as your consideration he should nullify in his own thinking so as not to create a stumbling block for himself by subconsciously weakening your leadership.
TL;DR: It doesn't matter what he thinks about marriage in relation to FLR, if you feel it strengthens your control than that is what matters.

 

Right, so I think we are all thinking about our personal assumptions of what marriage means. But at the end of the day, if we're talking FLR, then if @GoddessG wants marriage, isn't that what should happen? Also, if you guys live in a more vanilla life, then imho ... marriage VS man being single, the man is totally submitting in marriage compared to single. Especially in the eyes of the public. If a man remains single in a omitted relationship but doesn't get married, it is perceived that he is stringing her along; the perception is that he is calling the shots. When the man gets married, in the eyes of the public, he is saying he will never look for another woman again. When the man stays single, the perception is that he wants his options open. Also, when we do get married, yes we can say it's a man's world or whatever, but that is not what I am familiar with.

Here is a real life example we can all relate to I think: Husband is asked something and defers, "let me check with the boss." Has anyone ever heard a wife make that remark? Ever?

So in my opinion, if you are in vanilla circles, marriage is definitely a symbol of the husbands submission.

To @Living Curious 's point, if you are in a FLR and the woman wants marriage, then that is really all that matters.

 

I'm a married sub and we are fine with being married. However, we were married well before I was subjected to chastity.

 

My marriage was great before a formal FLR was created. After FLR, it's fantastic. I'm deeply happy and so is my wife. No regrets.

 

It's just another level of commitment, which brings even more trust and confidence, and openness about the deepest fantasies and needs.

 

I would say he doesn't understand what marriage really is.

Marriage is stating in matters of the heart there are no others. Note that doesn't mean that partners can't have lovers and a third maybe added; however, it is stating in between two people there is no other "ever" (except consensually)

FLR is only stating that the woman's leadership and femininity views are deemed to be in preferences 50% + 1 vote ..... nothing more nothing less.

 

To me FLR with marriage is the ultimate. Your wedding vows can be written to included this.
Many many years ago if my ex and i had be totally aware of this lifestyle we would still be together.
The FLR can be as subtle that only the 2 of you know what is happening and everyone else around you is totally oblivious to it.
Wish you all the best

 

You're right there: no one knows I'm in a FLR

 

My wife is also my Queen. We share responsibilities, but the question of dominant and submissive positions have been resolved after a great deal of self-examination. I fell in love with her because of her strength. When we married, we did not consider an FLR. Rather, we moved into this because it is correct. My chastity is a recognition of my devotion to her, but is only one part. FOr many years I assumed I was the dominant. This was an error and molded by our society. Marriage is a contract of love. A female led relationship is a statement of how this love works for you. You can have either without the other, or both together. Perhaps if you propose to him it can be driven hme a little more clearly. Enjoy love. Enjoy your relative positions and let no one tell you it is wrong.

 

Wow that was probably the best 'First Post' in Chastity Mansion history. I regret that I have but one Like to give...

 

Thank you SubSnuggler! I really appreciated your comment. Now that I finally read about introductions and the avatar rules, perhaps I will not get an avatar approved! Baby steps.

 

Glad it is working for the both of you

 

Rather, perhaps I will NOW get an avatar approved!!

 

It depends on your understanding of marriage. My wife and i are both christian and believe the man makes the final decision on situations within marriage. There are some things my wife understands she can not control and will have to submit to my decision. Socially, she very much controls me. Its an interesting and fun dynamic. Sometimes when we are in a target or something and she wants something i wont let her buy, she'll squeeze my balls until i say yes.

 

Can anyone pass me a barf bucket? Please?

I'm sorry. What thread are you posting in? Female Led Relationships?

YES. That's what section this is in. Please take my bucket with you on the way out.