Hello All, I have lurked in many places for a long time... I have introduced myself here. I will not cover the same ground again. About a month ago I decided to get serious and move from fantasy to hopefully reality. I hope that this "blog" will serve as a diary of my journey. As a very quick summary my wife does not know of my fantasy but I am going to slowly try to introduce this to her and I will document my trials and tribulations here. The Decision So after years of porn and excessive (& extremely) selfish masturbation it is time to focus on my wife. She puts up with a lot and the relationship needs to move to be focused on her. She is quite vanilla so to rush out and tell her that "I want you to put me into Chastity and by the way I also love to cross dress" will result in a major disaster. I have read accounts from people that say plunge straight in. I do not think that will work with her. I am going to take the slow approach. I have tried for a long time to sift the decision making to her. This has not always been successful as she gets annoyed that I do not have an opinion when she asks a direct question. First Steps As I have mentioned i have lurked in various places for a long time. I decided to get a Chastity device to self prevent masturbation. There will be those that say "just show some self control, what is stopping you as you have the keys". It is too easy to put my hands in my pants and give it a little rub, a device self-locking myself is an extra barrier to preventing my nasty tendencies. So the device, Holy Trainer V2, arrived this week. I tried putting it on BUT I was an idiot and did not measure. I can get one ball through with considerable difficulty and much pain, using the default size but can not get the other ball through. Look frankly I am not into pain involving the balls. During sport and other activities I have been hit there and it was extremely unpleasant. I pushed as much as I could but the pain was too much. I have ordered a larger ring but now have to wait until it arrives. To stop mysef from touching I found some Emla cream at home (too difficult to say why we have this). I thoroughly covered my cock and balls and after a slight burning ten minutes later there was nothing to feel. I am not cut and I made sure to use plenty under the skin in the head. Wow; the very first time I was in chastity. It took hours before the sensation came back. I loved it and will be trying this again soon. Conclusion I will keep blogging my experiences as time goes on. I am doing my best to not play with myself but it is hard. Will let you all know when the bigger ring arrives, likely in the New Year. Really hoping that this will help. The question I have not been able to answer is what if the wife catches me with it on? Well we make love infrequently due to a) children and b) very busy & high pressure positions we both have working for major companies. If we do not have sex for a couple of weeks it is not unusual, hence my problem with self pleasure. I will be working hard to stop this nasty habit from now... Best Wishes, Cyt
First of all. Too go behind your wifes back and lock youself comes to me as a bad ide. Moust women i know will be put off from it if you do it behind ther back. If i wher you i whoud come kleen and say that the mastrubation has beckome an adicktion. And you feel like its coming in the way for you as a cople. And you need too have focus on hear and not your self. If you stop mastrubating you will contrebut more in the house, with the kids and too her plesure. Mabe she will like to get more back masages and so on!! I belive that if you put it at you want to stop for her. To make her happy. I think she will be glad you want to stop for her. If she gets the point of why you want to stop. Then tell her that you have tryed to stop But your willpover is not up too it. And Ask if she got any idés on how to stop you. Maby she will anser castity. Maby somthing ells, or maby nothong. Then mention that you are willing to try chastity. And leav it for some time. If she dont get back on it inn a week or 2 mention the mastrubation agen and Ask if she has thout about it. If shes not willing to be a KH, you can be self locking og use a time lock. I think the moust inportent is to make it about her. How it will pleas her. If you self lock and she noticed your game is up. She will likely hate it and feel like you are selfish missuing her trust. And proberly think the lock will be for you and not her!! And i will think she never become you KH. How ever you go. Good luck your jurny!! Hope she will lock you
Fantasy to reality isn't very realistic imo. Hi by the way and welcome. It sounds like you got your fantasies all set up, maybe even a scene built up on how a few should go. Would never say that you shouldn't share your intimate self with your wife, but she might need time to absorb everything. There isn't a wrong way to do this, but introducing chastity device, femdom,cross dressing, is a lot for someone to take in, and most are happy just getting their partner ok with wearing the device. Being an active key holder, in itself, is a lot to absorb and be ok with. If you really want chastity, I would work on that. Good luck
Thank you all for the advice. I very much welcome it even if it was not in line with my thinking. I will think some more about how to introduce this to her that will be less confronting.
What I found to work is to introduce my wife to teasing and denial without any mention of a chastity device. Just ask her to tease you the next time you two have sex and not let you orgasm. Then the time after that when you have sex and an orgasm, make a big show about it. Tell her how much more intense it feels and perhaps she is willing to try to deny you longer. I am not ashamed to say that at the beginning I acted a lot. I used psychology on my wife. I made her see the difference between always letting me orgasm and denying me. So we went like that for about two months until she was denying me for two weeks at a time. I even started to wash the dishes, clean up things and told her how exciting it felt to be so horny. In three months time my wife wanted to make me go 3-4 weeks without an orgasm to see what it would do and if I could take it. My wife was beginning to enjoy sex that was focused only on her orgasm. She said she was having the best orgasms of her life. Not only would her toes curl but her whole body spasmed when she orgasmed. When she wanted to take me longer than 3 weeks I told her that I could not do that without help and showed her a few chastity devices online. Told her that is what other couples are using. You could also confess about how much you masturbate and need help to control it. If she does not care if you masturbate, don't bring this up. My wife cares and wants to be the only one who makes me orgasm. So I got a CB6000s and the rest is history. The biggest problem we had was that my wife always saw my orgasm as validation of my desire for her. Plus she felt guilty for denying me after hearing my moans of sexual frustration in bed. That took a long time to change. What I did was apply more psychology. Every time she denied me I would thank her afterwards and tell her that I always want to orgasm during sex and thanks for denying me because I feel lousy after an orgasm. When she let me orgasm, I did not thank her and would remark that I wish I was not so week because now I have to start over again. Now starting year 5, she has no guilt at all and has told me that she likes me better when I am denied and has no use for my penis. Her orgasms with her vibrator are much more intense than they were with me or her girlfriend. So right now I am in limbo. I went back into chastity after an orgasm two months ago on our anniversary. My wife has no inclination to let me orgasm and keeps mentioning my birthday 6 months from now. We shall see because sometimes she gets carried away in the heat of the moment and forces me to orgasm. It is a slow process and you need to take baby steps. You need to get your wife used to it because girls know that guys want as many orgasms as they can get so why don't you want to have them with her anymore. You need to eliminate all the other stuff and just focus on orgasm denial first. Then you can add a chastity cage and once you are in the swing of things you can introduce D/s, Femdom, FLR or whatever else you are into. It took us 4 years before my wife lost all of her guilt and has become greedy about her orgasms. Two weeks ago she had 10 that I know of, as she reminded me. She is 64 and was having one orgasm a month before we started orgasm denial. Now she loves it. Good luck.