Fantasy to reality? - Melbourne Australia

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Cyt, Dec 18, 2016.

  1. Cyt
    Offline

    Cyt New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2016
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Melbourne Australia
    Local Time:
    10:13 PM
    I am a male in my mid 40s from Melbourne Australia who is increasingly interested in being submissive.

    I discovered sex and erotica early through porn magazines but did not have PIV / lose my virginity until I was 19.

    At university I had a close friendship with a number of guys with whom we would discuss sex and over the years we transitioned from talking about our vanilla relationships with our partners to beginning to discuss more kinky ideas that we would like to try. Most of the ideas revolved around D/s and mostly maledom. I had discovered femdom while reading Variations Magazine and it fascinated me not that I told my friends.

    Moving forward many years and having had a number of partners whom sex was hat not far from vanilla I finally settled down with my wife. We have been married now just over 15 years. She knew of my porn collection and has been a little adventurous but still the relationship has been essentially vanilla.

    The "cheating" I have done is online porn which she knows about. What she is unaware of are the toys and female intimates (mostly panties) I have bought for myself.

    What I hope to introduce her to, in no particular order is:
    • chastity for periods of time (days, weeks or maybe months but not permanent)
    • ruined orgasms
    • orgasm edging
    • milking
    • cross-dressing in the bedroom / private. It may be I have to go to work with panties on but not be exposed to vanilla outsiders
    • she to take the majority of decisions in our relationship
    • oral service
    • pegging
    • CFNM when we are alone
    • attending a Tea Party or similar with those in the lifestyle
    The above may or may not happen and some may be a fantasy that one or both of us once experienced do not enjoy.

    This may all be realistic or not... I will just have to see where this goes.
     
    Lockedbytrace and SoumisCH like this.
  2. Vinny
    Offline

    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2014
    Messages:
    1,879
    Likes Received:
    1,541
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Local Time:
    8:13 AM
    I have been into BDSM since I was 13 and slapped hard by a girl whose boobs I grabbed. As luck would have it, that girl ended up being my wife's best friend and living with us in a poly triad where she sexually dominated me for over 30 years. Lucky me.

    I tell guys that dommes are not born, they are made. Few women want to dominate men from the time they are kids. Some may but my experience is that women prefer to be the submissive one in bed. Taken by a man who rips the orgasms out of her just like they read about. :) My Mistress was naturally dominant but did not know anything about femdom. I thought her over the years, a little at a time until she was choking me, punching me in the face, busting my balls in all sorts of ways, knife play, nipple play, pegging, whipping, caning and paddling me until I was bruised, welted and bleeding. I will skip the yucking stuff she had me do.

    With my wife I have not bee very successful because I am the man she loves and cannot bring herself to hurt me except on rare occasions when she does it for me. My advice is to do it in baby steps. When I dumped all the stuff you listed on my wife she actually got scared. It was too much too soon. It took a good 10 years for my Mistress to get to the point where she really got into hurting me and sighing with pleasure as she did so. What works is to start off simple like maybe spanking you. Once she is comfortable with that, have her tie you down and tell her you are used to the spanking so she can do it harder. From there you can get her to gag you, then later on use a paddle or whip. From there it is easy to get a woman to pinch your nipples. That is not uncommon even in vanilla sex. Once she is used to that introduce nipple clips. Then you get her to squeeze your balls a little, then a lot. That can lead to slapping them, punching them and kicking them. As you can see it is a slow and steady progression based on her getting comfortable with things gradually. Not much of a difference from spanking you with her hand, especially when her hand hurts more than you butt, to using a paddle. Easy to go from her pinching your nipples to using clips so that her fingers do not get tired.

    The problem I see is that some guys want to turn their submissive wives into a dominatrix overnight or in a very short period of time. That overwhelms them with too much information and wants by you. Good dommes are made, not born, even the pro ones I have met as BDSM clubs worked as apprentices to other pros and pretty common that they were once subs to learn the other side of the coin. Take baby steps and you will have a much better chance of success. Keep in mind that your wife may not want to change. My wife wife does not like to hurt me or make me her slave. She is the one that set me up with her girlfriend to provide me with the S&M stuff above what my wife was willing to do.

    Also beware that our fantasies often do not pan out in reality. I fantasize about having things done to me but I never feel the pain in my fantasy. Then when we try it, I am begging her to stop an never doing that again. Same with being my wife's sub all the time. Once the initial excitement of all the things you listed, wears off, they are not exciting anymore, just more work for you and sometimes you wake up not feeling like licking anyone's feet or being humiliated every day. I wore panties for two months and even bras. It was exciting at first but then got annoying because it was not as comfortable as my regular underwear and did not make me feel humiliated or aroused. It is like chastity. Guys try it and after the initial thrill is gone, they do not enjoy having their orgasms denied longer than they want to and disappear never to be heard from again.

    So do it in baby steps, recognize that fantasies often do not work out as you imagined in reality and your wife may not be emotionally or psychologically comfortable doing the things you want her to do. I know that a kink is something you want to do but a fetish is something you have to do or it will eat you up until you feed it. Not many wives are willing to bring in their friend to dominate their husbands and in the process learn that they are bisexual. Often guys cheat on their wives with women willing to dominate them or go to professionals which is a very safe option that your wife may not mind since you are not going to have sex with her like you see in porn videos. She is just going to dominate you the way you tell her you want her too. A good pro Mistress will ask you a lot of question even as to what material you want her paddle to be made of and how hard to hit you. You are paying for her to duplicate your fantasy and not to do whatever she wants to do while collecting your money. They are sort of sexual therapists and I have known married men whose wives were OK with them visiting a dominatrix that they have met, once a month or so. My Mistress taught my wife how to dominate me but my wife will not go beyond a certain point. It is difficult to go from a sniveling slave in the bedroom to a loving husband outside of it. In reality, few every live it 24/7, even the hard core couples we knew from the BDSM clubs. It sounds great to be a sexual slave 24/7 but as I said, once the initial excitement wears off, you are not going to want to do it 24/7 and your wife will find catering to your fetish 24/7 to be a job for her. So try to balance reality with the false picture of things you get from porn. You can succeed but not overnight or even in a few months. Baby steps. Don't jump into the deep end of the pool when you are learning how to swim. Good luck.
     
    Lockedbytrace likes this.
  3. LadyS
    Offline

    LadyS Lover of LOVE

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2016
    Messages:
    563
    Likes Received:
    2,196
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Photographer
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    5:13 AM
    I think all of this is very realistic but Introducing it all at one to someone who is vanilla might be a bit much.
    I personally think once you introduce chastity things will unfold from there.
    But becoming a KH is a lot to process to start with.
    Hubby was the one who inctorduces me to him wearing panties. One day he just was wearing a pair of my panties (I think ) and it escalated from there, I have always also been pretty open to anything.
    Chastity. That's still up for debate on how that cat got out of the bag. I deffintaly had been looking at chastity porn and orgasm denial on my phone. I think he maybe had snooped in my phone, as he's been known to do, and he took it from there. He had recently admitted to how much he had been masturbating so it came out at a perfect time.
    Now we go in and out of the cage a lot because we just have a fun device right now but we keep it on all weekend. When and if he gets any type or orgasm is all up to me. When his penis gets touched is all up to me unless he sneaks a feel befor he locks up. But lately I have been strict on locking up asap and if I'm not home he has to send me a picture.A new thing I have brought in is punishment for touching to try and control uncaged behaviour.
    Female domination kind of comes along with feeling comfortable with every thing that's going on. I don't think I could just wake up one morning and lay down the rules. It has taken us several months to get to the point we are at. And even then I question a lot of things!!!!
    I would say Having set expectations as a man won't help. Giving up any expectations, open hearted comunication and trust will go a long way.
    I am also happy got into it together and that he didn't have to hide anything.
     
  4. Newlover
    Offline

    Newlover Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2013
    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    63
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    8:13 AM
    nice share,,,,,,,,,,,,,
     
  5. Jessica Alexander
    Offline

    Jessica Alexander Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2016
    Messages:
    553
    Likes Received:
    691
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    1:13 PM
    Do yourself a favor and take it slow or you will overwhelm her. I'd suggest to get her comfortable with simply holding the key and letting you out ANY TIME she wants to play. Once she is good with that, make suggestions to try more but don't push her. One step at a time.
     
  6. rongeo
    Offline

    rongeo rongeo, aka it

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2016
    Messages:
    61
    Likes Received:
    34
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Melbourne Australia
    Local Time:
    10:13 PM
    Hello cyt, I am out in Melton. IT would be great to meet someone like you in Melbourne. Even just to chat.
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice