Dram Jar Sessions

The Frustration Chair - Design Cycle 2 Begins

So, it’s been one week - of accidentally chastity.

It all started with my R&D work with The Frustration Chair - using myself as the guinea pig.

Fun times! But, seriously, that sort of testing helps a lot with refining circuitry. At the moment, I’m in another design cycle and creating another PCB - this time without a microprocessor.

A while back I lost my toolchain for my PIC microprocessor - and that set me back quite a lot. But, that’s a whole other story for another day. I never really got over that. I like some things about software - particularly, embedded software - but, the constantly evolving rollouts and changes grates on me at times.

Anyway, back to the point of this blog: I need to create and test two circuits - that will be added to this PCB run. 1) a ramp circuit and 2) the Grace Period circuit.

I’ve decided to use a pure analog approach - using a constant current source into a capacitor. For those with a calculus background the current into a capacitor is the derivative of voltage with respect to time multiplied by the capacitance i(t)=C*(dv/dt). If i(t) is a constant then then the voltage is just i*t/C (after integrating) - i and C are constants - so the voltage at any time, t, across the capacitor is proportional to the time t - which is a ramp function. This is the same as graphing an x=y equation. The ramp rate is the constant of proportionality i/C. Neat!

Oooh - math masturbation! I wonder. Will I receive extra days of chastity for that gratifying feeling of solving a math equation in my head?

The second circuit I need to create/build/test/document is The Grace Period circuit. This circuit will provide a smoother transition when stimulus is re-introduced after the cut-off period (of no stimulus).

Ultimately, The Frustration Chair will be refined enough that I may be restrained with automated locks - but, that development is for much later - if that ever occurs. It makes a lot more sense to make incremental changes.

The product schedule is something like this: Integrate the above prototype circuits (ramp & grace) >> Test >> document using a schematic/layout tool >> contact a vendor for fabrication.

So, I did make a quiet promise to myself that I’d stay off that penis “until further notice.” But, being that I’m a free slave - in the end - I can do whatever I want. Joking aside - I’ll be testing the newly created circuits soon on myself. I will do everything I can to not get myself stuck in a cycle of lust - as I often have done at times. I am serious though. I want a Domme and they will not enjoy my hyper-fixation on my penis. So, this activity will serve only to develop and refine circuitry. After I’m done with that work - I’ll return to a dormant lifestyle.

All for now.

 

The Jitters

I’ve got to come clean about this. No, this isn’t a post nut clarity confession - my last orgasm was June 30th, 2023. What I’m talking about is how I feel - I’m getting a little jittery. I don’t want to write too much about it because I’ve discovered that when I write something erotic - or describe my erotic thoughts - an arousal to reckon with follows. So, I want to come clean about what DIDN’T happen. Last night, I wanted to beg. I wanted to plead. I wanted to masturbate and feel my wet penis sliding in and out. I nearly sent an email. There. I said it. I’m off for a bike ride now.

 

Circus in my Pants

I woke up at 6:30AM with a raging hard-on accompanied by evidence of dribbling during the early morning hours. My underwear had become a victim of lust. I had just been dreaming that I was fucking - actually fucking. In fact, I woke myself up thrusting my pelvis into the sheets. When I awoke there was nothing - no fucking, no masturbating - just nothing.

I couldn’t tell you how nice it would have been to fuck just then. If someone had been sleeping with me I would have grabbed them and destroyed their body - but, instead nothing. Nothing at all - aside from a throbbing, denied, cock looking for pleasure.

I ignored the itch, got out of bed, and headed for the kitchen and began making food. It was too early to jump onto the bike for a ride - that would have been more optimal. But, even as I was preparing food - I found it difficult to keep my mind away from sexual thoughts. I was in my boxer shorts and wearing a T-shirt - and I suppose that didn’t help with my morning frustration. Somehow every little thing became sexually arousing.

But, I want more. I want something more than simple spewing. I want control over these feelings - the ability to deny myself even at the worst points. I want to point the energies of my sexual frustration outward and share it. I like the thought of creating photos and videos for those who’d enjoy. Most all I want to be told what to do - when to cum and how.

I’m horny - but, I can still dream.

 

I like my Chair.

Other men might make fun of me - but I like my Chair.

It may be difficult to sit a certain way - but, my Chair teaches me to be patient.

I may not feel satisfied anymore - but, my Chair is always there for me.

My Chair kisses me in a way that no one else ever would.

Everything will be okay.

My Chair loves me.

 

3D rendering of The Frustration Chair module.



This is a development board. Fabrication cost should be < $1000. From there I'll kludge together various audio/visual gauges and continue with testing. I've got a few ideas for visual indicators - that will be useful for creation of videos.

 

I have three gigs during the next three weeks - possibly four. I'm in that cycle again. How do I get myself into these messes? Well, the upshot is that my penis and any fetish-fun activities have, once again, fallen to the wayside - at least for now.

Everybody - have a great weekend!

 

One gig out of the way....

But, my reason for posting is this: I haven't teased myself at all - zero - since pausing all sexual activity. I've been pretty damn busy and that helps - including quite a lot of exercising. So, that's the good.

However, I'm getting to a point - of reaching my limit of a, self-imposed, masturbation-free lifestyle.

I need to have an orgasm - and without any accountability - I just may schedule one. I could hook myself back up to my unfinished project - The Frustration Chair. Or, maybe I could do something else. I'll have to think on that some.

 

I'm looking for a man to share masturbation with.

 

I’ve concluded that the younger generation will just not make it in this world. I’m not sure how much I should say about this - but I joined a Pro Dom’s forum and I have supported this Pro Dom with $100 USD of my money. I have no problem with the Pro Dom - it was the forum moderators that were vexing.

Anyway, while going through their somewhat confusing process of registering I discovered they have a time limit to register - otherwise you’re kicked out. I had to take a quiz - much of it about not triggering people and not using certain words that trigger. I’m fine with that really - but, it was just they way they implemented the registration process - it was confusing and I felt I had to rush - otherwise get booted forever (or whatever the rule is). They didn’t like my avatar and said I’d have to change it. It wasn’t like I had a dick pick or something - it was totally PG (actually, the same avatar I have here on Chastity Mansion). But, okay, I wanted to appease - being that I’m new here and all that. Then, as I was registering, I got a warning that they didn’t like my introduction and to change that. So, I did. And, maybe, at that point, I should have listened to my first thought - my instinct - that this place may not be for me. But, I trudged on with the registration process.

So, finally, things are wrapping up - I changed my avatar, I redid my introduction, I took their quiz, and jumped through every hoop necessary to join. The mod helping me was giving me little heart emojis - a clear signal I’m doing alright. During that moment - I hadn’t eaten breakfast and it was already 2PM. I had just gotten back from a 10 mile bike ride an hour before. I was getting VERY hungry - and wanted to take my lunch. But, at the same time, I didn’t want to inadvertently abandon an unfinished step in the registration process. That’s when I asked the person helping me if I could go have my lunch. Bam! That’s when I got this warning out of nowhere.

I received this message, “you have made another person in this forum uncomfortable with your use of language.”

They have a system - if you trigger someone they tag you with a warning - and, presumably you can only get so many warnings before one is banished forever. When you get a warning your name gets highlighted - so that everyone can see that you have triggered someone. But, with such a system there’s zero understanding of what led up to getting marked as a bad person. They only know that you’ve done something very bad.

I was a bit mortified. It had only been a few minutes since joining - and already I was marked - making me feel like a criminal. But, what did I do? I had absolutely no idea what I could have said wrong. We were talking about IT things - how to register. I asked if I could go to lunch. I kept re-reading the offending words I had written - the two sentences that, apparently, triggered someone. Where was this inappropriate language? I just wasn’t seeing it. I asked if I could go to lunch. Somehow that was considered egregious. But, why? How could that be? It doesn’t make sense.

Well, it turns out that, when I asked if I could go to lunch - that question was construed to be sexual - more precisely, a BDSM, power-dynamic, role-play game of some type. The trigger, as it turns out, was my asking if I could go to lunch - as if I were asking my master if I could eat. Someone in that forum really thought I was actively engaging in a spur-of-the-moment BDSM fantasy game without the consent from the other person. Sure, had that been the case - I can see how that’d be really bad.

But, let’s talk about context. I think that’s important.

This was clearly an IT conversation. I was registering. I wasn’t sure how to register. One of the moderators was proactively helping me get through the process the entire time. After banging away at this for an hour - I did ask if I could have lunch - because I didn’t want to walk away from the registration process if it hadn’t been completed. Not to mention there was a time limit to registering - so I felt compelled to be very clear if it was okay to leave - hence, my asking if I could take my lunch.

Is your brain too fucking smooth to understand that this wasn’t a pervy conversation?

Now I’m triggered. I’m triggered because their system gives into the impulse of permanently banishing another person for the slightest, out of context, remark that could be perceived in the most tenuous of ways as “triggering.” That is to say, I’m triggered for having to walk on eggshells now.

Man, if that’s all it takes to get your panties in a bunch - then good luck to you. Because you will seriously need it. It’s a dangerous world out there - beyond the little fantasy world you’ve created with your forum.

Stay triggered.

 

Okay, so I was pretty upset over this earlier today. My journal entry above got a bit snarky toward the end. I've since calmed down. I really am triggered though. My trigger is that feeling of being judged as a bad person. I've got actual abandonment issues going way, way, back - that, I suppose I never really got over. I am absolutely a high functioning adult in real life and to imply that my social skills are so poor that I lack basic impulse control is totally insulting. I'm not that kind of person and I don't associate with people like that. Implying I was engaging in non-consensual BDSM conversation as I was registering is simply preposterous - and any reasonable person reading through the text would absolutely agree. Perhaps that is the problem. Perhaps, that forum, expects these sorts of individuals with poor social skills and boundaries to join. Well, if that's the case then I should distance myself from that forum. If you sleep with dogs don't be surprised if you end up getting fleas. Right?

I didn't write about this - but, I actually got two warnings. The first was for my avatar. But, I have used that avatar for years with other channels. All I did was join a new channel using my existing avatar. There was absolutely no way I could have known my avatar would be a black mark against me.

I'm getting that bitter feeling again as I write this. I need to go. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

 

Now, I've really done it. I've accidentally outed myself to a friend I've known since the early 90s. It slipped my mind that when you "follow" someone - that someone can see who followed them. We just got off the phone this evening - there was a brief mention about the machines I've been building. I didn't bite though - and continued on as if I didn't hear it. Well, I guess you could say we have similar tastes - but that doesn't make any of this any less embarrassing. JesusFUCK.

 

Recently, I contacted a "master" and asked if I could rent their "slave". The answer was yes.

So, if I move forward with this then would should I do with this slave?

 

wrong bits

 

Okay, so maybe I'm on crack.

 

Gig two of three - complete. The flute player was cute af.

 

real life

 

I masturbated twice in recent days. Last night while in bed - July 31, 2023. And, the day before, in the living room on July 30, 2023. I used my lovely penis sheath while viewing my favorite soft porn. I had a nice moan - both times. When the orgasmic wave rippled through my body my toes curled and my free hand grasped at something. The pleasure was truly amazing. Yet, I feel oddly guilty for it. Yesterday, I thought about creating a poll asking advice on an appropriate atonement. The thought immediately brought an image to my mind - I imagined myself tied to the gurney, pleading to be let go, just moments before the painful session made me regret giving in to pleasure.

I wonder how realistic, or unrealistic, it’d be to base a relationship on my bent sexuality. And, if such a relationship even existed - would that mean I’d never orgasm the normal way? Over the years, I’d read posts about how someone hasn’t orgasmed in one year - or something along those lines. Or, they were in a chastity cage for extreme periods of time - years. I tended never to put too much weight on those testimonials - if they were at all honest to begin with. I bought my first chastity cage in 1999 or 2000, a CB-2000, and wore that to bed only once. Eventually, I sold it. I didn’t find chastity cages practical at all for long term use. At best, a chastity cage might be good for a cooldown period after, say, edging for an hour. And, they’re great for general erotic play. My method for chastity has always been by the honor system.

But, yeah, at times, I really do crave a female lead relationship - but, I just don’t know how to go about something like that. I wouldn’t expect anyone - aside from other men - to be that interested in my sexual antics.