Just a friendly discussion on being criticized online and if you take it personally, critically, or as an eye opener. I recently have been notified I am a long winded, opinionated, ego tripper...my response was about as childish as their criticism, but it left me with some good foood for thought. At first I felt defensive and thought of justifying myself, then I went through lashing back, and now I’m going through self assessment. Valid criticism shouldn’t be that hard to hear so taking a look from the outside, I can see where I can be seen as guilty of all three traits. Especially here, where a certain amount reverence is given so freely, which I am not a follower of. So to answer my own question, I tend to lash out at criticism, especially if it becomes a personal issue. Although I’m not above someone calling me out on my sh$t if I’ve crossed a line. I’ve done my share of apologizing as well. I remember I had thought someone was being childish and I responded to an insult with something equally childish...SubVerity called me out about the pot calling the kettle black...yep, I could have handled that better lol. I had just gotten so frustrated that I wanted that person to feel the same. Some people walk away, just leave it unsaid. I find this very difficult. I’m a counter puncher and once hit I want to retaliate twice as hard. Hey I’m working on it lol. For the record, I am long winded and most definitely opinionated, not sure about the ego tripping part, but I have a healthy amount of self worth. So they were pretty spot on, just sounded insulting at the time. So how do you respond?
Online criticism doesn’t really bother us. Occasionally we have reacted like big bad billy goat gruff when we come across a troll, but we normally ignore it, as the result is counter productive. What is far more satisfying is if someone else comes to our defence unasked. That does give a feeling of satisfaction. On the other side of the equation we do try not to troll anyone else, everyone is entitled to their own opinion (though of course ours is the only correct one! JOKE). One of the problems of the internet is posts can be misinterpreted, when that happens we apologise and try to make amends. Love from a totally unopinionated Jane & Janet XX
That is very true, especially with forums. I have noticed that with texts. I can text something to my ex, which I find straight forward, yet she interpreted it a different way. I’m like, how did you get that from this? But the written word is often filled with intention and meaning, that as the writer you think is inferred but the reader doesn’t.
Criticism ... that's easy for me, if it is caring and well intended I stop and think about what caused it (was I wrong / did what I type not convey what I really wanted to say / did their "feelings" get hurt and they are lashing out / can what I typed be considered trolling) ... at which point I type a short and deliberate response that resolves any wrong doing on my part .......... If they are just trolling or being ridiculous, I tend to ignore it, I have never seen an argument online ever get "resolution" Long winded .... You bet I can be (this post as example) ... I've always been this way, even in person ... I try to say things at least 2 different ways so that the person I'm interacting with has a greater chance of understanding what I'm saying ... In person you can read their body language and usually get a better idea if they are getting your meaning ... but in text you have no idea. Your "faults" are only faults, if you let them be faults. Accept the way you are and try to turn things that could be considered negative into a positive by the way you use them.
Oh I don’t plan on editing myself due to someone not caring for how i communicate, I was more interested in my response. I have gotten into plenty of arguments that had gotten out of hand, but i usually saw it getting personal way before it did. I’m not sure I would call it trolling, it was just obvious that person didn’t care for me. Mostly I was just surprised at my reaction. My first response was to justify and to lash out. I wonder why, I don’t know them and it shouldn’t matter how a stranger perceives you or if they tried to slight you. I guess I had thought myself smarter than that...nope lol.
My wife has the same problem of interpreting meanings behind words in a text or email. She tends to infer an attitude in some message and then have me read it. I'm like I dont see it lol. And yes I have seen so many fights on here which tend to come from the same scenario where an attitude was inferred from something posted. Then things get out of hand. Personally I dont post anything unless im fairly sure its something I know what i'm talking about or have some experience with. I also treat everyone with same respect unless they show me they dont deserve it. Its pretty simple and has kept me out of trouble. So basically I think we all could do well with the old saying, treat others as you would like to be treated yourself and dont assume anything. We all know what happens when you assume
OOOooo that ... that is normal ... we all do that ... and in the world of today (the internet) there is this weird feeling of "knowing" someone when in fact you really have no clue. So when your in a forum like this where it is community ... we tend to act like its the holidays and the whole family is together and of course we irritate each other ... Welcome to the Family ... lol
That holiday families together thing is quite a good way of putting it. I tend to have the best and most petty arguments with family, or at least with those I'm really fond of and feel comfortable with. I'm really fond of and feel comfortable with CM, and it follows that the arguments I've had here are generally of a petty and short lived nature. Generally. That said, I'd really rather not argue with anyone, but sometimes, sometimes it's almost as if someone's trying to goad you into reacting in way that scratches their itch. I wish they wouldn't but at times it's so nice to oblige. Do I ever take it personal? Not usually. Do I ever mean what I say? Usually. Lol.
anyone that takes anything serous or personal that is on the net is being childish. 70% of communication is non verbal.it cannot be transmitted across the net. that is one reason the world is in the shape it is in today,social internet has become a curse just to line somebodys pockets.
The written word does not have the same range of possible inflection as those that are spoken and even then compared to face to face a lot can be lost or misconstrued. To be fair to really appreaciate every nuance of what someone is saying to you in person requires that you know that person well, is misundertanding and meaning getting twisted are to be avoide. As for online and even real life critics well let then have their say and then decide if they are worth the effort before blowing a fuse. I'm usually happy to agree to disagree. Unfortunately even some people I previously respected do not always have the maturity or wisdom to go along with that.
I certainly can be critical of others and mostly I’m correct in what I say. I can sometimes be too abrasive in what I say. Unfortunately when typing something it’s easy for the meaning of your post to be lost inbetween the lines. I try and never stoop as low as personal insults, even when I have them hurled at me. But I will defend my position when pushed. I’ve been banned from Facebook groups before for flagging hate speach directed at others. Unfortunately Facebook isn’t a medium for intellectual conversations. I find most folk into some form of kink or bdsm at least have the intellect to have an open discussion
To @Nicoftime and the others who have replied to this.................. just as long as you realise your faults, then you can try to adjust them. It's those who cannot believe they have faults that are beyond help.
Well isn't that a self fulfilling comment, lol! To be human is to be flawed, is it not? I have certainly tried to get under all of your skin from time to time. Why? I don't really know. I guess I am just a pain in the ass. But I also genuinely try to read as many of your thoughts as possible. I agree that here there is a strange familial vibe to conversations at times, and I prefer not to be the drunk uncle, but once in a while I take a stroll through the bar and just let it fly. To those that have encountered this, I assure you 99% of the time I mean no real harm, and of course you have my sincere apologies. There is a difference between constructive criticism and criticism that should be more on our forethoughts. I know that there are times when emotions can run high, and at those times it is most important to tread lightly. This world of 140 characters has seriously limited our attention spans! I would like to point out that we rarely get the whole story, and more likely are getting some kind of reaction or gut shot, so I try to keep that in mind, that, and try not to drunk post lol
Not sure how ro answer this, Don't thnk I take things personally if it's only about me, as I always feel that in an good old "high-noon-showdown" most would refuse to do it again face to face, But I can't avoid trying to help others getting harassed, molested or annoyed - so in my opinion that excludes you, nicoftime., but on the other hand I am a firm believer in the freedom of speech...
Well I have had it with this nut job! I have never posted on his wall, replied to his threads, or even posted after him. He still insists on following me around, calling me names, and in general trying to be a jerk. I’ve reported him twice now, his comments were removed and was told he was warned. It obviously doesn’t work if a second warning was needed...don’t be rude to members, no really we mean it this time. It’s either lip service or the message didn’t sink in. This tool even went on my thread and said I was taking over the thread...duh smart guy it’s my thread! I have thought about using the ignore button, but would rather know when he starts badmouthing me, especially on my own thread. I have gotten into disagreements with people, argued, heck I’ve downright gotten into some heated exchanges...but to blindly lash out without provocation, I don’t even know where to go with that. Apparently he thinks I respond to posts too much, or doesn’t like my opinion on them, would love to debate them if he was inclined, but he just lashes out and retreats. I’ve about had it with this crap. I became a member here in 09 and just lurked. I listened and learned, read all the info I could, and got to know some of the tricks of the trade and learned of the pitfalls many experience. I didn’t have a keyholder and didn’t use a device so I had never felt comfortable posting. I felt I needed to be a part of it before contributing. Then 2 years ago I asked my girlfriend to be my key holder and when she did, I opened a new account here and began to actually interact. I’ve seen many changes in those 9 years, format, old members leaving, new members joining, behavioral expectations, and even some in house fighting when people disagreed. This is the first I’ve seen of out and out unprovoked name calling and harassment. Part of me wants to fight back and get even, counter punch, and tell him off. Then I’m right next to him looking like a combative idiot. This guy is an online minion. Has been a slave to an online mistress, refers to himself as it. I personally don’t understand being able to commit and succumb to a stranger you’ve never met, but I don’t think of their situation any less, just different. I feel this site, even with all the changes that supposedly have been made to make this friendly to women and couples, has been leaning towards those that practice online. I have seen some new comers lately, and have seen them start to veer away, I’ve seen some members that were fairly regular contributors, and now barely post due to the drama, especially from the “pro’s” and the throngs of wanna be slaves that think it’s their right to make advances on women without even having the courtesy of reading their profile (malicious or not it certainly isn’t something well received). Now this. I’ve seen mascara snake be banned for her comments, and as much as I like her, she would be the first to admit that she had it coming many times. Cause and effect. If you are an online sub, it seems you can do anything. I am rambling now, just disappointed, the community I have been watching and contributing to for almost a decade has started to become ugly and mean, and my only protection seems to come from reporting it and waiting for the next time.
Still, @Nicoftime? Sounds like a dam might be necessary. Back to your question, I'd say I take most of online judgements for what they are: noise. As others have pointed out, there's a huge difference in constructive criticism and ignorance/hate. However, I have had several thought-provoking moments after receiving online criticism. Anything that promotes introspection is a good thing, in My book. Even if it hurts. Online critics usually limit bias, which is a powerful thing. Chances are, if someone took the time to understand something you said and write out a thoughtful response, they may be worth listening to. That said, I do find Myself getting riled up when I see systematic abuse or hatefulness directed at others. Some people don't seem to think they can stand up for themselves, and while it isn't My responsibility to do so... Sometimes that is My knee-jerk reaction.
Can you point out where there are other ugly and mean comments apart from someone having a dig at you? I haven't seen any others.
I find that 140 character thing just another reason why I wont use twitter or social media generally and of course not facebook.
If the feedback comes from care and concern, I would consider it. Anything else depends on how trusted they are to provide me insights into myself. You want exceptional people's feedback and not to inheret the exceptional failures of the hopeless. One quote that often holds my tounge, "Don't argue with an idiot, people may not be able to tell the difference". It may save you a lot of time.