Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

I think I'm a tad shorter than that. MyPete is taller than me, but if I'm in heels there's not much in it. Sadly (or maybe just as well), I can't do super-high heels... Sal

 

There's been a lot to think about, and a Big Conversation.

MyPete brought home the good news last night that he has indeed been promoted - in fact they've asked him to join the board of his company so he was a very happy bunny indeed, and I'm proud! We had fizz to celebrate and then he went over to celebrate some more with his mum, which I thought was very sweet. (I expect he'll be out for something more raucous tonight). When he got back we just chatted in bed for a while about the usual domestic stuff and friends and things. I was lying in my favourite position, with my head on his shoulder and my hand on his cage.

When the conversation went back round to his newly exalted status, I joked and asked if he wanted me to address him ass 'Sir' now ("because that ain't happening!" haha) and I also asked him if he thought our chastity Project had affected his work at all. I was curious because I remember when I got a promotion last year, my boss talked about the feedback from my workmates describing my (I blush to say this - preen, preen) 'easy authority'. I was sure then, and still am, that this confidence was massively helped by our Project. MyPete and I had discussed that at the time, and once or twice since, and both agree that it must have helped.

I know that a few of the high-ups in his company are women, so I thought maybe he'd say something about the Project making him more attentive, less 'mansplainy' and a better listener - although I think he's always been good in that way and that the Project honestly hasn't changed him much in that regard. But what he actually told me was that he didn't think he'd have got so far up the ladder at work if it hadn't been for the chastity project, but for quite a different reason.

He said that there used to be four stresses that, together, held him back, and that they're all a lot better now. One was his ailing father. His father sadly died a while back, and though he and his siblings need to keep an eye on his mum, that's much less stressful than it was before. The second one was our slightly rickety finances (where we live has been a tad beyond our means). Our finances were already in better shape when I got promoted last year, so that helped too. One was the stress of work itself. He's always enjoyed the work and the responsibility but alongside his other stresses, he felt it sometimes all mounted up and he felt a bit frozen in the headlights. And he said the other big stress had been our sex life. This was a real shock for me because I'd thought we'd always been ok! He said he had occasionally thought about it over the years we've been together but never really analysed what was going on. It was only once we began the Project that he felt a kind of stress slipping away and realised what had been happening.

He's mentioned from time to time that having a stressful, responsible job makes him relish not having to take the lead in our sex-lives. But I had no idea that this had been actually something he worried about. Honestly, you think you know your partner... I said I felt a bit guilty at not having been able to see that our sex life were a source of angst for him. He reassured me, saying sex together has always been fun (phew!) but at the same time a source of anxiety (oh no!), partly about performance (men!) and partly about being responsible, as he saw it, for our pleasure. I had thought we were more equal than that, but if that's how he felt, then that's how he felt.

He repeated that he hadn't really clocked all this until something changed, and that was when we started playing with chastity. It wasn't so much the chastity itself, (although he did admit later that the chastity bit is very exciting for him) but not having to take the lead, not having to 'make it interesting' and being able to (being required to!!) hand over all control and responsibility. And he said that one of the most calming, yet at the same time, thrilling things I say to him, for example, if he comes too quickly, or things don't go according to plan in some other way, is that it's my responsibility, not his. And, that that part of him is ours, and not his. He said he'd been thinking about this a lot the last few days, which is why he mentioned the other day that he couldn't remember the last time he made himself come. He said this had totally reinforced the 'ours not his' thing, and was a constant reminder that he doesn't have to be, indeed he can't be, responsible. And he said the best thing of all was that I actually want that control and responsibility and he cheekily said that 'most of the time I get it about right, which is not bad for a beginner'. And I jokily said back that such disrespect might deserve an extra few days of denial. <evil grin>

So, it seems that the combination of all those stresses being reduced made him much more able to deal with everything at work, which just didn't feel that stressful any more. So, chastity has helped me be more authoritative at work, and him to find work less stressful. I wouldn't have predicted that a couple of years ago! I feel slightly odd about not having clocked his anxieties before we embarked on the Project, but I'm not completely sure he properly knew what was going on either. I think perhaps a lot of men (and certainly a lot of women) obviously enjoy sex but feel that some stress always accompanies it. I don't think I ever found sex with MyPete particularly stressful, but it does seem to be more fun now. It's quite an aphrodisiac having someone desperate, really desperate, for me!

Sal

 

When we started our chastity Project, MyPete and I thought it would be all about controlling when he can come. Over the last couple of years, we’ve realised that controlling when he can be hard is much more powerful. I really registered this recently when he said it had been ages since he’d had ‘alone-time’ to play with himself – let alone make himself come. He didn’t say it as a complaint (I’m pretty sure) but it certainly made us both think. That part of him is ‘ours’ now in a way I hadn’t expected.

Actually, I’ve realised it’s not even just about orgasms and erections but also having a kind of power over his whole sexual nature, which is both erotic and also a bit terrifying for me. Because he doesn’t have other outlets, the amount I tease him, or how much we flirt and kiss becomes that much more important. And then there’s the cage itself. He, or I should say ‘we’, have three sizes and we’ve discovered that size matters. The normal one, for 95% of the time – the one he’s had for ages - allows him the teensiest bit of room (and I really do mean teensiest!) to expand, which seems to work for ultimate frustration. The ‘shorty’ doesn’t allow him any extra room at all – it’s only about a cm shorter but seems to alter his experience quite a lot, making him feel a bit sexually squished and certainly less spontaneous. The ‘micro’ is something we’ve only tried for short periods and seems to make him sexually submissive, and it spills out into the rest of our lives too. I don’t think either of us like that very much, although it’s interesting variety and it’s there as a kind of ultimate sanction. <evil grin>. To be honest, I don’t know if the different cages are causing these different responses, or whether it’s the expectation that we’ve built up, that has the effect. All very complicated.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about what he said – not having been able to play with himself and depending on me even to be able to get hard. I do want to be in control, but I definitely don’t want to squish his sexuality – I like him frustrated (which he enjoys too) so I thought I’d experiment with occasionally allowing him to be hard for much, much longer at those times when he’s let out for some exercise. These are times when we have a bit of a play to give him a stretch but we mostly stop and lock him away before he comes. I say ‘mostly’ of course because that delicious uncertainty keeps him keen and I enjoy the feeling of control.

One of the things we’ve experimented with lately is unlocking him and then doing just enough (but no more) to keep him hard, until he eventually goes soft. If he squirms too much or tries to move himself against me, I just stop, and if he does it again, I lock him back up. So, he’s learned to lie pretty still. It’s deliciously frustrating for him and I know he always wonders if this time he’ll get lucky and I’ll make him come. But just carrying on for ages, adjusting tempo and touch so he’s just hard but no more, seems to affect us both a lot. Eventually he goes soft, and I tell him firmly that it looks to me like he’s had enough, and we just pop him back in the cage. He told me he finds this very erotic (as I do) but very squirmy, making him feel very controlled and rather humiliated. After doing this two days in a row, he was at pretty much peak frustration and he was doing the whole staring-at-my-chest thing. The second time, after he’d eventually wilted after being stroked for what felt like forever, I just locked him back up and gave him our special sign (a quick tap on the head) and enjoyed having my frustrations dealt with, which made his even harder to bear I expect.

He told me this afternoon that he’s finding our chastity project a bit difficult at the moment, but he went out this evening before we managed to talk about it. A big talk tomorrow, I expect. Just when you think you’ve got everything under control… Sal

 

Well, our conversation this afternoon was a bit confusing. That was partly because we had had a slightly boozy meal with friends. We were lying around, flaked out on the sofa and I asked him what had been on his mind when he had said he wanted to talk about the Project. It was a lovely warm post-lunch conversation but a bit all over the place and he wasn't very clear. I think what he said was that where we've ended up with the Project, with our roles and so on, feels good to him but he wondered whether we might experiment at the boundaries a bit to see if we both feel we've got it right. I tried to find out what boundaries and I think that after a lot of friendly to and fro, where we've got to is that we're going to take 6 weeks to try a couple of things. For two weeks, we're going to remove the cage and he can lead as much as he wants - within reason of course. I'll try to accommodate. Then two weeks back to how we are now. And then two weeks of me being much more domme-ish than I am now - like when he did the Very Bad Thing a while back, which led to about a month of Dire Consequences, or maybe even more so. Of course, either of us has a veto, as usual, although we said we'd try not to use it.

I feel a bit nervous about both of these scenarios as I thought we have it about right at the moment, but I suppose it's good to test the boundaries in each direction to see how we feel. I've got so used to being in control that I feel its become part of my sexuality and I am not sure how I'll respond to being leapt-on unawares. (Not completely literally, but you know what I mean). And at the other extreme, I am not at all sure about amplifying the submissive side of MyPete. I'm still in the mode of wanting to control a caged-animal but I've realised we've already strayed from that from time to time.

He's away tonight and tomorrow at his Mum's. So the first two weeks starts on Tuesday. I feel nervous and squirmy, but excited so I guess it's already a good thing, or at least, not a bad thing. Sal.

 

The last few weeks haven’t been great. Three weeks ago MyPete and I decided that we would experiment with a fortnight going back to how we were pre-chastity, then a couple of weeks back of him being locked in the usual way and then we agreed we’d experiment with a couple of weeks of me being way more domme-ish.

We’ve just finished the first period during which MyPete could take the lead. No cage, no lock, no rules. The first night, we cuddled on the bed but after so long with me leading, I think we both felt nervous and self-conscious. I wanted to take it slowly and maybe give ourselves a couple of days to adjust but I could see he was very keen so I allowed myself to be persuaded. My mind and body really weren’t ready, or in the mood, and it didn’t feel that great for me. I thought he must have realised so I felt extra annoyed when he came and then fell asleep. I lay awake feeling irritated and not at all fulfilled. The next couple of days, nothing much happened as we had different shifts so hardly saw each other. Then, I came to bed after a long day and snuggled up to MyPete who was already asleep. He woke for a moment and I went to put my hand where the cage would have been and I found a great big wet patch. Ugh. He’d played with himself and fallen asleep. Gross. And I felt kind of cheated.

Then I got a cold for a few days, so we agreed to extend the two weeks to three but it didn’t really get much better. About a week and a half in, we had a row – not about anything in particular but obviously connected with the lack of communication elsewhere in our lives. Once we made up, we made love, which felt nice – I think we were both relieved – but nothing very special. And that’s how it’s been until the end of the three weeks, which is tonight. Self-conscious, a bit dissatisfying for both of us, and I’ve been feeling a bit used. The only good thing was our debrief this afternoon when (thank goodness) we both agreed that we tried the experiment and it hadn’t worked for either of us. He said that he hadn’t liked himself the last few weeks and thought that if we do decide stop the chastity thing, we need to allow longer to adjust. I told him I’d felt a bit like a rented escort and that I was frustrated and a bit annoyed, and he looked pretty sheepish. He was incredibly apologetic, and I said I expected that I hadn’t been perfect either, which is true. What I also felt, but didn't say, was that I missed his following me around the room with his eyes and the feeling that he was completely desperate for me. I haven't felt very desirable, or desired, the past few weeks.

He’s gone out now for the evening and tomorrow morning we’re going to lock him again. I told him that frankly I can’t wait and he said, ‘neither can I’! When he gets back, I’m going to suggest he plays with himself (not in the bed next to me!!) as it’ll be the last time for a long time that he can. He reminded me recently that before this little episode, it had been months and months since he’d played with himself without my supervision.

I’m hoping that the next couple of weeks will get us back to normal, and then that the next period after that, with me pushing the domme-ish boat out, will be fun. I’m nervous about it, because the last few weeks haven’t been great but after a bit of a break (for no special reason) Laura and I are back in touch, so I’ll talk through ideas and get her to calm me down a bit.

Sal