Well, after a couple of years lurking thought I would de-lurk. Male, 50s, wife couple of years younger. She knows of interest in chastity and even has a shared an interest in cock bondage and light spanking. She is interested in cuckolding as a fantasy, not IRL. Anyway, my wife has over the years eliminated any form of oral (either way) and any breast contact and has become less and less interested in PIV. Now maybe only once every couple of months. She never achieves a climax with me but sometimes gets there with a vibe, with me listening. She has no interest in using a cage on me, but occasionally makes me wear her knickers for a day or so, expressly to deny orgasm. She offers (usually but not always my initiative) very quick hand relief a couple of times a month, without much enthusiasm. Now I think she is even less interested in any sexual encounter with me than before. So I have decided to try not to initiate any sexual approach and see what happens. At the moment, I am able to resist jerking myself secretly, so I am a self imposed honour system. Not sure how long I can continue, but a couple of weeks, I suppose. Last PIV six weeks ago, only one quick HJ since then. Not sure we are on a journey, maybe just a random walk. Any comment welcome. I will post developments, if there are any.
Welcome. You will find a lot of support here, particularly as you're offering yourself up on the honour system for her- no easy feat taking a lot of will power, love and drive. Sorry to hear about the intimate moments being lost, I couldn't imagine leaving my man with a disinterested hand job probably ever - but no judgement, more a recognition that you're in a tough spot as a sub and chaste guy making effort. Communicate as best as possible, maybe she has emotionally and mentally checked out of the relationship and checked in elsewhere, maybe she didn't feel sexually satisfied with you or maybe she's going through heath and libido changes. Maybe she's no longer craving a partner. Maybe she likes the power of denial but isn't kinky or doesn't understand FLR give and take. Whatever it is, it's between you two to communicate, we can only support as best as possible with the snippets we receive as the real life gig is often multi faceted. Many men say if they weren't caged they would revert back, and to me that's just weak willed excuses for not setting self standards for masterbation and submission... So good on you for breaking the mold idea that men are incapable of choice, it's just a shame she isnt appreciating the efforts. A few weeks is reasonable. A few days or hours is pathetic IMO, so you're clearly cut out for honour system with that determination. Whether you need a cage or not to be chaste it's all about active intention not just being locked away, unfortunately there's no magic pill for either side and a cage as a tool is the same. However, while you're feeling low a cage or symbol you've chosen may bring a sense of security and ownership if you know that it's for her. The cage for me isn't just an excuse to not masterbate, but a dedication to offering all of you to all of her. That's why keys are so important to women. Not the face value of him being locked and her having unlocking capabilities, but far beyond that. Maybe she hasn't considered the cage to have that quality? But I can see how when no sexual ((or more importantly ~intimate~)) connection is being fostered you may think well what's the point, so definite props to you for still moving forward with your goals knowing the overall benefit to you holistically. Again, very warm welcome and good on you for reaching out and validating the situation.
Welcome to our community. I use a combination of self-lock and honor system to limit orgasms. I find it works, but you best if you channel excess energy into something else. For me it's chores. Good luck.
Well, first of all many thanks for the warm welcome and especially to GodessMWillspoon (bows) for such a thoughtful and encouraging reply. I thought I would just report on the last couple of weeks: Absolutely no sign of any prospect of PIV privileges. During a relatively intimate moment (see below) I did mention the continuing cut off - not in a whiny way, just matter of fact - the reaction was a confirmatory sigh, to my ears a sigh oalmost of satisfaction that my penis will be going nowhere. On the other hand, about once per week I am given relief, which I have to achieve by jerking myself. Once while being spanked and another while she squeezed the lower part of my shaft. On that occasion I was not properly erect, a fact which my wife commented on - maybe I caught a not of satisfaction in her tone, not sure. Between these incidents no intimacy or contact. Any comments welcome. I will post the next update, if there is anything to update. Thanks once again for the nice words.
Should add that I do not initiate the relief incidents (see my initial post), so I guess I am just a routine chore ..
Well I said almost 12 months ago i would provide an update if anything was worth updating. No very dramatic things have happened. Basically a gradual decline moving towards a cut off. I have continued trying not to initiate sexual contact too actively, though sometimes I have offered a gentle caress which has led to further interaction. Sometimes my wife has initiated proceedings (an apt word). Frequency about once per week, sometimes and more recently less than this. The ban on piv ejaculation has been kept throughout and I have not come in my wife´s pussy for almost a year. Often I was pulled out unceremoniously by the shaft or balls or just instructed to pull out. Rarerly I was allowed to approach orgasm, usually the withdrawal was well before. Last piv encounter about three months ago. I am allowed to finish, however. Sometimes by being instructed to jerk myself, with my balls firmly held. Occasionally I am jerked, usually on my back, sometimes on all fours with an instruction to spill my slime on the floor. On a few occasions, this is encouraged by a light spanking to backside and ball sack. In recent weeks, however, all interaction has stopped, so i am uncaged but have been chaste for the last two weeks. I have mentioned the possibility of progressing to something more systematic, caged maybe some FLR elements, but with no reaction or interest. So I have not repeated that proposal. So not really a journey. Still, I would be interested in any comments.