Chastity means different things to different folks, but for my wife and I it means being locked 24x7 and not jerking off, but PIV orgasms are ok, even encouraged. Orgasm denial is no ejaculations. I've been in Chastity for 70 days of a 6-month experience. We've started a one-month orgasm denial thing about a week ago. I've learned something. 1 week of no orgasms is way way harder than 2+ months of no masturbations and being locked up. Doesn't even compare. In other words, I am having a very very hard time. I really feel I have to cum and if I don't cum, I'm going to melt. My wife is smarter than the average bear. I had told her that her pleasure brings me pleasure. I figured this month of no orgasms for poor me would just mean that I'd get to service her a couple times a day. Ha. Her interpretation of orgasm denial is no pleasure for me even if it's achieved vicariously. She said she'll take care of herself, but she's not going to tell me when, and I'm not to ask if she has. I'm not to share in her pleasure at all, even if it's just from the knowledge of her pleasure. So when I signed up for this, little did I know that it meant I would not participate in her pleasure at all. I would not get to touch her there. I would not get to taste her. I need that stuff. You could say I'm addicted to her smell and taste. Take that away, and all of a sudden a month of orgasm denial is no longer fun. It's work. It's frustration. It may not even be worth it. I spoke about this to her. See, we have a purpose here that's bigger than the kink. It's more of a fast. I told her we don't have to do this month. I tried the old, "I never meant to make you sacrifice" angle hoping that she would agree and we'd fuck and I'd chalk up the month experiment of orgasm denial as an interesting but way too hard of a thing to do in real life. Yeah, no. My wife says, "It's supposed to be hard. You're not stopping now. You're just one week into 4 weeks of no pleasure. It's going to get much much harder". Uh, oh. I know there are folks on this site that are into long term orgasm denial. Honestly, I don't know how you do it. I'm so fucking horny. I have a caged erection for hours each night. My cock aches all night and all day. I can't stop thinking about fucking her. I need to lick her pussy. I'm not kidding. I've got three weeks more, uphill all the way. Shit. Lesson learned: Locking up and not masturbating is the easy part. Giving up erotic pleasure is an order of magnitude or two more difficult. If you really want to explore chastity, give up orgasms for a while. This might even cure me of wanting to continue being locked up after six months. Orgasm denial is so much at a different level. I'm now at the point where when my 6 months is done, I'll want nothing more than to lay next to my wife, unencumbered with a cage, my cock stiff poking away at her backside.
Several years ago, we did complete orgasm denial and, like you have experienced, it is very difficult. Not just the lack of orgasms, but the feeling of closeness. Mistress has relented a bit over the years, but still, there are no orgasms permitted. Instead, whenever She feels like I'm about to explode, She milks me digitally and drains me dry. I still am not permitted an orgasm, but at least the loadup of my system is relieved. When She is massaging my prostate, it feels like an orgasm is soon to come, and it feels just like an orgasm is imminent, but all that happens is the release of my fluids and the subsequent physical let down. She calls this making me more "docile." At least, it relieves the pressure a bit and keeps me focused. That, and an occasional pegging are all that I have to look forward to, but I seeme to have adjusted to that reality. You might suggrst this to Her. Be patient.
Truth is, and I know I'm just a wus, I'd take anything at this point. The idea of a milking or pegging is something I'd give almost anything for. What's strange is there have been weeks before that I haven't cum. It's not just that though, it's that I can't touch her there. The combination is overwhelming. I now know a bit more what some erotica I've read would be like. I've read these cuckold stories where the bull tells the wife that he owns the wife's sex. The husband is not to touch. Obviously that would raise things off the charts, but I've never known what it's like to not be able to touch her there. Throughout our entire marriage and before, I had access. What a long strange trip it's been.
All I can say is to "Be careful what you wish for!" Everybody here is on some sort of journey and no two are alike. Just accept Her control and be patient, is my only advice.
So agree that the overall experience and what you do with it (rules, guidelines, etc) are certainly up to the individual and couple’s interpretation. Chastity in and of itself is essentially up to interpretation and agree that chastity can be separate from orgasm denial, or they can go hand in hand. What you and your keyholder decide is best for your relationship is ultimately for you and her to decide, not the community and whatever drives you and her to enjoy the experience and do it together, in a consensual manner is usually best. Some people like the aspect of the pure denial. Other say that the cage/device is what represents chastity to them, even if they get frequent releases. Some don’t use cages and just go on the honor system. At the end of it all, people need to have good frank and open discussions about their goals and what turns them on etc. Also important to understand what one may give up as well as get out of the experience. My personal situation is giving her all and ultimate control over our sex life. Doesn’t mean I don’t initiate or get pleasure, but she decides if, how, what we do or don’t do etc. I suggest, I initiate, I ask her what she wants. Often that includes PIV, and rarely includes and orgasm for me… again totally up to her. I derive the pleasure from her being satisfied, and if you’ve never tried long term orgasm denial but along with it experience PIV sex, it’s amazing and intimate… we grow closer and closer together because we’re focused on the experience vs the end goal of me cumming. Again, everyone’s relationship is different and it’s awesome to hear you and her are trying different aspects to explore and see where things stand. You may find out you enjoy all the build up in the end more than you think, and yes the first bit is very tough to get through. Enjoy the ride!!
What you're talking about goes quite a bit farther than orgasm denial - it's complete denial of any sexual pleasure or closeness. I can't imagine going through that myself or wanting hubby to endure it. Just going without an orgasm for a month is a pretty big deal, especially if you've never done it before. Do you have any idea why your wife is taking this so much further?
It's not without closeness, just not sexual in nature. We lie together, we kiss and hug. She just doesn't want me playing with her or eating her out. The reason she's taken this further is understandable. I love eating her out. So much so, that I'd gladly (perhaps not entirely gladly) give up ejaculating just to continue to eat her. I get more out of her orgasm than out of mine. So, abstaining for a month while still giving oral isn't much of a sacrifice. I also find, that after I give my wife oral, I'm satisfied mostly. Sure I'm still horny if I haven't gotten a chance to cum too, but most of the edge is off. I'm happy. I'm ok with it being difficult. We don't do punishment but if we did, I'd be like, if you're going to do it, don't play around. Make it tough. If you're going to punish me, at the end of it, I better not be walking away saying, "that was fun". When I walk away, I need to never ever want that experience again. Not so harsh that I have some kind of permanent damage, but harsh enough that I'm glad it is over and I will not look forward to another. In fact, if more was planned, I should be dreading it. So, that carries over to abstinence. What she's done is figured out how this is something I won't want to do again. That last statement there, about getting me to the point of not wanting to do it again is probably because she doesn't want to do it again. Really, it's not some kink of hers to deny me orgasms. To her, it's something she wants to do with me to see what it does to me but she likes being fucked way too much to do this over and over. I guess I could see where a cuckold type relationship would work well with repeated periods of orgasm denial but otherwise, yeah, I see this as a rare occurrence.
My KH and I enjoy the erotic contact plus the intimacy that chastity creates. Our primary goal is to increase our intimacy and commitment, and work closely with the terms and stimulation we both crave to be closer, not more distant. There are times where a need for distance came up, but ultimately, chastity is far more erotic in touch and pleasure than either of us thought.
That sounds dreadful. Denying all physical intimacy seems more like abuse than kink. Especially since it wasn't really consensual.
I know what I would be saying. "Well, if you don't like it, and I can't handle it, then let's just call it off and be done with it". Seems like an easy solution.
I get it. I think there's some misunderstanding though. We are intimate, it's just that our genitalia are not involved. But if your point is, wow, that seems hard, well it is. WRT calling it off, sure I could do that. And maybe I will if it turns out to be too difficult. And who knows, maybe my wife will relent and let me give her oral. For the record though, the original idea for this abstinence is mine. Yes I wanted it. And I wanted it because I am curious about how horny can I get? How uncomfortable can it be? I have never gone more than 10 days or so without an orgasm. We've all heard the saying, "Why climb the mountain? Because it' there.". That's a lot of what this is. Hell, I locked up my cock, but there's that peak over there I haven't climbed yet. What would that be like? I've found that I am a bit off for 2-3 days after ejaculating. I then start getting happier and happier each day until I end up fucking or getting a blowjob and starting the cycle over again. Normally I would cum either through masturbating or playing with my spouse every day. Even when locked up and not masturbating, I was cumming every 3 day on average. The longest I've gone while locked up is 10 days and that happens to be the longest I've ever gone. Even after surgeries, I've had sex sooner than 10 days. What if Nirvana is out there at 20 days? I just wouldn't know. Call me an explorer. I want to know. True, I could probably still give her oral. I most definitely want to. I could also fuck and simply not finish inside. She doesn't want that though. She sees oral as foreplay. It's great and all. And I can get her off. But it's an appetizer. It's not the main course. What's in it for her to just have the appetizer? I get that. Again, though, we are still quite intimate. Deliciously so. She just doesn't want to get all worked up and then end up frustrated because I say, "ok, that's enough".
Tease and denial is one thing, its what I signed up for as much as I may hate it at times. That said removing all affection or basically closeness is opposite reason of why i did sign up for it. It's meant to put me second, her first and bring us closer. Which it has. This though I'd have a problem with as it's not part of the contract/deal et al. I'd probably call arrangement quits remove cage call it a failed experiment.
When I read your original post, my first thought was "she's teaching him a lesson", but I didn't want to assume that was the case. I've been there. It hasn't happened often, but there have been a few times where I've felt pressured by hubby, and my reaction was to give him what he was asking for, but in a way that would hopefully make him never ask again. Honestly, most of those times were mistakes. They were paths that made neither of us happy, and didn't really address the underlying issue. It never worked as a long term deterrent. Once in a while those "lessons" have led to something better, but only with a lot of communication and willingness to compromise. In fact, it's really the communication and compromise that's important... if you can get there without the "lessons", then that's much, much better.
For us chastity is about control and denial, I can have as many anal orgasms as I want I’m just not allowed access to my penis. Madam says she never got any pleasure or a orgasm from it so why should I.
I find myself confused as I read you,atx. The woman you adore has given you the opportunity to prove yourself. Would you like to be the LOVER who took the opportunity and never whined and didn't have any tantrums? That's the question I ask myself every day.
We did about a month recently when I was allowed foot worship only. It was partly to do me practicing reflexology, my mistress taking an interest in withholding sexual energy herself and maybe a little to do with punishment. Suck it up.
I must have done bad job of communicating. The purpose of the post was really just to reflect on the differences between chastity and orgasm denial. It seems to have morphed into how what we're doing is a bit strange. And that I don't really get. Just as a point of reference here, my wife and I are doing this together. As challenging as it is, it is meant for growth and fun. It is meant to bring us closer together. For example, my wife today said she reserved a room at a nice hotel in downtown Austin to mark the end of this abstinence. She also arranged for someone to stay over with our son and the pets. We will have a nice romantic dinner, and head up to room and celebrate. It's ok that you all missed the point, but this all is pretty fun. Yes, fun. But incredibly difficult. Sexually, the most difficult thing I've ever done. We will be able to essentially have a repeat of the first time we made love some 20+ years ago. It will be as exciting, if not more so. It will certainly be memorable.
It would honestly be a pretty quick deal-breaker for me. But if you're enjoying it, more power to ya.