Chastity cage not being used often

Abandon that plan and go sincerely find out what her sexual fantasies are and work on making those come true.

 

She’s already educated on chastity and it’s not doing enough for HER. So why don’t you drop chastity for a while and explore what she likes. Then maybe she’ll be more interested in what you like OR you might find she has a Kink that’s even more fun than chastity.

 

From what you say, she's not opposed to you wearing it and is definitely in favour rather than objecting. So far so good. She doesn't ask you to wear the cage because you haven't given her enough time or experience to learn that you wearing the cage longer term has advantages for both of you.

Stop asking her.
What you have to do is just put it on yourself, when you want to. No need to mention it, just do it.
On the other hand, only take it off when she wants you to take it off.
When she does ask you to take it off, do it. Don't object, it's her decision, not yours.
Once you've done whatever activity necessitated you being uncaged, as soon as convenient after it is over, put it back on.

That does a number of things.
- it stops you pestering her with "Can I play with my toy?" At this stage she likely doesn't yet associate it with it being a long term advantage for her, it's just a short term kink for you.
- You get to enjoy wearing the cage even if she's oblivious to the fact that you are.
- it makes your wearing of the cage 'normal' for both of you, your de-facto state.
- Without any pressurised change, it transitions her to being "in control". Your normal state becomes "caged", and you only become uncaged when she desires it.
- You need to change first, not her. When you do, you'll be giving her the space and experience to discover how it advantages both of you when you're caged. It'll take a little while, but you have to give her those advantages first. Once realisation sinks in, she'll be as eager if not more so than you for you to remain in chastity.

One last thing...
Be careful what you wish for!

 

Perhaps you could consider having an "online" KH control your keys. Then your GF gets all the attention/benefit of you being locked but doesnt deal with the KH-management part.

That works incredibly well for me. My Mistress keeps an emergency key for me if ever needed. My KH controls all other keys (via combination lock box) and when I am ever allowed out of cage. Both have to agree if I am ever allow to actually do something more then just edge.

Its frustrating but same time I very happy with the arrangement. Any more I actually dont feel as comfortable being out of cage more than a week or so, which is rare.

 

Ask yourself, if you really know what turns her on. If you don’t know the answer to that then you should absolutely not self lock. YMMV.

 

So, I talked my wife into reading this (she hates website advice). Keep in mind we’ve been incorporating chastity in our relationship for 39ish years. Her opinion, “she’s not ready, boys are dumb”.’

 

If she doesn't want you to wear it, then don't. Your relationship is more important than this aspect of your relationship. Something you can do is not "self play" and remain chaste for her desires.

 

Somwthing else I would add, which may or may not be relevant in your case. Miss A expects me to be a man outside the house, no matter what I am wearing under my trousers. Respectful and attentive yes, but not subservient or wimpy. Is your GF perhaps concerned that behaviour which she likes at home when you are locked, is not what she needs from you in public.

Only she knows, and asking for a non-pressurised discussion on the subject is your best option.

 

I’m confused. Why is she ok in the house/bedroom…. But not outbid the house? Have you got a giant cage that everyone can see?
Only, it’s typical that the lady doesn’t really think about the cage as much as we chaste men do .
Do you constantly remind her every time you’re out? Like. “Whoa, I’m outside in a cage. How kinky??”

 

She likely does not want you to end up in an accident and need to explain to the doctors/nurses what the genital contraption is about.

 

It's important to not overwhelm her and be grateful she is on board with it. Maybe talk about something that goes beyond chastity. What do both of you want and how do you want to grow? Would you rather play occasionally, or develop a more committed Ds dynamic, or consider an Owner-slave dynamic?

She seems reluctant to take things too much into the open. The fact that she doesn't want to be too open may indicate that She'd rather keep the Ds part in the bedroom

 

So after she dabbled with chastity play, what cool thing did you do to explore one of her sexual fantasies?

 

Tell her you have a problem with masturbation and that you want her to own your sexuality. Ask her to help you learn self control, to hold the key and only let you out when she wants you to to pleasure her with your penis or when she wants to pleasure you. Buy a lockbox for the keys and make sure only she has the combination.

 

I agree with bondinchas's assessment. I think we have a classic case of "reluctant keyholder" here. You have to give her a little time to feel comfortable in her new shoes as a KH. Nature abhors a vacuum in this kind of dynamics, so whatever power you relinquish she will eventually fill up.

 

Offer to pay her $1,000 per month to keep you locked and fine you an additional $500 for every release.

 

Hi,
Appreciate your frustration, it's taken myself and my partner quite some time to get to where we are, and it's still early days for us.
I was introduced to chastity by a previous g/f so had some experience when I met my new partner, she, like many ladies was completely unaware.
It's not easy to bring the subject up, so well done for that however if you g/f isn't as experienced as you you may have to slow down or reset your approach, as I did.
For someone inexperienced it's going to seem pretty weird to be asked to have control over touching, masturbating and cumming and it takes a while to understand the deep desires a man has for this - and the benefits for the lady, and how popular this activity actually is.
We've tried and stalled a few times over the years!
Just recently I asked my partner if she would be prepared to help/join me in a "chastity experiment", and it is ongoing now. I downloaded a book by Key Barrett - Locked In Lust, it describes his own experiment and how he and his wife communicated about it and suggested my partner read it and then, if she was happy to we would begin our own experiment.
Long story short, her position has totally changed, she is loving it and we are talking about it more frequently and openly. It is good to separate the internet type fantasy from domestic reality!
Communication is key and I would also suggest pointing your g/f in the direction of this forum and perhaps Krystine Kellogg's FLR podcast.
I hope it goes well for you both.
S.

 

@Lemonzes7, you've received some good advice here, and I completely agree with @bondinchas' post above. Just lock yourself up and don't talk about it, let the device work its magic on you. If she needs you for sex, unlock and do your business, then re-lock as soon as possible afterwards, especially if you came! Become the better person that chastity will help you become and let your GF experience it first hand. As long as she doesn't object to you being caged, be caged as much as possible, and absolutely no masturbating!!!

I can't tell you how long it will take your GF to see the benefits, it could be a month, it could be a year (it was a year for me), but I am confident that if the cage helps make you a better, more attentive, more loving person, she will see it.

 

I would still recommend that you wear it all the time and just don't talk about it, so she won't necessarily know if it's on or not. This would be how you show that wearing it out in public, etc should not be a concern. Of course, if at any time she actually tells you not to wear it, or to take it off, that's a different story completely, you have to do what she says.