Chastity and mental focus below 40yrs

Hello everyone !

I wanted to bring up a topic that I have not seen enough for my taste. To me it is very important, as it is the limiting factor for my strolls in chastity garden: If I get too horny, I get bad at focusing on very important issues like my future or my complex job. I know - it's kind of the point of being horny, but most of the time I can't afford it.

Don't get me wrong: I went without orgasm for more than 3 month numerous times and I loved the experience and my girl loved the attention - but boy did I neglect my duties. I mean I did show up, and when I was in a meeting my mind worked just fine, but I wasn't able to focus on anything but sexy stuff when alone. And I need to think when I'm alone to prepare and to sort my head. High hormone levels only helped with sports, other than that they just slowed me down a lot.

Right now I'm even struggeling with one orgasm a week rhythm for longer, as hormones are building up over time and distract me. I did add "below 40" to the title as I feel that it might be different for people of 35 (like me) and 60 for example. Anyone is welcome to answer though, of course. Also I know I have a high sex drive and additionally a mild attention deficit... so i do expect this to be harder on me than others. Still - how did you learn to cope? Or do you just make the deal of being unfocused to enjoy the lifestyle?

This is really something that takes a part of the fun for me. I hope I'm not alone and maybe some of you have a good answer ;-)!

All the best

VC

 

Thank you for your answers!

Novelty is a factor I guess. For me it's still new enough not to be a habit. It's like a half-habit. So yeah... I guess keeping at it will smoothen this out^^.

Identity is a good one! I noticed how much processing is going on, but didn't get the idea that this is distracting me... since it's got nothing to do with hornyness. But it does distract, now that you say it - big time! Thanks for bringing it up! And not only thoughts about my identity but also how all of this might fit in my relationship. However it does fit already and I might overthink this factor. But the question of what I want this to be in my/our life is a big one. Hm. Really, thanks. Any more thoughts on this xdxd?

I guess another thing is me trying to figure out wether I am missing out on something when in chastity. I wonder what you think about it as you are in a permanent situation?

Mindfulness and running... I got that. I do like a spanking - but how does it help with being horny?

 

I guess mindfulness, sports, sleep and good food are things that can all help with coping with chastity. In my experience the distraction gets far stronger if these factors are not ok in my life at that moment. I'm already getting into meditation for many reasons and I guess chastity is one. Chastoping (term describing coping with chastity ;-)) is a task for the mind and the will and I guess if you have a lifestyle and mindset that gives you good capacity in both, you'll be far less affected by chastoping.

But I'm also sure that we all are affected. Chastity changes the way you live your days. I think it is something you simply have to have time and energy for - especially when having less experience with it and a high sex drive (because of age or good/bad luck).

Last night i couldn't sleep until 4am and was rolling chastity related topics around in my head. As I am currently self locking (the lady has other things in mind), I decided to give myself a good wank to straighten my head. I feel it was a good decision, although I sacrificed the excitement of training myself to remain locked. The thing is that I am in a high performance, high stress situation already. I can basically choose where to spend my focus on: chastity or ...well ...the rest.

When I went without orgasm for 3 months, it took up 50% of my mental energy. I always hoped for it to get less taxing over time, but there was maybe a day or two per month that was not filled with chastoping. Not that chastoping can't be fun, sometimes it is great fun - and the feeling of being horny and all... that's why we do it. But is it compatible with performing in life?

I don't want to give up on chastity completely. Actually I want to have as much of it in my life as possible, but I have to manage the cost. And it's addictive too. I'm sure I'm not alone with these thoughts.

As men in chastity, being good at chastoping is crucial for a good chastity-life-balance. It's the main thing we do all the time. Why is there so much silence about how to chastope best? Of course we are all different and there might be some that don't even want to "cope" and just dive in completely, but most of us will have to, as there are more things in life than chastity - even when being in chastity. The veterans surely found their way and might also have it more easy due to experience and age. Others might just not get distracted much by design. But generally with less experience, the importance of learning good and indivudually fitting chastoping strategies quickly gets more important. Also finding a process to prioritize and set a goal for chastity-life-balance is important - we are talking about an addictive topic. I jumped in and made good and bad decisions and am understanding all this only now. Which doesn't mean I already have answers for myself or anybody else. But I am asking the community why there isn't much talk about these important things? If there was a course that teaches me how to be more relaxed and content in chastity, I'd take it. Any therapists around that want to get into this^^? How does chastity work in our minds? Surely there are some issues most of us have - what are the best ways to defeat them? Giles English gave me some great answers from his experience (thanks). I honestly think our community would benefit from more (organised) content on how to chastope and be content. Maybe the reason why there isn't much talk about it is that we are men and not many of us are too comfortable to talk about feelings, especially if they are about a topic we struggle with. Admittng something is hard, is hard. Admitting to have given in and released can be hard. And I guess opening up about things is also something we learn over time. So I guess we don't hear a lot of voices of fellows that have less experienced and are struggeling. Or maybe it's because the topic is no sexy fantasy and sexy fantasy is just far more exciting to talk about. However I am disagreeing with myself on this - learning to cope to remain locked more while functioning in life is a sexy thought (at least for me). Plus it enables us to be locked without stealing our ladies attention because of it. So there - I'm done rambling. What do you think?

 

Would you say this helps you for the moment or does it help you focus throughout the day?

Very interesting, Giles said the same. Of course this is a strategy that can only work if there is a lady and she decides to inflict some pain (I guess it's not important which way). I'll keep it in mind^^.

I am dealing with the distraction that way as much as I can - as you said: if you can't embrace it, you can't go on for long. So yeah, you're right, this is the way (of the Mandalorian). However if the distraction is very strong, it takes more energy to manage it - energy I can't use on anything else. I think I'm trying to find ways to lower the distraction in order to be able to manage and embrace it with less energy. Much like an athlete would want to learn the best technique to avoid avoidable pain and make the best out of his/her power.

 

Lazlo, I'm with you on that - to overcome it completely would also take away the fun. I think there is always a masochistic element to wearing a cage for longer periods - welcome or not. We want to feel caged and we want to lose power and the distraction is something we don't have power over. At least never completely. If it was gone, it'd be like being in a prison cell that is the entire world. You'd never feel trapped^^.

I know the metaphors aren't perfect, but humor me please: What I think is there are people who get out of prison after years in it and they were so distracted by it, that they forgot half of the rest of the world. And then there are guys like Nelson Mandela who gets out of prison after decades, takes a deep breath and becomes president right away. Now I would guess that he also felt trapped a lot, but somehow got less distracted and affected by it. And yes, I know, in his case having a mission to free his country might have helped too ;-).

I think how much you just want to give in is one of personal choice. It is fun to make being trapped sexually your world - been there^^. I guess I'm so focused on the topic because learning to be less affected is the only way to integrate chastity in my life in a meaningful way right now. If I can't take it more like Nelson, I just can't do it much - ain't nobody got time. It might also be about self control and how to learn it.

Yeah, right!?!?!? It's crazy difficult and taxing! Fun too, but you've got that monkey sitting on your shoulder every second of the day - and at least my monkey can be a gorilla on cocain. Still love the bugger.

Wanting to whish the time away is not a good situation. I think it is okay to say I feel sorry to read that you are there sometimes and also give a high five for writing about it. (If you're like me, that's not always easy.)

So we got meditation, sports, cold showers, pain play, acceptance (mental management) and processing identity. We are progressing . I can add that anal play has saved the day for me too on some occasions. Same with having awesome caged sex with the lady. I guess teasing sessions are also something to lower distraction (if not over done). Sharing with others helps too. Never did it here, but sharing with my lady made it more easy at times.

What else? Any other things that help you guys?