Let me preface by saying I'm not on some alpha male bullshit lol. This evening my wife said she'd like if I worked on being more submissive in general. Until now it's been mainly a bedroom thing. In life, at work in general I'm kinda a take charge person because I'm needed to be. How do I balance the submissive with still handling the things she wants me to handle. Being bills, house stuff, typical traditional man of the house shit. I really want to do this for her but not sure how to find the needed balance.
It takes a lot of thought into what you can and cannot see yourself doing, then finding the edge of your comfort zone and pushing this boundaries a bit. It may not be something that comes naturally to you or doesn't match your personality at all. I'm in the same boat, too know me publicly you would never guess that I lean towards submissiveness. I'm an army vet, i bodybuild, I'm a senior director for a large company, I'm a serve on several leadership teams in my community, and i contribute 70% of the income in our marraige. But with all that, i find it incredibly comforting to have someone that can lead me and let me just be at ease. One way that I look at it is that my wife is very precious to me and I take pride in how well I can care for her. She was a single mother for 8 years so she's tough as nails, but not naturally dominant in our relationship. I submit through service. How can I meet her needs, how can I make her feel loved, how can I pamper her. I do ask that she phrase her needs as statements rather than demands, for example, instead of saying could you please get me x, I prefer her to say, I would like x. Now here is the key, at least for me, and maybe for you. It's a mindset change for me of I'm doing something for her because I'm a good man (which i am), but rather that I'm serving her because that's what she deserves for all she brings to the table. If you change your mentality from "look at everything I do" to "I'm so happy to fulfill her desires" it could help. So talk with her and get her to outline what it looks like for her, and then see if you can find a way to make it happen. If you're used to "man of the house make it happen" stuff, then find a way to do that, but as a result of her direction. Takes work, but worth it!
For me it was the easiest to get away from the kinky side of it. Just treat her like a queen and always look out for things to make her life easier and better. I‘m always scanning our environment to look out for things to improve and every morning I make a to do list for myself with tasks and chores to do for her. After a few months it becomes completely normal for me and for her too… I try my best so that she doesn’t even need to lift one finger and can relax and enjoy life
Yes, I agree. I have been with my best wife for five years, married for two. My love language is in the acts of service. She hates bills and money and making decisions about where to eat so all of those things are there for me to ease her burden. She bounces between queen and princess and if there is an activity she wants to do, then we do it. If all she wants is for me to bring home takeout on a Friday night, then that happens. Often, it is about anticipating her needs and desires and ensuring they are taken care of before she has to verbalize it. Over time, we have both leaned into our roles.
that’s exactly the description of my relationship with my girlfriend. We are both in our early twenties and I don’t think that she was treated like a Queen before in other relationships. So sometimes she feels uncomfortable when I treat her like the Goddess she is. I try my best so she doesn’t need to lift a single finger in our household and offer massages and oral daily. It already got way better but could you give me any advice to make her even more comfortable to be treated this way?
Tell yourself that she has delegated these chores to you, that these are tasks she wants you to do as part of your service and submission to her. I used to get hard doing laundry because it was something she wanted done.
This shows my biggest concern/reluctance to this. I say this respectfully but I have no desire to be a sissy or anywhere that road leads. If that's your thing great be you. Not for me though. Hence how do I maintain the balance of it all.
I‘m most definetly not her sissy. I just show my love through acts of services which she enjoys and I like to treat her like the queen she is. This works great for us, she is more dominant then me but besides that and our sexlife we are equal. I can only give you the advice to always try to her better, she will notice it.
If you have no submissive tendencies, you are going to struggle. For a true submissive, especially a service sub, balance is not sought out. You take on tasks because they need to be done and they please her. A FLR is asymmetrical and therefore naturally unbalanced. It is supposed to be. Yes, it can be overwhelming and exhausting, but that is what a submissive is driven to do. It brings you pleasure. Being a sissy is not required, but is enjoyed by many. There are times we are partners in decisions and in things we do and enjoy. We work very well together and consider it a strength of the relationship. For us, submissiveness and dominance does not apply outside the relationship other than in discrete and gentlemanly ways. I also have my own time in my machine shop building motorcycles. You know, real guy stuff.
Here's the balance I speak of. She's still going to want me to be decisive at times, where to eat for example. She has zero interest in handling bills or other 100 tasks I do which is fine. I have no problem helping around house, rubbing feet etc. The problem is how do you balance yes dear as you wish with we're eating here and you need to do so and so to accomplish this.
Like others said, if you view yourself as her Knight, you may be able to get in the correct mindset easier. A Queen doesn’t always concern herself about every little detail, if she tasks you to decide on dinner or whatever, you do it. View it as making her life as easy as possible, as you’re in service to her and all her desires. Not all of us with a submissive side have to be “sissies” or dressed in leather underwear and on a leash on our knees. We’re not into that stuff really, but I try to do everything I possibly can so my Wife can relax as much as possible, pamper her, protect her, but I also bow to her wants and desires. It takes some time even when you have a submissive side to get to a comfortable way of living as you swap roles. I’m lucky I’m a “switch” I guess they call it, I was dominant most of our marriage but also have a very submissive side once we started chastity, and my Wife after a couple years has become very comfortable in letting her dominance blossom. Most of it is just changing your mindset, and for us the Queen / Knight thing felt right
The knight thing makes sense in alot of ways. I see that the most practical/reasonable way to look at it for myself. We're sitting down this weekend discuss what she expects, what I think I can give and go from there.
You do not need to give up a skill you have developed. Rather, you may need to learn when to apply it. She may value your ability. It could be helpful to ask if she would like you to make the decision. Soon you will have it figured out. It just takes time to adapt to the change in your relationship. We get together once a week over a glass of wine to talk over these kinds of questions. It has really helped and is a time we look forward to. The question though, is do you honestly feel submissive? A submissive is wired differently and craves serving. You can role play, but really can’t force it long term if you are not a submissive. And for the relationship to work, you both have to get satisfaction. If you don’t get satisfaction from service, you are not going to be happy. Probably just tired.
Honestly I'm more way submissive sexually than I ever imagined I be. I almost prefer things we do now over piv. Though I never want to cut that out completely. I really don't mind doing my "chores" either. In end I think deal breaker will be a few things. Mainly if I need to ask anytime I want to stop have a beer after work or go see a local show. Not that i do that often anyway. Or if she wants total control over my paycheck be about only things I can see me resenting. Just basic adult things I'm use to do without asking permission like a kid or something.
Good for you to be honest with yourself. It took me some time to reconcile it. Do you think it would work to sit down and discuss some of the boundaries you have brought up with her? She may have some as well. Boundaries are important and need to be respected. That doesn’t mean they can’t change over time. Changing a boundary should require a discussion and mutual agreement.
I think so yes, we made a contract when starting the chasity deal thats worked well. So I believe a honest talk and hard boundaries set would work fine. My main points are control of my money, some basic me time, no feminization or third parties. I don't really see any of those being an issue. That said it's important to set in place for all involved from beginning.
The easiest way is to just ask first, no matter what, just ask her first, then offer your answer if she is undecided or not sure. Do not assume or make a decision without speaking to her first.