So my boyfriend and I just started experimenting with longer term chastity and while I was obviously fine I didn't want him getting overwhelmed and he was very very good so after a week I decided to take him out. We do this to enhance both sides of the relationship so we usually discuss punishments and rewards and everything in between. His reward was 3 choices: supervised masturbation, me pegging him and then after I decided I was ready allowing him to penetrate me or lastly me only pegging him but my orgasms are doubled and if certain tasks aren't done in a set time no orgasm either and milking immediately after playing is over. After a thorough discussion and reassurance he settled on the second option. Everything was going amazing until I was going to allow him out. Instead of being excited like I expected he tried to convince me to do other things. I finally confronted him about whether or not he actually wanted vaginal sex at the time and that he shouldn't have lied. His response was that he didn't think he deserved it. Have any other key holders experienced this? is this behavior rewardable since he was so devoted to me, punishable because he technically wasn't honest or should I be concerned about this and his mental well-being? I love him devoting himself to my pleasure but not at the expense of his self worth
Maybe he just tasted the sweet fruits of longer lockups/denials. And he is realizing that a release is about to spoil the feeling. Then he starts coming up with excuses to why you should not be unlocking him. Sure some of the hardest parts for KH 's to comprehend at first, why a man will go against an opportunity to get a release. That and the feeling of guilt, for just receiving and not giving pleasure is a tricky part at first for KH's - in my humble experience. It might be exactly these things You have to come to terms with, and You should not punish him for showing this level of commitment. Lots of good things will come your way, if this is to unfold .... Let it grow, let it grow, I can almost hear Elsa singing in the background;-)
If you're missing penetrative sex and Being locked up is somehow degrading his sense of self worth then you could warn him that the thing will go in the bin if he doesn't work it out and that will be the end of it. If you really like the change in attitude and extra attention that manifest during his lock up then there are always other men who don't suffer from self worth issues. You could pop and see one now and then if you're at all polyamorous by nature.
That makes sense! And yeah even with the major increase in my pleasure it is still an adjustment not being able to pleasure him back like I used to and I do still crave the real thing. I'm just wondering if his comment about not deserving it was him trying to stay longer or how he actually felt. As I said before I dont want this to end up hurting him
Funny you say that I actually texted him earlier today with the rules that he is no longer allowed to use negative self talk and that if his self worth starts being negatively affected he has to tell me immediately so we can let him heal and then return to chastity. Both rules are non negotiable and breaking either one won't just result in sexual punishment but total termination of the relationship in general
Individual motivations are, well, very individual. Your play will go best when you both understand each other's fantasies/kinks, discuss, and incorporate. The situation you describe and his reaction sounds similar to what my reaction would be in that situation. You might get some insight if I describe my kink. Might apply, might not. I want to not get what I want. That is a mind bender but understandable if you don't look at it too deeply. My body wants pleasure and orgasm. I want to be unable to get that. I want to want it and then not be able to get it. If I'm going to get what I want suddenly my excitement drops. Too easy, too simple, too directly. Getting what I want is not what I want. For this to work there must be some (consensual) non-consensuality in our play. I need to be able to beg for some sexual pleasure and release and my partner deny me. It is best if she is a little nasty. Kindly nasty. I've suggested to my partner that she test this out. You can try something like the following with your partner. Compare my responce to two scenarios: 1. She tells me she is going to let me have intercourse and climax. 2. She tells me that no chance of climax to day and she's enjoying my excitement too much to let me climax any tie soon. When denial is increase and my situation made more difficult I always get more excited. When denial is decreased and I'm allowed to have what I want I get less excited. I think this is a common kink for people into chastity. Check it out and see if it applies with your partner.
Hi, I am totally with you on the 'Geting what I want is not what I want' front. I was in TWO cuckold marriages and both wives freely took lovers when they felt the need, both wives also had long running affairs in addition to just the odd flings. My second wife maintained 4 lovers for most of the time. I mention this because it illustrates the point you make. I 'wanted' my wives to be faithful and not sleep with other men. However, the fact that they did AND made no effort to hide it from me, even to the point of detailing every encounter, meant me having to endure the emotions that this evoked. Which WAS exactly what I truly WANTED. Both wives belittled my small penis (under 4" erect) and yet couldn't stop talking about how 'big' their lovers were and how full they felt when they were having such great sex etc. etc. Making no effort to have full sex with me AND controlling the frequency of my orgasms, whilst they were getting as much cock as they wanted was for me EXACTLY the way I wanted it to be. I was satisfying my strongly masochistic need to feel useless and powerless, whilst my wives were having great sex with guys who possessed average to large cocks.....which gave them what they wanted without having to spend years faking it on my small cock and feeling miserable about their unfulfilling sex life. Both sides of the equation balanced perfectly.
I would always choose to pleasure the woman. I'm not a big fan of penetration. Maybe he just wanted to pleasure you in that situation and didnt wanted to penetrate you the woman I know are usually refering to long term chastity when its more then a half year, everything under 1 or 2 month is short term
@missdanae I often feel like he does. I don't deserve penetrative sex, my cock no longer reacts the way it used to when presented with that form of pleasure. I think it's ok, if I had a manly cock that wanted sex I wouldn't have been wanking so much and asking for chastity. Not sure how others feel but I am slowly coming to terms with orgasms in my cage with the odd supervised wank. Sadly now if we do have sex I'm so nervous about being a failure and cumming like this that I go soft half way through. It's tough don't be too hard on him maybe he doesn't want sex in its classic way anymore. We have a strap on that I can use on her or her on me, and when she wants to give me pleasure it's normally her vibrator against my cage that makes me cum
I'd also understand if she wanted to have sex with a real man in that way, I know she loves me and for her it's just the animal sex that she wants that I can't give her. Our relationship I hope is more than that and like a toy a manly man with a hard cock is just a means to an end for her increased sexual pleasure.