a journey begins for bi-switch

As I mentioned in my introduction ,I have lived with a dominant Lady in the past , but it was just her dominating me ,no switch stuff or anything .
That ended several years ago , and since I have met a Lady ,very full figured ,and very dominant . I met her on craigslist ,and she turned me down after the first meeting in a coffee shop, but I emailed her saying I'd be happy to run errands for her with no strings attached. I knew she had no car, and my scheme paid off. A week or so later she emailed me saying she needed a ride ,and then booked me for more errands the next day. She had me park around the corner from her house so I would not know which was hers. After 3 or 4 times I was allowed to see where she lived because she had bought a bar-be -que which needed assembling . I drove her to the store to get it then drove her to her home where she had me assemble it .As I spent time with her I was making a point of showing my obedience ,and telling her I knew my place was only to please her and had no thought of ever being able to be her lover ,just her errand boy. Being quite the talkative guy ,I often mentioned how I'd served other Ladies by giving them oral pleasure and enjoying that they refused me any pleasure for myself. Some was true but I added a lot of bs too. She told me she had been raped by bikers years ago ,and since we had met on craigslist as submissive male ,and dominant female , it was easy to talk about our roles regarding sex. For her it was only a power exchange ,but for me submitting is only sexual. After telling her how I'd massaged my ex for hours then used to give her a happy ending, she warmed to the idea and one day she took me inside her house and had me strip naked and whipped my butt with her thick leather butt until I was jumping around and begging her to stop. She had me massage her while she lay on her stomach . I gave her my all ,I was being careful to not go to far up the inside of her thighs ,and was surprised when she said I could go up a bit higher, gradually I moved closer to her vagina and teased her by moving away then returning. As I massaged her and feeling the thrill of submitting to her I asked if she ever made love to real men , I could tell it surprised her because she asked me what I'd said. I was happy to repeat it. She said yes but for me this is all I'd be ever get to do.It wasn't long before my fingers were right on target and she had an orgasm. I noticed how she didn't lay there after cuming, but got up and told me to get dressed and that she was done with me. Exactly the way I feel after cuming,I have no desire to hug and that stuff. That was about a year ago . Since that time I have massaged her 2 more times , but cleaned ,and done dishes and pots and pans while naked and getting her belt and flyswatter on my butt. I tiled her bathroom floor while naked as she watched over me with her belt in hand. I very much enjoy the humiliation and not being able to have sex with her. One time while cleaning the bathroom on my knees and scrubbing the floor she told me she was going to bring me the toilet brush, but before she could return I started scrubbing the inside of the bowl with my bare hands ,and a little sos pad, I found it such a degrading turn on and so very arousing that I asked her to take my photograph of me cleaning the toilet while smiling up at the camera. The thought of being at her mercy to expose me was such a turn on I asked her to whip me again which she did.
I have seen her often ,but t the same time I ignore her texts if I'm not in the submissive mood .

More to follow

 

I just got back from parking with my Lady and watching the eclips of the moon ,it was closer than usual and supposed to look bigger.
We parked out in a private and remote place near a ranch. Earlier today I texted her to say I was going to make her some tarts and that got the ball rolling. yesterday we had been talking about me going for days ignoring her texts, and I had told her she would have to keep me aroused if she wanted a devoted sissy, which is what she calls me . I told her she could arouse me by talking sext in her texts , like telling me I was a worthless sissy and lucky she bothered with me ,and by telling me how she was going to whip me next time etc, I also told her if I wasn't fully into my sissy role to slap me across the face a few times and after each slap to tell me I was her sissy,or something degrading, she said she would enjoy slapping me ,and having me kiss the soles of her feet ,which I have done each time I have been whipped. Well tonight before telling her I was going to make tarts I'd been feeling quite submissive and feeling the arousal it brings. When I told her I would be making them later she firmly said start immediately then said " pick me up at 8 pm and we will drive somewhere to watch the moon ". Her dominating attitude got me right into the spirit of things I replied calling her my Queen ( as she instructed shortly after we met) I returned her many texts calling her my Queen and thanking her for taking control of me . I stopped and bought flowers and took the tarts to her and we headed out to watch the eclips of the moon. I asked if I could kiss her hand but she took off one shoe and said No kiss my foot instead. I licked and kissed it ,after ten minutes or so she told me she had brought her belt along and to get out of the car and pull my pants down,she had told me she had her belt along and I had hoped for a few good whacks with it . Instead of taking my pants down I took my jacket and shirt off then dropped my pants to my ankles and felt nice and naked as I followed her instructions and bent into the car and put my head on the seat while she beat me . It wasn't that had as before ,or maybe my aroused state lessened the pain. When she stopped I knelt at her feet and kissed them while she stood outside the car and I kneeling in the dirt, I rose up on my knees and put my arms around her waist but she just looked down and slapped my face surprisingly hard three times then yanked each ear. I went back down to her feet and she stepped on my head ramming my face into the dirt several times All the while I was thanking her for treating me the way I needed her to treat me so I'd know I was her sissy bitch ,I was in my glory. As we drove to her house where I said good bye we talked of all the things she had done that evening she said I could expect a lot more than that and often too. I told her about this journal I started and she didn't seem that interested,but maybe if I show it to her , I plan to attach photos of me being punished ,but not show her face .

 

Well today is wednsday, and I awoke this morning a 10 am and noticed a text message from My Queen telling me she wanted me to make tarts for her today, I texted her back apologizing for being late answering her text and asked how she was feeling , because I drove her to the hospital the day before. She said we can talk about that later ,now get your ass making my tarts, to which I replied thank you my Queen. Part way through making them she told me to leave them cooling after taking them out of the oven and come to her house and take her for a drive to a cemetery where she would place flowers on her mothers grave. I did as ordered and enjoyed the few times she gave me strict orders during the day, one was as we entered walmart she said she would find me later in the store ,but I said I had left the cel phone in the car ,she immediately said " go get it" which I found a turn on as I hurried to obey. There was no slaps across my face or having my ear yanked like the day before, but my Queen is not feeling herself and I understand that , but I found today boring because I need abuse ,humiliation, or to degraded to stay sexually stimulated and therefore submissive .
I thought about the day before when I told her the man who's cock I'd sucked 3 times had me buy nipple clamps ,a thong ,and black mesh nylon stay up stockings ,and ordered me to wear them for our next meeting ( which never occurred). my Queen said she would like to have me wearing them for her, and the thought of that kept me going today. Her son who lives with her is going to be working again so hopefully I will be cleaning wearing stockings etc. She mentioned she like pegging but not by a strapon,I'm looking forward to that also. Yesterday while I drove her she gave me several hard back handers across my face ,and yanked my ear good and hard ,but that was a bout it.
I have to retrain myself if I'm going to have a dream relationship, first She isn't much at conversation, mostly one lines ,and that's it for what ever subject I bring up. Next I'm not attracted to large women, and me being 5'10 and 175 lbs ,I feel a little uneasy being thought of as a couple which we seem in the publics eye. Lastly the only attraction is sexual brought on by her dominance ,other than that I'd never have anything to do with her.
In the past once I had a session cleaning or whatever ,I go home and j/o and loose interest for several weeks ,usually months, during this time I'd ignore her texts, but she would text me every few weeks and when the urge hit me I'd reply.
Now I'm asking myself do I want to totally submerge myself in this Ladys control, and live my life out as her sissified puppet .I'd rather it be a more shapely woman with better conversational skills . I can brain wash my self by repeating things over and over ,and soon come to believe them, like " I find my Queen beautiful, I want to live my life as my Queen's sissy slave " and so on. She doesn't want my money, and I won't find anyone else to replace her .

 

I'm loosing interest fast in my Lady. The thing is she has me driving her all over town with no arousing talk to stimulate me. On top of that I don't think her I.Q. can be that great, I told her without sexual arousal I'd lose interest ,and she seems to hear nothing I say. Today we drove to the mountains near here ,on the way I noticed a couple of times I mentioned something and she only went umhm, so I thought I'd clam up to see if she'd talk at all ,a half hour later she said Oh, look at that, and pointed to a horse, I said unhm,and on we drove. The drive back was the same , but now I was looking for every fault, and found loads. ( now I better mention I know she has found more of my faults than I have of her's) The thing is she isn't tired of my driving her every where ,but I am. If I'm not getting what I want I'm outa there. Yes I'm supposed to be her sissy sub, but why do I want to be? Well like I said it's a sexual thing for me, and a power exchange for her. When we were out in the forest driving she had me stop the car and took me into the forest and strip and kneel ,then beat me with her belt ,it was harder this time because I told her she hadn't left her mark on me for very long last whipping ,so she laid the belt on with a vengeance, since there was no lead up I had no time to get into the space , but kinda did, and after the whipping was done I got erect. There is no communication between us although she thinks there is plenty.
Once I start losing interest I find myself looking for faults ,and have always found loads with my girlfriends .On top, of that I'm supposed to be border line polar something or other . my mood swings are extreme , but not harmful to anyone. While not talking to me she sure seems to have a lot to text about. Anyway " be carefull what you wish for" lol. famous last words.
I mentioned being bi-sexual, well I am thinking of texting a man I went down on in the past three times ,and loved it , but felt guilty. I only tried one other man ,and he wasn't interested in me again. Kurt is interested in me being his slave .
Anyway I think I just may stay by my self for a while and think about things .
Funny how my journey started out full of eager excitement, but reality set in after a while. I guess its normal to notice little things we miss on the first few dates.

 

I searched the ads for the man I mentioned that I'd sucked, and there it was, Wow, what a turn on reading how he wanted a slave to obey his every command immediately and get nothing in return, It fit me perfectly ,and I was quite sure it was him. For the next 2 hours I was tettering should I or shoud'nt I answer, the more I thought about it the more turned on I got. Finally I answered saying I would do what his ad said ,and mentioned I had been with a real man 3 times and said the locations, He answered back saying it was him, and we exchanged emails ,then texts, he sent pics of his cock and I put black stay up nylons on and nipple clamps with a chain attached and pink butt plug in me and took several pics which I sent him, this was later the same day as I got my ass belted by my queen, and the marks stood out plainly. The texts were hot, very hot, they continued the next day with him telling me what he liked ,he wanted to meet for a quicky but I made an excuse so he said we could meet the next day in his garage. He asked me if I like piss and I said I tried it but vomited ( a lie I never tasted it ) so he asked if I'd been peed on I said no but it would be fitting if after he had cum and had no further use for me ,to show his superiority over me that he could have me kneel and piss all over me then tell me to get out and wait until he had a use for me again, the thought of driving home horny , wet and stinking turned me on. Well the more pics he sent the more I started to loose interest,I'm not sure why, maybe he wasn't disgreet enough because he wanted to meet in a park in daylight and families picnic there , its not a big park but popular. That and that he wanted me to j/o on his cock then suck him. I never want an orgasm when being dominated. Anyway I figured I'd back out so I told him I'd mentioned that I told my queen I'd saw his ad and had told her I been with him a year and more ago. Then I told him that was why my butt was marked up, my queen had punished me for looking at his ad. We were texting a lot at that time and I stopped texting and sent him an email saying she caught me texting as she heard them coming in, and please don't send anymore. because I was in big trouble and would be in more. Today he sent an email, I answered it pretending to be my queen telling him to fuck off and I was monitoring all my bitches incoming messages. So once again I manipulated the situation to suit my likeing.
Oh I ignored my queen's texts yesterday cause I was tiring of her, she sent me a few today ,and I answered one saying I needed a break.
Last week as I was fueling up my car a woman who I liked the look of said how she loved my car ( a convertible) and I got her phone number, I think she's probably vanilla but she might be a nice change, at least I like to been seen in public with her instead of the queen in sweats, no makeup, and wadlling .

 

Well Iv'e been away from this site for quite a while , I havn't been feeling very submissive and my Queen has texted me a few times wondering where I am. I mentioned in a post somewhere that I ordered a Jailbird cock cage from Mature Metal a couple of months or so ago. It arrived the other day, not really being in the mood I tried it on anyway,and it fits perfectly.I purposely ordered it shorter than the measuring instructions said ,and am glad I did. I like the feel of my cock being kept from extending , but didn't like the cheap Chinese ones I'd ordered as they were to narrow and my cock had imprints on the sides. This one ,unlike the Chinese ones is stainless steel, also unlike the Chinese ones you cant open the padlock by inserting the tip of a paring knife into it. it has real tumblers in the lock. I thought I'd wear it vover night to get a feel for it and the way it held everything firmly together was a very nice feeling. I couldn't help but remember my queen enjoys slapping me across my face, and the way the big ring and ring on the cage meet with 3/8 inch between them it pulls your balls and cock away from your body and has them right out in front so the balls can easily be slapped.no longer are they protected by the thighs. Being I wasn't use to it and not applying any lube ,about half way through the night I awoke to find it a tad uncomfortable, so I removed it . Remember I'm not fully in the sub mood. All in all its 100 percent better than the Chinese one I experimented with ,they rusted and chrome wore off in a week and were not custom sized. This one is good for a life time .

 

Well here it is Jan 16th ,I was with my Queen the day before yesterday, yesterday, and today. I havnt seen her for a couple of months or so. Anyway I have these nice submissive urges again, and they are intensifying. I told her about my cock cage and she said to shave and cage and my cock and come and pick her up to take her to the store, it was another day of errands and Only three backhands across my face . The day before I made her 5 cheese cakes all with different fruit ,they were in those tinfoil meat pie dishes you buy that are about twice the size of tarts. I made fudge too , but threw it out because I managed to burn it. I made her favorite butter tarts too, along with a bottle of homade pineapple wine .which I had been sampling from another bottle as I baked for her .The tarts were so undercooked that the filling ran down her chin and she had to put them in her oven to finish baking them, the cheese cakes were to dry she said and she has not opened the wine but I warned her to keep it in the fridge so the top wont blow off. So far that's the only thing that may be ok. Looking back now I see that I was quite under the influence of my wine.
Today I took her to a few stores so she could return some things ,and I said I wasn't all the way into my sub mood .She said she spotted that I was standoffish right away. As the errands got finished she wanted to go for a drive in the country, so we had a very nice chat as we travelled along. I had been thinking that she uses me like a mark except that you never screw your mark or you loose him. I got thinking although I have never screwed her I have masturbated her I have never come close to screwing her and have never wanted to, out of curiosity I asked her if she would ever allow me to kiss her lips, she quickly said I would never get to do that , I only would ever be allowed to kiss her breasts and give her oral, which suited me to a Tee. We got talking about the way she felt about my being her sissy and how she thought a sissy like me should be treated, what a turn on when she said I should be treated like scum and beaten when ever she felt like it or was in a bad mood ,to her I am truly a disgusting fool who is only good for her to use and nothing more ,In other words I am her MARK and I am very turned on knowing it. Without using the word "mark" she explained her use for me, I was assigned to drive her son to his job after taking her home, which a woman would only ask a mark to do .I was wearing my cage today and she told me to show it to her and said she wanted to be with me when I bought her a padlock for it.( I have had the chance to have a duplicate key made for this one,but didn't , but she is taking no chances). As I wear my cage I am feeling quite aroused and seriously thinking of giving her the only keys.
The night I dropped the tarts and cakes off I had only gone a few blocks when she texted me saying the tarts wernt cooked, She said it with much criticism and I started getting into the mood and soon had big tears running down my cheeks as I apologized ,to my delight she increased her criticism, and I increased my apologizing. I told her I loved her and was thrilled when she kept up her criticism. .I am slowly bending to her will and becoming very much in need of her. I will enjoy being her life long sissy bitch if it happens !!

 

I've been serving my Lady about 2 weeks now with out loosing interest, Mostly she uses me as her taxi, I often spend 6 hours waiting or accompanying her as she browses every row while shopping .
The other day after an especially long boring day of watching her dilly dally and getting no sexual stimulation from her such as being called her worthless sissy , we went to a food warehouse which only had huge flat deck carts to push, she thought there maybe regular shopping carts inside , but once inside and finding none she sent me out to get the big flat deck one. I had to push it up a long ,long ramp in a Z shape and I was becoming very annoyed.I got inside and pushed the cart up to where my Lady waited only to be told to return it because a store worker was bringing her a regular shopping cart. I looked at her and said "i'm getting pissed off" and with that I yanked back on the cart sending it sailing about 20 feet into some other carts . To my astonishment ( and delight ) she backhanded me across my face with a much greater force than ever before. I said I was sorry and that I had to go to the washroom. I noticed 2 workers looking at ,me, and felt a sexual rush as I walked past them knowing they saw me get backhanded.
The only reward I have received other than that was an evening cleaning her house. First I did all the dishes ( fully clothed ) , and when finished she told me to take my clothes off and clean the bathroom. I scrubbed the floors , walls ,tub ,and sink , but was dissapointed when she told me not to clean the toilet because she had just done it . The last time I cleaned for her I scrubbed out the toilet bowl with just a rag in my hand . She took her flyswatter to my butt as I worked .
After cleaning the bathroom I was told to vacuum . She closed the venetian curtains and I could see my shadow on them, and was sure my image was visible on the street so I posed in different positions to display my nudity. I also asked her to photograph me as I knelt naked beside the vacuum with may caged cock in full view. There is a real thrill in inviting her to photograph me in these positions knowing she can blackmail me easily, I really would find it stimulating if she would do that . I j/o thinking how it would be. Several times i was on the verge of telling her to please post my photos everywhere if I fail to be the sissy bitch she wants me to be, and to take full control of me I think it's only a matter of time !
I had been wearing my cage for 2 days at that time , and found it very sexy that I was naked but unable to become erect.
Tomorrow I will take her to her doctor and being that she told me to be sure to bring her belt along , I am looking forward to being beaten.

 

My Queen has been asking me to email her some things that will keep me sexually aroused as I run errands for her and do non sexual things, tonight I wrote her a long letter and am posting it below.
======
to his Queen





My dearest Queen,
As your lowly sissy I am obeying your command to write you this email.
On days when I drive you around while you shop and go to your appointments , there is nothing stimulating in it for me. Probably nothing stimulating in it for you other than a free taxi.
As we discussed today there has to be equal turn ons for both Domme and her sub, so you can see why I got annoyed and shoved the cart at wholesale foods, I was bored and not in the least interested sexually or any other way either. It was as if I were just doing you a favor by driving you all mover the place, which is what it really was. The backhand across my face was very rewarding and turned me on.
I ask you often what you are turned on with and you don't go into any detail like I do, I'm a person who goes into great detail, as you may have noticed. That's just the way we are made. We wont change that.
As you know I'm only attracted to being a sissy sub when sexually aroused, wearing my cage ( I'm wearing it now) helps greatly, and I often jack off thinking of being your total slave 24/7,its so sexy thinking of you owning me, and using me as your slave for any whim that comes to your mind. The only thing is in the real world I know I can always run away.
I will write some things that I think would keep me interested . These are just fantasies and if any suit you I think it might be worth trying.
First keep me caged and only you have the key. make me earn each orgasm, by pleasing you ,and each day you tell me how I did, like the other day you said I did very well. maybe after 7 days I could earn my orgasm ,it wouldn't be a for sure thing that after 7 days of good behavior I would get an orgasm, but that after the 7 days you would decide if I deserved one or not. You might tell me I have been very good but to show me I'm nothing but your worthless sissy you have cancelled my orgasm you are showing me the power you have over me by not allowing me to cum.
Wearing my cage alone may not be that arousing , but if you asked to see how it looked and asked me if I was learning my place as your worthless sissy it would help keep me under your power. You could require at times that I wear your pink thong and / or nylons .
You could unlock my cage at times and have me wash under my foreskin and balls then you lock me up again as I beg for more sexual attention . I love being made to beg then being then laughed at and told to " forget it " that I'm to worthless and useless to be granted any favours, you may slap my face as you say it,
As I clean for you it would be nice if you noticed a spot I missed ,then grabbed me by the ear and shoved my face into the spot I missed and told me to stay there and look at the spot I missed while you got your belt and whipped me as I stared at the spot. and apologized for not being a better slave.
If you had me wear nylons or a thong you would make me show you I'm wearing them and ask me how I felt no longer being the dominant male I was before you took control of me.
If you wanted to humiliate me by making me your cock sucking fag you could have me buy an 8 inch realistic dildo and you could have me practice sucking ( swallowing it 0 for you as I park in a deserted place in the parking lot and wait for you to finish shopping. or have me wear a butt plug as I drove you around .
There are quite a few things more I could write but it is nearly ten oclock.
A few things I don't like is being told how to do things when I'm not with you , like with ***** or **** and ******** ( peoples name I edited out.) . Mostly I'm easy going and not much bothers me, oh I don't like buying you things, my stocks have all crashed and I'm very money conscience these days.
I hope this helps our relationship
===================================================================================================

 

Well I emailed the above letter to my Lady about the same time she texted me telling me to buy her a roasts and 12 bagels and have them at her door by 10:30 the following morning. It bugged me that she was beginning to get me to buy things for her. I have never liked buying women things unless I really like them, and I do not like my Lady. I only like being sexually involved ,the rest of the time I have tolerated her as I was looking ahead to being sexually abused etc. The part about my stocks crashing was partly true , but I don't depend on them for an income. In fact I have purchased even more at these firesale prices.
It bugged me most of the night , and by morning I decided to ignore her instead of telling her some b s story to which she would want to argue that I could do things her way. Instead I went snowshoeing and enjoyed the day with my cel phone shut off. Later that day around 7 pm I turned my phone on to see a string of texts from her ,at first telling me I could at least have the balls to tell her I wasn't coming, and she had planed on visiting her sister. ( once again I would have provided taxi service ) . The rests of the texts were her reminding me of my shortcomings in our relationship.
The more she pissed me off the more humorous I found it ,so I sent her a text saying they didn't have the roasts that were on sale in 4 pounds that she wanted and only 8 pounds and larger ,I said I was at the store at 7am when it opened and being dissapointed I decided to go skiing on the ski bus that takes you to Lake Louise ski area. I further said my cel was in the storage compartment under the bus and I had no access to it, and the ski area did not have service to cel phones ( which I'm sure is bs) . Anyway as I got on a roll in my bs story I decided to tell her how nice the day was and I felt so good skiing again, and that I was going to Kimberley skiing the next day and probably stop at Radium hot springs for a swim after skiing. This sent her into a fit of texts telling me how I should act and so on.

I began reviewing the relationship, she likes whipping me but since her 20 yr old kid is home quite often I wind up driving her around for a week or so with no sexual thrill at all. She keeps saying I should be happy to please her by being her sub and driving her all over the place, and I have always said I only was her sub because it was sexual for me ,and I knew for her it was a power thing. She knows I don't find driving her sexual..

The reason I wrote the above email was to describe ways that she might keep me aroused while driving her around, She had been telling me to write it for several days and on the day I sent it I had been given a dead line of 10 pm to send it.. When the next day she said she hadn't read it despite my text telling her I had sent it to her made me realize she isn't interested in keeping me aroused and thinks she will be taxied regardless.
So now I'm ignoring her for a few days , and have decided that I'm going to clean for her ( while naked ) ,and when ever I do anything for her ,like driving her I will ask whats in it for me. I really don't care if I never meet with her again,
In another section of this site I started a thread called " blackmail, to be or not to be" in which I had considered having her keep me as her blackmailed sissy bitch for life. I was considering giving her addresses of family and friends to send photos and videos of me naked etc if I failed to obey her every wish . hmmm I think this was a close call ! Fortunatley the desire left after j/o

 

Jasmic68, yes I have read other's experiences on this forum, and find them very interesting.
Most have said they are satisfied with their Mistress/Domme.
When I asked here on this forum I found most men and women find chastity to be a power exchange rather than a sexual experience I was surprised.
For me it has always been sexual, whether I switch to Male Dom ,male sub, and with which ever sex.
My idea of being in chastity is so I remain horny and through my being horny my Lady can easily control me. I met her through craigslist and met her as me meeting a Dominatrix ,we met in a coffee shop, had I been meeting her for just a vanilla date I'd have dumped her before the coffee arrived. She turned me down also. Yeah she arrived in baggy pants , those rubber shoes that your toes go in and they come in all colors . No make up no communication skills whatever. She wolfed down the subway sandwich I bought her and wiped her chin off, ( I must have been in one of my extreme sexual states to stick around ). I drove her home and since it's so hard to find a non pro Domme I sent her several emails before she let me run her on errands .
On the other hand I lived with a hot babe dominatrix for 6 years and several times was denied orgasms for up to 6 months and loved it . I was proud to go out with her to kinky clubs and to be seen with her in public, actually I enjoyed showing her off. I showed her off and always got out of my car and went around and opened her door for her. She dressed super hot and lots of heads turned.
Things fell apart when my 11 year old daughter wanted to move in with us.
We still see each other and go skiing and snowshoeing in winter and mountain scrambling in the summer. Our relationship is now vanilla with me in the lead role.
hows that for fickle ? ha ha.

 

I agree, i am interested in having a Dominant female abuse me as a means to please me.
I dont care to spend my time pleasing them unless it pleases me at the same time.
I think this is normal in a relationbships where people fall in love too .
Dont we feel exceptionally great when we are in love,and are thrilled to please our loved one ? Or go out of our way to do something we dislike just to please her ? Well by doing those things we feel good , and therefore it can be said we are doing bit for our own pleasure. Sound selfish? Yep, and thats what it's all about. Being caged, humilliated
(to our liking), beaten, and in general being in a FLR makes us feel good or we would not be interested in it.
Do you wonder how the steer felt being butchered ,as you enjoy eating a steak cut from it?
That's my view .

 

Well here it is Nov 25 2017. 2 years or so since I started this thread.
Not much changed in that time .
I have been " in the mood" at times, but only for a few days.
I couple of months ago ,maybe 5 weeks ago, I put my cage back on after forgetting about it for about a year.

I had been ignoring my Queen for several months , and becoming horny sought the services of pro dominatrixes, I met one who upped the fee from $300,to $500, saying it was for 2 hours instead of one . She sure was hot , but a pure lesbian only after the cash.
Next I degraded myself by contacting another pro dome, and meeting her to had her an envelope with $200 in it .
None of this was very satisfactory . Oh, I forgot I also paid a meth freak who was advertising pro dome services $150 for a session. I found her place filthy and wound up jerking off.
Anyway , about this time my Queen texted me . This was after about a 3 month time of not being in touch.
I had just tried my cock cage back on after about a year of it laying in the shop.
I was aroused enough to text her back ,and called her my Queen. This led to us exchanging texts that got me very aroused .
Once again I met my Queen as ordered. I was wearing my cock cage and very horny , ( I like staying horny with no orgasms) .

For some reason I was degrading myself to my Queen much more than in the past. I told her that I needed her abuse both verbal and physical to remain her sissy bitch.
She started slowly calling me names and slapping my face as I drove her to the country side .
The more I encouraged her to continue her abuse , the more she took me up on it.
I figured I'd get her doing things to keep me interested or forget the whole thing with her , and look for a dome that I'd pay.

She must have been holding back before now , because after I told her several times that I needed to be reminded what a worthless bitch I was to her , she caught on.
Things took off from there . Instead of treating me like a taxi driver ( being polite) she began belittling ,and degrading me in everything she said .
I encouraged her ,and she increased her momentum.
What a difference we both felt .
Today she took me to buy womens shoes , and had me walk around the store as I tried them out.
We bought a padlock for my cage , and I'm grinding it down so it fits better.
I'm suddenly all in on this chastity /slave thing.
I don't think I'm going to be loosing interest ,as she has opened up on her hatred to men and is letting loose with me her victim.

The thought of her being the only one with a key to my cage is so very stimulating.
It's like finally after several years we have gotten our acts together , and are in tune with our needs.
She loves having power to do as she pleases with me ,her sissy bitch.
I get the thrill of being used and degraded while refused an orgasm.

We found what each was seeking , although she is after the power she gets from abusing me , and I get the sexual thrill from her abuse.

I don't know what took place that we opened up to each other , but it sure is different for the last 3 days.

Being caged ,and my Queen having the key is such a whole different lifestyle, and I have always dreamed of being a slave to a dominating person,who allows me no freedom of what I want , but only what I'm told to do.
I'm looking forward to the exotic lifestyle of my Queen having the key to my cage , and like it or not , the total control of my sex life.

It's been several years ,and now everything isesh start.
We spoke about how different things have been in the last few days , and both agree that we want to increase the intensity of my chastity and being controlled by her.
If I were to be allowed orgasms , the whole relationship would have ended years ago.. Now things are kicking to another gear higher on the ladder.

I'll send another post once some time has past !