KH during and after Pregnancy

We have chatted before, and although I do love giving up control, and enjoy my submissive feelings when they are enforced, I too am not typical of many here...I love to get out of my cage lol! I am also not fond of going back in once I’m out. About the only thing that gets me back in is that I am not capable of keeping to the honor system if I don’t lock back up. So I am familiar with some of his feelings.

After the baby...I can’t say exactly because mine is a bit older, but somethings are put on hiatus. Life does this too, death, money issues, flu, hurricanes...not the most kink friendly environment. You don’t give up though as long as an effort is made to reassure and to acknowledge. You will be tired, he will be tired, family issues, then school issues...toss in full time jobs and you got yourself one busy day. I don’t think it will effect your desire to remain dominant or his desire to please your needs if he has a reminder, or acknowledgment that you are thinking of him.

I think being caged and forgotten is the biggest hurdle. He probably doesn’t need constant attention, but letting him know you are aware of his condition helps. Plus...cage or no cage, a baby takes a lot of time away from that part of your life. Big changes for everyone, naps become little treasures, and sometimes treating your partner is giving them some “me” time. I know, it doesn’t sound very exciting, but once you get a rhythm going you can instigate play again.

I’m sure I’m not saying anything you don’t already know, keeping this up takes some effort, it’s just that during the crazy parts stepping back and accepting less is part of the gig, chastity or cage free.

 

I agree with Nic, the risk is being locked and forgotten once the busy crazy life of kids begins! My two kids are almost fully grown now and we’ve only embarked on the chastity journey in the last two years, for us it would have been hard while we were flat out when they were younger. I don’t think it should necessarily change the sub/dom dynamic, although you both will experience some amazing emotions on becoming parents. It’s a great thing to do!

 

When we started we had a 1 year old who's now 4. My biggest complaint is that my KH and I don't have enough time for each other and I do feel forgotten about a lot. That being said my KH is also in graduate school so there's a lot going on for her in general. I was the one who asked to be caged so I was more inclined to keep things going when things got tougher. I'm at the point now where I want to ask to put the cage away for a bit because chastity has become less interesting to me lately. So I would say that since chastity was your idea it would be a good idea to plan some "activities" for him to help keep him motivated and interested. If chastity and the lifestyle is important to you then you will figure out way to make it work.

 

@Thatgirl and @Thatguyontheinternet, I will just shoot straight... having a family will change everthing. Whether chastity is included or not. So be clear on where your fears lie. For us, it has been an incredible change that has forged out an extrodinary life. Chastity doesn't have to go, but his relationship and her relationship to it will change. For us, with three kids, it is a longer slower game with just as much if not more kink than our first 10 years. What has been revealed is that life generally takes more work as you add to it. Don't be afraid, you will find the capacity. And as @FEMabAC adds, there couldn't be a better time to have him in chastity, she is only a text away if you have questions.

 

As a new mother you will be exhausted, and he will too. Add to that the transition you will make from being a couple without kids to a couple with kids, and how that changes your relationships outside your relationship; you will both be going through emotional changes/growth. And just because, you will both not experience these changes or feelings at the same time, stress will ensue. With stress and exhaustion, the kink and sex for us was less and at times not at all. During this time we had to communicate our desires instead of just acting them out. For example, often we would just tell each other how much we desired one another and after some dirty talk, we would talk about how we look forward to a time when we could actually do it.

Chastity was not a part of our relationship during our first 2 kids, and it was introduced during the first year of our number 3. Despite my introducing Chastity, I am not a fan of being locked up without it providing benifits and play between my KH and I. I would never self lock or continue if she was not interested or active as a KH. I introduced it because our intimacy and sex life had lost connection during the growth of our family. @FEMabAC and I both regret not introducing it sooner. For me, being locked up meant that we were playing and active sexually, even if it was a longer and slower game. For her, she felt less guilty as tease and denial is expected which fits the time challenges of family life. It also empowered her dominance to get more service in exchange for reward. For me, it tuned my understanding of what I needed to do to enable play; aligning my need for sex with her needs of service. Overall, we are much more connected and playful with chastity than before. One, the dynamic fits well with the challenges of family building. Two, it enforces communication about desires and intimacy. After writing this, I may be as bold to say that Chastity is a fantastic way to keep the connection during family building. Doing it with and without chastity, we both prefer it with Chastity.

Your challenge maybe readjusting your expectations for the lifestyle given you know how good it is without kids, not whether you keep it or not. For example, our sessions can often get interrupted by a crying baby or a kid in need of something. When I am restrained and she is wearing a strap on, it can be inconvenient. But, you will figure it out.

My guess would be that if @Thatguyontheinternet lost interest due to your constraints as a KH during or after pregnancy, he would slowly or quickly find out that taking the cage off does not increase his sex life. Taking it off may increases his masturbation (which is a distant second to even occasionally play), but it will not make you more accessible or kinky. I would think you would eventually find your way back to it because of the mutual benifits.

 

Wow you said it a lot better! I should have waited, cause u actually said what I wanted to spit out but didn’t get the words right.

Damn...no super like button yet.

 

All you have to do to make him not feel ignored is fondle his cage a few times a day. Just acknowledge that you know it’s locked up. Rest your hand on it when you snuggle at night, etc. You want to make sure he is ready to go when you are ready for him.

 

Having had 4 children to raise, I wonder if the discipline afforded a proper chaste male wouldn't have helped me be a more focused, helpful and disciplined father. Less selfish and more focused on my family. A simple routine of acknowledgment to always let him know he is not locked and forgotten I'm sure will be helpful. When you both realize the extra work and demands a newborn brings, a happy chaste boy should go the extra mile to keep things in order. I can recall a few of the creative things you've done in the past. I'm sure you will have no problem discovering what it takes to keep him on board. You have the right idea by beginning to think and plan ahead of baby. And I am sure you will make a great Mom.

 

i was locked up after our last baby, 4 years ago. My KH wife lost the desire to have intercourse due to tiredness, over busy and the physical toll to her body. i have a high sex drive, she doesn't, so She found the best solution was to lock me up on a permanent basis. Even though i am Her submissive, i still thought i was going to get bored with this and demand unlocking but to me surprise i really dont get bored, and have come to really enjot the sexual control she has over me. We still have physical contact. i will massage Her and sometimes i am allowed to caress Her breasts. What does help me through it is the routine we have, where i will get unlocked and receive a milking once a month. This i find enough for me, and for Her. i hope this helps.

 

I wouldn't over think and just cross that bridge when you come to it..one thing we did was when she had the baby i got locked up during the "Doc says no sex" timeframe after birth when that was over she took the cage off it wasn't the same for quite awhile but the solution so I didn't forget lol when she had her period she locked me up untill it was over...sorta a reminder and a solidarty thing..that kept the cage in both our minds and finally after several months when the routines were established and little bits of us time crept back in her dominance re-emerged

 

Great responses. Chastity has certainly taught me patience, or at least it’s helped increase my admittedly low capacity for it. We don’t play now like we did the first few months of chastity, which is fine. But from what I gather we seem to play fairly often. During our 6 months engagement our kink-sex-life dropped way off. She’d spend a great portion of every day wedding planning and it seemed to keep her in a sort of mushy / romantic mindset, which kept her from feeling frisky in a kinky sort of way (men and women are so different!). I certainly had no issue with that. It was cute. And if I wasn’t caged I would have made sure we stayed fairly sexually active, just with less kink - and more traditional romance. But with the cage on, and her not feeling too kinky, it mostly meant less activity all the way around. I guess she didn’t want to take it off a lot since she’d finally gotten my lockups to a decent duration. Not too sure. Either way, i knew it was a result of all that was going on and was fine with it. After the wedding things got back to normal in a few weeks.

But from what I hear babies stick around a while...

So it’s not that I can’t live without the kink or even with less frequent sex. It’s just I worry about the sort of stalemate the can result when she’s not feeling up to the activities that our chastity sex life tends to include stretching on forever. She worries about it too. But With me uncaged I can sort of pick up the ball and make sure we stay intimate through those times, even if it’s relatively vanilla and comparatively less often. I know her. She may be tired and not in the mood to initiate some intense sort of play time, but she’s never turned down sex - adjustments are simply made for emergy levels. And I’m not going to lie - at least uncaged, when the days of exhaustion stretch into weeks, if she really isn’t in the mood at all - at least I can carve out 10 minutes here and there by myself to lighten the load, so to speak. I know she doesn’t want that, but she only doesn’t want that because of Chastity. It was never a thing prior to chastity. But there’s a long list of things that have grown from Chastity that she doesn’t want to give up, and a decent list of my own.

So we thought establishing a routine would be helpful. We’ve tried doing some sorts of routines before - maintenance spankings, morning Os for her, calling her ma’am, predictable release schedules with incremental increases in lock up times, etc. but they almost never stick. She simply seems better suited to free-styling it. I have a hard time with not knowing lock up durations but otherwise I’ve accepted that she prefers less structure and am fine with it. Hell, i hate spankings and that was the most commonly mentioned “routine” she’d bring up, so no problems on my end that it doesn’t stick! BUT, with a baby we can both imagine letting thins slide to far and get too dull, and neither of us wants that. And at a certain point if it dragged on that way for too long I would likely want a break from chastity for a while.

So here we are, back to talking about routines, and looking to the forum for advise from those who may be able to relate. Thanks again all!

 

Well if you've read any of my postings, you may gather that I am relentlessly dominant and jack is a lifer submissive. We pretty much live this life 24/7. I also cuckold him. We also have 2 children, all grown and left the nest. The pregnancy period was an interesting time of highs, lows. sexy time, and barren. Hormones, emotions will do that for you. Post pregnancy will be a relentless number of years when You and he will have little time for each other and be happy in looking after and bringing up your new bundle. Enjoy all of of those times and relish in the blessing that is bestowed upon you both. Out the chastity and domme and sub things on the back burner and just live a happy life with your future new born. Trust me, the time goes quick and these are precious times. Then one day, you'll suddenly realise that time is back on your side again. The memories of how you both supported your little one and each other will bond you in a way you couldn't have imagined. This bond will play a significant part in what happens next for you both. When we look back, we were glad of the breaks while we had our lovely children and how we were then, really cemented our emotions for each other on how we are now. Irrespective of any advice here, you really will know what the right path is, although sometimes it all feels a bit too much. Keep true to yourself. you'll be a wonderful mum and he a dad. In the mean time......... PARRRRRRTTTTTYYYYYY!!!

 

Well thanks for that @Mandynjack. A very sweet post. And a good reminder of what so many parents have been telling us - that after the baby comes it will be the new center of our world. We’re just hoping that our sex life as we currently know it doesn’t disappear entirely or be irrevocably “damaged” in terms of returning to our current roles. You see, whereas you and Jack appear to be living out the roles you were born for, this has all been a major shift for us both. She was entirety vanilla and knew nothing kink, particularly of the D/s sort. And I had been “into” bondage / BDSM (to the limited extent that my prior relationships allowed for it - the rest of those desires were lived out in my mind) and humiliation for literally as long as I have been sexually aware.

After we got together I did as I’ve always done with a new partner - I tested the waters. And was thrilled that she responded the way she did. She LOVED it. And for the first year I acted out so many long held fantasies with her. But, she had always been the timid sort and I did always need to be reassured that she was genuinely enjoying the “rougher” sexual lifestyle. But she was. And it was flipping awesome.

Then she bought that first cage during one of our bi-weekly (then) trips to the sex shop, and something flipped in her. I was confused but still having a ball with it. We’ve always had a try-anything-twice attitude toward sexual play so I was happy to indulge her. But then she discovers CM and the greater world of Chastity / Femdom and that switch of hers that had been flipped, it got locked into place. I could tell she was accessing emotions and desires she never had before, and the more that happened the more she liked it. It was clear this was a big part of who she REALLY is. And I love her SO much that not going along with it was never a consideration. I wanted to see what she had tucking around in that beautiful little head of hers. So what if I had to endure some pain, or stave off ejaculation for a day or two here and there?

Well, we all know where the road really leads. It has been literally hard work for me to tamp a lifetime of lusting after sexual dominance and control, particularly so soon after FINALLY being able to act it out in a healthy way. In the beginning it was ok because it was much more like full-time play, and who can say no to that?! But there was a period after that that was really difficult for me (and therefor at times both of us). The realities of giving up control of my orgasms and later all other expressions of sexuality was not something i was prepared for. I wanted to quit many times. A few times i resolved to tell her so. You can read about those times in her past posts. But we’ve persisted, and she’s continued to grow as a dominant in her own way, and I’ve slowly got better at submitting.

But that arduous journey that we took to get here is exactly why we’re keen to do all we can to prop up this lifestyle now, before outside influences put all that strain on it. To lose chastity would reintroduce so many issues. Would go back to sexual dominance or just not wear a cage? Will she be able to manage my admittedly oppositional nature without the benefits of orgasm denial? Would we even try? It’s a can of worms. We will be fine no matter what - of that I’m 100% sure, but she loves what she’s worked hard to create here (and for the most part I’m fully on board too), so I hate the idea of losing it. Especially the fact that it would likely be my inability to keep the rest of this up without chastity that would be the problem. But I’m willing to do whatever she thinks we need to do to help ensure thst the dominance she’s worked so hard to develop, and the submissiveness in me that she’s worked even harder to curate, endures. It’s just a lot to think about.

Maybe we should just get a puppy...

Just kidding Love! I promise you’ll have your baby... As long as we can name it Morpheus or Trinity

 

You won't lose anything, more likely gain so much. My instinct says She will come back even stronger than before, so will you.

 

More likely the concentration of sperm will be at a higher volume in the first cum. But have I read this right? Long lockup, followed by cum after prolonged and humiliating begging, followed by first cum, then full fuck? Totally love the the preamble game, but the full fuck to get pregnant may not yield conception if most of his 'soldiers' are shot down the drain.
However, if you want more ideas... I would replace his first cum scenario with a cock sleeve fuck for you. He brings you to a full orgasm with no feeling or cum for him. You then relock him, followed by humiliating begging to please you via bare cock. After you are satisfied his dignity has be suitably compromised, you blindfold him and cuff his hands behind his back, remove his cage and he takes you from behind, only able to thrust from his hips so you just get the feel of his cock only. He shoots hard, your probability of conception multiplies. Hope this helps your ideas pool, I think you may enjoy it, I know i did

 

Old sperm is bad sperm with a higher concentration of defective sperm. You actually want him well cleared out and using nothing but fresh "soldiers"

 

Sperm, like most biological products go "bad"

 

Not at 20 days or 40 for that. Happy to discuss the science if you really need to.

 

When exposed to oxygen.

 

When you put extremes of other crap into your body; booze, tobacco, drugs.

 

Read "Sperm Wars" for a layman's introduction to sperm aging and fertility.