Learning to give up control, both physical and mental

Hi,


My wife and I have been on this path for a little over a month at this point. I’ve got a lot bouncing around in my head and just want to put this out there.


Think I’ll start by talking about my Wife. Today is her birthday. We met on a REALLY BAD blind date in 1999. We didn’t see each other again for two years. Became friends. Dated for five years, and married in 2006. Before she came into my life I was on a pretty sad path in life. She taught me confidence and ambition. I was a “C” student in highschool, in college I was an “A”. Five years after undergrad, I was applying for masters programs. I didn’t want to do it. She lovingly told me I needed to, she was right. My wife has shaped me into a leader in my community and an expert in my niche profession. She has always been strong and independent, but never assertive or domineering. Through ups and downs we have always been a team, with one big exception. In the bedroom. I have a very strong drive! Always have! Our physical relationship was built on reciprocity, not love.

I think a post I made on another thread best sums up our path into this lifestyle. The TLDR version is: We’d used chastity as foreplay years earlier. In March she made a joke about my drive. I suggested chastity, largely based on what I read here. Mid April she told me she really liked the path we were going down. I started going 24/7. She left strict instructions for me to follow while she was out of town for 10 days. Now that she is back she is like a woman possessed.

For the first couple of weeks she would let me out to play every other day or so. Things were going well. She loved the cooking, cleaning and foot rubs I was doing. Then she went on vacation. She let me out when she got back, but I’ve been locked since . She has asserted her will into our physical relationship. Every night she has told me what her needs are and I have fulfilled them and it has been way more rewarding than I expected.

However, my mind is still struggling. One thing she hasn’t needed is to unlock me. The last two nights were especially difficult. On one hand, she is definitely more aroused than she has been in a LONG time, and I am learning new skills. I am WAY more confident in bed. However, my level of arousal is uncomfortable to my core. Last night after she was finished I laid there shaking with desire. When she saw this she cuddled up, looked up at me and lovingly said, “You need to let it go. You no longer have a say in that. You gave me your key.” It was amazing and terrifying all at once. She is in this, and not just to appease me. I started the car, but she is driving it. Getting out of the way is tough!

This morning I am in a better headspace. Feeling grateful and more like the man my wife deserves. Still not there. Don’t know how long it is going to take. My wife isn’t talking about a release date. When I gave her the key I told her not to use it unless she wanted to. Still think that was the right decision, but I am still struggling with that control. One step at a time I guess.

 

Thank you

 

We had a great birthday celebration for my wife. After our 3 year old was down I checked with the wife. She just wanted some bourbon and to be held. We sat there watching TV having some bourbon. Funny how taking my drive out of the picture changes things.

I slept all the way through the night. I'm up with the kids letting her sleep a little bit. In a little bit we have to leave for an overnight trip to her parents place. Little nervous about not having easy access to ice. I still need it more nights than I don't. I guess I can come up with an excuse.

Today marks 5 days of continuous wear. New record. Still feeling content not having control.

 

It was a good trip away with family. I found subtle ways of showing my service over the last couple of days while we were around family.

This morning my wife rolled over, snuggled up to me, and reached down and grabbed my cage. She looked up at me, and with a kind of a surprise inflection said, "This is mine. Think I want to have some fun with it tonight."

She has teased me all day. I have to say I'm actually a little anxious about this evening. Not sure what she has in mind. This has been the longest I've been locked up (6.5 days). What about problems staying erect? What if my stamina is non-existent? It feels like I finally recovered from my last full release. I think I'm just going to keep my mouth shut and see where things go.

 

I have got to stop thinking ahead! Last night was wonderful. After the kids went to bed, my wife changed into some night clothes. I was giving her a nice massage, when she looked at me and said, "Get undressed", and handed me the key. She very clearly told me what was inbounds, what was out and that the ending was up to her.

She ruined me so perfectly. Such a unique feeling. Immediately after she told me how she wanted me to service her.

When we were done she told me to go shower and shave my pubic hair. I love that she has started giving grooming instructions.

The assertiveness is mind blowing. She isn't about the domination I have typically thought of. There is no leather and whips. Just lace and requests.